Very Nearly Dead

by A K Reynolds

  Very Nearly Dead

  A K Reynolds

  Contents

  1. Here and Now

  2. Way Back When

  3. Here and Now

  4. Tuesday, January 23, 2018

  5. Way Back When

  6. Here and Now

  7. Way Back When

  8. Here and Now

  9. Way Back When

  10. Here and Now

  11. Way Back When

  12. Here and Now

  13. : Way Back When

  14. Here and Now

  15. Way Back When

  16. Here and Now

  Acknowledgments

  Copyright © A.K Reynolds

  The right of A.K. Reynolds to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by them in accordance Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  First Published in 2019 by Bloodhound Books

  Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publisher or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.

  All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  www.bloodhoundbooks.com

  Print ISBN 978-1-912986-64-4

  For Melinda

  1

  Here and Now

  A lamp post brought my car to a halt. If not for the seatbelt I would’ve been hurled through the windscreen. My reflexes contributed to my survival. Some instinct made me jam on the brakes as I careered out of control. Once the car was stationary I sat in the darkness, my heart pumping wildly. That was when the boy’s face came back to me, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, as did the sound his body had made when my car ploughed into him.

  Oh my God, Jaz, what have you done? I thought.

  I turned off the ignition and put on the handbrake, then felt at a loss as to what to do next.

  ‘Hold it together,’ I muttered, looking around to assess the situation. My car was at a slant because the two nearside wheels were on the pavement and the other two were on the road. I took a deep breath, told myself I had to check how the boy was, unfastened my seatbelt, and climbed out. My head was spinning and everything had an unreal nightmarish quality. I prayed to God I’d wake up in bed and all would be back to normal, but deep down I knew that however nightmarish this all felt, it was actually happening. Things swung dizzily in and out of focus and I wondered if I’d been concussed, or if I’d done something I shouldn’t – something I didn’t want to think about.

  I walked around the other side of the vehicle to get a better view of my victim. He’d been thrown off the bonnet and landed on the pavement. I should have been in a blind panic but I wasn’t. Shaken up and distressed, yes; blind panic, no. That’s how I knew I was drunk. It was a revelation which filled me with dread. I’d sober up quickly, once the enormity of what I’d done sank in.

  With a shock I realised I knew the boy lying on the ground. He was a former client of mine called Sean Price, and was only sixteen years old. I’d got him off charges of possession of a controlled drug, and intention to supply a controlled drug. He’d grown a beard since I’d last seen him, and his thin whiskery features made him look like a dead rat, but surely he wasn’t dead. His eyes were open, unseeing, but there had to be life behind them. I bent down to examine him. I’m no medical expert, I’m a solicitor. Still, I thought I’d be able to reassure myself the boy was at least breathing.

  He wasn’t.

  What next, then?

  My stomach made an involuntary movement, a sort of flip, as I assessed the future.

  My specialist area was criminal law. I was a defence solicitor. It wasn’t too hard for me to work out what the consequences of my actions would be, even in the inebriated and overwrought state I’d somehow gotten myself into. I didn’t have to look anything up because I’d dealt with this sort of thing for my clients many times. It was second nature to me, so much so that I was able to recite the penalties while crouching over the body. (I now accepted he was no longer a boy, it was a body.)

  There would be: a prison sentence of up to fourteen years, a fine which could be unlimited, a two-year minimum driving ban, and eleven penalty points on my driving licence. Plus, I could expect to be struck off the roll of solicitors and face disciplinary action from the Solicitors Regulation Authority. In the grand scheme of things, however, all the penalties, other than the prison sentence, would amount to no more than a slap on the wrist.

  I said it out loud, ‘Fourteen years.’

  It seemed an unfeasibly long time. Then I considered the possibility of time off for good behaviour, parole, and so on, and reckoned I might get away with only serving seven years. But even seven was a long time behind bars. Too long for me, even though I was still, just, in my early thirties, with most of my life ahead of me, as long as I didn’t somehow throw it away.

  I didn’t want to go to prison. That said, I was just coming home from one. I’d been out on a call to a police station cell dispensing advice to a new client. It was my night for doing the call-outs, a part of the job I loathed. The worst thing about my role, as I very quickly found out, is that they were all guilty. I hadn’t, to the best of my knowledge, ever defended an innocent man or woman. But it was my job to get them acquitted irrespective of guilt.

  I’d been very successful at getting acquittals. I was good at playing the game with the Crown Prosecution Service lawyers. That was the part of the job I liked, the intellectual aspect where you use your knowledge and skills to get one over on the opposition. But when I thought about the people I was using my skills to help, it could be depressing, which is probably why my drinking had increased over the years.

  Or maybe it was for another reason – the secret I harboured. The one I’d buried deep within my soul and which every single day since the day of its interment had hammered on the sides of its coffin demanding to be exhumed.

  Whatever the reason, I’d started drinking at every opportunity I could, and I knew that this very evening after leaving the police station, I’d called in at O’Shaughnessy’s. The new client had been depressingly guilty, as usual, and I’d gotten him off the hook, as usual. Then on the way home, feeling angry with the world for what I was forced to do for a living, I’d noticed the bright lights in O’Shaughnessy’s piercing the cold night air. The interior looked warm and inviting in the way that only a good pub at night can. Naturally I’d pulled into the car park and ventured inside for a swift, morale-boosting drink.

  I’d just had one so far as I knew, a half of weak pale ale to help me feel at peace with myself before going home.

  But did I remember it right? Had I stopped for just one, or had I drunk more than one? I must’ve done, given the way I was feeling. And now I was facing a charge of causing death by dangerous driving while under the influence of drink. I wondered if my forensic legal defence skills were good enough to get myself acquitted, and decided they weren’t. There was too much of a weight of evidence against me – the dent in the front grill, the body, DNA evidence linking the body to my vehicle, and my blood alcohol content.

  I got back in my car and reversed it half a yard then I climbed out and inspected the lamp post. It was obvious it’d been hit by a vehicle. What’s more, you could tell it’d been a blue vehicle.

  I went back to the boy. There was what looked like a bloodstain on the pavement next to his head. It made me shudder, both because I’m squeamish, and because it seemed to speak volumes about the severity of the crime I’d just committed. The skid marks on the road also gave me pause. No doubt the police had some kind of t
yre analyst who’d be able to prove those skid marks were made by tyres which matched mine.

  Potentially the most damning evidence of all was the witness, if he or she had indeed been a witness. It was impossible to say for certain, but I thought I remembered a car behind me as I turned onto Fosby Street, the street on which I’d just had my accident.

  Witness or no witness, it was a near certainty I was going to lose my liberty and my job. In addition, my home would go. The fine the court would impose would see to that, and if it didn’t, I’d lose my home anyway, because I wouldn’t be able to keep up the mortgage payments from a prison cell.

  My imprisonment would be a bitter pill for my parents to swallow. I couldn’t bear to think how they’d take it. Neither of them would be keen to spend the next fourteen years, or even the next seven, visiting me every week in HM Prison Holloway or wherever I ended up.

  For the first time I thought to look around and take in my surroundings. I’d had my accident on Fosby Street. It was off the beaten track, being a shortcut I often took to get home. To one side of it there was a wall to stop pedestrians falling into a steep railway cutting. To the other, a derelict warehouse which, according to a poster, was to be sold at auction. Further along the street there were rows of shabby terraced houses. All of them had the curtains and blinds drawn. It seemed that none of the occupants had heard anything, or, if they had, they’d chosen to ignore it.

  Like most London streets this one was jammed with parked cars. I scrutinised them to check whether any were occupied. I couldn’t see any car with a driver in it, although rather worryingly one had the lights on.

  I had to decide what to do about my victim.

  I knew what I ought to do. I had a duty to turn myself in. If I did turn myself in, my life would be ruined and the lives of my parents would be, too. Then there was my younger brother. I adored him and he’d always looked up to me. It’d be impossibly hard for him to hear the news that his big sister had become a criminal.

  I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the upset I was going to cause myself, and my nearest and dearest, and got my mobile out of my bag to call the police.

  Then I thought, What am I doing? This boy’s life is finished. If I turn myself in, I’ll end another life – my own. Four lives, if you include my close family members. What’s the point of that?

  I looked at the car parked down the street with the lights on. I couldn’t tell what kind of a car it was. But did it matter? It was enough there was a car parked nearby that might have a witness in it, one who would’ve had a grandstand view of events. I now noticed the engine was running. More than likely there was someone in it. Perhaps I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Perhaps I had to call the police because there had been a witness. The driver of the car might have called the police already, might even have given them the registration number of my own car.

  The other car started moving. It came slowly towards me. My skin prickled and I stiffened with fear. I was in the headlights, paralysed like a rabbit.

  The car turned and disappeared down a side street.

  Tuesday evening at 11.30pm is a cold, dark, quiet time in January, even in London, at least on the outskirts in a side street like this one was. The curtains of all the houses were still drawn. I didn’t seem to have attracted any attention.

  A gentle rain began to fall. I put my mobile back in my bag and looked around. There were no cameras which might have recorded what I’d just done. The witness driving the car, if witness he was, didn’t seem interested in me. Given the area I was in, he was probably a drug dealer who had business to attend to. A hit-and-run incident wouldn’t be of concern to him unless the victim had been one of his pushers, which apparently Price wasn’t.

  I decided to take a chance on getting away with my dark deed, got in my car, and drove off as quickly as I dared. It wasn’t that quick, because I stuck conscientiously to the speed limit. The last thing I needed was to be flagged down by a copper for speeding.

  Another incentive for driving slowly was the fact I could barely drive in a straight line. Whatever I’d drunk in O’Shaughnessy’s was beginning to hit home harder than ever, and I felt myself nodding off at the wheel again. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open. If I’d driven any faster, I might well have wrapped my vehicle around another lamp post on the way home.

  Fosby Street was only a five-minute drive from where I lived, two miles or so, but those two miles made all the difference. The difference between life and death, you could say.

  Usually I park my car on the drive or on the road outside my house, depending on how lazy I’m feeling, but for once I put it carefully away in the garage. The world couldn’t be allowed to know it’d been in an accident. That might attract the unwanted attention of the local constabulary. I climbed awkwardly from my car, my co-ordination shot because of whatever I’d consumed earlier in the evening, and pulled the garage door down, plunging the interior into near darkness. The only illumination came from a window at the side which let in the glow from a nearby streetlight. I waited a moment or two for my eyes to become accustomed to the conditions before locking the garage door. I let myself out by the side entrance, my breath misting in the cold night air, walked the two yards separating me from my house, and went indoors.

  The first thing I did when I got inside was pour a large glass of red wine. The second thing I did was tip it down the sink. It wasn’t difficult to throw it away, even for me, a lush. Killing Sean Price had changed me. If there’s one thing which is guaranteed to make you think seriously about your alcohol problem, it’s killing someone in a drink driving accident. Not that I’m recommending it as the way forward if you drink too much.

  Even though I was stressed out I was desperate for my bed. Waves of fatigue were rolling over me. Climbing upstairs cost me as much effort as the ascent of the upper reaches of Everest must have cost Hilary and Tensing. I staggered into my bedroom fully intending to get undressed and put my jammies on, but instead I pulled back the duvet and collapsed onto the sheet beneath it. The night had been so emotionally draining I hadn’t the energy to do anything more than pull the duvet half-over my prostrate form and lie there, consumed with worry. Sleep, which soon came, should’ve provided deliverance, but it didn’t. My nightmares saw to that. The land of nod was no more relaxing than being awake had been, so it was something of a relief when I opened my eyes. What I found when I did was unusual and a little perturbing. The lights were on and the curtains open.

  Shit. Just how much loopy juice had I drunk last night? I rolled over thinking I’d sleep some more, then remembered it was a weekday and I needed to go to work. What time was it? A glance at the bedside clock told me it was 9am. Christ, why had I not heard the alarm? Had it not gone off? Or had I been so spark out I hadn’t heard it? Anyway there was no time to waste. I had to get weaving.

  As I climbed from under the covers I noticed I was fully clothed. Then the recollection of the events of the previous evening hit me like a sledgehammer on the frontal lobes. I saw a boy’s twisted face, felt the two thuds of my car making contact first with flesh, then with a concrete lamp post, and to this horrible cocktail my memory added a third ingredient: a squeal of tyres. Was all that for real? Had I actually killed a young man?

  My stomach felt like it was dropping through the bedroom floor.

  It wasn’t a bad dream. I had actually done it.

  Oh my God.

  I’d killed Sean Price and compounded the offence by fleeing from the scene of the crime. I was toast.

  What should I do?

  I knew I wasn’t going to work. That was one decision which came easily. I needed to stay at home so I could take whatever action was necessary to extricate myself from the mess I’d gotten myself in.

  Even if I’d forced myself into the office I wouldn’t have been able to do anything useful. My hands were shaking and I had no focus, other than for the dead boy. I could focus on him all right. I couldn’t stop focussing on him.

/>   I stood up on legs which were weak but steady at least, not the way I remembered them being the last time I’d used them, rubbery and unreliable. Then I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. It was my usual routine and I found it strangely comforting. It made me feel marginally more in control of events.

  I went downstairs and had a coffee, all the while wondering whether to turn myself in. No doubt about it, if I did turn myself in and made a clean breast of everything, I’d get a shorter sentence than if I waited for the police to come and get me. But I’d made things look bad by running away from my handiwork.

  My other option was to sit tight and hope the police would never come for me.

  I rehearsed the arguments in my head like I’d done the night of the accident: no-one in the houses on Fosby Street appeared to have seen me, and the only witness, the one driving the car that’d disappeared up a side street, hadn’t seemed interested in what I’d done. There were no cameras in the vicinity. If all the evidence the police had was paint on a lamp post, and skid marks on a tarmac road, then maybe I was in the clear.

  So, in summary, I had two choices.

  One: make a clean breast of it and suffer the consequences – losing everything and spending at least the next seven years in jail. Or two: take a chance on not being caught.

  If I got away with it, there would be no consequences. If I didn’t, I’d be in a bigger mess than ever.

  I thought of my life on hold for seven years or more while I served out a prison sentence, and the horror on my parents’ faces (which was probably the most persuasive image I could call to mind). Then I felt a pang of guilt and not just for the boy. It occurred to me for the first time that he, too, had parents, and they would be in bits by now, having had news of his death.