“And I can’t allow it,” Johann said, “because I love her still.”
I nodded. Vampire love was a bit weird for me. Of course, I was hardly an expert on the topic. I mean, in the span of just a few days I’d had my first love and my first heartbreak. My relationship with Devin was never more than a few moments of hope. It ended before it really ever began. But one thing I knew about humans—and I suppose since all vampires were human once, their love might be similar—it’s that very little can dissuade a person in love.
People in love don’t always act rationally; they’re prone to the opposite. They tend to behave rather foolishly at times, but they do act with resolve and purpose. And if that’s what Johann brought to the table, I could use it.
Besides, I wasn’t exactly in a position to turn him down. Supposing I wanted to take and eat Alice’s heart, I’d have to deal with him at some point. And if he suspected that was my purpose, he’d fight me here and now to prevent me from attempting it. Better to accept his proposal for an alliance, at least for now.
Johann helped me clean up Leotards and Lace. I know there were more pressing matters facing us, but it was my job. My responsibility. And singing at the club was important to me. If I survived the next twenty-four hours, I’d want my gig waiting for me.
If they’d still have me after I changed my appearance.
I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with that.
One problem at a time. I mean, if I became a cis woman, perhaps I could get a gig at a regular club. But if things didn’t work and somehow I survived, best not burn any bridges. I had to do my job.
And with Johann’s help, we wrapped it up in about thirty minutes. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with enhanced speed and a bit of urgency.
With Leotards and Lace back in order, we headed to the plaza to shop.
I didn’t have many duplicates in my wardrobe. If we wanted to dress the same, it meant purchasing all new items. Sure, there were differences between Johann and me, but nothing we couldn’t get away with.
Hair dye wasn’t an option. We just didn’t have the time. But if it was dark there, and from the way Johann described the place, it probably would be, then our hair and eye color differences wouldn’t be that noticeable.
This wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d expected. Johann wasn’t me. He wasn’t even like me. He just looked like me. Getting him into heels was… a challenge.
He probably couldn’t move like me in them. But once we found a pair in our size—which was challenging enough (usually I had to special-order them), and even more difficult, a place that carried two identical pairs in our size—we didn’t have many options.
We also didn’t have much time. Since we had to wait to leave Leotards and Lace until sundown, Johann being a vampire and such, we only had a couple hours to get our shopping done before we’d have to start heading toward the old church where the ritual was supposed to take place.
The heels we found were satisfactory. Not my best. I probably wouldn’t wear them again. And they weren’t the pair I’d choose to wear when I died… which made me all the more resolved to survive the night.
These weren’t my Jimmy Choos. Not even my Louboutins. But Aldo had some nice shoes—and some accessories I couldn’t pass up.
When it came to the rest of our matching outfits, we needed style, but we also needed to be able to move. I’m pretty sure the red dresses we chose wouldn’t pass the dress codes Order members were accustomed to when they attended their rituals. The dress didn’t come down past my fingertips. Hell, when I put my hands down, it didn’t even get past my wrist.
If on the off chance this was my last outfit, I was going to go out fabulous.
And showing some thigh.
There’s a scene in It’s a Wonderful Life where Violet is walking down the street and all the town’s men are turning their heads to look, catcalling as she makes her way casually to her car.
That’s how I felt as I walked side by side with Johann down the plaza sidewalk.
The men weren’t snickering at us as we walked by. That’s not the way I saw it. They were simply taken aback by our gorgeousness. The people were staring at us as we owned the sidewalk for two reasons: because we were hot, and because they were jealous.
At least, that’s how I chose to take it. Let them think what they wanted. The world was our runway, bitches, and no one was about to steal our show.
I’m not sure Johann felt the same way. But he was a good sport.
“I now introduce to you, Joanna!” I declared as he stepped out of the dressing room looking eerily similar to me. I suppose I should say I looked more like him, since it was his appearance I’d taken as Alice’s object of desire. But now, dressed like this, he’d shifted into me.
Johann, aka Joanna, curtsied for probably the first time in his long, but interrupted, vampiric existence.
I pressed my red-painted nails to my lips and giggled a little. Joanna was an act as much as Nick had been for me, but I had to admit that Joanna looked fantastic. She was beautiful. Which, I suppose, meant I was beautiful, too.
It isn’t that I ever doubted that. Just because I wanted a woman’s body didn’t mean I thought this one was ugly. This body was fine. It just wasn’t mine. Looking at Joanna, formerly known as Johann, dressed identically to me struck a chord.
On the one hand, I appreciated this body—his and mine—more than ever.
On the other hand, encountering Johann, even transformed to look like me, emphasized the fact that this wasn’t my body. It never had been.
All at once I appreciated my beauty more than ever. And I realized that, all the while, it wasn’t my beauty. It was Johann’s.
But did I have a beauty at all? I was formless, in essence. I was water.
I suppose a river, an ocean, can be beautiful. But it’s a totally different kind of beauty. It’s a beauty that might be appreciated, but isn’t adored. Not the way a man might adore a woman he loves. I wanted to be beautiful like that. And I wanted it to be my beauty, not anyone else’s.
And at the very least, I wanted a body that reflected my truth.
This wasn’t it. Not exactly. Even if this body’s beauty was undeniable.
We didn’t have a lot of time to “train.” Johann needed to become Joanna. He needed to get into the role, to look like me, walk like me, flip his hair the way I did when a stray strand got into his eyes.
We didn’t have a lot of time. This was a crash course in being me. And all things considered, he was doing a good job of it.
We were queens of the night, two identical goddesses ready to rule the world. Co-regents of glamor.
I almost got lost in the moment. Until I realized we had no idea what we were walking into. And I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I mean, if you’re going into a super-risky situation, it’s helpful to have a goal. Something to accomplish.
Rescue Alice, or find a way to steal her body and eat her heart?
I was conflicted. Pangs of guilt settled into my gut.
I was still weighing my options. If I had the chance to take Alice’s heart for myself, when Johann had her heart already, how could I possibly go through with it?
But if I allied myself with Alice, if I rescued her and accepted her offer, maybe there’d be another way. Maybe some of her blood would be enough.
Probably not.
But if I brought her Johann, if I saved her and was her heroine, perhaps she’d allow me a chance to try it. Another long shot of long shots that depended on a thousand different remote possibilities.
But by partnering up with Johann, I was basically ceding my chances of eating Alice’s heart.
I couldn’t betray him like that. Not that I owed him much. And I still didn’t exactly like the idea of aligning myself with vampires, not to mention the one who’d done what she did to me.
But Alice did have a point. It might have been out of ignorance of the situation, but I had intended to eat her before she bit me.
That night when I targeted her and she bit me… I didn’t get my meal. But I did get my just desserts.
And Tom, Devin’s dad, was right.
Tonight was my chance at redemption.
Not the sort of redemption the Order of the Morning Dawn embraced. Real redemption.
I couldn’t rewind the clock and undo anything I’d done as an elemental. I couldn’t give the humans I’d eaten their lives back. But I could save Alice.
I almost couldn’t believe I was thinking it, after all those years trying to find Alice with one desire in mind.
But tonight wasn’t about regrets. It wasn’t about the past. It was about the future.
If I ate Alice’s heart, and what she’d said about the Order was right, I couldn’t undo that.
If I saved her, well, at least I’d still have the option of killing her again later.
Not saying that’s what I’d do. It just depended on whether she was telling the truth about the Order, and what she was trying to build.
A different kind of vampire community. A kind that fed, of course, but had a code. Vampires who fought for justice. Who wanted to make the world not their hunting ground, but a better place.
If all that was true, I’d have no regrets. And I wasn’t about to focus on regrets tonight, either. At the moment, my only regret was that we didn’t have time to get mani-pedis.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“Get on the back,” I said as I mounted my bike. “No offense, but you’re riding bitch.”
“What?” Johann asked. “I’m not your…”
“Like I said, no offense. It’s just an expression.”
“The world has sure gotten weird.”
“You have no idea,” I said, smiling. “But you’ll adjust eventually.”
Johann shook his head. “Before we go, I really think we need a plan.”
“I agree. I just don’t have any clue what we’re walking into.”
“As much as the world has changed,” Johann said, “the Order has probably changed more. I wish I had more insight into what this ritual is supposed to be.”
“We need a way to communicate,” I said. “Probably not with phones.”
Johann shook his head. “We don’t even know if they’ll have phone lines there.”
I grinned. “You don’t need phone lines anymore.”
“I know,” Johann said. “I’ve seen those little televisions that people are carrying.”
I chuckled. “They aren’t televisions. But yeah, I can see why you’d think that. But that’s not what I’m thinking. I have a… friend who might help.”
“A friend?”
“Hey Brucie!” I said, raising my voice a little as I called into thin air.
A few seconds later Brucie showed up, and perch himself on the handlebars of my bike. “Hey Nyxie!”
“You been watching us?” I asked.
Brucie smiled. “You two are amazing. But the vampire is right: you need a plan. And I want to help.”
“Wait… What the hell?” Johann took a few steps back from the bike.
“Johann,” I said, “this is Brucie. He’s a sprite. He can be our go-between.”
Johann tilted his head. “I was thinking I should start with the catacombs. Some of the vampires there might know me. Others will remember Alice. Those probably aren’t the best ones to unstake.”
“I agree,” I said. “Since we don’t know where their loyalties might lie, and we won’t have time to brief them.”
“Any we unstake will be hungry. They’ll want to feed the first chance they get,” Johann said. “But I know my way around there, more or less. Since that’s where I first came to.”
“Brucie,” I said, “can you pass messages back and forth? Like, if we need him to unleash a few vampires, can you get the message to him?”
A flask materialized in Brucie’s hand and he took a swig. “Of course I can.”
“You smoke and you drink, Brucie?” I asked.
“Small pleasures,” Brucie quipped.
“Wait,” Johann said. “How did you just pull that out of thin air?”
“Magic,” Brucie said. “I’ve got skills.”
I shook my head. “He can turn into vapor. And pretty much anything he touches he can vaporize with him.”
“Within limits,” Brucie said. “Small items. I can only carry as much as I can carry.”
“And he smokes, too?” Johann asked.
“Cigars,” Brucie said. “And only the finest. No Swisher Sweets for me.”
“Doesn’t turning it into vapor ruin the cigars?” Johann asked.
I tilted my head. “That’s an interesting question.”
“Not if I don’t allow it to happen,” Brucie said.
Johann shook his head. “I guess it makes sense. When I shift in and out of bat form, my clothes come with me, too. But I’ve never really understood why. Or how it works. Just a part of my ability, I suppose. Other shifters don’t have that luxury.”
“You’ve encountered other shifters?” I asked. “I mean, other than those like me… or like you?”
“Here and there,” Johann said. “Back when Alice and I were nightwalkers.”
I nodded. “I’d love to hear more about that. But It’s not important right now. We need to get to the ritual.”
“I agree.” Johann took his place behind me on my bike. “I’m sorry, this is just a bit… strange. All of this.”
I suppose Johann didn’t quite have the same flood of emotions, the same sense of majesty, that I’d experienced as we paraded through the plaza together in our dresses and heels. “Don’t worry about it,” I said. “What’s important is you look enough like me that if anyone catches you, they’ll assume we’re the same person.”
“I realize it makes sense that I’m the one in the catacombs,” Johann said. “Less chance that someone will notice our differences. But I really wish I was the one there to release Alice.”
I sighed. “Do you not trust me?”
“Not completely,” Johann said. “But I’m sure you aren’t completely certain you can trust me, either. But I wouldn’t have come to you if I didn’t need you.”
“From what I could see, you can be pretty elusive. At least if you shift into bat form.”
“I can,” Johann said. “If push comes to shove, I can fly out of there and come to your aid.”
“And I’ll be there,” Brucie said, “to make sure you know what’s happening.”
“Thanks, Brucie,” I said as my miniature companion returned to mist. I turned my key and revved up my bike. We were in a parking garage, and the acoustics of it gave my bike an impressive roar. By contrast, as we drove out onto the street the bike purred along the asphalt.
A few cars honked at us as we wove between vehicles trying to get out of the plaza traffic and back onto the open roads. I wasn’t sure if they were honking at us because we were so damn gorgeous or because we were ignoring the rules of the road.
Probably some of both.
Either way, we didn’t have time to waste.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I dropped Johann off about a mile before we reached our destination. He quickly shifted into bat form and beelined directly toward the church where the Order of the Morning Dawn held their rites.
I doubted he could fly as fast as I could ride, but without the constraints of roads, there was a decent chance he’d get there before I did.
Hopefully I wouldn’t need him. I mean, I probably would. There was zero-to-little chance that Tom or the rest of the Order would be keen on simply releasing Alice.
But if I could remove the stake from her chest, there was a chance she’d wreak enough havoc on her own that we could both escape. And once that happened, if Johann could let a few more vampires loose who were eager to taste human blood…
It would give us a way out.
; But I didn’t want Devin to get caught in the fray, either. Even more, I couldn’t let him get caught by one of the revived vamps.
I could give a message to Brucie to deliver to Johann when the time was right. But it wouldn’t work well in reverse. Brucie hadn’t communicated with me directly while in mist form, so he’d have to manifest if he had news from Johann to pass along.
But since he could read my mind, all I really needed to do was think something and he’d get the message to Johann.
It was the best we could do.
But I’d have to play it by ear once I found out what the Order had planned. I still didn’t have the slightest idea what this ritual involved. All I knew was that it ended with destroying Alice.
It was something I used to want. But not for her to die for the sake of eliminating a particularly threatening vampire from the face of the earth. I wanted her to die because it was personal. And I wanted my abilities back.
Now everything had changed.
The situation had evolved—and if the Order eliminated her without giving me a chance to eat her heart, I’d lose that opportunity forever.
But more than that, I had changed. It wasn’t about vengeance anymore. And if it was only about recovering my abilities, it would be selfish. Whatever the Order was up to… I had to find out.
My GPS took me down a gravel road, then another one. I hated taking my bike on gravel; I’d be covered in dust by the time I arrived. And I didn’t want to spoil my new dress. Not to mention my bike would be filthy.
Only a problem, of course, if I survived the night. Get out of here alive, with Alice, and I’d be lucky to have a chance to wash my bike again. Besides, I still had to clean off the f-word that the quilters from the Order had sprayed onto it.
The roads got worse the farther I went. At first they were just common gravel roads, but these last few roads were also overgrown with weeds. Apparently this place didn’t get a lot of traffic.
The canopy of trees overshadowing the road lent an ominous tone to the whole journey. It was like driving through a portal to some other realm. A different world. Something separate from human civilization as I’d come to know it.
Scared Shiftless: An Ex-Shifter turned Vampire Hunter Urban Fantasy (The Legend of Nyx Book 1) Page 19