by Tara Brent
This is not something I cannot ignore, not when it comes to my daughter's upbringing. It’s bad enough that Lucas will have to put up with the woman, but Annie does not. I want to include Lucas in our lives but the poor little guy is stuck with his genes, which include Trish.
A pang of guilt hits me, thinking about Chrissy when she reads my note. I hate to do this to her but it’s the only way that I can move forward. Staying in this place makes me feel trapped. I want Annie to return to the lifestyle we’re used to. When Chrissy and I were kids, we were equal, but now, well, we’re so very different. I’ve never had to worry about finances and I wanted that life for Chrissy too. Yet, she continues to allow people like Trish into her life...I don’t know. Sure, I’m making up excuses. Yes, I do still love her, but...I...don't know. That’s just it...I don’t know anymore.
It feels terrible leaving Lucas behind because, in my heart, I want to take him with us. The poor little guy looks so sad as we leave but I don't have control over his life. I wish I did, to be honest. I'd get him away from the likes of Trish, too. Chrissy’s still not back and we can’t wait around, anyway, I don’t want to see her, so it’s just as well. The children are both miserable but they’ll soon adjust, children often do. Chrissy will be heartbroken to see us gone but I can’t plan a future for Annie while I’m living here.
Rita holds Annie’s hand and I can see my daughter is trying her hardest not to cry, but I ignore them both. We’re soon packed up in the trunk of the waiting car. The driver takes us off to the heliport, so we don’t miss our flight in Vancouver. Have I done the right thing? I don’t know...
Chapter 38
We’re Not Far Away
“There’s nothing for it, mom, we have to move out,” I yell, trying to justify my decision.
When I had returned to the apartment, over a week ago now, only to discover that Drew had left me, I was devastated. Lucas was in tears because Annie was gone. How could he be so cruel to do it like that? It’s taken me a whole week to realize what Drew has done to us. Of course, he left a note, how thoughtful! It simply said that he needed to think things through. Hah! What the hell was that supposed to mean? There is no thinking anything through. I can’t dump my sister because Drew thinks I should. I understand that he doesn’t want her in his life but she and I are a package. It appears that there's no solution to our problem.
It’s one thing for Drew to feel upset with me, but not with my son. I too am a protective parent, like Drew, and I won’t have him toying with him like this. The poor boy is so upset at his separation from Annie. How could Drew take off like that, without considering the children in his selfish deeds?
This episode has made me realize that Drew and I are very different people. I would never have hurt Annie intentionally, as he has hurt my son. Drew seems to think that having Trish around will have some terrible detrimental effect on Annie’s life. I'm not sure what he thinks Trish is going to do to her? Trish would never harm anyone. She had no control over what happened to Lucas, it was that control freak, Paul, that caused all that. I know in my heart that Drew is wrong. So long as Lucas and Annie are protected with the love of their parents, there should be no reason for Trish to be seen as some evil witch. If anything, she would play the role of crazy Auntie and the children would love her.
Drew’s life has always been very protected because he was born to wealthy parents. I don’t know how rich he is now, but he’s clearly been very successful with his career. That gives him no right to look down his nose at those who have not been so fortunate. It isn’t Trish’s fault her childhood was so terrible that it continues to affect her as an adult. Drew is so wrapped up in himself that he's become ignorant of the world.
If anything, he wraps Annie up too, and she’ll never understand how wicked the world can be until something bad happens and it's too late. No one goes through life without bad experiences. Isn't it better to be prepared and strong, than unprepared and weak?
Okay, I admit that Trish can be difficult. Especially when she's dabbling with drugs. But if she's willing to accept support to help her start over with her life, then who are we to judge? Trish matured at a young age concerning adult foreplay. She always looked for the easy option out of her problems, and that was usually drugs. I believe that she's ready for change. Seeing Lucas has made her realize the life that she's missed out on. It’s my hope that this expensive clinic will find the real Trish and help her to come to the fore. There is a good side to my sister and I’m sticking by her, even at the cost of my relationship.
“Mommy, what if Annie comes home and we’re not here?” Lucas asks me as he comes into Drew’s bedroom where I’m packing.
“We’re not far away, baby, we can soon come here to see her,” I try, but he’s not too keen on my answer.
My poor little man, a lone tear trickles down his cheek and I pick him up. We sit at the end of Drew’s big bed as we cuddle. Isn’t it strange how a mother always rocks her child when they’re upset? That’s exactly what I do, rock him in my arms. My eyes glance at the bed and I remember the love I have for Drew. It hasn’t gone away but I must learn to suppress it. Keep it tucked away deep down inside my heart. Lucas can’t do that though, his love for Annie is more like that of a big brother. Will he ever learn to forget her?
Mom comes into the room and smiles at us both. She sits beside us and I realize that we’re all alone once again. Our tiny family unit must stick together, at least we have each other.
“Did I make the wrong decision, mom?” I ask her, trusting that she at least understands my love for Trish.
“It’s not over yet, Chrissy,” is all she says before taking Lucas’s hand and leading him out of the room to finish his packing.
He’s settled down a little and he loves his grandma so he doesn't mind going with her, without any more tears. I’ve always encouraged Lucas to express his emotions, and not bottle everything up.
Expressing emotions is important for anyone and I don’t want him to become secretive like Drew. I've no idea why Drew bottles everything up. He has loving parents who care about him but he's ended up becoming quite a selfish guy.
He decided to move out without even discussing it with me. What’s more, he made that decision very quickly. How much thought had he put into such an important decision? None! That’s how much.
In that one day, he managed to devastate many lives. Mine, my son’s and no doubt Annie’s too. She won’t have understood why she had to leave her brother behind.
Anyway, I can’t dwell on this problem any longer. We have no choice but to move back into our own home. This apartment never felt like home anyway. To me, it’s a place where I grew up, but I was then ripped away from it. When my father died, my mother needed to find peace in her heart. The only way to do that was to leave the memories of my father behind. In a sense, it worked. We got on with our lives. But I lost more than my father on the day when we left, I lost Drew too. I doubt now that I’ll ever have him back again.
Chapter 39
He’s Missing Me Too
It was a long journey for Annie and Rita, made even longer by my behavior. I had no right to drag them away so suddenly like that, but it had to be done. Anyway, that’s behind us now. The sun is on our backs and Annie is happy to be with her grandparents. Equally, they are delighted to see us and even Rita is enjoying the break.
My mother has chosen a palace, literally, for her last project. Well, it was some sort of Italian palace in its history but now it's a dilapidated historic building. She says it's her final project but I reckon she’ll move on to another one as soon as she feels this one is complete. Mind you, she adores having a Roman amphitheater right on her doorstep, that’s why she chose this city. I could be wrong and she might finally decide to retire here. The whole building oozes in medieval origins, which my mother cherishes. Show my mother any building with frescoes and elegant architecture and she will fall in love. My father and I are used to always taking second place to buildings. She ha
s preserved the local history in this building but, as always, the building is far too big just for my parents. In the usual fashion my mother tends to follow, she has divided the building up into many housing units. We have, of course, the best floor.
Though our apartment is a vacant one, mother has furnished it, thank goodness. My parents are on the same floor in a smaller apartment. My mother tells me that the vacant apartment is for family visitors anyway. Annie loves running in and out of the apartments to visit her grandparents because the hallway is huge and echoes. Though it’s all rather grand, it’s like staying in a museum.
We’re in the middle of a historical city so we go outdoors daily to enjoy the wonders of Italian hospitality. It was my intention that if we kept busy it would help take my mind off my problems. Though, Chrissy would love this place. Yes, I admit it – I miss her. Every day Annie asks if Lucas is joining us yet. Every day Rita speaks with Lisa, though she thinks I don’t know. I’m glad they have become such good friends, Rita needed some likeminded company in her life. I don’t ask her about the calls. They are private and nothing to do with Chrissy and me, though I’m sure we’re the cause of much of their gossip.
My mother was most delighted to hear that Chrissy and Lisa were back in my life again. She hasn’t questioned me why they’re not with me. No doubt Rita gave her all the answers she needed. Everyone is giving me space and time, which is typical of my family. My parents were never ones to push me into something I didn’t want to do. Well, that was after they forced me to a private school when I was very young. From that moment on, they have always listened to me and tried their best to make me happy. Even when it went against their better judgment, such as attending the same school as Chrissy.
In those days Chrissy and I were inseparable. As youngsters, I suppose we were much like siblings. As we grew up though, we became more aware of a different kind of love. The more I’m away from Chrissy, the more I pine for her. Yet, she’s made no attempt to contact me, so I, stubbornly, have not attempted either.
“Papa. I’m missing Lucas and he’s missing me too. When is he coming?” Annie questions me at breakfast one morning. “Grandma Lisa let me speak to him yesterday and he’s missing me too. We must go home.”
Rita looked up from her coffee, realizing that Annie had just given away her secret communications with Lisa.
“It’s good that you get to speak with Lucas,” I reply, catching Rita’s eye. “Tell him that his daddy misses him too.”
“Why can’t we go home then, papa?” She asks, looking very miserable.
“Yes, but Lucas and mommy should be visiting too,” she cries out, almost stamping her foot at me. “I miss mommy. Lucas promised that she might speak with me today.”
“Good,” I say, lost for words. All I can do is leave the room because I have no answers for my daughter.
Why am I denying myself, and my family, from being with a person I love so very much? Annie is my heart, but Chrissy is my soul. Everyone is waiting for me to snap out of my stubbornness and allow Chrissy back into my life. Yet, the problem remains the same. That of her sister, Trish.
I’ve been updated on Trish’s recovery by the clinic, and I have to admit she’s trying really hard. They tell me that she has many traumatic memories and they’re helping her deal with them. She has the best psychiatric help that money can buy, so there could be hope for her yet. I don’t know about these things, to be honest. My childhood was wonderful, thanks to loving and supportive parents, and Chrissy too.
Clara, my wife, was a wonderful person. Her character was very similar to Chrissy’s. She was as kind and caring as Chrissy is. Both the type that would always put others before themselves. I suppose that’s what I lack as I’ve always put my own needs first. That was until I had Annie. Mind you, I’m not considering Annie’s needs right now, am I?
Something else occurred to me in one of my sessions of deep thoughts. It wasn’t Trish who attracted Paul in the first place, it was Chrissy. So why am I blaming Trish? What a jerk I am. Telling myself it’s all for Annie’s sake when in reality it’s because I hated the thought of that guy touching Chrissy. It's time I was honest with myself, I owe it to my entire family.
As I'm standing to look out over a most exquisite Italian veranda, I wish in my heart that Chrissy was by my side. I can’t even throw myself into my work as I usually do, because she's all I can think about. Damn the woman, it's like she possesses me! I can’t stay mad with her, she hasn’t done anything wrong, other than considering someone else instead of me. Yeah, I'm a selfish prat! That’s what angered me in the first place. Why wouldn’t she put me before her sister? A man likes to believe that the woman he loves will always put him first. What a dick I am!
Chapter 40
Oh, So Cold
It’s good to wake up back in my old bed in my own house. Well, I think it is, except I’ve woken up with a whopper of a headache. I must have forgotten to drink enough yesterday when we were moving and given myself dehydration. Though as I climb out of bed I'm quite lightheaded too. Goodness knows, all this stress isn’t doing my family any good. If I'm this bad, I can’t imagine how Lucas must be feeling.
It’s time to shake myself down and get this family back on track once again. Tomorrow, I’ll go see the new Principal of the school, now that Henry’s finally retired. I missed his retirement party as it happened while my life was in chaos. I intend on putting that right and will visit him as soon as everything settles down once again. If only this darn headache would go away.
Making breakfast, I take mom’s to her room. She’s not so much an early riser these days. Poor mom. Her health isn’t getting any better but she's a real trooper. Her kidneys aren’t functioning as they should and I suspect I’m going to need to work full-time to pay for the doctor’s fees and treatment. The doctor warned us that she can only get worse but they will keep her stable for as long as possible. That’s another worry because who’s going to care for Lucas while I work. Thankfully, he’s almost at an age of starting kindergarten full time, so I’ll have to plan around that.
As I sit down to eat, Lucas comes running into the dining area.
“Mommy, mommy, can we go see Annie today?” He yells at me, all excited.
“No, baby, she’s in another country,” I tell him, holding my head to ward off his noise. “Come and eat some cereal, sweetie.”
“I hate you!” He shouts at the top of his voice and runs back to his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
Well, I didn’t expect that! Mom comes into the dining room and looks at me surprised.
“I don’t know, mom, so don’t ask!” I snap at her. “I’m sorry, but my head’s spinning and I’m trying to figure stuff out.”
We sit and chat for a while. Mom has always been so patient with me. What would I ever do without her? Though my headache pounds on and I end up leaving my own bowl full of breakfast cereal. Like my son, I don’t feel like eating either.
Instead, I go get dressed and grab my purse, shouting to tell mom I'm off on a bike ride. It might help to clear my head a little. This is not the time to deal with Lucas, as I’ll only be crabby with him. I'll make it up to him when I get back, and hopefully, feel better. Mom shouts back to me that she’ll get Lucas to eat. It’s best I’m out of the way anyway. I’ll keep myself busy and go pick up some basic groceries, that’ll take my mind off everything.
Somehow I end up in Cowichan Bay, riding past Drew’s boat. It’s bobbing up and down in the marine water, oblivious to the drama that's unfolding in my life. Drew hasn’t had the boat long, so it doesn’t have many stories to tell. Yet, as I look at it, I ache at my loss.
Still unable to shake my headache off, I set off to go and sit on my bench. Or, should I call it “our” bench. Of course, I know he won’t be there as he’s somewhere in Europe. Mom knows where they are but I told her not to tell me the details. I know that she’s in contact with Rita and I'm happy for her. Those two have become good friends and I wouldn’t
deny her that. She even told me that the children have been chatting, which is good. The only two unable to communicate are Drew and me.
I’m thankful when I arrive at the bench and almost fall off my bike in an attempt to stay upright. If only this headache would go away. My bike falls to the floor as I seem to lose my balance a little. Though I manage to clamber onto the bench and look out over the bay.
Look! Over there! It's my dad. I stand up to wave over to him. He must have just got back from a fishing trip. He looks so happy and I want to run up to him and hug him, but I can’t.
“Daddy, Daddy!” I call at the top of my voice. “Where've you gone?”
His ship is gone and all I can see is an empty space where it used to dock. I’m not sitting down on the bench anymore, as I thought I was, I’m standing up. As I look down at my feet I see that I've moved and I'm teetering on the edge of the sea wall.
“Hey, lady, don’t move!” A voice shouts over to me.
“Is that you, Drew?" I call out, looking around, but its gone dark. Where are you, Drew? I can’t see you?”
A man's voice rings out again. Is it Drew? I’m not sure because my head's in a spin. I see a brightness. It's the blue of the sky. Why is it spinning? Am I falling, falling, falling? My body is...oh so cold, as an icy chill stabs at me. Oh, so cold...I can’t breathe...I can't breathe...
Chapter 41
Hang on in There
“She could have drowned!” I cry out in shock as Lisa explains to me over the phone, what’s happened to Chrissy.
Knowing that the woman I love is lying ill in a hospital without me there, makes me feel utterly useless.
“They’re keeping her sedated for now, while her body recovers from the shock of the freezing water. Plus, she's very anemic at the moment. I’m so angry with myself that I haven’t noticed how unwell she was,” Lisa says, trying to hold back her own tears.