by Emily N. Kay
“It’s for the best, Alice. Things will only go south if this gets out.”
I press my lips together. “It just sucks having to keep this big of a secret from my best friend.”
“I know…” He plays with my hair, gently wrapping it around his fingers.
“Tyler knows,” I say. “He knows, and he keeps your secret––because that’s what friends do.”
“It’s different and you know it. Your friend Zoe––she is my student too. It’s going to be weirder for her than it is for Tyler,” he says. “Besides, I didn’t intend for Tyler to know.”
Of course, it’s going to be weird––finding out that your best friend is seeing your teacher. But still, I have imagined all the scenarios where I tell Zoe about Nick, and I can’t see Zoe ever betraying me. No matter how hard she’ll oppose the idea. She will never turn her back on me.
“Do you trust me?” I ask.
“Of course I trust you,” he says drily.
“And I trust Zoe, which means you can trust her too.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t do that,” he says firmly. “Because once it gets out, it won’t stay with her. Don’t you get it? Your friend would tell her boyfriend about it. You said so yourself, you can’t be in a relationship based on a lie.”
I can’t argue with him on that…
“Do you want to be the person who sabotages their relationship just because you ask your friend to keep your secret from her boyfriend?”
“No,” I answer, feeling defeated.
“Right. There’s no way that this won’t spread once your friend knows about it.”
I scrunch up my nose. “I hate that you’re right.”
Nick grins, flashing his dimple. “I love that you think I’m right.”
I can’t help but smile. “Well then, I need to go.”
His face falls. “What? Go where? You just got here.”
“School,” I say. “I’ve used too many excuses already. I have to go back there and meet Zoe as I’ve promised her.”
“Then I’ll drive you there.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to,” he says. “I won’t get to be with you for another week. So, let’s get the most out of today, shall we?”
“But what if someone sees us at school?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be super careful.” Nick pinches my nose before he gets up and grabs the key from the coffee table.
I beam after him.
My boyfriend––driving me to school. Cool.
“Surprise!” I drop myself beside Zoe on the bleacher.
Zoe gasps. “You came!”
“Sorry, I’m late. I had to do something for my mom.”
She nods. “It’s okay.”
“What did I miss?”
“Nothing much. It’s boring sitting here alone.” She rolls her eyes. “Makes me question why I agreed to be here in the first place.”
I brush the guilt away from my face and smile. “Well I’m here with you now.”
Apart from me and Zoe, there are not many people on the bleacher. I can see the players on the basketball court, and the cheerleaders practicing their routine on the other side of the gym.
Maria’s voice rings out so clearly, the sound echoing the gym in a chilling way. “One, two, three, four––five, six, seven, eight! Jess! How many times do I have to remind you you’re not supposed to put your hand there!”
I shudder at Maria’s loud voice. This is why I never want to be a cheerleader at this school. I won’t last a day being scolded like that. Especially by Maria Lopez. I’m sure she would love to torture me.
“Looks like someone forgot to take her chill pill today,” Zoe mutters, and I giggle.
“Yo, the princess has arrived,” Leo greets me as he walks up toward us, sweats gleaming on his skin. Zoe hands him a water bottle. “Thanks babe.”
“Is the practice over?” I ask.
Leo nods while gulping down his water.
Damn it, I’ve missed the whole thing!
“Sorry,” I say. “I’ll definitely be there tomorrow for the game. And on time. You ready?”
“He is,” Zoe replies for him, grinning proudly at Leo. “He was killing it.”
Leo chuckles. “No, you’re just being biased.”
“So what if I am? I love you.” Zoe wrinkles her nose.
And they kiss. I tear my gaze away, willing myself not to think about Nick right now––of how much I want to kiss him in front of everyone.
“Aw, get a room!” Carter walks up to us, his golden hair shiny with sweats. He slaps Leo’s back. Then his eyes slide to me, his lips curving up. “Didn’t know you’re gonna be here.”
I smile awkwardly at him.
“Where are you guys heading? The team is going to some diner around here,” Carter says and points at Leo. “You’re coming. No excuses.”
“Aye, captain.” Leo puts a hand to his brow.
“We’re in. All of us.” Zoe turns to glare at me, forcing me to go.
I glare back. “I’m going?”
“Yes, you’re coming with us,” Zoe insists. “Because you missed the practice.” She sticks out her tiny tongue at me. She knows I won’t dare refuse her.
“Good.” Carter bobs his head, his gaze staying on me. “I’m glad I finally get to ‘go out’ with the Alice Anderson.” His grin used to make my heart thump, but now it just puts a scowl on my face.
“I thought you’re with Maria,” says Leo wearily.
Carter glances at the cheerleaders, towards Maria. And well, she is definitely looking this way, with hands on her hip. I can see her frown from here.
“Oh, yeah. No… I won’t say that I am ‘with’ her. We’re just, you know, fooling around.”
I exchange a glance with Zoe. What a dick, we seem to share the same thought.
“That’s fucked up,” Leo says before gulping more water.
Thank you, Leo––for saying what we’re all thinking.
Carter shrugs carelessly. “Whatever. I’m keeping my options open,” he says, winking at me. “See you guys later.” He then runs off toward the cheerleaders, probably inviting them to dinner too. I wish Maria could have heard what he just said.
Zoe turns to me. “I’m really glad you didn’t go out with that guy.”
“Me too,” says Leo.
“Glad we can finally agree on that,” I say.
Chapter 26
The diner is filled up with Leo’s guys. There are about twenty of them. Among them are the cheerleaders.
Only two of the counter seats are occupied by regular customers. And they must hate us so much. It’s like a zoo in here. The guys are howling, spitting curses, pushing each other around. I’m surprised they haven’t been kicked out already.
In one booth, Zack Devon, one of the guys (and one of my old secret crushes), is devouring the cheeseburger down quietly, while three of his friends are throwing fries at each other’s faces.
I watch the place in horror as I step inside with Zoe.
“Wow,” says Zoe.
“Yep,” I say, at a loss.
How are we supposed to squeeze in? It seems like all the booths are taken. I suddenly feel so out of place, so self-conscious. Zoe’s got Leo, and all the girls here are someone’s girlfriends. And I’m the odd one out, like always.
“Let’s go find Leo.” Zoe grabs my elbow and leads me inside, the two of us walking past booth by booth.
We finally spot Leo, sitting opposite of Carter and Maria. It’s the last booth nearest to the toilet. Good. I might need a quick escape later.
“Hey!” Leo looks up at us with a bright smile. Maria flicks her gaze to us, and her laughter dies.
Carter waves us over. “Come. Sit with us.”
Beside Leo, two guys whose names I can’t recall are gulping down their milkshakes, zero attention paid to our arrival.
“How are we supposed to squeeze in…” Zoe starts.
“Miller, Dylan. Scooch!” Cart
er waves the two guys away.
“The fuck?” one guy swears.
The guy in the middle finally sees us, and the confusion leaves him. “Oh,” he says, giving Carter a smirk. “Dude, come on. Let’s go.” He nudges his friend.
The other guy groans but he gets up anyway. Before they leave, the middle guy gives me a secret wink. My skin crawls. He pushes the other guy out of the booth, taking their milkshakes with them. Then they take the empty booth beside ours.
My eyes meet Maria’s, and I even smile at her. She gives me a sneer in return. Well, at least I tried…
Leo makes some space for us, moving all the way to the left. Zoe goes to sit beside him.
And as I’m about to sit next to her, Carter says, “Alice, you can sit here.” He pats the spot next to him––between him and Maria. “You don’t want to be their third wheel again, do you?”
“What?”
“What!”
Maria and I say at the same time. She gives me her deadliest glare, and Zoe can’t hide her shock, her eyes widening.
“Seriously, Carter?” says Leo blankly.
“I don’t want to be your third wheel either,” I say.
“Relax. I’m just kidding.” Carter lets out an easy laugh, and Maria looks away.
I sigh and sit down next to Zoe. The booth suddenly feels so cramped up, and I’m very tempted to go sit with the exiled guys and their milkshakes. At least I won’t be a third wheel there. Or am I…?
And I find myself thinking––if only I’m dating Jacob Weiler, things would be so easy. I picture us going on a bunch of double dates. I would no longer be the freaking third wheel. I wouldn’t feel so alone among these people. And most importantly, I wouldn’t have to keep any secrets from my friends.
Having Nick here as my date would be another story…
A waitress hands me and Zoe the menus, and she looks so cool and intimidating with a shaved head and black tattoos on both sides of her neck. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Oh, no need… Sally.” Zoe looks at the name tag and hands the menu back to her. “I know what I want.”
I grin. Zoe always gets the same thing. At every diner. Once she knows what she likes, she won’t even consider changing. I like to think that it’s the same with Leo and her friendship with me.
“I’d like a double cheeseburger with a side of cheese fries, and also a chocolate milkshake,” Zoe says quickly, as if her order is already ingrained in her brain.
“Cool,” Sally says as she’s jotting down on her note pad. “What about you, beautiful? What would you like?” The way she says it makes me cringe a little. She then flashes me a smile that almost looks… flirty? She is biting her bottom lip and is definitely batting her lashes at me.
I glance at Zoe, and I know that she’s thinking what I’m thinking. She turns to Leo and giggles, burying her face in his neck.
I’m too startled that I’m stuttering, “Um, well, I guess… I’ll get the same thing as her, but with vanilla milkshake instead.”
“Hmm, not into chocolate, are you?” She clicks her tongue and shakes her head.
“Not really,” I answer.
“No, that’s fine.” Sally shrugs, frowning a little as she finishes jotting down the order. “What a shame though…”
Then I realize––she thinks that I’m indirectly rejecting her––because she’s black.
Oh no. But before I could say anything to justify what I said, Sally is gone.
Then Carter explodes, his entire body shakes in a fit of laughter. “What the fuck was that!”
Leo and Zoe also laugh with Carter, and my mouth drops open. What just happened?
“She’s… totally,” Leo says between laughs, “flirting with you.”
“I didn’t try to… you know. I didn’t know––” I try to defend myself.
“Right. You are so clueless, aren’t you?” Maria spits.
“I think it’s cute,” Carter says with a grin.
I look uncomfortably between him and Maria. How can he say it in front of her?
“Are you gay, Alice?” Maria suddenly asks, tilting her head to the side. And the way she says it makes me think that she’s homophobic. And at this point, I really, really want her to meet Tyler. I’m sure he’ll teach her some lesson.
“I’m not gay, Maria,” I reply wearily.
“I mean, you never really have a boyfriend, right? I just think that’s weird.”
Carter squints his eyes at me, like he wants an answer to that too. Zoe squeezes my hand under the table, and I squeeze it back.
I lift my chin. “There’s nothing unusual about not having a boyfriend, Maria. And you need to stop assuming everyone is gay just because it doesn’t suit you.” I regret it as soon as I said it. Maria doesn’t know that I know how she thinks Nick is gay.
Zoe lets out a shriek, her mouth opens. Possibly because she doesn’t think that I’ll actually say it out loud. This is the kind of thing that starts war in high school…
Maria’s brow shoot up. “Excuse me, what’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” I say in my throat.
We are all holding our breath.
To make things worse, Maria says, “Or are you three one of those weird couples? Are you guys in like––what are they called––a polyamorous relationship or something?” She smirks like she just said something super smart. When we don’t respond, she groans. “I’m asking if you three are having threesome?”
“I know what polyamorous means, Maria.” I gawk at her. “Are you being serious right now?”
But Leo bursts out laughing, along with Zoe.
Carter looks between us, his face lights up with interest. “Fuck. Now I’m imagining it.” He snickers. “It’s fucking hot.”
“Gross!” cries Zoe.
Maria turns to Carter with a scowl. “You’re not helping!”
Our foods finally arrive, interrupting this extremely awkward conversation. I mutter my thank you, avoiding eye contact with Sally.
“Are you sure you want to eat all that?” Maria points at the cheesy burger and fries in front of me. She just finished her plate of green salad. How appropriate. “You don’t seem like the type who eats a lot of… fattening things. You know what I mean?”
I open my mouth to reply, but Zoe is faster. “Oh let me tell you, this girl can eat a gallon of cheese and she still won’t gain a pound,” she says, glancing at me proudly.
“It’s true,” Leo adds with his mouth full.
Carter leans over with interest. “Are you telling me that that body is naturally attained? Now that’s impressive.”
I force a smile. “Doesn’t mean that it’s healthy.” In my attempt to be humble…
“It’s not,” Maria says sharply. Then she reaches for her glass of water, huffing.
“Girls must be so jealous of you.” Carter gives me a smug grin. I don’t know if he intentionally directed that to Maria, but she shoots him a glance anyway.
I shrug, saying nothing and sipping on my milkshake. I can feel Carter’s gaze baring down on me. I ignore him, focusing solely on the huge portion of food in front of me.
The conversation carries on and on while I’m silently eating my burger. After a while, I slip out to use the restroom. And only inside the stall that I can breathe again. Being with Carter and Maria takes a lot more effort than I thought.
My mind goes to Nick. What is he doing now? Will he come to the game tomorrow? I totally forgot to ask him. But I doubt he’d go. It doesn’t seem like his thing––all this high-school stuff.
I check my phone. For what, I don’t know. It’s not like Nick would text me. He said that we need to be extra careful about this. While I agree with him, it still sucks how much I want to talk to him, but I have to wait till Friday.
I come out of the stall when I decide it’s time to go back to that hellish booth. And how lucky it is for me that Maria is standing over one of the sinks, carefully applying a bright-pink lipstick on her po
uty lips.
I sigh. “Hey.”
She glances at me without a word.
Then I just can’t help myself. “Do you have anything against me, Maria?”
She stops, turning her head to me, her ponytail wiggling. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know,” I say, “I’ve been wrecking my brain thinking, and I still don’t know why you hate me so much. What did I ever do to you?”
Maria scoffs. “No. You did nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Then I pause before I dare ask, “Is it because of Carter…?”
She presses her lips together, her lipstick smudged a little outside of her lip line. “What about Carter?” she says nonchalantly.
I say nothing, staring at her blankly.
Maria peers at me from the corner of her eye. “Forget it.” Then she stomps off, not forgetting to smack me with her shoulder on her way out.
Wow… I shake my head with disbelief, watching her swaying ponytail and thinking of grabbing it in my fist and yank really hard.
Maria Lopez is a bully, and she can make my life a living hell if I’m not careful. And I will stay out of her way, so that I can stay out of drama. I’ve been doing a good job staying out of it for three years now, and I’ll continue doing so for one more.
One more year to go. Till I am free of all this bullshit.
Chapter 27
On Saturday, I wake up early to the sound of my mom’s humming in the kitchen. And I know right that moment that she’s baking something.
“You’re up early,” she greets me with a bright smile, stirring some sort of batter in a glass bowl.
“Morning,” I stretch my arms. “What are you baking?”
“Peanut butter and jelly cupcakes. Your favorite.” She smiles. “Honestly, the cupcakes from that Luke boy inspired me to make some of my own.”
I smile and hug her from the back. “I want to help you.”
She cranes her neck. “Since when do you want to help me bake? You never want to bake.”