When I pull up outside the shiny, window-clad tower with my father’s logo branded atop it like a crown, discomfort churns in my gut. How many times have I walked through these halls feeling inadequate? How many times have I dragged an acquisition plan behind me like a trophy, laying it at my father’s feet and hoping he’d give me the fatherly approval I so craved?
Too many.
Now, when I step through the rotating doors and stride across the wide lobby, I see just how small it is. Men and women in suits pretending to rush to their offices, feeling important because they have briefcases and titles. For what? To make money for a man who told me I was disgusting?
A veil has been lifted from my eyes, and I see all this for what it is—empty, meaningless, vapid. Carrying my suit jacket over my arm, an elevator whirrs all the way up to the top floor. Only when the doors slide open do nerves finally twist deep in my stomach.
“Are you okay?” They’re the first words Nico has spoken to me since we got on the plane. His glasses are slightly crooked, but his eyes are sharp behind them. “You look like you’re about to make a bad decision.”
“I’m fine,” I say. But I’m not fine. I’m about to make a decision, but it’s not bad at all. It might be the first good decision I’ve made in years. Decades.
When we step out of the elevator, my father’s receptionist looks up then gestures to the door. “He’s waiting for you.”
Nodding, I head for the corner office. I knock twice and enter without waiting for an answer, pushing it open and stepping into the inner sanctum of my father’s business. The place I dreamed I’d sit behind that polished desk overlooking the city.
Now, it all looks so…small.
“Son,” my father says, standing up and extending a hand.
My brows tug together, my gaze drifting from his face to his outstretched hand. Son? I clasp his hand in mine and take a seat in the chair across from him.
“I’ve been waiting for you to get back here and claim your victory.”
“My victory?”
“Donovan, Asher. He’s ours.”
“Oh. Right.” My heart tightens slightly at the thought of the merger I’d all but forgotten. I meant to tell Penelope about it, but with everything…
My father leans back, an oily grin sliding across his face. He sighs, intertwining his fingers behind his head as he stares at me from beneath bushy eyebrows. “I have to admit, when you told me you wanted to go to Nord, I didn’t think anything would come of it. I thought it would be a waste of time and company funds.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” My voice is flat. After everything I’ve done for the man over the years, he still doubted my business savvy?
“You’ve impressed me, Son.” That’s twice he’s used that word, and it feels as foreign to me as if he were calling me Logan.
I nod. “Thank you, Father.” My eyes focus on his desk, tracing the wood grain with my eyes. This is it—this is when I pull the resignation letter out of my suit pocket and slide it over the desk. I tell him thank you for all the opportunities, but I’ve found something I want more. I wish him the best, shake his hand, then walk away. Forever.
Before I can clear the lump from my throat, though, my father speaks. “You’ve earned your spot in this office, Asher. I don’t even know if I could have done what you did in Nord. Within weeks, you made one of the most lucrative deals we’ve ever had—and cut Donovan down while you did it. It was sheer brilliance.”
And I have Penelope to thank for that. I lift my gaze to my father, nodding. Words don’t come.
“You know I’ve been wanting to retire for some time now,” Father says, eyes boring into mine. “I was waiting.”
“For what?” I croak.
“For you to step up and show me you could do this.”
“You mean for Logan to step up?”
My father waves a hand. “Logan doesn’t have half the business brain you do.”
His words fall on my ears like stones in a pool. I stare at the aging man before me, knowing in a corner of my brain that this is what I’ve been waiting for. Decades of my life have been spent aching for my father’s approval. I’ve killed myself to hear him say those words—to acknowledge I’m worthy of this. Of him.
Now that he says it, though, I don’t inflate with pride the way I thought I would. I feel…nothing.
My father’s eyes sharpen, and he leans his forearms on his desk. His fingers interlace, with a soft clinking of his rings when they touch. “Next week, as soon as the acquisition of Donovan Enterprises is completed, I’m going to announce my retirement, and I’m going to name you as the new director. I’ve been planning a long holiday with your mother, and I thought we could use it as a trial run. You could take the reins while I’m sitting on the beach sipping cocktails.”
“Me?” Finally, my voice works, and all I can manage is that one word.
My father laughs, pleased that I’m shocked. Pleased that he fooled me for years, tortured me when he dangled his affection like a carrot, then used his disgust as a stick.
I fell for it. I did it all—all the dirty work, all the negotiation, all the acquisitions and mergers and deals that needed a strong hand.
I was a fool. An idiot. A coward.
My life comes into sharp focus as I stare at the man who gave me life. The gleam in his eyes dims slightly as I lean forward, reaching into my shirt pocket. I feel the slightly rough edge of the envelope containing my letter of resignation. I pull it out, holding it between my fingers as I lift my eyes to meet my father’s.
His gaze sharpens, dropping to the crisp, white envelope. Lips dropping open, I know he’s about to say something I won’t want to hear.
Before he can speak, though, the door behind me opens. Nico enters, breathless. “Someone leaked it,” he says, stumbling toward the desk. “Someone leaked the news of the merger. It’s all over the internet.”
My father’s eyes widen, his gaze shifting to me. Accusing. I shake my head, then turn to Nico. “Who?”
Nico roughs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Here.” He thrusts a tablet into my hand, and headlines scream at me. One after another, after another. All of them talking about a surprise hostile acquisition of Donovan Enterprises by Gerhard, Inc. All of them proclaiming the start of a huge mining conglomerate. Pointing to the new diamond mines in Nord as the final piece of the puzzle.
Handing the tablet to my father, I ignore whatever garbage is coming out of his mouth. Nico stares at me, wide-eyed.
“I know who did this,” I say quietly, my voice full of thunder.
“Who?” Nico asks. “Your contact in Nord?”
I snort, shaking my head. “No. Donovan himself.”
Donovan—blustery, raging, red-faced as he stormed out of my office. Promising to bury me. Vowing to figure out who told me about the diamond mines.
He’s the one who leaked this news, and I know why. Somehow, he put the pieces together. Maybe he heard about my trip to the Summer Palace. He’s trying to attack the one thing that means anything to me anymore—my relationship with the Queen.
23
Penelope
Back in my office in Stirling, I smile at the stack of paperwork waiting for my signature. My hand drifts over my stomach. I can still hardly believe it. Everything I thought I knew about myself has been smashed, twisted, reflected back to me.
I’m not infertile. I’m not unworthy of love and companionship. I’m not destined to live a lonely life giving everything to my duty as monarch.
I could have it all—I will have it all.
My lips still tingle where Asher kissed them this morning, promising to call me as soon as he resigned from his father’s business. There was emotion in his eyes, and he’d opened his lips to say something, then just kissed me again, harder, not caring who was watching.
My poor heart doesn’t know what hit it. I’m happy and panicked and worried—so emotional I feel like I’m going to puke.
But
happiness wins.
Dragging the first bit of paperwork over to me, I grab a pen and cast my eye over the scrambled letters. I can’t read. Tears still threaten to spill over my cheeks. With a deep breath, I blink them away and sign my name on the paper—a congratulatory letter to a new school.
My door bangs open and I jump clean out of my chair. Jonah stomps through the door, eyes wild. “Pen,” he breathes.
“Jeez, you gave me a fright.” My hand rests against my heart, violent pulse thudding through my veins.
“Donovan,” Jonah replies, ignoring my words. “Donovan and Gerhard are merging.”
Frowning, I tilt my head. “What?”
“They’re merging. It was leaked a few minutes ago.”
“What do you mean, merging?”
“Donovan is being acquired by Gerhard.”
My brother’s words still don’t make sense. He says them again, then again with slightly different wording. Still, they won’t sink in. If Donovan and Gerhard are merging, then they must have been in negotiations for weeks…months. Gerhard is in a position to acquire them, so they must have been sniffing around Donovan Enterprises’ business interests.
Business interests in Nord.
Eyes wide, I grab the phone Jonah thrusts at me. He runs his fingers through his hair over and over, worrying at his lip, as if he’s scared of what I’ll read. I’m scared of what I’ll read. I hold my brother’s gaze for a few moments, then drop my eyes to the article.
Penned by Jacinthe Crawley. What a surprise.
Swallowing back my panic, I read through the article. My heart drops, and drops, and drops.
Asher knew about Donovan Enterprises. He probably followed him to Nord to figure out what Reginald Donovan was planning. Horror ices my veins as my eyes widen.
That day at Gabriel’s wedding, I told Asher. I said I was supposed to be talking to mining moguls about staying out of Nord. I handed him Donovan’s plan right there in the cup of my hand, and I knew there was something weird about Asher’s reaction.
He told me he came to Nord because he hoped to see me? He told me he was here for me? And I fucking believed him?
My hand shakes so hard Jonah grabs the phone, coming around my desk to put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay, Pen?”
“I…I…” My mouth opens and closes. I try to swallow, but my throat is so tight it’s painful. A violent cramp makes me double over, and I reach for the garbage can under my desk just in time. My vomit splashes against the edges as Jonah rubs his hand over my back, saying words I don’t hear.
The only thing in my ears is the sound of wind rushing. The sound of my heartbeat. The sound of betrayal.
Asher knew all along. He knew about Donovan. He probably knew about the diamond mines—no wonder he was able to get the application in so quickly.
He lied.
How could he wrap his arms around me and tell me he was here for me? How could he tell me he wanted this child—how could he smile at me and tell me he wanted to marry me? My hand shakes as I grip the trash can, another body-racking heave making me double over.
“Pen, I’m getting the doctor.” Jonah sounds so far away as he rushes around the desk and calls out into the hallway.
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that I’m puking. It doesn’t matter that I feel like the world is crashing around me.
Asher lied to me. He weaseled his way into my life and made me love him, and all the while he was keeping this news from me. He let me propose this business deal to him, let me think it was my idea. From the beginning, he’s been manipulating me. Making me think I was making a good decision for the people of Nord. Allowing me to believe I was saving them from a company like Donovan Enterprises—all the while he was planning this.
He. Was. Planning. This.
Frederick rushes in, then gets on the phone and calls for a doctor. I lean back in my chair, accepting a glass of water from someone. I don’t know who. My eyes are unfocused.
I stare at my abdomen, the true horror of my situation settling into my bones.
Asher lied to me, manipulated me, betrayed me—and I’m carrying his child.
In a daze, I answer a doctor’s questions. I let him take my blood pressure and check my pulse. I stare at the wall, replaying every interaction I had with Asher over the past few months. Every moment when he could have come clean, could have told me the truth.
That evening, in his hotel room—he made me laugh when he said he wanted to admit he hated fishing. Had he wanted to tell me then? Or when I walked in and told him about my pregnancy—were the words on the tip of his tongue?
Maybe he was happy to keep this information from me forever. Maybe he never intended to tell me the truth at all. Thought I wouldn’t find out. Thought he’d weaseled his way into my bed and my heart, and there was nothing I could do to turn him away.
The fucking nerve of him.
Ice covers my body and it’s hard to think about anything except the caving of my chest. Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal. Every lie Asher said over the past few months replays in my mind on a loop, and my stomach sinks down, down, down.
I’m cold. I can barely feel anything, hear anything. I shake the doctor off as I stand up, stalking out of my office. I barely hear the protests from my staff. Barely feel my brother’s hand on my arm. I need to be alone. I need to think. I need to know if I was really as big a fool as I think I was.
So starved for attention I let that snake into my home. My bed. So cold and alone that the first drop of affection made me feel like a new woman.
Pathetic.
I make it to my bedroom, close the door, and crawl under my blankets. Only then, when I’m alone, do I let tears fall from my eyes.
Some time later, a knock on my door makes me lift my head. Frederick enters, keeping his eyes cast downward. He holds out a phone. “For you, ma’am.”
“Who is it?”
My secretary clears his throat. “It’s…Mr. Gerhard, ma’am.”
“Tell him to crawl into a hole and die.”
“As you wish.” Frederick bows and makes to exit the room, but I sit up.
“Wait. Give me the phone.”
My secretary’s eyes widen ever so slightly, mustache quivering—as much emotion as I’ve seen on his face in the decades he’s worked for me. He gulps, then closes the distance between us and hands me the phone. I wait until he’s out of the room before putting it to my ear.
“What.” Not a question. A demand. Tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to think about all this.
“Pen, I wanted to tell you.” Asher’s breathless.
“So you knew.” My voice sounds like someone else’s. It’s so cold, emotionless. Under a thick cap of snow and ice, my emotions rage and burn. My anger is muted, somehow, as if it’s too deep to unleash. If I let it break, it’ll ruin me.
But it’s there. My anger is there. Simmering, raging.
“Yes, I…I never meant to lie.” Asher’s voice sounds shredded, unlike I’ve ever heard it before. He sounds sorry, but I can’t…I just can’t bring myself to care.
“But you did.”
“I know, but you have to understand, Pen—”
“You lost the right to call me that when you lied to me, Mr. Gerhard. Tell me why I should ever speak to you again.”
“Our baby—”
“My baby.” I grip the phone tighter, my eyes narrowing. I wish he could see me right now. I wish he could look at my face and feel my fury. “This child is mine. You will never, ever see it. Everything we had, Asher, was built on lies. Everything you said to me is blowing in the wind, because I can’t trust anything that came out of your mouth. Do you actually care about me? About Nord? About anything other than your daddy’s fucking company?”
“I love you, Penelope.”
“Fuck. You.”
“Pen—”
“I’ll tell the public I saved some of Xavier’s sperm before he died. I’ll tell them it’s his child, and I’ll deny and dismis
s any rumors you try to spread.”
“Penelope,” Asher’s voice cracks, and I almost, almost feel something. But my whole body feels cold and heavy, and it’s hard to move. My anger is slowly freezing my veins, making my blood run cold as my features slide into the old, familiar mask.
“Understand me, Asher,” I say quietly. “Whatever happened between us is over. It was over the moment you decided to lie to me at Gabriel’s wedding. It was over the moment you lied and told me you came to Nord to see me. It was over the moment you were too much of a coward to tell me the truth and own up to the consequences. Any affection I felt for you has crumbled to dust.”
A strangled noise comes over the phone. I ignore it.
“Crawley’s article said your father’s company was expected to pass to you. Is that what all this was about, Asher? Is that why you came to Nord? Why you used me for information and advancement?”
“I didn’t use you, Penelope. Everything we had was real.”
I laugh—a cold, humorless sound. “You don’t know the meaning of real, Asher. Goodbye.”
Holding the phone out for Frederick to take, I stare at the wall. I feel nothing. I’m…empty. My rage is so loud, but it’s cold. Like the wind whipping across a frozen lake in the dead of winter. A starless, moonless night that never ends.
I’m alone again. I was always alone—even with Asher.
But my eyes drift down and I slide a hand over my stomach. Not quite alone anymore. Tears flood my eyes and I blink them down my cheeks, sinking down into the pillows. I rub my hand over my abdomen in slow circles, letting tears soak into my pillows.
Not alone anymore. I have a child. I have the one thing I never thought would be possible and no matter what Asher does, or says, or lies about, I’ll never forget he gave me a gift. I won’t resent my child even if I…even if I hate Asher.
This baby is mine. My lifeline. My miracle.
24
Asher
I howl in the lobby of my father’s office—an office that will never, ever be mine. My letter of resignation is still clutched between white knuckles. I stare at the phone in one hand, letter in the other, and feel the weight of all my mistakes drag me down.
Ice Queen: An Accidental Pregnancy Romance Page 17