Very Nearly Dead

by A K Reynolds

  I stepped over the side of the bath into the water which entered my trainers and lapped up my legs almost to my knees. I was surprised how cold it felt. I plunged my hands in near her feet and when I grabbed her ankles, they were cold too. She must have been in the bath quite a while for the water to have gotten so cold.

  ‘Okay,’ Tony said. ‘One, two, three, lift.’

  We straightened up, and stepped sideways onto the bathroom floor, then lowered Sarah onto the tiles. Illogically I wanted to make her comfortable, and tried to slip the bathmat under her.

  ‘Don’t bother with that, call an ambulance,’ Tony said, kneeling astride her, and pressing his hands repeatedly on her ribcage.

  I dialled emergency services on my mobile phone, noticing a growing puddle beneath Sarah’s body.

  ‘Hello, what service do you require?’ A female voice asked.

  I gasped my reply in something of a panic.

  ‘Ambulance, please, right away. A woman has drowned in a bath. We’re trying to revive her.’ Then I gave her Tony’s address.

  Tears were running down his face – she’d failed to respond to his CPR. He tried the kiss of life, which similarly achieved nothing, so he resumed CPR. The puddle around her prone form grew bigger. I picked up her arm. It was limp as overdone spaghetti. I felt vainly for a pulse. When I couldn’t detect one, I tried her neck, with the same lack of success.

  ‘It’s too late, Tony,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry.’

  He ignored me and carried on with the CPR, performing the action more energetically, almost brutally, in his efforts to get it to work. Finally, he accepted it wasn’t going to, got to his feet, then sat on the side of the bath with his head in his hands, sobbing. I sat next to him and put my arms round him, felt his body heaving with each loud sob. We remained in that position until a knock on the front door disturbed us. I took the stairs three and four at a time, almost falling down them. When I opened the door two paramedics were on the doorstep.

  ‘Come in,’ I said. ‘She’s upstairs.’

  I followed them up. They knelt next to Sarah’s body, checking her pulse and temperature. ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do,’ one of them said.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Tony asked.

  The paramedic looked almost as sad and uncomfortable as Tony. ‘I’m so sorry, she’s dead, and judging by her body temperature she seems to have been dead for a while. We need a doctor to certify the death. Can you give me the name of her general practitioner, please?’

  ‘Yes – yes of course.’

  Tony reeled off the details and the paramedic called the surgery. Then he called the police.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked.

  ‘Standard procedure,’ said the paramedic. ‘Where the circumstances of a death are unusual, we have a duty to alert the police.’

  A policeman arrived within minutes. The paramedics had a brief discussion with him before leaving. He turned his attention to us. ‘I realise this is difficult,’ he said. ‘But could you give me your names, please?’

  By this time Tony had stopped crying but was unable to talk, so I answered the question, ‘He’s my boyfriend Tony Fulgoni, and the… the dead girl is his sister, Sarah.’

  The policeman recorded my reply in a small notebook. ‘Could you tell me what happened here today?’

  My head was all over the place and for a moment I couldn’t think what’d gone on, then I made a massive effort and pulled myself together. ‘I was in the front room with Tony. He went upstairs to get a book, and I heard him knocking on the bathroom door. When there was no answer, he broke in, and must’ve found his sister in the bath. I could tell he was upset and went upstairs to see what was going on. We got her out of the bath, and he tried to revive her, but it was too late.’

  He made a note. ‘Were you and Tony here when Sarah got in the bath?’

  I shook my head. ‘I don’t think so. I didn’t hear any noises from upstairs after we arrived, so she was probably in the bath already.’

  ‘How long were you in the house before you found her?’

  ‘About an hour.’

  ‘Did she have any health issues you know of?’

  I couldn’t answer so I looked at Tony. He was still sitting on the side of the bath with his head down. I put my hand on his shoulder and shook him gently. ‘Tony,’ I said.

  He looked up and replied. ‘Sorry, no she didn’t.’

  The policeman turned to face him. ‘I’m sorry to ask, but did she have any mental health issues?’

  Tony’s eyes narrowed. ‘What are you trying to say?’

  ‘I’m not trying to say anything, sir. I just have to rule out certain possibilities.’

  ‘She definitely had no mental health issues.’

  ‘Any history of drug use?’

  Again, Tony’s eyes narrowed. ‘No.’

  ‘Was she on any prescription drugs?’

  ‘No.’

  The policeman shut his notebook. ‘I’ll wait here with you until the doctor arrives,’ he said.

  Doctor McGee, the family practitioner, arrived shortly afterwards. After conferring with him, the policeman left us with the words, ‘I’ll be in touch if I need any more information. If you need to contact me for any reason I’m based at the Crystal Palace Police Station. When you call, ask for Police Constable Fanshaw, number 1098.’

  Doctor McGee examined Sarah and said, ‘It’ll be impossible to establish the cause of death without an autopsy, I’m afraid. I’ll get one organised. Sorry it has to be this way.’

  Tony just nodded.

  ‘Had you better call your dad?’ I asked him.

  ‘Oh my God, yes.’ I thought he’d cried himself out, but he began to cry again. ‘How can I possibly break this news to him?’

  Some weeks later I received a text message from Tony.

  Dad’s out can u come round asap? xx

  I typed my reply.

  No probs be there v soon xx

  When I got to his place he let me in before I had the chance to press the doorbell and I was scarcely through the door before he was saying, ‘We’ve got the results of the autopsy.’

  He showed me into the front room.

  ‘What – what do they say?’

  His voice choked with emotion, ‘She’d been dosed up with GHB. They think she took it or more likely was given it before she got into the bath. Then she fell unconscious and drowned. I know for a fact she didn’t take it voluntarily. Someone must have spiked her drink, and I’m going to find out who.’

  At some point after that I met Tony in the park. The sky was overcast and he was waiting for me on a swing, looking – to my young eyes – as glamorous as Marlon Brando in the famous scene with Eve Marie Saint. I sauntered over, he stood up, and we briefly kissed, and I wondered how long he’d stick with me, a girlfriend he couldn’t have sex with, or even kiss properly. Surely our days were numbered. I could only hope that the end, when it came, wouldn’t hurt me too much and the fall-out wouldn’t tarnish my reputation. When our lips parted he said, ‘I’ve got a secret to tell you.’

  I wondered what he could possibly tell me which would rival the secrets I was keeping. ‘What is it?’

  He put his arms round my waist and looked into my eyes. ‘Promise you’ll keep it to yourself.’

  ‘I promise.’

  ‘I found out who gave the GHB to my sister.’

  I don’t know why, but those words filled me with dread. ‘Who was it?’

  ‘It was a piece of low-life called Seth Delaney. He goes to your school. Do you know him?’

  Tendrils of panic took root in my intestines. ‘Only by reputation,’ I said, feeling something like Peter must have done when denying Christ. I didn’t feel able to admit I regarded him as a friend. Something told me I ought to be up front about my relationship with Seth, but a darker voice told me to keep it quiet, and it was the darker voice I listened to.

  ‘I gave his name to the police but they’re useless. They reckon there’s
not enough evidence to take it to court. That means he’ll get off scot-free.’

  This was developing into an intolerable situation even though Tony knew nothing about who I associated with. It wouldn’t require much for him to find out. Even if he didn’t do any digging, my name could easily come up, depending on who he talked to about Seth. I decided to act as an advocate and steer him away from what seemed unreasonable suspicion.

  ‘Are you sure it was him? If the police can’t get enough evidence to charge him, it probably means he didn’t do it.’

  ‘He did it all right.’

  Tony’s eyes glowed with hate, and I knew he wouldn’t listen to me. Even so, I had to try. ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Call it gut instinct. That and the fact he was with my sister the day she died.’

  I considered marshalling some more arguments in defence of Seth but it was obvious from the look on Tony’s face I’d be wasting my time.

  All I could do was cling to the hope he wouldn’t do anything stupid.

  The following Saturday Joshua was lying in his carry-cot, eyes wide open, looking up at me longingly, or so I liked to think.

  My mother had warned me not to pick him up, but she was in the kitchen and we were in the front room. I scooped him up and held him. He felt like pure love and smelled of heaven. Then I heard my mother’s footsteps approaching, so I put him down again. She glared at me as soon as she came in.

  ‘What have you been up to?’ she said.

  I nudged the toes of one foot with those of the other. ‘Nothing.’

  Her glare got harder. ‘You’re lying. You’ve been up to something.’

  She examined Joshua’s covers and I wondered whether she’d notice anything amiss. I’d done my best to tuck them in the way she always did, but I couldn’t be sure I’d done enough to deceive her. My stomach churned. I could do without a bollocking from the Sasquatch. After a few seconds she turned her attentions to me. ‘Just remember, I’ve got my eye on you,’ she said, heading back to her steamy kitchen.

  I remembered all right. It was something I was unlikely ever to forget.

  When she was gone I whispered in Joshua’s ear, ‘One day when you’re grown up enough to understand, I’m going to tell you all the secrets this family has kept from you, Joshua. I’m going to explode all the lies you’ve been told.’

  Then I watched him for a while and held his tiny hand. He was briefly interested before he nodded off. I looked at the time. It was 11am. and I was due to meet Kylie, Seth and the others. As I was still in my jammies and dressing gown, I went upstairs to get ready. I showered and was putting on my jeans when my mobile rang. It was Kylie. Oddly, she couldn’t talk to me. She’d rung me, but she didn’t say anything. She just blubbered on the other end of the line. Even though she didn’t say anything, I could tell it was her by the tone of the blubbering. I’d heard it before. I was pretty sure it was to do with Seth and he’d finished with her.

  ‘Kylie, what’s wrong?’ I asked, but she was so distraught she couldn’t tell me, so she hung up and texted:

  Meet me in half an hour at the entrance to St George’s Hospital xx

  This was all very mysterious. I wondered what could be going on. Was her mum ill or something? The hospital was about a half-hour’s walk away, so I said goodbye to my mum and Joshua, and left. Kylie was waiting for me as promised. Her face was puffy, pink, and blotchy and her voice croaky – but at least she was no longer sobbing her heart out.

  ‘Kylie, what’s happened?’ I asked, feeling scared for her, and scared for what her future might hold.

  ‘It’s Seth,’ she said.

  Hearing his name made me shiver with apprehension.

  ‘What about Seth?’

  She shook her head as if trying to deny the horrible news she had for me.

  ‘He’s been attacked.’

  My shivers of apprehension became more pronounced.

  ‘How – how badly?’

  Her face distorted with sorrow.

  ‘Really badly. He’s in a mess.’

  ‘Is he well enough to receive visitors?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, and I’m sure he’d like to see you, but we won’t be able stay for long. His mum and dad have been with him all morning. They’ll be back for another visit later.’

  She led me into the hospital, took me down long white corridors smelling of antiseptic, then into a lift which transported us to a ward on the fourth floor.

  Seth was in bed, head propped up on a couple of pillows, a drip of a clear liquid connected to his arm. The drip impressed on me the feeling that his condition was serious, even grave. But what really did it was his head, which seemed to be twice the size I remembered it, and a variety of colours – red, purple, even blue in places, but nowhere was it a normal, healthy skin colour. The one eye he could open rolled to the side, he looked at me, and smiled, or did the closest thing to a smile he could manage.

  ‘Oh my God, Seth, what’s happened to you?’ I asked, and saw a hint of fear in his eye. Maybe he hadn’t realised how bad he looked. I cursed myself for my lack of tact.

  ‘Got beat up,’ he said in a low murmur. It cost him so much effort I decided not to ask him anything else.

  ‘Just lie still, Seth,’ I said. ‘We’ll sit with you for a while.’

  We both pulled chairs up close to his bed, and Kylie held his hand. The visit soon became boring because we couldn’t talk, but I felt I had to hang in there for Kylie. After half an hour Kylie said, ‘We should go now,’ so we said our goodbyes and left.

  ‘Do you know who did that to him?’ I asked, as we made our way back to reception. I had a horrible idea I knew the answer to my question, but didn’t want to admit it to myself.

  ‘No, he wasn’t able to say, he doesn’t remember much of what happened because he got concussed. Maybe when he gets better.’

  I wondered whether he would get better, but didn’t want to express my doubts to Kylie. He looked so bad it seemed inconceivable he could ever make a full recovery.

  ‘Yes, when he gets better he’ll tell us.’

  ‘I love him and it breaks my heart to see him in such a state.’

  So, Kylie was still in love with Seth, it seemed.

  It made me question how I felt about Tony.

  I’d been so concerned with keeping my relationship with him in a hermetically sealed container that I hadn’t allowed myself to dwell on my feelings for him. But if I really thought about it, I liked him a lot. The patience he’d shown with me made him into something akin to a saint in my view. Maybe I did love him, although I had little idea what love was. My feelings for Joshua were probably my only touchstone. What did they tell me? It was impossible to say.

  I realised I’d been silent for too long, lost in my own thoughts. ‘I’m sure. What kind of an animal does that to a person?’ I said.

  Deep down I had an idea what kind of animal did it – a vengeful one who’s lost his sister. I just hoped my suspicions about Tony weren’t true.

  ‘I keep asking the same question. Who would do a thing like that? They deserve locking up, whoever they are. They deserve worse than locking up. Someone should do to them what they did to Seth.’

  Those words made me wince, but nevertheless I made a show of agreeing with her. ‘Yes, it’d serve them right.’

  We headed in the direction of Kylie’s house, both of us with heavy hearts. This was a bad day, but not my worst – I’d already had my worst, or so I thought.

  Little did I know, my worst was yet to come.

  One day as I was kicking my shoes off in the hall, having just got back from school, my mother shouted, ‘Come here!’

  I braced myself and pushed open the door to the front room. She was sitting on our sofa, her vast bulk taking up more than half of it, her crimplene dress straining at the seams. In her lap there was a translucent rectangular object. It was a moment or two before I recognised it for what it was: the Tupperware container I kept in my wardrobe with my savings in it. Ove
r the months I’d saved up as much as I could, and had amassed, what to me, was a small fortune. My mother held it in a hand the colour of corned beef and stood up.

  ‘What d’you think this is?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s a Tupperware container,’ I replied as calmly as I could.

  ‘I don’t mean the bloody well container,’ She replied, taking off the lid and ostentatiously presenting the inside of the open container to me so as to show me my own money.

  ‘My savings,’ I told her.

  ‘And what were you planning on doing with those savings?’

  ‘I was planning to keep saving them and maybe open a post office account,’ I said.

  Her lip curled and her face wrinkled into one of her mean expressions. ‘Is that so? Well, now you’re earning, you should be paying me and your father some board to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do.’

  She reached into the container and took from it most of the money I’d worked so hard to accumulate. ‘I’m taking this to pay for your board for all those months when you’ve been working and you haven’t paid any. It’ll go towards the fund I’m going to use to send Joshua to university.’

  I tried to snatch the money and container from her hands, but my mother was too big and strong for me.

  ‘Right, you defiant little sod,’ she said. ‘As a punishment, I’m going to take all the rest of your bloody money.’

  I’d kept my secret because I’d been too ashamed of what’d gone on to discuss it, and perhaps also because I’d known it’d destroy my mother if she got to know about it. But in that moment of anger I couldn’t keep it in. It leapt from my mouth of its own accord.

  ‘Your brother – my uncle – is Joshua’s father,’ I said, in a surprisingly calm tone of voice I barely recognised as my own.

  Her mouth opened into a speechless O-shape. She stood holding the Tupperware container in both hands, perfectly motionless. It was as if she’d become part of a freeze frame in a movie. It was only a moment, but it was one of those moments which seem to last forever. Then she let go of the container. It fell, seemingly in slow motion, to the floor, and the noise it made on impact broke the spell.