Trust Me

by Nell Grey

  ◆◆◆

  The evening was drawing in when Jac saw her again.

  After taking the time off in the afternoon, he’d plunged himself into a fencing job in the far paddock. Thumping in the posts was the only useful thing he could do to keep his mind off Annie and Seb. He was a slimeball. He could tell. She deserved way better than him.

  It was dusk before he was done. And it was as he was riding back, that he spotted her. Wearing a head-torch, she'd marched across the fields and was now climbing up through the bracken line.

  In the twilight, he saw her, pounding on. Trampling the small leafy promises of spring under her feet. She was past the ancient hawthorn now. The lonely tree they’d called it, when they were kids.

  “Shit!”

  She always did this when something was up. Go off to their place. And the high ledge she was aiming for, and the scree below it, they were damn slippery at this time of year. Even with a headtorch, it was getting properly dark by now.

  He turned the quad bike and rode as far up as he could after her.

  Cutting the engine, he followed on foot as she pushed on up. Through the heathers and the gorse, pounding over the rocks, climbing up the scree slope until finally, she reached it. Their old spot at the top of the mountain.

  He saw her silhouette on the ledge, the moon above her. And he was near the ridge too, when he heard her first cry out.

  She screamed again, this time standing up, shouting angrily at the sky.

  “Arghh! How could I have been so fuckin’ stupid!”

  Breaking down then, she cried ugly, noisy, private tears.

  “Annie.”

  He startled her. She looked embarrassed as he came up beside her onto the ledge.

  Wrapping his arms around her, he let her get it out.

  It took a while, and he held her tightly as she broke down again, her wet face buried deep in his coat, against his chest. His heart.

  A proper, full-on hysterical meltdown. Her jagged stuttering when she’d finished reminded him of a toddler recovering from a tantrum.

  Pulling away, she slumped down onto the rock.

  “You weren’t meant to see that.”

  Sitting down, he put his arm around her. His other hand stroked her hand gently with his thumb as the darkness cloaked the mountains.

  Shaking her head, she wiped at her face with her sleeve.

  He didn’t say a word.

  Instead, he took her hand, led her carefully back down the scree to the quad and drove them back to the cottage.

  Still a little puffy-eyed, she smiled weakly at him as she came down from the bathroom.

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “I s’pose I owe you an explanation. Seeing as you scraped me up off the floor.”

  He took her through to the living room and they sat on the old sofa together.

  “I dunno. It’s been building up. First, Dad. And Mam, she's not right and she’s shutting me out as usual…and then, there’s you…”

  She shot him a look.

  “And now Seb; tosser, that he is. And the cherry on top of the shit-cake that is my life is I’ve just found out I’m gonna get the sack.”

  “Why?”

  “Oh God!”

  She stared at the fire.

  “Jac, I'm not sure I wanna tell you all this.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  She shrugged, focusing intently on the cup of tea in her hand.

  “I had a thing with Seb when I was in New York. And when I came back.”

  “So?”

  “It’s against the rules. What, with him being my boss, and all.”

  She chewed the side of her bottom lip with her teeth.

  “I finished it. He’s a self-absorbed, arrogant bastard...Plus, he's married.”

  She flicked a look at him, expecting at least a frown. Instead, he was smirking.

  “D’you find this funny?”

  He pressed his hand on her thigh as she jumped up to leave.

  “No! Stay! I was only laughin' cos, I’ve done stuff I’m not proud of. But, you're no angel, either. You and me, we're more similar than you think, that’s all.”

  Her shoulders dropped and she settled back down.

  “Why're you gonna get fired?”

  She rubbed her hands over her face.

  “The only other person who knew about me and Seb, was my mate, Stacey. She’s doing my job while I’m away.”

  “Your friend told them?”

  She nodded.

  He was trying to keep up.

  “Seb betrayed me first. He wanted me gone, so he flagged up some bullshit irregularities to HR. He started it all.”

  “Jees, Annie.”

  “Yeah. It backfired on him, big time, when Stacey ratted me out. That’s why he showed up today. To get me to keep my mouth shut, so he wouldn’t lose his job too.”

  Jac scratched his head.

  “What you gonna do?”

  She shrugged and they sat quietly together for a while.

  “Annie, you need to face the facts. Your job in that company’s over. Use this time to plan what you want to do next.”

  He felt her pain as her eyes glistened.

  “I’ve been such a fool.”

  “Maybe… But, this Seb’s no straight shooter either.”

  “And Stacey?”

  “Her too. She took her chance.”

  “By destroying me?”

  “You do have some lousy friends.”

  “Yeah,” she breathed, “Everyone I trust always ends up betraying me.”

  Her words burned him.

  A key, rattling in the lock, broke the silence.

  “You expecting someone?”

  Getting up from the sofa, he went to the back door.

  “Sion, man!”

  He embraced his friend.

  Sion and Jason, he counted them as brothers. Each one would go through the fire for him.

  Sion had done.

  In Afghanistan, when their truck hit an explosive device, Sion had pulled him out of there unharmed. Seconds before it burst into flames. Others weren’t so lucky that day.

  And Jason had gotten them out of sticky situations too, more than once.

  What a difference to Annie’s friends.

  Annie was putting on her coat as Sion strolled into the living room, Jac behind him.

  “This is Sion, my army brother.”

  “Hi.”

  She smiled at Sion shyly.

  “I better be going.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I do. I’ve got to book the funeral tea.”

  She gave Jac a watery smile, “And then start applying for jobs.”

  “Who’s she?” Sion asked as soon as Jac had closed the door behind her.

  “That’s Annie.”

  “What? As in the Annie?”

  “Leave it out.”

  “You back with her?”

  “No.”

  “You wanna be?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “I thought you liked things simple, mate? What about that rule of yours, the one you keep banging on about when you’re pissed.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  “If she’s free then, I might have a crack myself,” Sion winked, trying to wind him up.

  “You keep away from her.”

  And by the intent on his friend’s face, Jac was deadly serious. And in deep.

  ◆◆◆

  After embarrassing myself with Jac, I slip down to The Cross Keys.

  It’s an understatement when I say I’m mortified that he caught me in such a state. And now I’ve told him everything. Oh God! What must he think of me?

  “Hey, Annie!”

  Claire, my old school friend, comes around from the bar and gives me a warm hug. I’d waved hello to her the other night, but she’d been flat out, serving at the bar.

  “Great to see you, hun… Ahh! I’m so sorry about your dad. Case and a half, he was. We
all miss him.”

  I flash her the same plastered-on smile I give everyone who says that about Dad. The last thing I need right now is hearing more of Glyn’s legendary shenanigans. Mam’s had a belly-full of it too.

  Claire writes the arrangements for the funeral tea into the diary. Then, Kevin, the new bar manager comes over, cross-checking everything she’s already written down.

  “The brewery moved him here last week,” Claire whispers.

  His loud Liverpudlian voice carries over the noise of the bar, and I can see a couple of locals already rolling their eyes, every time he speaks.

  Kevin lets Claire have a short break, and we go sit down at a table in the corner.

  “You staying here for a while, then?” Claire asks.

  “Yeah. For now.”

  “What’ve you been up to? You married? Got kids?”

  I take a sip of my small beer.

  “No. You?”

  She looks towards the door as Jac, and his friend Sion, walk into the bar.

  “Yeah. Single too.”

  I can’t mistake the interest that she shows in them.

  Is she staking her claim on Jac?

  It wouldn’t surprise me. The girls at school were all after him, and I’d always be the one mocking him for being so clueless.

  Now, it’s me who’s the clueless one, with friends and lovers who’d happily stab me in the back.

  If my judgement’s that off, it’s possible then that I’ve totally misjudged ‘Jac the Lad’ too?

  Claire’s a pretty girl, and Jac’s single. Probably still applying that rule of his. Ending relationships before they get too clingy and messy.

  I cringe as Jac sees me. I’ve been about as clingy and messy as it gets.

  He comes casually up to our table.

  “Wanna join us tonight?”

  “No. It’s alright. I’d better get back and see Mam.”

  I'm not going to stay to watch him flirting with Claire.

  “Earlier on,” I say quietly. "You caught me at a bad time."

  “No worries.”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “I’m not doing so well on the friends’ front at the moment.” I feel a lump in my throat. “Thanks for being there.”

  “Any time,” he rasps.

  “What was it you wanted to ask me? Before Seb turned up this afternoon?”

  “Nothing,” he says gruffly. “It’ll keep.”

  ◆◆◆

  When Sion suggested he treat Jac to a meal at The Cross Keys that evening, he thought he’d snap his hand off.

  But after Annie left, Jac didn’t seem that keen. Instead, he offered to cook, but Sion insisted they go out. He needed to check his phone; and see Claire.

  He’d missed her.

  Being away made him realise how much he looked forward to their evening chats. She was chippy with him, but she wasn’t as tough as she pretended to be.

  His eyes locked onto hers when they walked into the bar; and seeing him, she got up from the table where she was sitting with Annie, to go and serve them.

  Predictably, Jac slunk over to Annie, while Sion stayed at the bar.

  He ignored the new piggy-eyed barman who asked him what he wanted to drink. And Claire quickly took charge, serving them their pints.

  “Who’s he?” Sion asked her discreetly, leaning over the bar.

  “That’s knobhead.”

  Sion let out a loud laugh.

  The little man shot them a suspicious glare. She had pretty much summed up Sion’s first impression of him too.

  “The brewery shipped him in.”

  The new manager was now talking to a couple of young men, strangers, who’d just walked in. Taking his cigarette packet off the back bar, he followed them outside.

  There was something decidedly dodgy about him, Sion decided. Not a good fit for a rural pub, like this one.

  Jac was sitting at the table in deep conversation with Annie, the good-looking blonde who’d been sitting on the sofa when he arrived.

  He felt bad about that. He’d clearly interrupted something.

  He couldn’t remember ever seeing his old army buddy so doe-eyed. Even though she didn’t realise it, she’d got Jac by the balls, alright.

  And he was a goner.

  Sion helped himself to a couple of menus and waited for Claire to finish serving a round of drinks to another customer.

  Her long raven hair shone under the lights on the bar, and her face was set in concentration as she pulled the pump and got the head of froth just right.

  She moved back over to him.

  “So, how was the job?”

  “Boring. Patched up the network after a virus and got it all working again. Did you miss me?”

  “A bit.”

  Her mouth curved into a grin.

  “Like I missed the verruca I had burned off my foot last week.”

  “Aw, come on, Claire. You love our nightly chats.”

  “I do. Every time we speak, I make a point of writing it down. Word for word.”

  “You do?”

  “Uh-huh,” she smiled sweetly. “So as I can use it in the ‘harassment at work’ case I’m filing against you.”

  “Oh okay, I’ll leave you alone, then, if that’s what you want?”

  Her flirty smile told him that was the last thing she wanted him to do.

  “You’re kiddin’ right?”

  “P’raps. I haven’t made my mind up about you yet.”

  The new landlord called her over to take food out, and Sion took the drinks and menus over to the far table, where Jac now sat alone.

  “Scared Annie off, did you?”

  “No. I warned her about you, and she took fright.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “Truth is, I didn’t want you filling Annie’s head with sordid tall tales about our army days,” Jac half-joked.

  “About your army days, you mean. And there’s a fair few tales I could tell about you.”

  Sion handed him a menu.

  “That weekend in Amsterdam?”

  Jac winced.

  “Fair enough… Don’t you miss it?”

  “Miss what?... Amsterdam? I know you did. What was that Swedish girl’s name again?”

  “No, ya prick. Not Amsterdam. Don’t you miss operations? You were always the brains. The action man. I’m not being funny, mate, but this computer stuff you’re doing these days, it ain’t you.”

  “What is me? I’d never have fitted you up for a sheep farmer, either… I’m gonna have the steak pie special. How about you?”

  Jac’s attention turned to the menu, and Sion was relieved. The less Jac knew about what he did, the better.

  His weapons were stored safely under his outdoor gear in the cottage’s little shed. Even though he considered Jac his best and truest friend, it was for his own good that he kept him in the dark. He needed this bolt hole. Now, more than ever.

  “I’m gonna do some climbing in Snowdonia next week.”

  “Cool.”

  “Sorry, about earlier on. I didn’t mean to come across you and Annie.”

  “You didn’t. She was upset, that’s all. About her job.”

  “Does that mean she’s staying?”

  “No idea, mate. But the longer she's here, the more she’s messin’ with my head.”

  CHAPTER 11

  -----------✸----------

  Callista’s arriving on the train later; and killing two birds with one stone, Mam and I have come into town to get something to wear for Dad’s funeral. Most of my clothes are back in London, and Mam wants something smart.

  She looks exhausted already, as she shuffles slowly around the shopping centre, browsing for something suitably sombre and warm.

  “Let’s have a breather.”

  We’ve paused outside a large coffee chain.

  “Why don’t you have a sit down, while I find us something to wear? How about a turtle-neck jumper and a straight skirt from M
arks?”

  Mam smiles at me gratefully.

  “Just the job.”

  Something’s wrong. She’s only sixty-five, but the weight loss, lack of appetite and energy, together with that constant cough she has, it’s not normal. It’s been gnawing at me for days.

  Setting our two lattes on the table, I pluck up the courage to ask her.

  She’s a nurse, surely she must have picked up the symptoms. Seen a doctor?

  “Mam, what’s up?”

  She stares blankly back at me. The look she’s been giving me her whole life.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine.”

  My voice catches.

  “Stop pretending. We’ve done enough of that. Tell me the truth… Please… Are you ill?”

  Mam sniffs and scours her bag.

  I reach over to the next table for a crunchy paper serviette, and then hold her hand as she takes it from me. It’s icy cold.

  “I didn’t want to worry you, love.”

  She clears her throat and tells me.

  And it’s bad.

  She went to the doctors with her cough before Christmas, and the tests they did confirmed the worst. Primary bladder cancer metastasised with secondaries. They’ve offered her palliative chemo, but she’s refused it.

  The irony is, that she's never had so much as a urine infection. She felt perfectly healthy until the weight loss started in the autumn, and then that persistent tickly cough.

  I’m reeling. I have to stay strong, but it’s hard.

  Callista will be here later. She’ll help me get through to her. We need to make her see sense.

  “We’ll go back to the doctors. There must be treatments available? I’ll do some research online. See what’s out there.”

  “You’re a good girl. I really will be fine,” she smiles, taking my hand. Not upset at all.

  “And when you go back, Jac’ll be here.”

  “No way am I going back to London, until you’re sorted.”

  “But, Annie! What about your job? You’re a senior manager. You need to get back.”

  “Don’t fret about that, they’ll give me a leave of absence, I’m sure.”

  I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth.

  ◆◆◆

  “Cal!”

  Jac greets his mother on the yard.

  “Jac, my darling. Come here.”

  “Cal, I’m not fit.”