Discovery

by Douglas E Roff

  Misti couldn’t know the mind of God and so she decided to settle on the important and paramount matters on her mind. Perhaps Adam would only lust for her tonight. Perhaps, for Misti, it would be mere experimentation after years of fantasy encounters in her mind. That was OK, as she felt the same lust begin to take hold of her body. It was intoxicating and utterly emancipating. He was near, and she ached to feel his arms surrounding per petite body, drawing her close and wanting her as she had so desperately wanted him for so many years.

  There were no promises between the two that could be kept under these circumstances. Passion alone would sweep away every trace of reason, all semblance of phony family rules.

  Misti heard the shower go on and the shower door creak open and shut. She let her clothes drop in a heap at the foot of the mostly closed bathroom door, cracked by Adam to let the steam escape. Her path was open, so she walked through the door, gliding in as it closed behind her. Misti entered the profusion of mist and steam, seeking Adam with the single purpose that was only capable of one resolution.

  ***

  Adam was standing up, permitting the warm mist to envelope his entire body as he thought about this moment in time. When Misti entered the shower, he was neither surprised nor averse. He hadn’t the will or desire to fight the urgency of his need. She was standing there, looking up into to his eyes with anticipation, reflecting the urgency of her own need. He broached no resistance.

  “I thought you said …”

  Gently she said, “I lied. I’d like to say I’m sorry for that but really, I’m not.” Misti thrust her arms around Adam’s neck, pulling him down to meet her lips. Her eyes searched his for the desire she knew had to be there. And, looking for the faint trace of hope and promise she knew should be there, that all lovers share when a journey of days or decades first begins.

  Adam smiled, now focused only on her, confident as he drew Misti close. It felt natural, as if they had always been together. For Adam, who could be uneasy with casual sex, it felt natural and all thoughts other than those of Misti Alarcon seemed to disappear the instant she touched him. He did not understand this feeling of deep and intimate connection to a woman who had barely penetrated his thoughts since childhood. But on some profound, intuitive and primal level, he knew that what he was feeling was more than lust. There was that, too. Adam was very self-aware and rarely delusional as some men can be about themselves, their intelligence and their attractiveness to women. Adam didn’t generally trust his feelings and emotions; he was simply not built like that.

  He could be coldly logical, deeply cynical and emotionally distant, even to those he loved most. But not today. And not with Misti Alarcon.

  Adam didn’t believe in love at first sight. Lust, for sure. Lust was an old friend he grappled with regularly. He wanted to be above what he had been taught were those base animal instincts. But Adam knew better. Adam understood that the non-rational part of his brain had to coexist with his soul and find space for his rational self too. But he preferred the rational and only grudgingly accepted that some things simply were without foundation, explanation or reason.

  Like love.

  While Adam didn’t just then understand what he was feeling, he nevertheless understood that it was real. He would have to lose himself and let go, a sensation he rarely permitted. Adam always liked to feel in control, even when he knew it was an illusion. But this was different, and Adam knew in an instant that he would give himself over totally and completely to Misti Alarcon.

  Misti drew back and smiled the smile of joyous contentment, incurious about the world as it was just then, or its peoples or important global events. Nothing else existed in that moment and she would remember it this way forever.

  When she spoke, she said softly, her lips waiting to be kissed “I promise that for as long as we are together, I will never lie to you again.”

  Chapter 36

  Misti awoke late the next morning feeling sleepy and drained. It was a good feeling though and she was happy, although the “why” didn’t immediately register with her. She peered around the room, seeing clothing and assorted objects tossed casually around her bed and on the floor. It looked like a minor hurricane had floated through her bedroom the previous night and the feeling of dreamy contentment had given her a smile that would last the day, perhaps even longer.

  Then she noticed. She was alone in her big bed while the man of her childhood fantasies was absent. She briefly considered getting up and out of bed but instead thought that she might coax her lover back to her warm embrace. She had been satisfied the night before but, for Misti, greed was only confined to one endeavor in her life – sex. When it was good, she wanted more. If there was a law of diminishing returns, then in this one matter she was both consciously and willfully ignorant of the law.

  Misti could consume sexuality as one might a bottle of fine wine – slowly and with great appreciation for a superb vintner.

  “Hey, Mister,” she shouted, “Where are you anyway, and why aren’t you here cuddling in my big warm bed next to me?” Her voice was plaintive and filled with mock distress. “Have you kicked me to the curb already?”

  A face attached to just a head suddenly appeared at the doorway to her room. It was Adam with a cup of coffee, smiling as if he had just won the lottery.

  “Don’t look so pleased with yourself, Mister. You quit work and punched out before the job was done. Now get back here immediately, I insist.” Misti scrunched up under the covers, looking very innocent and very feline.

  Adam felt the urgency of his immense desire returning as he looked at this woman who had teased and pleased him all night long.

  “You know I’m standing here naked, so if I come into the room you’re going to see me au natural. That includes the naughty bits too, you know.”

  “And your point would be what, exactly? Didn’t I get an up close and personal look at all your gear last night? If I recall, and I’m having trouble thinking with my brain right now, it seemed like everything was in fine working order just a couple of hours ago. Did something happen, and I forgot? Did I damage you somehow? I’m very sorry if I did.”

  Misti twisted under the covers and spoke in her least sincere voice.

  “No, no I think you remember it just the way it happened. I just don’t want to embarrass myself in case I performed poorly. So, how did I do? Was I workmanlike?”

  “You were. And then some. Then, same question, how did I do?”

  “You were incredible. It was wonderful. I know I should be better at this romance and cool chit chat stuff, but I’m not. I know that our first night together can only happen once, but I sure hope it can happen again. And again.”

  “I said I would be honest with you, and I will.” Adam’s head dropped a little, thinking he had disappointed her in the sack in some way. Misti paused, then continued, “I have waited fifteen years and invented hundreds of fantasies of what I hoped last night would be like. I have dreamed of you, had sex with you in my mind countless times and even in some awkward places and situations. But not like last night. Last night was real and … wonderful. So, don’t just stand there and make me babble all morning. Let me see what your hiding and come play with me some more.”

  Misti was a little serious and a lot playful - she had captured Adam’s full attention and giant imagination. Tears welled in the corner of her eyes, almost imperceptibly. Except to the one man who saw them.

  Adam said, “God you are so beautiful. And even more amazing.”

  “Come here then. Let me feel you and your touch. I need you to hold me for a very long while, then hold me some more. I’ve been cheated out of time with you for so long, time we can never get back. But we can be together now, in this moment.”

  “And then? What happens next?” It wasn’t like Adam to think ahead in matters of the heart, especially after only one night. But now everything suddenly seemed very different, very new. Had his old life been so suddenly and complete
ly swept away? After a single night of passion?

  But Adam did feel deep excitement and passion. And a revelation - Misti. Did she feel it too?

  Misti said, “I don’t know.” She paused looking at this man she barely knew in the real world but about whom she knew so much. Then she said, “I don’t expect you to feel what I feel but you should know that I have loved you all my life and was never allowed to act on or even acknowledge those feelings. But we’re here now and things have changed. You are real and so am I. And we’re here together and alone. So, come please me again. Please?”

  The coffee cup in Adam’s hand disappeared quickly and he re-entered the bedroom a changed man. He had no idea what he was going to do, just that he had a willing partner who wanted him urgently.

  “We should go slowly,” Adam said. He looked at her feeling shy and awkward. “I’m not very good at this romance thing. I just want this moment in our lives to be perfect.”

  “We can take all the time in the world now that you’re here.” Misti smiled her invitation and her face was an intimate portrait of the love she felt deep inside that she had so long repressed. She hoped it was real and durable and not just a teenage fantasy.

  Then, looking at her handsome new love, she continued, “And I can help you with that problem too.”

  “Which problem was that?” Adam asked more innocently than he felt.

  “That one, silly. That big one right in front of you.”

  ***

  Something had happened. Something Adam felt but couldn’t understand in his rational mind. Thoughts and feelings and emotions had all tumbled together, in a stew of confusion. He didn’t understand his own self; he just knew he wanted more. Could his life pivot so quickly?

  It seemed too soon, too quick. Too rash.

  Adam was first to speak hours later when they were both spent, basking in the afterglow of their coupling.

  “Why are you women always so much smarter than men? I mean about the deep things that really matter. Why is it that you just seem to know more than we do?”

  Misti smiled but did not wish to move a muscle. “Easy. Women do not possess the DNA that makes testosterone course through our bodies and fuck up our minds. You men are completely infected from birth.”

  “Must have some utility.”

  “You or the testosterone?”

  “Both,” Adam continued. “I mean I look at my family up in Barrows. The only reason our family functions at all is because of Mom. There isn’t anything she can’t do. She’s a genius engineer, a great Mom, a humongous earner of high volumes of cash. Dad and Pops are fantastic, but Pops wouldn’t last a day in the real world. And Dad is so fucked up in the head I can’t see how we could have possibly all stayed together this long and been happy. Dad doesn’t really know anything about kids and his social skills are worse than mine. At least I try to understand myself and where I belong in this family.”

  “He’s family. That’s how. It isn’t one of us doing everything and getting it all right all the time. It’s everyone struggling together just to be happy. As often as we can and for as long as we can. Making mistakes, sometimes big ones and learning how to accept who we truly are then moving on with it. Family is all about loving me because of who I am, not despite of who I am. You don’t ever need to carry the entire burden of this family; you only need to do your part.”

  “What part is that? I’ve never thought about our family in that way.”

  “I have no idea. But I bet if you thought about it, you would know. Families are … complicated. But we grow up and learn and at some point, we put ourselves out there. We hope for the best and sometimes that isn’t enough. We feel pain, we cause pain. That’s the nature of us all. Our job is to be better.”

  “Better than what?”

  “Better than we were the day before. Some days we are, some days we aren’t. That too is in our natures.”

  “How old are you?” Adam felt calmer and emotionally safe hearing what he was hearing from a woman he barely knew.

  “I have an old soul. So, do you. That’s why God gave me to you and to no one else. I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”

  “I guess I need to stick around and maybe learn a little more.”

  “Yes, you do,” Misti said lightheartedly. Then she turned serious, “You’re not really leaving on Sunday, are you?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I just met this fantastic new lady and I can’t seem to make myself want to leave. I’m sticking around for a little while. Would you like to meet her?”

  “You’re cruel and I should never share my deepest feelings with you. You’ll be irresponsible with my heart.”

  “I can be cruel, and I’m very irresponsible as you probably already know. But not with you; that’s a promise. It’s a promise I will always keep.”

  “Most men are habitual liars when it comes to women; I hope you aren’t one of them.” Misti wasn’t as testy as her words sounded. Still Adam could hear the slight edge of pain in her voice. Misti had been hurt before but he didn’t know how, by who or the circumstances. He would stick around and hope to unwrap that package and maybe discover everything else that was nestled inside.

  “I probably am. Just not today and just not with you. Honesty has never been a strong suit in my family. I have grown up with the best liar of them all; my Dad. I’ve led a sheltered life and have been spoiled rotten. I’d like to think I’m still learning how to be better every day, like you said. But as another lady I greatly admire once said, it takes a village to raise a child. I’m kinda hoping you’ll let me be a part of your village.”

  “Same village, different suburbs. Will you stay? At least for a little while?”

  “Of course. Of course, I will. And when I leave, would you come with me?”

  “To Barrows?”

  “To Barrows and who knows where else. What would the tias say?” Adam laughed, knowing the family might approve – or not. But the decision about the propriety of their relationship would strictly be the province of the tias.

  “The tias? They’ll be asking about blondie and the five times.”

  “What will you say?”

  “That you broke your own record and that they should mind their own business.”

  “That’ll be interesting.”

  “You have no idea.”

  ***

  When the pair did eventually climb out of bed sometime late in the afternoon, they arose to a brisk traffic in phone messages. They duly and diligently returned each call and established their baseline story of what exactly had gone on the previous night and all that day. The concocted story was largely not believable, but it was their story and they were sticking to it. Given that they were both superstars in the Eight Families and this romance was simply too juicy for family to ignore, they hunkered down to make decisions about the next few days, and maybe the next few weeks.

  But what both really wanted to decide was what the immediate living arrangements would be. And Adam wanted to learn more from Misti about the things she knew about his life – things that had always been kept from him and at a distance.

  “I know you told me that Dad has been very active in your life and in the lives of the other kids in the Eight Families, but I’m a teensy bit uncomfortable because this is new news, and I don’t know what that means. I would like to know a lot more about what exactly he has done. If he’s helped and it’s been a good thing, then God bless, I’m glad he’s my Dad.”

  Adam continued, seriously, “But a part of me knows that my Dad doesn’t do anything out of pure philanthropy. Anyone who lands in his orbit needs to understand that. Just be careful with his gifts; sometimes they come at a price and sometimes he fails to mention the human cost of the strings attached. Obviously, I understand that what’s done is done; this is about the future. Our future, I hope.”

  Adam heard himself talking out loud. “I hope I’m not getting too far out ahead. We’ve only had one nig
ht together.”

  “Not yet, not for me,” Misti said. “I’ve been waiting for last night and today for fifteen years.”

  “So, I guess I want to know what he has done and what he expects in return from you. He’s my Dad, and like I said I love him, but I don’t know anyone, especially family, who trusts him completely. There’s always some part of his largesse that fits into some other scheme he’s devising. If this thing, us, has any chance of ever working we need to be honest with each other in all the things that really matter. That includes my papa.”

  Misti turned to Adam, who was sitting on the living room couch. “You said before that you had issues with honesty. I think I can give you the love and honesty you desire. Can you do the same?”

  “I hope so. I want to. I just need you to help me figure out what real people do in the everyday world to survive and be happy. I certainly have no clue. As for honesty, that will be no challenge at all. Sometimes it’s the opposite that I have trouble with. Sometimes I just say things. In the mind and out the mouth. It sometimes creates big problems for me. That and my temper.

  Misti smiled. She could already tell he was trying. “Is it honesty or simply no filter? There’s a difference.”

  “I think my natural inclination is to be brutally honest. I find it simpler and easier. But in Barrows Bay, deception and prevarication are learned and practiced skills. I hate it, but Dad is the agent provocateur and he never tires of the game.”

  “We’re both gonna be fine, brutally honest and deserving of happiness. Together. And, I think you are wrong about your father.

  “My Dad? Seriously?”

  “My perspective is that your Dad does everything he does out of love and true kindness. But I also think that if we really are family, he has every right to call on the rest of us for help when he needs it. And sure, he may have some ulterior motives but, then, who doesn’t? We should all be willing to lend a hand, first and foremost because we are family. And we need to help even when it is immensely difficult to do so. Nothing in life is easy but without your Dad’s help, there are at least seventeen of us here in Seattle who wouldn’t have gone to private schools, been supported all the way through college and beyond. Now that school is over for most of us, it’s our turn to succeed or fail on our own. Even then the long arms of Edward St. James reached out to get us that first job or that internship that we desperately wanted. Your Dad has never asked anything of me in return that I did not already want to give willingly, although he was quite strict about what he didn’t want me to do.”