I’m doing this for me. To prove to myself I can stand up to him. To prove to myself I’ve changed.
And…I’m doing it for Penelope. I hope she sees what I’m trying to do. I hope she forgives me. Circling at the back of my mind are dark, evil fears. Monsters that keep me up at night, telling me I’ll never see my child. Silent fears that echo in my head, telling me I’ve lost my only chance at love.
If I need to blow up my father’s company to prove to her I love her, so be it. If I need to drag myself through the mud and ruin my own reputation, I’ll do it.
Without Penelope, there’s nothing. This is my last chance. My only hope.
Maybe I’m a fool, and this will do nothing to prove to her I deserve her. Maybe I’m digging my own grave, and I’ll look back on these weeks as the peak of my stupidity. Maybe I’ll regret what I’m about to do.
But there’s a slim chance I’ll reach Penelope. There’s a sliver of hope that she’ll forgive me, so I have no choice. I have to do it. I’ll ruin myself to ask for a second chance.
Michael Burgundy is a tall man—six-foot-four or five, I’d guess. He’s heavy-set with sharp, blue eyes. He stares at me above the stack of papers on the conference table, frowning. “I’m not sure I understand, Mr. Gerhard.”
“The contract is fairly simple.”
“You’re selling us the Roston diamond mines for one Nordish dollar?”
“Transferring ownership and the right to all the royalties, yes.”
“But…why?”
“Does it matter?”
He puts the contract down and folds his hands on top of it. “With all due respect, Mr. Gerhard, yes, it does matter. We’ve met a few times now, and our working relationship has been successful thus far. It’s no secret that NRG has struggled in the past few years, and we would never have been able to take on this project in Roston without Gerhard’s capital. Your proposal…doesn’t make sense.”
“What doesn’t make sense about it?”
“You’re losing over eight hundred million dollars in potential profit.” He speaks slowly, never breaking eye contact with me. “Why?”
How can I explain that giving this project back to Nord—back to Penelope—is the only way I can prove to her I don’t care about my career? Everything I did here, in Nord, was real? It was for her.
But if I tell Mick that, he’ll think I’m insane. Penelope’s relationship with me wasn’t public knowledge, and I’ll sound like I’ve lost my damn mind. Maybe I have. “I didn’t think the hardest part of this would be to get you to agree to a deal that will basically save your company from going under.” I lean back in my seat, the long conference table extending on either side of us. Beside me, empty chairs line the conference table. Nico chose to stay in Farcliff.
On the other side of the table, Mick is flanked by two lawyers, a man in his fifties and a woman about a decade younger. They’re both staring at me with suspicion in their eyes, keeping a hand on the copies of the contract I provided for them.
Mick inhales. “Mr. Gerhard—”
“Asher.”
He nods. “Asher, can you please just explain to me why you’d be making such a blatantly terrible deal for your own company? You’ve funded the initial mobilization of staff and materials, and basically put together a plan to manage the construction phase of the project. All the outlays so far have been by your side of the joint venture. By pulling out now, you’ll see none of the reward. It’s an outrageously bad deal for you.”
“Rewards aren’t only monetary,” I answer.
“Stop saying these cryptic, meaningless phrases,” Mick snaps. He pinches the bridge of his nose, forcing himself to take a deep breath. I can almost see him counting to ten in his head.
I lean forward, pointing to the stack of papers. “Review the deal with a fine-toothed comb, and you’ll see I’m not trying to screw you over. It’s…a gift.”
“People in our business don’t make gifts.”
“Maybe I’m trying to get out of this business.”
He frowns, but doesn’t answer.
I push myself to my feet, nodding to the people across the table. “I’ll be in Roston until you make a decision.”
As I walk out of the room, a weight starts to lift off my shoulders. It’s not completely gone, but I know I’m heading in the right direction. I’m making things right—or at least trying.
27
Penelope
For once, I don’t learn about the biggest development in Nordish business from the news. Mick Burgundy is admitted to my office with a yellow folder in his hand, head bowed, looking almost afraid to speak to me.
I try not to recoil, even though the sight of him reminds me of the biggest mistake of the last ten years of my life. I handed Asher a deal with Mick on a silver platter—handed him exactly what he wanted from me.
But Mick hands me the file and tells me a crazy story about Asher proposing a deal. A deal Asher must be out of his mind to make. A deal that will lose his company millions, if not tens or hundreds of millions. Mick wrings his hands, shrugging. “Our lawyers saw nothing wrong with the contract, Your Majesty. Gerhard really wants to sell us his half of the venture for one dollar.”
I blink, then slowly lift my eyes to meet his. Clearing my throat, it takes all my self-control to keep my mask in place. To show no cracks, and to hide the hurricane raging inside me. When I speak, my voice is steady. “When did he approach you with this?”
“Three days ago, ma’am.”
“And he’s still in Roston?”
“He said he’d stay until we signed the paperwork. I just…I know you were involved in the inception of this joint venture. I thought it was best to bring it to you personally.”
“Thank you for that, Mr. Burgundy. Frederick will show you out.”
My secretary appears behind the tall CEO, touching his elbow to lead him out. Before they get to the door, though, Mick pauses, glancing over his shoulder. “He said it was a gift,” he blurts out.
I frown, cracks appearing in my unbreakable mask. “A gift?”
“That’s what he said. I don’t know…It makes no sense.”
I stand, inclining my head as regally as I can while my heart does its best to burst through my chest. “Thank you, Mr. Burgundy.”
As soon as the two men are out of my office, I double over, sucking in a deep breath. Panic squeezes at my chest as confusion rings in my ears.
And, something else…
Bright, silver hope. A thin thread of life that lay buried beneath the ice in my heart, one I was afraid to acknowledge even as it lived on inside me.
A gift…for me.
Time is a funny thing. The hours I spend getting to the royal jet and flying to Roston pass in a daze. The blink of an eye. When the plane lands, I hardly even remember who I spoke to or how I got here.
But the seconds that tick by, heartbeat by heartbeat, after I knock on Asher Gerhard’s door—those are excruciating. I feel those moments in every nerve ending, every bone, every muscle. I feel them in the warm breeze that ruffles my hair and the sound of leaves rustling in the trees. An eternity passes me by, and still I stand there on Asher’s front stoop, waiting for the door to open.
Heartbeat by heartbeat. Thump by thump. Second by never-ending second.
Then, footsteps. The peephole goes dark, and I suffer through another pause that lasts an age. Slowly, as if it’s scraping along my very soul, the lock slides open and the door swings inward.
He’s…God, how can I put it into words? Asher’s there, in front of me, and I can hardly believe he’s real. Wearing a white button-down shirt tucked into tight-fitting slacks, he looks like every naughty secretary’s wet dream. His shoulders are broader than I remembered, hands flexing and unflexing at his sides. His black belt gleams on his hips, toes wiggling in his dark gray socks. But the man is more than his clothes—he’s…everything. I hadn’t remembered his features perfectly—hadn’t done them justice in my mind, as if the mere thought
of Asher’s face was too much for my heart to bear. If I’d remembered them as they are, could I have ever walked away from him? Those eyes that seem to see right through me, the lines that bracket his mouth when he’s deep in thought, the lips that plagued my dreams for weeks.
He’s standing there, staring at me like I’m his whole world. His eyes open wide and his breath catches, and still, the seconds feel like they last forever.
“Penelope.” Asher’s voice is pure emotion. Pure fire and light, with a raspy edge that sends a tremor shooting down to my toes. His brows tug together ever so slightly, every micro-movement of his face sending jolts of heat through my veins. Without another word, he gulps, steps aside, and lets me in.
I nod to my staff, who remain outside. Asher’s arm brushes mine as he closes the door behind me. Asher moves fluidly. Gracefully. And me? I feel like I’ll trip over my own shoes if I try to move. My heart is in my throat, thumping so fast I might throw up.
His eyes catch mine, lips opening. My gaze flicks down to his mouth and immediately over to the wall. I need air. A deep breath. Something to clear the hot, dizzying thoughts invading my head.
“You want a drink?” Every word sounds excruciating, as if he has to rip each one from his throat.
I nod, following him down the hallway. The living room is still empty, I note. Walls still bare. Maybe he never meant to stay here after all. Blood turns sluggish in my veins at the thought, and I focus on the movement of my legs. One foot in front of the other.
My eyes drift up Asher’s long legs, snagging on his ass. Damn those pants. I blink two or three times as if it’ll help to clear the lust clouding my vision. It doesn’t.
Asher mumbles something about tea, coffee, and a vague excuse about lack of options. I croak, “Water.” A glass lands on the table in front of me, and I force myself to crawl my gaze up to his.
“You’re here.”
“Mick Burgundy came to see me.”
Asher gulps, his throat bobbing. He turns his back to me, grabbing a glass of his own, then slides into the chair across from mine. My eyes drift behind him, to the kitchen island where I…where we…
“Did you see the contract?” The rough edge to Asher’s voice is the only indication he’s feeling even a fraction of what I feel.
Forcing myself to meet his gaze, I nod. “Yes. It’s not a very fair proposal.” I touch the base of my water glass. “To you, I mean. You’ll lose millions.”
“I don’t care.”
His words find every weakness in my heart’s armor and try to pry it open. I sit up straighter, staring at a bead of condensation on my glass. “You cared about nothing except business for years—lied to me to get yourself ahead—and now you’re telling me you don’t care.”
Pause. Then he whispers, “Yes.”
“Why?”
I feel more than I hear the way Asher’s breath stays stuck in his throat. I watch the hurt ripple over his face, tensing every feature as he stares at the table that separates us.
“Why would you do that, Asher? And you told Mick it was a gift? Is this some sort of joke?”
“No,” he nearly shouts, flicking his gaze up to mine. “It’s not a joke. It’s…it’s the first good thing I’ve ever done. The first thing that felt right.”
“You’re giving this mine to NRG.”
“I’m giving this mine to you, Penelope. The mines mean nothing to me. My career means nothing. I don’t want any of it. I know my father will fire me. I know I’m ruining my career. I know everyone will remember me for this, and not the hundreds of successful negotiations I did before. I know this will be my legacy, and no one will understand why. Not one person in this world will understand how I could do this, but I hoped…” He sucks in a trembling breath, curling his hands into fists. “I hoped you might.”
Those cracks in my armor are wider now. Blood starts welling at the openings, ready to flow free. I grind my teeth together to stop my lip from trembling, forcing myself to stare at this man. To try to understand him.
“Penelope,” he gasps, as if he can hardly breathe. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you about the merger when I first came to Nord. I should have told you before that, at Gabriel’s wedding! I should have been honest with you from the start, but I was a coward. You walked into my life all elegance and beauty and strength, and I felt so small. I felt weak and unworthy of you, and I was so fucking terrified you’d see me for what I was. Every time you looked at me, I thought you’d finally see the broken, burned boy I am inside. But you never did—you kept giving me your smiles and laughter and you gave me life, Pen. Lying to you is the only thing I’ve ever regretted. In all the shitty things I’ve done in my life, hurting you…it broke me. Tore me to shreds. And I know that’s no excuse, but, Pen, I feel like I can’t breathe without you.”
With a breath, Asher fists his hands through his hair. He stares at his glass of water, as if he’s afraid to meet my gaze. “I was a coward to lie to you. A coward to hide the truth from you. A coward to run here to do my father’s bidding when I should have seen this for what it is.” He lifts his eyes to mine, endless pain swimming in their depths. “I’m in love with you, Penelope. Desperately, foolishly in love with you. But you’re a queen, and who am I? How can I ever be worthy of you? I thought if I gave you all the diamonds in Nord, it might make a dent in the absolute train wreck I’ve created. I thought if I blew up my own career and everything I used to care about, maybe I could prove to you—to myself—that it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters at all…except…you.”
His last word is nothing more than a whisper, but it echoes through my soul, waking up every part of me that I thought died long ago. I blink a river of tears down my cheeks, letting the armor around my heart fall away.
My voice is nothing more than a rasp when I finally speak. “You’re no more a coward than me, Asher. I’ve loved you since you let me slap you across the face and asked for more. Maybe before that, when you saved me from Gabriel’s wedding and showed me what it felt like to live again. From the very first moment you stood beside those roses because I knew, I just had this feeling you were thinking of me when you touched them… But I was too scared to admit it to myself, to you, to anyone.” My bottom lip trembles so hard it’s difficult to speak. I close my eyes just to save myself from the assault of his gaze, breathing deep to say the words I’ve tried to ignore for weeks. Months. “I love you, Asher. I could never deny it, and I could never let this child grow up without knowing its father. Without knowing you.”
Asher’s beside me in an instant, yanking me out of my chair and crushing his lips to mine. His kiss is violent, needy, and everything that’s been missing from my life. His lips brand mine with a vow. An oath. A promise to never let me go again. I cling onto his broad shoulders to show him I feel the same, melting into his body as if it’s the only safe place that’s ever existed.
He scrapes his teeth along my lip and shoves his tongue into my mouth, using rough hands to pull me closer. I thread my fingers through his hair and tug and pull him closer because all I want is more, more, more. I can finally breathe. I feel alive for the first time in years.
Asher pulls away, wiping the endless tears from my cheeks. He presses his lips to my cheeks and licks my tears away, swallowing them down like they belong to him. “Forgive me, Pen. Forgive me for being such an idiot. For lying and keeping things from you and for not being brave enough to face what I feel for you.”
I let out a long breath, leaning my cheek against his chest. “There’s nothing to forgive,” I whisper.
“But there is, Penelope. Please, I need to hear it.”
I pull away to see the last traces of agony written in his features. With my fingers, I trace his eyebrows, cheeks, lips. My touch drifts to the edge of his scar, the bumpy skin familiar beneath my fingertips. Asher shivers, closing his eyes when I touch it. Letting out a sigh, I nod. “I forgive you, Asher. But please, no more lies.”
“No more lies,” he promises. “I
don’t think I could survive anything like this again.”
A grin tugs at my lips. “And there are only so many diamond mines in Nord available for you to pledge your love to me. I’m not sure how much bigger than this you can go.”
Asher chuckles, a deep, warm sound that rumbles through his chest and into mine. He touches his nose to mine, eyes crinkling as he smiles. “The only thing I could give my Queen was a slice of her own country back before I pledge my life at her feet. I’m not planning on screwing up like this again.”
“What will your father say?”
“I don’t care.” The words slide out of his lips so surely that I know he’s telling the truth.
Whatever happens after today—after the Roston diamond mines are signed over to Nord’s national resource group—it won’t change the simple fact that has changed the course of my life forever. “I love you,” I say, tilting my head toward his to ask for another kiss.
“You have no idea how much I love hearing those words, Pen.”
“So say them back.” I grin.
Asher’s lips brush mine. “I love you.” He lays a soft kiss on my lips. “I’m in love with you.” Another kiss. “And I’ll never stop loving you.” A third kiss to seal that vow I thought I’d never hear. Asher drops to his knees and lays a soft kiss on my stomach, letting out a shaky sigh. “And you, baby, I’ll devote my life to making you happy. I’ll do anything for you, anything for your mother, anything to make sure the two of you have everything you need. I promise.”
I thread my fingers through Asher’s dark hair, sighing out the last of the chill inside me. He’s the boy who walked through fire and lived—and the man who broke through the layer of ice around my heart.
Ice Queen: An Accidental Pregnancy Romance Page 19