Case of the Poodle Doodle

by Erik Schubach

  “Dropped Killer with the fuzzy kids downstairs?” I asked.

  She nodded, causing her mass of hair, which was the same light brown color as mine with some silver threads highlighting it, to bob around her shoulders. She usually kept it in the loose knot she swore was more practical, but the past few months, since she has been dating this mysterious Sam person, she's been wearing it down more frequently, and she has been dressing more... well, not mom-ish.

  The sad look she gave me shot a painful spike through my heart. Mom has loved living above Central Park Tails and had made a habit of commandeering pups every night to bring upstairs for play dates with Puddles, the family's aging Cocker Spaniel, and the silly Yorkshire Terrier she adopted from one of my many misadventures, Killer.

  She would normally take both of them down to the rescue to play with the other dogs whenever she had to leave her apartment, so the dogs were never alone. The past few weeks though, we have been nursing our heartbreaks, as Puddles... the dog that in many ways, had saved my life after I lost my father to cancer, had finally gone to the dog park in the sky.

  She had lived an extraordinarily long and happy life for her breed, and it felt like my heart had been torn wide open when she passed in her sleep. It was a familiar pain, and sense of losing a part of myself, as it was how I felt... and still feel about losing dad.

  Mom has had the volunteers at CPT working on training Killer to be an emotional support dog like my Calvin so that she can take him with her everywhere once he gets his working bib. She's sort of glommed onto the too big for his britches, silly little yapper, almost like a child since Puddles left us.

  Since New York City doesn't allow pets to be buried on private property, I told mom I would take care of it. One of the unfortunate things I learned about owning a pet rescue, is that sometimes, no matter how hard you wish it to be different, dogs die sometimes.

  So I got ahold of the crematorium we used, and Calvin, Jane and I made a trip out to Liberty after contacting the renters of my childhood home. Mom still didn't know I couldn't let go, so I was purchasing and renting it out after she came to Manhattan. We had a private service, Jane and I. I buried Puddles ashes where all my memories of her lived along with my memories of my father. My twin brother Garrett had shown up.

  I found out he knew I was taking it hard, it's a twin thing, and Jane had shared my plans with him. I've always seen him as my big brother even though we were the same age, since he was always the popular and fearless one.

  He always protected me growing up like Jane protects me from the world now. And he always knew just what to say, or not to say, to show his support. That day was no different. Just when I thought my heart would never know joy again, he had brought my niece with him. And I had to smile as I stole her away from him to sit on my hip as I just hugged her until I stopped crying.

  Mom pulled me out of my memories. “So, ladies, you didn't say what the occasion for lunch was.” She had a hopeful gleam in her eyes.

  I deflated and rolled my eyes as I whined, “Mooom. No, we haven't moved forward on a decision since we spoke last night. Adoption is a long and hard process. And our lawyers want us to consider one last candidate before we make a final decision.”

  She bubbled out, “Ooo a grandson or granddaughter for me?”

  Jane pointed out with a smirk, “Winnie... umm... mom, you're baby drunk. You dropped by the daycare this morning to see Alyx, didn't you.”

  Mom cocked an eyebrow then told me, “You're right, sweetie, your wife is a jerk.” Then she winked at my girl and held a hand back to squeeze her free hand. “What's not to like about babies? I raised three of my own.”

  Jane started to ask, “Three? I thought...” But then she saw the shit eating grin on Kerry's face and closed her mouth. Ker had been almost a permanent fixture in our house, and may as well have been my sister for all the time we spent together at her house or mine. It was devastating not for just me, but for mom who saw her as a second daughter when Kerry's dad moved them out of Liberty when he got a new duty station.

  Then I exhaled and said as I contemplated it myself, “Alas mother, you wouldn't be able to get your baby fix with this one. The agencies our lawyers are working with overseas suggested someone from a country we hadn't even thought about. A special needs girl, eleven years old, in Northern Ireland.”

  Jane added, “We hadn't really thought about a child older than five or so. But after Fin's, umm... pickiness? Has frustrated the various agencies, one brought up this girl who is in the system in Ireland, who has a few quirks, that among them is pronounced obsessive-compulsive behavior. It isn't severe but is enough to scare off most prospective parents.”

  She looked thoughtful as she continued, while studying me for some reason, “Most people looking to adopt, can't look past her quirks, as she is on the spectrum, signs of Asperger syndrome. They say older children like her, especially with unusual quirks, are usually in the system until they age out of the system when they become adults, and never find a family of their own.”

  I hoped Jane was really on board with looking at this girl, Luce. We had our eyes on a baby boy down in Kenya who had the most precious giggle, or a two-year-old girl in Laos who seemed to be adorable trouble on two legs. My heart went out to Luce when I heard about her, and the thought of her never knowing parents just because she didn't fit into a neat little template people had in their minds for children. We had been just a day or two from a final decision when we were told of her.

  Mom, being mom, just beamed and said, “A granddaughter.” They were all babies to her.

  Why was everyone looking at me?

  Then big Red came to my rescue as she said, “We don't need a reason to bring you to lunch do we, Winnie? Finnegan has just been working us to the bone finishing up the nursery, and to celebrate its completion, we thought we'd bring you out.”

  Mom beamed at us again and said, “Lunch with my girls? The only thing better would be if Becky and Alyx...”

  I cut her off with a cheesy smile. “They're meeting us at the restaurant. Gar is too chicken to be seen with seven ladies.”

  My evil wife defended my twin. “He got called into work on that special project, and you know it, lady.” I stuck my tongue out at her then squeaked in alarm when she snapped her teeth at me, causing everyone to chuckle.

  I ignored that and supplied, “Jess is exaggerating, the nursery isn't quite finished, as there's an area I can't quite get the brush strokes to blend and I may have to re-sand and...”

  Jane said with all the patience in the world. “It's finished, all we need to do is furnish and decorate it once we make our final decision.”

  We all absently grabbed for the handles above the windows as Jess took a corner too fast, honking at the other cars on the road which weren't moving fast enough for the daredevil. I smirked at the fact we had all moved past the continual heart attack her driving put each of us into the first few times we rode with her and just went with it now.

  Mom prompted, “So how long does the process take after you've made a decision?” She looked hopeful, but resigned at the same time, knowing it wasn't going to be as fast as she or we would like.

  Going through the checklist in my head, I said, “Over the last half year, the agencies all interviewed us, and we went through the background checks. And we've already had a couple home inspections, another one coming once we inform them the spare room is completed. Then as you know, people interviewed for the support system.”

  That was our biggest worry, not only were Jane and I a same-sex couple, but we had another same-sex couple living with us. And there was no way in hell I would ever ask them to move out just to have a child, Ker and Jess were family. But the councilor they sent over to interview the ladies was quite impressed with Kerry's military service and record, and Jessie... well Jessie was the nervous, shy, and polite version of herself like she was around her parents and at church. And she was dressed professionally, instead o
f in one of her painted on outfits that made women just want to drop their panties.

  I wish I could have been a fly on the wall at the interviews, I was told in no uncertain terms that it would be inappropriate. And I was a nervous wreck, going into a cleaning frenzy in the apartment until Jane pulled me to the couch when I was vacuuming the drapes for the third time in an hour. But no concerns were brought up to us, so I'm sure the ladies, mom, and Gar and Becky impressed them.

  Our professional references have been contacted, and our lawyer had a big grin on her face when she shared that and looked at me. Whaaat? Me super hearts me my clients, and they hearts me. Oh, shut up.

  I went on. “As nerve-wracking as all of that has been, once we make a decision, then the hard part begins. We have to have supervised socialization sessions with our prospective child to make sure there is a chemistry there. If we aren't a good fit in the minds of the agencies, then we start over from square one, even if you've become attached to the child.”

  This caused a knot of worry and anxiety in my gut, feeling like a lead ball weighing me down, and I went to straighten the hem of the skirt I wasn't wearing. Gah, I hate jeans! Cal whined once, and Jane laid her head on my shoulder, calming me.

  I nodded. I was ok... ish. Swallowing I said the next, noting my voice was a little hoarse, “That is the initial contact, and it would be done over teleconference since we are on different continents. But since two are babies, that won't be possible. Then the next step is the most terrifying.”

  Jane chuckled and shared, “We need to fly overseas to have actual contact with the children, and have what amounts to play dates with them, first supervised then a day unsupervised with the child. Many of the countries require a thirteen week trial placement before the agency will sign off on the adoption.”

  We had never known that adoption was such an involved process, I mean sure intellectually you know that they don't just let anyone adopt and there has to be a process to protect the children from the wrong sort of people. But knowing that, and living through it, are two separate things. These past few months have moved so very slowly, each seeming like a year. The constant fear and anxiety that we would be found lacking in some way and not be allowed to adopt has been eating away at me.

  My family keeps reminding me that there are other options if the adoption fell through, and I knew that logically too, but some part of me really called out to orphan children who never had the chance to know what a loving family was.

  The top two options, which I didn't rule out as future alternatives, were finding a surrogate, or artificial insemination. The latter sort of appeals to the maternal instinct in me after watching the wonder of Rebecca's pregnancy, and the miracle that is my amazing niece coming into this world.

  There was a collective gasp in the car, and Ker-Bear was showing a toothy smile as she looked around Jane and Cal's butt with his swishing tail, to see me. “Fin's going to fly?”

  I felt bile rising, and I started to breathe faster. It was the one thing I hadn't thought of when I insisted we adopt from overseas. That we would obviously need to fly. It is the single most terrifying thing I can think of. A plane weighing tons up in the sky with the only thing between you and plummeting to your death is nothing but air moving over its wings. Something you can't even see is all that is keeping you alive.

  I shuddered at the thought but knew that I'd have to get over that fear if I ever thought I could have a child of my own. I could do it... maybe. By all that was good and fluffy in the world, I was starting to panic just thinking about it.

  I took a deep, calming breath, and said the only logical thing to my old friend, “You're a bonafide nutcase, lady, flying around all the time.” It was sort of ironic that, as a helicopter pilot, she did the one thing that I couldn't ever even contemplate doing. But then again, Ker had always been fearless, even when we were small. I often wondered why such a daredevilish, outgoing, and energetic girl had chosen her exact polar opposite to be her best friend.

  I looked around the car and said to myself, “Huh,” as I made a realization, to the one, even mom, the ladies I surrounded myself with were all the fearless, thrill-seeking type. All alphas to the one. And they all chose to hang around with me. Well, mom by default, she was my mom-type-unit, and Jane even married me and made me her personal squeaky toy. It seems I attracted a type, and I loved them all.

  Mom reached back to put a hand on my knee. “Well, I think it is very brave of you, Tempe.”

  Ha, take that everyone! Hey, don't look at me like that.

  Then she sighed. “So maybe a few more months?”

  I nodded. “Really only two or three, believe it or not, most of the preliminaries are done. It is just time-consuming, and for a good reason. They have all this procedure because they are very protective over the children since whoever they place them with, for better or worse, will be their family forever.”

  She nodded with a wistful smile then we swerved violently, screeched to a halt, as a car horn went off and we heard a man yelling. We all looked around to find we were parked right in front of Romano's Italian Restaurant at a meter. And a blue SUV was angled toward us, horn blaring, and a man was yelling at us, prominently displaying his middle finger out the window.

  Jess had done it again. She makes a habit of stealing parking spots from others if they are too slow, and always seems to find parking spots on the crowded streets of Manhattan just outside of her destination. I think it borders on the supernatural, like maybe her superpower or something.

  She had her window rolled down as she returned the one finger salute, yelling out her window as the man drove past, horn still blaring, “If you don't have the balls to park, get off the street asswipe!”

  Then the redheaded avenger turned to mom and said almost shyly, “Sorry, Winnie.”

  Mom told her, “That's alright, dear, but make sure you hold your tongue around Alyx.”

  I blurted, “That's alright? You never let me cuss.”

  Mom said with a thoroughly amused tone, “That's because you never really did, Tempe.”

  She was right, I muttered, “Shit.” Which got a round of laughter in the car as we all started to pile out.

  Jane said to mom, “That's one of the reasons I love Fin, she can cuss on demand, and it always sounds like a baby panda trying to sound upset.”

  Jess stepped past us as I grabbed Calvin's leash, and she wrapped an arm around me, pulling me with her. “Don't listen to them, Finny, I love you.” She kissed the top of my head. I walked with a spring in my step and looked back to my wife and stuck my tongue out at her.

  Then I held the door open for them all to file into the restaurant, mom nodding with a smile in approval of the venue choice. It had become one of her favorites since moving to the city.

  Rebecca waved from a large, circular shaped booth near the door, and we went to join her as my mouth started watering over the scintillating aromas of Italian spices, pasta, and garlic bread. As everyone systematically bounced their butts around the booth, I hopped in on the other side and prompted my sister-in-law as I made little grasping motions with my hands, “Baby me, sis.”

  She chuckled and pulled a sleeping Alyx out of the little carrier beside her and handed her to me. I cuddled her into my chest and hugged the adorable little one to me, taking in a deep breath and sighing at the unique smell of baby. All the stress and anxiety in me just flowed away as I made a neener neener face at my mom who looked put out that I got my baby fix before her. By the seven canine lords of Nebula B, Alyx was getting huge, she'd be motoring along on two feet any day now, then she was going to be a cute little terror.

  Mom made a pouty face, and Becky rolled her eyes and pried her daughter from my talons and handed her the other way to mom. I had to suppress a smile at the other ladies who were all cooing at the sleeping angel.

  The waiter stepped up to the table with menus, silverware, and glasses of water just then. I supplied, “We won't need
menus, thank you.” The poor boy looked to be three seconds from passing out as he looked at the four beautiful amazons at the table. Yeah, they get that a lot, and with Becky back to her tone pre-pregnancy shape, sinewy muscle everywhere, I felt almost out of place, like I was their token short person. Heck, even mom was tall. Not sure what happened with me, seeing as how mom, dad, and Garrett were all tall.

  We ordered, and both Jess and Kerry were shamelessly flirting with the blushing young man. My besties are evil I tell you. Especially since they are both what they shared with me is called gold star lesbians. Which means they have never been with a man before, and don't have any desire to ever be.

  They caught my squinty-eyed look at them when he scurried off to put our order in. Jess asked, “What? Come on Fin, now he has a story to tell his college buddies that they'll never believe.”

  Ok, it was sort of funny. And our group looked gooood.

  Just as the food arrived, Jane's cell started buzzing. We all turned ours off for meals, a rule I made in the apartment, but Jane has to keep her's on at all times, just in case the station had to contact her. Which, was the case here as I deflated at her apologetic look when she said to dispatch, “Ok, send a black and white to Romano's, I'm without transpo.”

  After a moment, she made an acknowledgment and hung up. She looked across to me apologetically, and I shrugged as she said to the table, “Sorry everyone, there's been an assault at an art studio. I got the short straw to be on call this weekend.”

  The waiter stood there watching with the little collapsable table he put the tray with our meals on, to start handing them out, while Ker and Jess made silly grunting sounds as they bounced their way out of the booth for Jane to extract herself.

  Then the poor boy's eyes almost popped out of his head when Jane came over to my side of the table and leaned down to give me a lingering kiss, before pulling back to say, “Sorry, Finny. I'll call when I know when I'll be home. Love you.”