Case of the Poodle Doodle

by Erik Schubach

I had a surprise I have been working on for months for the ladies with Mr. DiAngelo, as part of the renovations I agreed to. It would benefit him as much as the girls, and all it cost me was new paint for all the other apartments in the building. A fair deal if ever there was one, and the city permitting has gone through, and work started on the side project on Friday, and it should be done Monday, just in time for Jessie's birthday.

  I unclipped Calvin, and he just flowed upstairs the way he does. Ah, to be young and full of energy like him. Oh, wait! I just about skipped up the stairs after him, wishing I had longer legs like Jane so I could take them two or three at a time.

  I made lots of noise as I unlocked the door, just in case they were home. I learned my lesson when I came in once and heard giggling from the couch. They had tried to be quiet and hoped I hadn't seen them. But you can't hide legs up over the top of the couch with military boots on the feet. Eww, eww, eww... just the memory made me want to go sterilize the couch again. Those girls were insatiable.

  I walked in with my hand over my eyes and spoke loudly, “It's good to be home, Cal.”

  When I heard no squeaking, rustling, or greetings, I peeked between my fingers and smiled. Good, no debauchery going on on the kitchen table or anywhere visible. I felt my cheeks burn at the memory of Jane, reminding me with a smirk in the kitchen that the girls were still on their honeymoon when we returned from our own. Great... now I had to sterilize the table again too.

  Calvin gave me a goofy doggy look and saw me making a beeline to the cleaning supplies after hanging our stuff on the properly labeled pegs at the door. Did he give me a patient look before flowing like liquid canine up to the master suite? I'm sure he did, just as I was sure he was curling up on the bed even though we had a 'no dogs on furniture' rule which everyone including me ignored. He was cute enough to lay down anywhere he wanted.

  I pulled on some latex gloves and got my cleaning caddy out then looked around, this was going to be fun! I got to work, the new alley painting on my mind.

  Chapter 5 – Video Conference

  It was almost midnight when Jess called over from where we were all gathered around my computer in the recessed office space at the base of our circular staircase. “Five-O, just in time. Hurry up, we're waiting on the counselor now.”

  Jane's brow furrowed as she shucked off her long leather coat at the door, kicked off her combat boots, and wandered to the kitchen to grab the new gun lock box from the cabinet over the refrigerator to place her service pistol into it. “Just in time for what? What, counselor?”

  She strode over to where Kerry and Jessie hovered over my shoulder, watching the screen, awaiting the incoming call. I was in a panic, and if Jess and Ker hadn't been there, I might have run to hide in the closet. My mouth was so dry I couldn't even swallow.

  I gave her an incredulous glare and pointed at her hip pocket. She held her cell up as I babbled, “I sent you like a gajillion texts that it was going to happen, and now it's happening, and I'm so nervous and anxious and excited and... and... don't you read my texts? I...”

  Her eyes widened slightly in understanding as she offered while shrugging out of her shoulder holster and placing it on the kitchen table instead of on the hook at the door, “Oh. You mean your frantic messages about the teleconference was at twelve, you meant midnight, not noon tomorrow?”

  I squeaked out two octaves higher than normal. “Yes!”

  Ker-Bear wrapped her arms around my shoulders from behind and chuckled as she gave me a lifeline hug. “Tempe, breathe, you're going supersonic again.”

  My eyes were wide and trained on the holster. Jess made an exasperated sound, “Fin's already on a hair trigger, lady.” She nudged her chin.

  Jane put up a placating hand and did an about face and grabbed the holster to bring it to the hook beside her jacket labeled, Jane's Boomstick Holder. I felt a little anxiety slip away at that. A place for everything and everything in its place. Then I informed her as she walked over to join us, “At least someone here loves me.” I cocked my head and gave a silly smile to Jess who preened, giving my wife a 'so there' look.

  Then I gacked and giggled, as Calvin gave an excited bark when the three women captured me into a group hug. I was grinning but then almost jumped out of my skin when my computer started chirping.

  This was it! Why was I so nervous?

  During my marathon cleaning session, I put the meatloaf, which I had prepared earlier in the morning, into the oven so it would be ready at six to feed the troops. Then was disappointed a little when Jane texted, saying that she would be very late as she went on another call, and then would have to finish the paperwork for both cases. Her being the weekend on-call Detective was no fun. But luckily it only happened one or two weekends a year as the duty rotated.

  I told her, “That's ok, love. If I'm not up when you get home, I'll leave your meal with heating instructions in the fridge. Go get those bad guys.”

  She had an odd tone in her voice when she said in a hushed tone because she hated everyone at the precinct hearing her talking nice to me and showing actual emotions, “I don't know what I did to deserve you, Finnegan.”

  I deadpanned with a grin on my face. “You arrested me.”

  “You weren't under arrest, pipsqueak!”

  “Maybe not that time, but...”

  She cut me off. “Whatever, public enemy number one, love you. See you when I get home.”

  I hugged myself then Calvin over the warmth that her saying those words always instilled in me. “Love you too.”

  I hung up, and that's when the girls walked in, Jess backing into the apartment because she had a Kerry attached to her lips. Seriously, when was their honeymoon phase going to be over? I realized the likely answer was 'never' since this is how they were even before they got married. Theirs was definitely a physically and sexually charged relationship.

  They froze in their lip lock, as Ker kicked the door shut behind them. She said into Jessie's lips, “I smell pine cleaner.”

  “Bloody hell. Another cleanageddon? Do you think she saw us?”

  I cocked an eyebrow as I crossed my arms over my chest while Calvin wove around their legs, his tail swishing in greeting. I said patiently, “She saw you.”

  They turned their heads, lips detaching as they still held each other. Mable shaped Mable said, “Oh, hi Fin.”

  I sighed. “Red.”

  Kerry gave me a toothy smile that always saw us in trouble a few minutes later. “Tempe.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Ker-Bear.” Then I chuckled. “Don't worry, I'm not going to make you clean. I'm finishing up now.” Then I added, “Jane won't make it for dinner.”

  Jess nodded sadly, prompting in understanding. “Another call came in?”

  I nodded. I sometimes forget that Jane and her used to date and that her redheaded Biker's Monthly model ex, had somehow became my best friend. “Sometimes, I think she needs a cape as she swoops in for the rescue.”

  She chuckled then asked, a tinge of curiosity in her voice, “You really don't mind Jane being Jane, do you?”

  I shrugged and shared, “I wouldn't ask her to be anything else.”

  She smirked and nodded. “And that, dear Finnegan, is why she wound up with the best girl.” She turned to Ker and said imperiously, “The little runt stole my girl.”

  My childhood friend looked to be trying to hold back a chuckle as she nodded while I blurted out to her girl in defense, “Hey! By the holy tug rope lady, I never stole her, you had already broken up with her. She was looking for a new place to live for fuzzy lumpkin's sake.”

  Kerry said in a silly tone, “And you looove her.”

  I caught the sillies with them and beamed as I swished side to side, wishing I had a dress on as I agreed. “And I love her. Even though she's a jerk.”

  Jess' mouth was pushed to one side, her brow furrowed. “Fuzzy lumpkin? Harsh words...”

  “Fuck you.”

  “T
here's the walker-girl I love.” The ladies gave me hugs then headed to the couch, after purloining a couple beers from the crisper drawer in the fridge I had labeled conveniently, Jane's Contraband. Calvin pranced over to join them.

  Snorting, I put away the cleaning supplies when Kerry suddenly blurted, “Wait! Does that make me the consolation prize?”

  Assuring her as I washed my hands in the kitchen sink, “You're nobody's consolation prize... ish.”

  “Aww thanks, Tem... hey!” she said.

  Feeling all kinds of sassy, I joined them and turned on the television. I exchanged nose crinkles with Ker like we had done a million times growing up. Then just as I found the news, my cell buzzed.

  Passing the remote to them as I stood after seeing the name on the screen, I excused myself, “Be right back.”

  It was our adoption lawyers, they apologized for calling late on a Sunday, but wanted me to call the orphanage in Belfast, Ireland. Something about scheduling a conference call, but only specific times worked for them.

  My voice must have been going squeaky with nerves as I got out a cloth to start wiping down the kitchen table as I spoke because I heard the TV mute and the girls turned toward me.

  After hanging up, and quickly calling Mrs. Doyle, the counselor at the Sydenham Home for Girls, I was just nodding to myself as I agreed to the first of two times Miss O'Connor could make herself available to speak with Jane and me each day.

  I thought it really neat that the counselor was so proper, calling the little girl, Miss O'Conner instead of Luce. And I have to admit, I have always been a sucker for accents of any kind, and Irish has a musical lilt to it, so I was voice crushing on Mrs. Doyle a little.

  I was too excited to wait, and even though her first time was five in the morning their time, meaning midnight here. She had a self-imposed daily schedule and routine that she adhered to strictly. I could completely relate. I hated whenever my carefully crafted schedule gets interrupted.

  Mrs. Doyle kept stressing that Miss O'Conner was a little terse and random because of her special circumstances, and not to read anything into it. She wraps herself in routine and structured schedules, but she really is a sweet girl once you get through her protective armor. It almost sounded like she was trying to dissuade me, or was she warning me? But who doesn't like structure?

  As soon as I hung up, I was texting Jane as I started to hyperventilate. What were we thinking? How was I qualified to be a mother? Why hadn't I thought about this when everything had just been a concept? But actually meeting a potential daughter, even if just on a computer screen, made it all real and... and... Calvin whined once and rubbed up against my legs. When had he joined me?

  From far away, Kerry was saying, “Tempe, calm down. Jess and I are here for you.”

  I whispered to them, “I can't be a mom. How am I qualified to be responsible for another human life?”

  This got some chuckles as Jess shared, “You're about the most loving and accepting person I know, Finnegan. You will make a fabulous mom.” Then she snarked, “You already dress the part.”

  Ker snorted, and I blurted, “Hey!” Ok, I was smiling and had my breathing back under control. I sighed and snatched the remote from Jessie's hand and headed back to the couch, saying, “Ok, romantic comedy it is.” Their groaning as they shuffled like prisoners on death row behind me, brought a smile to my face. Take that, you snarky Amazonian princesses.

  After settling on Imagine Me And You, which got the Jess curling up to Ker with a smile, I went into a texting frenzy. I was messaging Jane, Mom, Garrett, Ralph, Jamal, Becky, and my favorite cousin, Polly. If there were still milkmen in the city, I probably would have texted them too.

  To keep my mind off of the impending call, I got up and finished preparing dinner for the girls just as the timer went off for the meatloaf. One thing I could do and do well was cook. It was one of the few genes I got from my mom.

  I was about to set up the table when I felt like a mischievous rebel, and pulled out the television tray tables and went about setting three up at the couch. That had the ladies staring at me like I had just lost it. I slapped Ker's shoulder. “Hey, I'm not that bad. I just thought we could be less formal tonight.”

  “Daredevil.”

  “Who are you, and what have you done with our Tempe?”

  “Yuck it up, buttercups, and you won't get a slice of fresh apple pie.” The buttercups shut their yaps at that. I had their tummies trained up real good.

  After we ate, I shooed the ladies out of my kitchen when they tried to help clean up. They said they had to take a bath anyway, and that they would join Calvin and me for the call. They seemed almost giddy about it, whereas I was terrified. What if Luce didn't like us, or... what if she did?

  Once they disappeared into their room, I paused and looked down at Cal, who was hoping I'd be clumsy enough to drop even more meatloaf morsels on the floor for him to hoover up. “She said we, hadn't she? Are they going to take a bath... together?”

  I sighed and hung my head as I shook it at my fuzzy boy. “That's what I thought. And it's still four hours before the call, what are they going to be doing until... umm... never-mind.” The table looked like it could use a good cleaning.

  Three and a half hours later as I sat just staring at the computer screen, the insatiable girls had surfaced for air. Jane had messaged that she was on her way, and I hoped she didn't miss it. She'd be the anchor in the conversation, reining me in, so I didn't pull a Finnegan or something. But Ker and Jess assured me that they'd keep me on task.

  I whispered to them, “What if she doesn't like us?”

  Jess assured me, “She'd be silly not to like you. And worst case, you haven't even met her, and you have two other children in the mix to think about. Any of them would be lucky to have moms like you two.”

  Ker cocked an eyebrow in approval. I'm not dense, even I was impressed she hadn't added, “Even with the uncertainty of Jane's job safety.” Baby steps.

  Now here we all were, Jane joining me by my side as I said a silent prayer to the canine gods and hit accept. Half the screen had our family planning lawyer, Miss Smythe from Hartfield, Yang, and Smythe, and a middle-aged redhead with more freckles than I had ever seen on one human being appeared on the other side. She smiled as I squeaked out, “Hello?”

  The woman asked, her accent dipped in that Irish honey, “Mrs. McLeary-Mays?”

  Jane still had a voice and acknowledged, “Yes. I'm Jane, and this is Finnegan. Mrs. Doyle?”

  She inclined her head and said, “Its a pleasure to meet face to face as it were.”

  I nodded, and the woman cocked her head and asked, “Are you alright, Finnegan? You're positively pale.”

  My wife assured her, “She just has a touch of anxiety about this meeting.”

  The woman looked to her left then shared a smile that bordered on sly as she said patiently, “Miss O'Conner is a little on edge herself.”

  We heard a young girl's voice with an Irish lilt, off camera, saying, “I've had to upset my schedule to include this teleconference, I originally scheduled this time for the art assignments you've forced upon me, Mrs. Doyle.”

  The counselor started patiently as she rolled her eyes, “You know why we asked, not forced, you to create some artwork, young lady.”

  I was biting the inside of my cheek, trying not to smile. The women around me were exchanging inscrutable looks. Miss Smythe had a slightly knowing smirk on her face. The Lawyer-y lady knew something we apparently didn't. I'd put her on my list later. Right now, I wanted to meet...

  Mrs. Doyle held a hand out invitingly. “Come along Miss O'Conner, the Mcleary-Mays would like to meet you.”

  The girl grumbled as she came into view, wringing her fingers and avoiding being touched by the counselor. I understood, I didn't like touching people unless they were my family or close friends, then I was little Miss Huggy. The adorable preteen girl was in white bib overalls and a tie-dyed tee,
with curly burgundy hair tied back in a severe ponytail, exposing her freckled face that was scrunched up in defiance.

  She hadn't looked toward us yet as she seemed to chastise the woman, “It was a fruitless waste of time, we both know how this goes, we introduce ourselves, they nod a lot at the things I say. They ask questions. I show them the cutesy artwork meant to humanize me in their eyes. Then they politely leave, and we never hear from them again.”

  The girl was angry. And from what she had just revealed, I could understand her cynicism. I had that sort of cynicism in school every time someone acted as if they wanted to be my friend after Kerry had left New York. It was usually just another way to make fun of my, umm, quirks.

  How must it feel to have hope of finding a family time after time, just to be rejected? Especially at her age.

  The woman put hands in the air near the girl's shoulders and made a turning motion, and she turned to avoid the hands from touching her. And we saw her full face for the first time. Her most striking feature was her radiant green eyes, and her face had the typical baby fat that she would lose as she matured. High cheekbones and a slightly upturned nose gave her a cute and almost regal look. Her thin lips with a bit of a cupid's bow were pressed tight, her jaw locked as she almost glared at us.

  Mrs. Doyle said, “Jane, Finnegan, this is Miss Luce Caitlin O'Conner, one of our longtime residents.”

  The girl looked at her and furrowed her brow. “Resident? You speak as though I've a choice. It's like the adults around here are afraid of statin' the facts as they stand. Orphan. See? I can say it, and nobody burst inta flame.”

  Without looking back, I did a discreet double backhand to the Bobbsey Twins as they covered their mouths to hold back their snorts.

  Mrs. Doyle pointed at the screen, and the girl put on the fakest smile I ever did see, and it made me smile back in spite of myself. The girl seemed to scan the room around us, taking all of us in and categorizing us. She inclined her head slightly and said, “Mrs. McLeary-Mays... and company.”

  I offered, my hand motioning back, “Jessie and Kerry.”