Primitivo

by Croft, Rose

  “Worse.” I peered at him through the mirror and saw glimpses of the old Emilio who was carefree and playful. How concerned and caring he was when I had morning sickness with Eric.

  He straightened and the mask was back in place. “I’ll see if there’s some soup or something. Emily usually leaves pre-made food in the fridge.” He took off down the hall leaving me stunned. Who was Emily? Emily and Emilio. How sweet.

  I washed my face and hands with soap realizing I was in dire need of a shower. When I felt as put together as I could, I clicked off the light and stepped in the hallway. The door across from me was half-closed. Eric’s room. I peeked down the hallway but didn’t see Emilio. The temptation was too great.

  I crept to the door and pushed it ajar and glanced around. Gone was the crib adorned with the fish mobile I remembered so well replaced by a bed with race cars on the comforter. There were bookshelves lined with books and stuffed animals. As I stepped closer to the bed, I almost faltered seeing the old sock monkey that was my favorite childhood possession resting against his pillow. One of the only things I had with me when Oscar and I escaped our uncle.

  “You still have it,” I whispered as tears burned in my eyes. I picked it up and inhaled deeply hoping to smell my son’s scent on it. “Eric, I love you so much. I miss you, baby. Don’t hate me. I didn’t have a choice.”

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Emilio’s voice boomed behind me as he reached around and ripped the sock monkey out of my arms, dropping it on the bed and yanked me out of the room. “Stay away from anything that has to do with my son.”

  “I’m sorry. I needed…”

  “Quit fucking apologizing. Don’t you get it? Your words don’t mean a damn thing to me.”

  “Then, why am I here?” I swiped my eyes trying to regain my composure.

  He gripped the back of his neck and signaled toward the kitchen. “Eat. Then, we’ll talk.”

  A steaming bowl of soup awaited me. I eased onto the barstool and sat soon twirling the liquid with the spoon and sniffed. “Chicken noodle?”

  “Yeah, thought it might settle your stomach. It’s homemade.”

  “Who is Emily?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Not that it’s any of your business, but she’s someone who helps out around here.”

  I looked down at my hand, the savory aroma floated up my nostrils and my mouth watered. “It smells so good,” I said and stuck my spoon in my mouth trying to concentrate on eating, not wondering about who Emilio was with. It nearly killed me when I’d learned Belinda and he were together. Were they still together?

  “How did you know where I was?” It was not a coincidence that he ran into me today.

  “I’ve stayed on top of this… situation since it has to do with my business. You know Adrian is well-connected with our local law enforcement.” He leaned over the counter in front of me with hands folded. “I have some questions, and I better get answers. What the hell were you thinking the other night?”

  “I wasn’t thinking.”

  “No shit, who were you with? You didn’t materialize out of the blue alone? You said you were trying to protect me. What does that mean?”

  “Some guys were there to vandalize the storefronts on your property.”

  “You mean the stupid punk-ass pussies who are your gang friends? You think I’m gonna be scared of some jackholes painting gang signs on my building? Who were they? One of them that scrawny bitch-ass who threatened me that night in the club?”

  I dropped my spoon and rubbed my temples. “Emilio. Let it go. Please. You don’t want to get involved with them. Trust me. And you may not be frightened, but you know it would scare your tenants off… and customers.”

  He cursed under his breath. “What exactly are you involved in? Dealing? Armed robbery? Murder? A normal life didn’t quite cut it for you?”

  “No. I’m not involved in any of that.”

  “Oh wait, you only hang around ES-22 members like a groupie? Is that what this is? You like the lifestyle?”

  “I don’t do it by choice.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You make it sound like you got kidnapped into this shit or something.” He slammed his hand on the counter and the spoon clanked against the ceramic bowl. “Quit lying to me. If you’d been in trouble or gave a care about me or Eric, you wouldn’t have done what you did.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “If you apologize one more time, I’m…” He pushed off the counter and raked a hand through his thick wild mane that was shorter than usual. He paced around trying to get his control back.

  “Emilio, please believe me when I say I did this to protect you and our…” He glared at me and I stuttered. “E-Eric. I-I did it for your safety.”

  His eyes narrowed and he leaned over the counter until we were nose to nose. “Prove it.”

  “How?”

  He smirked and stalked around the counter until he reached me and motioned for me to get up, leading me to the front door. “Let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  “I’m taking you home.”

  “Emilio, don’t do this.”

  “Why? I need to see where my felon lives. You think I was just gonna let this go?” He followed me close by out to his SUV. “Get in.”

  My heart raced, but I slid into the seat as I watched him slam his door. “Please, just drop me off at El Volcán. I was going to try to get my old job back anyway.”

  “Yeah, right. You look like hell warmed over and haven’t showered in a couple of days after spending time in a cell. Not the way to ace a job interview.” He snapped his fingers. “Wait, I know, maybe you could show the owner your awesome exotic dancing skills.” He raked his eyes over me. “You do have that going for you.” His voice grew heavy as he stared. He started up the car and gripped the steering wheel. “Now. Tell me where we’re going.” He threw the car in reverse. “Don’t play me, mentirosa, I will come back harder and stronger. Besides, you’re on probation right now. All it takes is one mistake. One bad decision, and you’ll be right back in the county jail.”

  Emilio

  Goddamn her. Why couldn’t she stay out of my life? If these stupid Los Malos boys thought they were intimidating me by using my fucking properties to mark their territory, they better think again. I didn’t have a choice. Her words kept replaying in my head. And yet why was there a part of me that wanted to believe her? Help her? My brain screamed “pussy!” but my heart reasoned that I was being a caring human being.

  It was because of that stupid “corazon de león” (heart of a lion) bullshit title my mother graced me with long ago. The only plausible excuse I could possibly grapple with. It was no secret I always felt pity for the underdog. Hell, I’d been the underdog, too. And fuck if Sofía didn’t look like life had yanked the carpet out from under her feet and bashed her in the head for good measure. Like the victim of someone who didn’t get the memo to stop kicking a person when they’re down. Sofía was so far in the hole she couldn’t see what was coming.

  She better not play me false because I was going get to the bottom of this fiasco one way or another. I may have gotten my life straight, but I came from the streets. I knew a thing or two about survival, and I would protect what’s mine. At any cost.

  “Stop here.” She pointed at the curb in front of a modest house that’d been built half a century ago with red brick and worn siding. This was an old neighborhood in a questionable part of town where more often than not you heard about shootings happening around the area. Gang wars, and it was always an innocent person or child who was caught in the crossfire. Black bars lined most of the windows and doors in the area. Some people sat out in their front lawns in broke-ass lawn chairs, smoking cigarettes or marijuana and drinking forties they’d probably bought from the convenience store a block away. You could almost hear the mixture of Latin music and rap coming from all sides. Thumping in your veins.

  The story was an old one I was very familiar with. This neighbor
hood could’ve been the same one I grew up in. Actually, it wasn’t too far from where I lived. Same ol’ shit, different day.

  “S’up, playa?”

  “The rent, pendejo, you gotta pay to play…”

  Pay to play my brother Vicente and I did. Sell your supply. Get paid. And, move the fuck on. On to the next one. We were never-wanna-be-gangsters that played the part because we were fighting to keep our damn heads above water. For us, it was a means to an end.

  “We gotta stop doing this crap and make a better life for our family,” Vince and I would tell each other repeatedly as though it was our mantra. We hustled, worked our asses off and made shit happen. It’s not hard to be motivated when you’re starving.

  “Which house?” I asked and knew Sofía was trying to be vague. Whatever secrets she was keeping, I would find this out quick.

  “Over there.” She tilted her head to the second house over to the right that looked like the driveway was a holding tank for every Vin Diesel back-up car in The Fast and the Furious. “Emilio, I’m begging, please don’t make a scene. It will only end badly.” Her aqua eyes were round and fearful. “Please, don’t do this.” She clutched my arm and her lips quivered.

  For the love of fuck! I couldn’t do this with her. I kept my voice level and shoved any sympathy out the window. “You don’t even know what I’m doing. Why do you care? You scared they’re gonna rough your ass up?” I knew how these jerks operated. That thought alone made me want to go ballistic. The possibility of anyone touching Sofía.

  “I d-don’t think so.” She’d been stuttering her words all damn day. “I don’t want anything to happen to you or Eric.” She touched my face and my damn body twitched with excitement, revulsion, and wonder. How I could feel all of that with her was mind blowing. “You mean everything to me,” she vowed whisper soft.

  “Fuck you.” The words flew out automatically because they had been in my head for years whenever I’d imagined her coming to me and begging for forgiveness. But they didn’t hold the malice they should.

  “You hate me. I get it. I…”

  “You have no idea,” I interjected and leaned in closer to her face. Damn it. She was a beehive, and I was the dumbass, clumsy bear that craved honey. “Spell this out for me, Gatita. What are you trying to say?” Adrenaline sped through my veins and that old reckless feeling crept through me. Sofía and I had always been on the same page when it came to attraction. She was innocent when I met her but caught on fast. The sex between us had been something I’ve never experienced again. Besides, it’d been too damn long since I’d fucked anything but my hand.

  “Tito will kill you, if he finds out you were with me.” She bent in closer to my neck. Her nose grazed my skin. “I’ll kill him before he hurts my family.”

  “Who is…?” Before I got the words out, Sofía lifted her eyes to me and pressed her lips against mine gripping my head tight, and my God, I let her. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I sounded like a junkie who’d just shot up the purist shit before he OD’d. The bear was clawing and tearing into that honeycomb, not concerned about the sting.

  “Love me, Emilio, just love me. It’s been so long,” Sofía breathed out into my mouth.

  “I despise you. That’ll never change.” My words sounded seductive entwined with desperation, not threatening, but I couldn’t stop touching her, kissing her. I wanted to eradicate her from my mind and soul. However, at the moment, I wanted to fuck her even more. My body told truths my mind was too much of a pussy to admit. Lucky for me, the rational part of my brain warned me how this was getting out of hand, and I pushed her away. “You hard up, baby? Trying to distract me? You aren’t that tempting for a distraction.” I could hear my heavy breaths, pulsing out liar, liar, liar.

  She dropped her head in defeat. What was with the act? Didn’t she know I would never believe her? “You see where I live, okay?” She again laid those beautifully, haunted eyes on me. “If you want to keep Eric safe, then leave this here. Stay out of this, Emilio, and I will handle it on my end. I promise. I’ll make it right.” She slipped out of the car and jogged toward the driveway that looked like a body shop owner’s wet dream.

  I stared, clenching the door handle, and checked myself. I had the address of these idiots. If something went down again, I’d have them arrested. Me going all crazy right now would be a fool’s decision. I had my son to think about and a reputable business. I didn’t want to get my family involved in some stupid gang bullshit. That was like going backward in life, which I had no desire to do again. “This isn’t over, Sofía.” The words came out like a curse, and I allowed myself to say her name to no one in sight. I kicked the Rover in drive and sped off before I changed my mind.

  Sofía

  “Aww, look at my little jailbird. Came back to her cage,” Tito announced with his Swisher blunt crushed between his teeth. He slammed the dominoes face down on the rickety card table. Luis, Bolivar, and German watched me with looks of disgust. “How’d you get a ride home?” Tito tilted his head and ran a finger over his scar.

  “I walked home, Scar.” I glanced around the kitchen and living room. “Where’s my purse?”

  “Where’s my purse?” Tito mimicked me in a high voice. “That’s the first fucking thing you say. You come in here making demands and shit?”

  I cocked my head and crossed my arms. “Yeah, I’m the gangsta princess, remember?” This fronting crap was getting so old, but I had to keep my guard up. Play my hand. Poker face, Sofía. I had to school my whole damn body after spending the afternoon with Emilio. I didn’t have a winning hand, but I had to act like I did.

  Tito’s mouth spread wide, his teeth crushed the blunt between his lips. “That’s right, baby, but you’re a dumb-ass girl.” He popped up out of his chair, nearly knocking the table over. “What did I tell you?” He looked around wide-eyed waiting for an answer.

  When I didn’t respond, he pounded the table with his fist, and dominoes toppled to the floor. “Huh? Stay in the car.” He spread his arms wide. “That’s it. Stay in the car.” After a few ticks, he jerked the blunt out of his mouth. “But what did you do?” His voice rose with each word. The question hung in the air like he wanted us to acknowledge he had an amazing punch line coming soon.

  “I threw a brick through a store window,” I answered with negative zero emotion.

  “You threw a brick through a store window,” he agreed with a fake calmness I knew was short-lived. “So… why did you do it? You knew you’d set off alarms. You knew you’d be arrested. There’s no reason you’d do that unless you wanted to get caught.”

  I shrugged, killing all the anxiety inside. “I wanted to join in the fun, Tito. I was angry. I hate feeling like I miss out on all the stuff you guys get to do because I’m a lowly female.”

  He held out his blunt between his thumb and forefinger studying it with his dead-soul, beady eyes, and brought it in close to his lips. “Let me get this straight,” he began solemnly before clamping down on the joint and inhaling for a good ten seconds. He squinted his eyes, and his chest pulsed as he held it in before exhaling slowly. “You defied my orders and almost got Luis and German pinched too because you were bored and wanted to make a statement?”

  “Yeah, I did.” I jutted my chin. “I took the rap. I didn’t sell you out. I wanted you to know my loyalty.” I wanted to choke on the words I said.

  He grasped the bill of his hat at the back of his head with one hand. This was Tito’s I’m-thinking-deeply move. Gotta contemplate this. I could only imagine what he was saying in his mind. That was his answer for convoluted decisions he needed to consider. You want fifteen percent? I gotta contemplate this. You’re not with us no more? I gotta contemplate this. You showed up late? I gotta contemplate this. You wanna suck my dick, girl? I gotta contemplate this.

  Anything from getting his cut of money to getting a blow job was worth contemplating in his mind. As if everything he did was a life-altering decision that he needed to think thoroughly through. He raised
his red eyes to me. “I’m pissed at you, Gatita. You’re a pain in my ass.” He shifted back and forth on his feet. Restless as always. “But…” He raised a hand to the side. “You went to jail and kept your mouth shut.” He ran his eyes around the room at the other guys who were still scowling or eye rolling (yes, these tough gangsters eye rolled like chicks) at me.

  Tito’s scar rose in an extended smile. “I’m proud of you, girl. Pissed, but proud.” He clapped his hands together and stepped up to me. Yanking me into a bear hug. “You passed another test. You’re Jorge’s girl through and through.” I cringed, never wanting to be compared to my father.

  He pressed his lips to my head for a long minute before he scoffed. “Damn, girl, you stink. Take a shower and get all prettied up. Imma get all my boys together to celebrate my baby girl coming home. Tonight.”

  “My purse, Tito.”

  He pointed to Luis. “Get my jailbird her purse.” He was flying high. Tito was always a roller-coaster ride. You never knew if it was going to be a joyride or a downward spiral into hell.

  The so-called welcome home party turned into a Los Malos, call my bitches, get drunk and high, and mess up anyone who tried to start shit. The usual. Not that I was looking forward to this low-life soiree. I wasn’t. I showered, played the part, did my usual. Tito played his part, too. I knew I had to get out here. Out of this.

  “My girl Sofí’s hard now. She went to jail and came back. She’s a bad bitch. Watch out for her.” Tito slurred his words and had a drunk-ass grin on his face. He was borderline incoherent and so high he could barely stand. But he was the fucked-up ruler in this house of cards, and nobody called him out.

  The party was getting out of hand… again. The guys were loud; the girls were getting scandalous, and Tito was playing with his revolver. He kept waving it around pointing it at people and laughing. When it got to this stage, I knew I needed to go to my room.

  “Aye! Where you goin’?” he called out after two hours of watching his psychotic behavior when I turned toward the hallway to my bedroom. He pointed the barrel at me, and I held myself together keeping my eyes on him. That’s what he wanted. All eyes on me. Notice me. Fear me.