by Emily N. Kay
“Ah… Tyler. He really is your fairy godfather, isn’t he?” I chuckle, imagining muscular Tyler with a wand.
“He is our fairy godfather.”
It’s true. Without Tyler, we wouldn’t have met in the first place. Without Tyler, Nick wouldn’t have opened himself up to me. I was blaming Tyler, but now I want to thank him. And I will.
“Does he have someone? A girlfriend or something?”
“Tyler?” Nick looks at me with an eyebrow raised. “No.” He chuckles like it’s so crazy of an idea that Tyler––an extremely attractive man––is dating someone.
“Why?” I frown. Tyler is so damn hot. Any girl would have thrown themselves at him.
But then I think of how I always get the same question from people, and I understand. Tyler must have his own reasons. I should know better. Not every attractive person needs to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
He shrugs. “Because he is a type of guys who won’t settle for just one girl.” He pauses, then he adds, “Or one guy.”
I pause and stare at him blankly. “Tyler is bi?”
Nick nods, grinning.
So I guess Luke did not exaggerate when he said that Tyler dated everyone…
“Huh,” I say. “So Tyler is bi… and a playboy.”
“Yeah. He’s always careful, you know, with both men and women. There was… a girl he met in college. He loved her. But when she learned that he’s been with men before, she couldn’t take it, and she dumped him,” Nick says with a strain in his voice.
“That’s horrible…” I shake my head.
Tyler has to go through this bullshit in every relationship he faces. All because of his sexuality. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s insecure in a relationship. I mean, he has to be.
“You know, my friend Leo used to fool around a lot, but then he met my best friend Zoe, and now he’s a changed man,” I tell him proudly.
“Leo the first kiss?”
“Yes.” I laugh. “Anyway, I just think Tyler hasn’t met a Zoe yet.”
“Or an Alice.”
My heart flutters. “Okay, you’re getting too corny now. Please stop.”
He laughs at that, and it lights up everything inside me.
Nick parks the car in front of my building. Neither of us wants to move, and I don’t want to leave him just yet.
“So…” I break the silence. “What happens on Monday?”
“It is going to be difficult, Alice. For both of us. But we have to ignore each other no matter what.”
I smile, already excited for what is coming. “It’s exciting though, being secretive and stuff.”
“It won’t be so exciting if I am fired, and you’re expelled from school,” Nick teases.
“Aren’t you afraid?”
“I am.” He meets my gaze. “But you’re worth it.”
My heart sings. How does he do it, making me feel this way. Like I’m the most precious thing…
“I think you’re worth it too,” I say quietly, lowering my gaze. “I should go now.”
He reaches out to touch my face. I glance up at him, my heart pounding at the way he’s looking at me––so full of tenderness and warmth.
Then Nick gently brushes a kiss on my forehead. “Good night, Alice.”
I draw a small breath. “I can’t wait till I’m graduated.”
I want to be able to hug him, hold his hands, and kiss him in public’s eyes. I want to tell Zoe and Leo about us. It’s killing me that I’m so in love, and my friends don’t know about it.
“Me too.” He puts his forehead on mine, our eyes closed, and we stay like that for a long while.
As if dreaming, I can feel hope sparks between us. I now picture us––together. And I know that after graduation, everything will be okay. I know he can feel it too.
And for the first time after quitting, I feel like my life has a sense of purpose. I have something to look forward to. After graduation, I keep telling myself.
After graduation, I will be with Nick, and no one will judge us.
Chapter 23
“There’s a package on the counter,” my mom shouts from the sofa, right when I come in. “It’s for you.”
“From who? Dad?”
“No.” She scoffs at the mention of my dad. “From Luke Sutton. Do you know him?”
My heart skips.
A package from Luke? What in the world could that be? He doesn’t even know my real name!
“Oh… Luke,” I say, trying to keep my face neutral. “He’s… a friend of mine.”
Mom lifts her eyebrows. “From school?”
“Uh huh,” I lie. Yet another lie…
“Oooh, does this boy have a crush on you?”
“No!”
“I doubt it.” She grins at me. “But why would he send this here when he can just give it to you at school? I mean, I guess it’s romantic, but… it’s a little weird.”
I ignore her and walk over to see a huge brown box sitting on the kitchen counter. What could it be?
Grabbing the box, I am ready to unbox it in my room when my mom says, “Open it! I want to see what it is.” My mom strides over, eyes glinting with interest. “This is exciting! I hope it’s flowers. That would be so sweet!”
I open my mouth to say something. To stop her. To come up with another lie. But nothing comes out.
“Oh, come on.” She rolls her eyes. “Don’t act so secretive with me. You know I don’t like it when you keep things from me.”
“Fine.” I sigh, hoping that whatever this thing is, it won’t be something that leads to me being an escort.
Please be a stupid bouquet of roses or something. Wait, what if it’s something disgusting…? Would Luke try to pull a prank on me?
My mom hands me a big scissor, and I carefully cut the box open, keeping my breath steady. Please, not a snake…
It’s not a snake. Inside reveals eight pieces of chocolate cupcakes with white frosting, on each one of them is a letter: THANK YOU.
“Thank you?” My mom cranes her neck to take a good look. “What did you do for him?”
I let out a breath of relief, then a chuckle. “Um, I guess… I did help him with a pretty girl.”
Her face falls. “And here I thought he’s trying to date you,” she mumbles. “Well, snap a quick pic! I’m grabbing one.”
I smile and do as she says. “There. They’re all yours.” I put my phone away.
My mom is beaming like a little kid getting a free cone of ice cream. “You take one too.”
I nod and grab the ‘T’.
She grabs another, taking a bite on the ‘H’ cupcake. “Hmm… Too sweet.”
I laugh. “Agreed. Your baking is much better,” I tell her. “By the way, you need to bake something soon. Leo keeps bugging me for it.”
“Aw, I’m glad.” She smiles broadly, licking the frosting off her fingers. “Maybe I should open a bakery…”
“You should!” I say. The idea of having a new source of income thrills me. “You would do so well. You can bake, and I can do… whatever it is to help.”
“Hmm… Maybe someday.” She shrugs. It seems like my mom is not ready for the idea of going back to work.
When my mom is back on the sofa, I sneak another glance in the box. And there, I find a piece of paper lying flat on the bottom. It’s a letter.
“I’m going to bed now,” I say. “Nighty-night. Love you.”
“Night, sweetie.” She blows me a kiss and turns the attention back to the magazine.
I open up the letter once I’m safe on my bed.
“Dear Clarissa Jones (I mean… Alice Anderson),
Sorry I didn’t catch your name when we met. Sorry for forcing Clarissa Jones on you. But you have to admit the name’s hella sexy, right? I took it upon myself to ask your manager for your home address (and your name). I hope you don’t find that creepy. Anyway, I just want to say THANK YOU. Because of you, I finally had the courage to ask Catherine out for coffee. Guess what? She ag
reed!!!!! By the time you’re reading this, I might have already done something stupid, like spilling coffee on her dress or saying nonsense on our date. So… wish me luck, as I wish you the best. I’m glad that we had a chance to meet. Oh, another thing… the biggest jerk Tyler Hansen actually apologized to me. He said that seeing me with you proved him wrong. Ha! Enjoy the cupcakes kiddo!
P.S. I know I told you not to get attached, but I kind of want us to keep in touch (I’m shameless). So if there is anything you need (maybe a friend?), don’t hesitate to ask me. I owe you. Your manager has my contact details.
Sincerely, Luke Sutton”
I smile when I finish reading. So Tyler really apologized? I’m actually proud of him for putting away his ego. And I’m happy, partly for Luke and partly for myself. This sense of accomplishment––the feeling that I’ve done something good for someone puts me in a good mood.
Then I have to think of Nick. He must have wanted me to quit because he thought that he’s doing something good for me. And I think I can understand him better now.
Chapter 24
We are hanging out at Nick’s on a Friday night, as usual. It has been our thing for a while now. Both of us have agreed that we should continue with the weekly meeting. Only this time, there’s no deal, no bargain. We simply want to be together.
That being said, Friday after school is the only time that we really get to spend time together. Nick said it’s to keep things under radar. Whatever that means.
In these hours, all we do is talk. And I love talking to Nick. I used to dread talking to guys I liked, but now it’s ridiculous how much I talk to him, how much I open myself up. I guess it’s because we started out not as each other’s crushes or potential dates, but as two people with no intention of impressing the other. So I was able to fully be myself around him since the first day.
At school, we completely avoid each other. Our eyes never meet in class. I never acknowledged him when we walked past each other. Zoe even told me that I was rude when I didn’t say hi to Mr. Chase in the hallway.
“Have you ever thought about modelling?” Nick asks me out of the blue.
That’s random… “Where did that come from?”
Nick shrugs. “Tyler asked me the other day, and it’s kind of been on my mind.”
“Well, I’ve been approached before,” I answer casually.
“Really? Now you have to tell me everything.” Nick puts his arm on the headrest, shifting closer to me. I love when he does that––moving closer to me.
I put my head on his outstretched arm. “I was only twelve. And I was shopping at Macy’s with my mom. Then this woman came up to us, saying that I have the potential, and that if I was interested, I should go to an audition at her agency for a new model recruitment thing.”
“And?”
“My mom was interested. But I was young, and afraid. So long story short, I didn’t go to that audition.”
He gently strokes my hair. “Did you regret it?”
“Maybe a little?” I admit. “I did find out later that the agency is legit. Like, it could land me on Teen Vogue if I actually tried.”
“So, why didn’t you try?”
“Trust me, I’ve been asking myself that ever since,” I say, thinking back to the moment that woman had come to me––the scene has been replaying in my mind way too many times. “Maybe I was too scared to do anything, not just going to auditions, but you know, going out of my comfort zone.”
He nods, still playing with my hair.
“I like to think that it’s because I was too young, that I was scared. But now I’m eighteen, and I can’t use that excuse anymore. So I might just have to accept that I’m a coward.” I scoff.
“You’re so many things but you’re certainly not a coward, Alice. You were an escort, and now you’re practically dating your teacher. I mean…” He lets out a chuckle. “You must have a lot of guts to do those things.”
I laugh. “Okay, my life doesn’t sound so boring after all.”
Nick looks at me with his dimpled-smile. “What I mean is––you’re braver than you think. You just need to get yourself out there. So when you see something you want, or think you want, you have to go for it. Just try––that’s the only way you’ll know if it’s for you.”
“You’re right. If I hadn’t been so scared, I would’ve known by now if modeling is for me.”
“Don’t worry. You have a lifetime ahead of you,” he says. “You’re only eighteen. You’ll get another opportunity, I’m sure.”
I stir uneasily. I don’t like it when he brings up how I’m only eighteen. “You’re only twenty-eight too, you know.”
“And I will be thirty in two years,” he says, oblivious.
“And by then, I will be twenty. And when I’m thirty; you’ll be forty. When I’m forty; you’ll be fifty. See, that doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?”
His dimple flickers. “I guess not.” He envelops me, hugging me tighter. “What’s your plan?”
“For college?”
“For the future.”
The future…
“I don’t know,” I admit. “When I got into this escort business, I thought I’d only be doing that till after graduation. But now…” I shrug.
“Have you thought about college at least? Where do you want to go?”
“NYU,” I reply without a second thought. It is like a default answer when someone asks me about college.
“Hm. Interesting…” he says thoughtfully. “Why NYU?”
“It’s just something I’ve fantasized about since I was little. I know it’s stupid, but it’s because my Grandma went there, and I want to have a connection to her somehow.” I crack a smile when thinking about her. I can’t remember her very well, just some fragments of her reading to me bedtime stories, of her baking with my mom, things like that. She helped Mom raise me when Dad wasn’t there, at least until she got sick with breast cancer.
His dimple flickers. “It’s not stupid.”
I smile. “I’m okay with anywhere, really. As long as it’s in New York.”
He tilts his head. “You want to stay in New York?”
“Yeah, I love this city. Why would I want to be anywhere else?” I look up at him. “Don’t you love it here?”
“Well, now I do, yeah.” He gives me the warmest smile.
I smile back. “You like it here more than California?”
He makes a dismissive sound. “A lot better.” Then he kisses me softly before he looks at me. “And you’re the big reason for that.”
I put my head on the crook of his neck, my heart expanding. He feels so warm. I breathe in his smell––a hint of shaving cream and a familiar scent of his cologne. It smells so… him.
And we just lay there. I shift closer to him, putting my arms around his taut stomach, my hand on his thigh, and then I feel his body goes rigid.
“What’s wrong?” I ask worriedly, glancing up at him.
He lets out a slow, shaky breath. And then I see it––he is hard.
Oh my God. It’s like having a déjà vu to what happened with Jacob.
The topic of sex has never been discussed between us. It’s like this unspoken thing. We know we want it, but we shouldn’t. At least not now. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to become an entirely different person once I’ve graduated. But to wait until then, it does feel more right somehow.
“Sorry,” I say, immediately springing myself back from him.
“Geez, Alice…” He looks away, his ears all red.
“What?” I chuckle, amused at his reaction.
“You make this so hard for me!”
“I know… It must be really, really hard for you.” Then I burst into a fit of giggles.
Nick whips his head to me, gaping. “Oh, you think this is funny? My torment is your entertainment?” Nick grabs a hold of my waist and pulls me closer. “Come here, you!”
And he kisses me––all over my face, my neck, my collarbone. And my cheek
s are burning and aching from all the smiling. My skin pricks every time his lip makes contact. It almost feels like… getting electric shocks. And I love it.
Chapter 25
Zoe: Where are you? I thought you’re coming with me today?
Shit… Is it today? I totally forgot about that. I promised her some time ago that I’d accompany her to Leo’s practice before the big game tomorrow.
Another Friday, another day at Nick’s place, and another excuse that I have to make. I’ve been getting away with lame explanations like having a headache, or having to buy groceries for my mom. She doesn’t question me why I always have something on Friday, and she didn’t get mad that I freaked out when she tried to hook me up with some guy at school. I’m pretty sure Zoe can tell that something’s up with me, though she never said anything. And that kind of terrifies me.
I stare at the screen, trying to come up with something to tell her. It might have worked for the first few times, but I don’t know how long I can keep this up.
“Nick,” I call him from the couch.
“Yes?” he replies without looking up from his computer.
“Can I tell Zoe about us?”
“You can’t,” he says almost immediately.
I frown. “But she is my best friend. I want to tell her everything that’s going on in my life, and now you’re a big part of it! Our secret will be safe with her, I promise.”
Nick shakes his head. “It’s a risk that I cannot take.”
I exhale. “Then help me think of something to tell her why I can’t hang out today. She’s starting to suspect. I have to give her something.”
But I don’t tell him how I’m truly afraid that I might lose Zoe. I’d hate to see us drifting apart by this secret that hangs between us.
Nick rises up from his chair and walks over to sit beside me. He sighs. “I’m sorry that you have to lie to your friend. But I promise, once you graduated––”
“Graduation,” I cut him off, “is a long time away, Nick.”
When I said it, my heart aches a little––because that’s how long I’d have to wait before we can tell people about us before we can be together openly. That’s almost a year away.