“The point is, Nicky, that it’s your choice. I won’t begrudge you, ever, for doing what you think is true to you. And that ability, it is and always was a part of you.”
I nodded. “It’s a part of who I was. But I don’t know if I can totally go back to who I was. Even with my abilities restored.”
“Can any of us?” Donnie asked. “You think you lost your ability to shift. But all of us are shifters in a way. We’re always changing. Every one of us. I’m not the same girl I was five years ago, and you aren’t, either. You’ve grown. You’ve evolved.”
I nodded. “I suppose that’s true.”
“And if I’m being honest with you, Nicky, you’ve become a better person.” Donnie put her hand on mine. “Abilities or not, you have shifted.”
I forced my lips together into a pressed smile. “Thank you for that.”
“But you’re still changing. The day we stop changing, when we stop shifting, that’s the day we die.”
I sighed. “I think I have to do this. If not for me, at least for Devin. Even if he hates me for it even more than he already does.”
“Again, Nicky, I don’t know Devin”—Donnie smiled at me—“but I find it hard to believe he hates you. Confused? I can see how he might be. But real hate? Girl, you’re a hard one to really hate.”
I opened my arms, and Donnie gave me a hug.
I squeezed her back, probably a bit too hard. Like I was holding on for dear life. I didn’t know what to expect. Would I see Donnie again? And if I did, would I be the same? If I succeeded, probably not. And if I didn’t, well, chances were I wouldn’t leave the place alive.
The only thing I did know was that tonight would change me. I hoped it would be for the better. But I feared the worst.
Still, I wasn’t going to go as anyone other than myself. No more “Nick.” As far as I was concerned, Nick was dead.
It was Nyx who would accept the Order’s invitation.
But Nicky still had work to do. I didn’t have a performance at Leotards and Lace, but I still had my cleaning duties.
Not a bad way to take my mind off of everything.
I knew I couldn’t just sit around the apartment all afternoon. I was so nervous I’d go stir-crazy.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I walked into Leotards and Lace. A familiar odor smacked me in the face the second I passed through the doors. A vampire…
I looked around the mostly vacant club. The place was trashed. Apparently my show the night before had stirred up the crowd a bit more than usual. I had plenty of time to clean…
But where the hell was the vamp? I didn’t come prepared. No stakes. No crossbow. Just my trusty heels.
It wasn’t Wolfgang. I knew his scent.
This vamp was younger. Less of a sulfurous smell, and more of the rotting-flesh odor common with younger vampires. But the smell was more seasoned than most of the younglings I’d faced recently. Maybe not a brand-new vampire, but certainly not as old as Alice or Wolfgang.
I’d be surprised if this vamp had been turned for more than a century.
“I know you’re here!” I said as loudly as I could.
My voice echoed through the club. The acoustics of the place were very different when it wasn’t filled with people.
Whoever it was knew to expect me. But I couldn’t think of any vampire I’d engaged with recently, other than Wolfgang and Alice, of course, who wasn’t subsequently staked and baked.
No response. Yet.
I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Something up in the stage lights. I did a double-take, but didn’t see anything.
Maybe if I turned on the lights…
A giant bat flew from behind one of the spotlights, and with wings spread wide, soared across the room.
Most bats you’ll find in Missouri are small—rats with wings. But this one was huge, about the size Alice became when she shifted in her office.
It wasn’t an ability I’d encountered in vampers before. And now two in twenty-four hours? It couldn’t be a coincidence. But this one wasn’t Alice. She was still, presumably, in the hands of the Order. And it didn’t smell like her.
“Get down here and face me,” I shouted at the vampire bat. “I know what you are. There’s no use pretending.”
The bat circled me as if it was a buzzard and I was roadkill. It landed at my feet.
I didn’t have time to remove my boot. I mean, if I was wearing my Louboutins I could remove it quickly. But these Jimmy Choos… they don’t exactly slide on and off easily.
A swift kick to the chest would have to be my move.
But when the bat shifted into human form, I was too stunned to move. It was like I was looking in a mirror.
The same fair complexion. The same fine features. But the irises of his eyes were red, a feature unique to vampires. And his hair was long and blond—the one part of me that, whenever I shifted as an elemental, always turned white.
Alice said that the form I took was not merely her ideal—it was another vampire. One she’d loved once.
But she said the Order had staked him.
I surveyed his outfit. He wore a tie-dyed shirt with a tear and a bloodstain, presumably from a stake, which were barely noticeable beneath all the noise in the shirt’s pattern. Bell-bottom jeans. Platform shoes. I mean, she’d said he was staked in the sixties. But apart from his eyes, hair, and general sense of style—he was my spitting image.
“Johann?” I asked, recalling the name that Alice had mentioned.
The vampire nodded. “You must be Nyx.”
“I thought you were dead,” I said. “Alice said…”
“She thinks I am,” Johann said. “I was staked.”
“If you were staked, you were in vampire hell.”
“I was.”
“And Alice went there,” I said, “when she was trying to eliminate Mercy. I think it was her second failed attempt.”
Johann tilted his head. “I wouldn’t know. I was there so long, I don’t think she would have recognized me if she found me. I was little more than a wraith. Everything I remember from there, it’s like waking up from a nightmare and barely recalling the details.”
I nodded. It must’ve been similar to my lack of memory from the time I was a pure elemental. Anything I could recall was sketchy at best. “And someone unstaked you?”
“I woke in a catacomb,” Johann said. “Beneath a giant statue. A gargoyle, I think.”
“Who unstaked you?”
Johann shook his head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t see his face. He said something to me, but I was still in something of a daze. I don’t think I understood a word he said.”
I nodded. “And Alice doesn’t know you’re back?”
Johann shook his head. “I’ve been watching her from afar, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her. Everything has changed so much over… How long has it been? I was staked in… sixty-eight.”
“More than fifty years,” I said. “It’s been a half-century, and the Order kept you staked in some kind of catacombs?”
“I wasn’t the only one,” Johann said. “There were others. Dozens of sarcophagi. Most of them probably contain other staked vampires.”
I shook my head. “Why would the Order keep so many vampires without incinerating their hearts?”
“I can’t speak to the Order’s practices today,” Johann said. “But the attitude of the Order in those days was that if a vampire’s soul was freed, they might be redeemed. When we’re staked, we’re left to languish in some kind of vampire hell.”
“They didn’t believe that vampires were worthy of redemption,” I said. “Today it seems they conduct a ritual to free the vampire’s spirit.”
“Again,” Johann said, “the times have changed. I suppose that’s better.”
“But they have Alice.”
“I know,” Johann said. “And I wouldn’t be here seeking your help if I had any other choice. I missed my chance to show myself to her again. I w
as timid, afraid she’d moved on… but then you appeared.”
I nodded. “I’m not human.”
“I know what you are,” Johann said. “She and I had discovered your kind on a trip through Eastern Europe. We imagined that if we could acquire your ability, we might be able to use it to our advantage.”
I scratched my head. “Well, it seems she pursued that idea later. And I am the result.”
Johann smiled a little from the corner of his mouth. “We went on a tear throughout Europe. Eliminating vampires from the old world, dozens of them. Doing the work of the Order.”
“Delightful,” I said. “Sounds… romantic.”
Johann laughed. “For a couple nightwalkers, I suppose it was. We even shared our meals. It’s how we both acquired the same ability.”
“Shifting into bat form?”
Johann nodded. “A lot of the vampires staked there had a similar ability. It must be something that runs in the blood of humans there.”
I shook my head. “I’ve never seen it before. Not amongst the vampires here.”
“Perhaps we can work together,” Johann said. “I realize that saving Alice might not be in your plans…”
I sighed. “It wasn’t. Not before. But now I’m not sure. All I know is I can’t let the Order incinerate her heart. Before they staked her, Alice said the Order was up to something. Do you think it has to do with the catacombs where you were kept?”
“It’s possible,” Johann said. “Do you know where it is they intend to kill Alice?”
I nodded, reached into my bra, and recovered the card that Tom had given me.
Johann looked at it and tilted his head. “This is where I was staked. An old building. Looks like it came from another century. I mean, it has gargoyles and everything. I was in the catacombs beneath what must’ve been an old sanctuary. I think the whole place was a church once. I’d never encountered it before, not while I was a nightwalker. But I was never a part of the Order’s inner circle. Since they kept staked vampires there, I suppose it makes sense the nightwalkers wouldn’t know about it.”
“Do you think any of the vampires in the catacombs would be at all inclined to help us free Alice?”
Johann shook his head. “Not many of them. I’d wager a lot of them were staked by Alice.”
“Perhaps we don’t need their help,” I said. “But we could use the distraction. And since we look almost identical, perhaps we can use that to our advantage, also.”
“How so?”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure yet. But we should go prepared. And honey, I’m not dressing like that.”
Johann tilted his head. “And you think I want to dress like you?”
I smiled. “You’re already in platforms. You’ll figure out heels.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I had my purse with me. My large duffel bag, with all my weapons, was back at the apartment. But I’d stuck Alice’s crucifix in my purse. I didn’t know for sure what it was, but I didn’t want to leave it out of my sight. Especially not since the Order knew where I lived.
I hesitated a moment, but figured Johann might have answers.
“Do you know anything about this?” I showed him Alice’s crucifix. “The other Order member had one similar to this.”
Johann nodded. “All the nightwalkers carried them. They are vested with celestial magic.”
“Celestial magic?”
“The Order believes it’s a magic given them by the angels. In truth, I think they got it from a witch.”
“From a witch? Don’t they hate witches?”
“As much as they hate vampires,” Johann said. “But as the former existence of the nightwalkers proves, the Order is grossly inconsistent in its convictions.”
I nodded. “How does this thing work?”
“It takes some practice.” Johann extended his hand. “May I?”
I placed the crucifix in Johann’s hand.
He gripped it tightly. A slight smile formed at the corners of his mouth. “To a vampire, this magic is deadly. But there’s also something oddly intoxicating about wielding it.”
“It casts sunlight, right?”
Johann nodded, lifted the crucifix toward the wall, and took a deep breath. He narrowed his eyes in focus. A solid beam of light emanated from the cross and struck the wall.
“Wow,” I said. “I think this one is more powerful than even the ones that the Order members used.”
Johann nodded. “Alice worked a long time to gather more celestial power into her crucifix. So far as I know, it can’t do much more than cast light. But it’s effective if you’re hunting vampires.”
“I can imagine.”
Johann lowered the crucifix and handed it to me.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I mean, if this thing is a weapon for hunting vampires… You said you know who I am, right?”
Johann laughed. “Consider this a gesture of my trust. Do not betray it.”
I nodded. “I don’t know how to use it.”
Johann smiled. “All you have to do is feel the magic. Like I said, it takes practice. The Order says it requires faith. I’d say it’s just a matter of focus.”
I nodded and extended the crucifix toward the wall. I narrowed my eyes, trying to mimic what I’d seen Johann do a few moments before. Nothing happened.
“When you’re just starting,” Johann said, “it helps to have an emotion to tie your focus to. Anger. Passion. Even joy. Any emotion that you can feel and use to, well… focus your focus.”
I shook my head. “I can see how useful this could be. I mean, as a hunter.”
“Like I said”—Johann smiled widely, showing off his fangs—“I’m choosing to trust you.”
I tucked the crucifix into the top of my stiletto boot. “Thank you.”
“You may need it later. Though I presume once we rescue Alice she’ll want it back.”
“Of course,” I said. “But shouldn’t you take it? I mean, since you can use it?”
Johann shook his head. “Like I said, using stuff like this… it’s intoxicating. And until a few seconds ago, I’ll just say I was fifty-plus years sober. And while I loved the feel of it, this kind of magic… I’d rather leave it in my past. Too many memories.”
I nodded. “Alright. Well, hopefully I won’t have to use it. I’ll keep it safe. In case we manage to save Alice.”
“In case…” Johann cringed. “This is all so infuriating. After all Alice did for the Order, after all she’s sacrificed…”
I took a deep breath. “Have you ever heard of a vampire named Wolfgang?”
Johann nodded. “Of course. He was something of a legend with the nightwalkers. Worked alongside Alice when she was first turned. But he disappeared a long time ago.”
“A long time ago?”
“I never actually met him,” Johann said. “No one knew exactly what happened to him. But with vampires that old, it’s hard to say. Perhaps he just got bored with his eternity and he gave himself to the hunters. Or maybe he just wanted a change of scenery. Why are you asking about him, anyway?”
“He’s in Kansas City,” I said. “He’s the one who told me to go to the Order. He was looking for intelligence on Alice. He said that the Order offered him immunity, that they’d leave him be if I brought Alice to him.”
Johann’s eyes went wide with shock. “Wolfgang, alive? All I can think is that he must’ve gotten involved again with the Order at some point after I was staked. It makes sense.”
“Why does that make sense?”
“From what Alice told me, he was committed to the old ways. She and Wolfgang had very different visions for what the nightwalkers could be.”
“Different in what way?”
Johann shook his head. “The Order always believed that the nightwalkers were a necessary evil, but evil no less. It’s a view that Wolfgang once shared. But over time he came to view them differently. He didn’t see vampires as evil, but as the very fulfillment of the resurrection.
”
“Resurrection?” I asked. “You mean like Jesus?”
Johann nodded. “Think about it. The Bible says that if anyone would follow Jesus, he must die to himself and be raised anew. It also says that his followers would drink blood… what they call the Eucharist. If you read that in a certain way, it sounds an awful lot like…”
“Like vampires,” I said. “So Wolfgang believed that the nightwalkers were wrong to hunt vampires?”
“On the contrary,” Johann said. “He advocated for eliminating any who denied the faith. If they rejected their place as heirs of Christ’s resurrection, they were impostors. They’d taken the gift of the Lord by force rather than by faith.”
“Then why in the world did he recruit me to locate Alice?”
Johann shook his head. “I’m not sure. Perhaps he thought she’d become an apostate. But no one had more faith in the Christian religion than Alice. When she was a human, her father was a preacher.”
“Alice was a preacher’s kid?” I raised my eyebrows.
Johann nodded. “I suppose there might be something to what he said. The Order was not too keen on his defection. He was never a target. Not when I was a nightwalker, anyway. But that was largely because of Alice’s influence. With Alice out of the Order, and the nightwalkers disbanded, it makes sense that the Order would want both of them eliminated.”
“I wish I knew how to find him,” I said. “He wanted to help us… I mean, he wanted to help kill Alice. But maybe since that ship has sailed, since the Order already staked her and the Order wouldn’t accept that he’d fulfilled his half of the bargain, he’d be inclined to help rescue her instead.”
“I wish I knew,” Johann said. “Old vampires like that, they’re generally three steps ahead of the rest of us. But so far as I’ve heard, he was never a particularly villainous vampire. He just had… how shall I put this… some extreme religious views that soured him to the rest of the Order.”
“I can see why that might be the case,” I said. “But since we can’t reach him, if we’re going to work together I need to get this place in order. Maybe then we can come up with a plan. If Alice was right about the Order being involved in something far worse than she ever was, I don’t think we can just let them eliminate her.”
Scared Shiftless: An Ex-Shifter turned Vampire Hunter Urban Fantasy (The Legend of Nyx Book 1) Page 18