Explain it.
“You sounded so panicked just now, yelling my name when you burst through the trees.” She starts laughing all over again.
“It’s not funny,” I tell her, sounding pissed. Because hey, guess what? I’m pissed. Pissed at the world. Pissed at my parents. Pissed at this girl.
“It’s so freaking funny.” She points at me. “You were worried.”
“Like I said, I thought you’d stumble into the lake and drown.” I look away, staring out at the water, watching it ripple. It’s colder down here by the lake, and I realize Ava is shivering.
I don’t care. I shouldn’t care. She can freeze.
“Well, I didn’t. You’re not worth dying over.”
I turn my head to glare at her. “Right back at you, babe.”
Her laughter sputters and dies. “Don’t call me babe.”
“Stop being so damn mean to me then.”
“You think I’m being mean to you? Are you serious right now?” Her mouth hangs open as she gapes at me before she snaps it shut. “You’re the one who I caught kissing another girl.”
“I already told you, she kissed me first. I can’t control her.” I shrug. “Besides, how can I get caught when I’m not with anyone, huh?”
An irritated noise escapes her as she averts her head, her gaze stuck on the water. “She was sitting on your lap.”
“Yeah, so? Why the fuck do you care anyway, huh? You’re the one who left me at my house high and dry a week ago, never to be heard from again. You’re nothing but a little chicken shit,” I mutter.
Her head whips around, her gaze as icy as her tone. “What did you just call me?”
“A chicken shit.” I say the words slowly, so she can really absorb them. Oh, she’s good and mad now. “You know, bok-bok chicken?” I bend my arms and flap them like wings.
A strangled noise leaves her as she lunges for me with all the force she’s got, which is enough to take me to the ground. She rises above me, straddling my hips as the moon glints off her blonde hair and shines upon her face, reminding me of a fair-haired princess.
An angry princess.
My princess.
She’s smacking my chest with her fists repeatedly, but it doesn’t hurt. And she’s making all of these frustrated sounds as she calls me horrible names under her breath. Things like cocksucker and motherfucker. Pencil dick.
The first two I’ve heard before, plenty of times, but that last one is new. And considering she’s actually felt my dick, she has to know it’s not true.
I don’t try to stop her. Like what happened in the bathroom earlier, I let her get it all out. While I not so secretly watch her, completely mesmerized by her emotional display.
Eventually, her energy depletes, and she’s hitting at me halfheartedly until finally, she stops. Her hands each clutch a fistful of my sweatshirt, as she sits there, her breathing ragged, the breeze off the water whipping her hair across her face. With a growl, she yanks my sweatshirt up, exposing my stomach. And when that cold air hits my skin, I can’t help but shiver.
She releases the sweatshirt and gently rests her hands against my belly, my entire body going still. She’s not even looking at me. Well, she’s not looking at my face. She’s staring at the exposed part of my body with quiet fascination, just before she hangs her head and moves her hands at the same time, sending my sweatshirt even farther up, baring my entire chest.
The cold wind dances along my skin, causing goosebumps to dot my flesh. Is it from the chill in the air, or because she’s touching me, her fingertips feather light as she traces them over my skin?
I don’t know, but I don’t stop her. This is a moment to savor. To stash in my memory so I can bring it back out one night when I’m feeling lonely and Ava is no longer a part of my life.
That time is surely coming, and it’s like there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
She drags her nail in a circle around my belly button and all I can think about is her diving her fingers beneath my joggers. She traces my ribs. My stomach muscles. She tugs at the few hairs growing on my chest, making me wince but, otherwise, I don’t make a sound.
“They’re hard,” she says as she lightly brushes her index finger across my nipple.
I huff out a laugh, ignoring my sudden eager dick. “It’s cold as fuck out here.”
“But your skin is really hot.” She dips her head, her breath warm against my flesh, right before she presses her mouth to the spot between my pecs. “Your heart is beating so fast,” she whispers.
Ah damn. This girl. What the fuck are we doing? She hates me.
She fucking slapped me.
And now she’s kissing the spot where my heart should be, reminding me that she makes me feel so much more than I thought I ever could.
“It’s just gas,” I tell her, and she jerks her head up, glaring at me for what feels like a long, agonizing moment before she rests her cheek against my chest, her butt in the air, her knees on either side of my hips.
“You make me crazy,” she whispers.
I touch the top of her head, thread my fingers through her golden hair. “In a good way or a bad way?”
“In the worst way possible.” She starts kissing my chest again, and it’s going to be my undoing. I just know it. My heart, my skin, my blood is pumping hot and fast, and my dick is straining against the front of my joggers. Meaning that it’s extra obvious I’m sporting an erection.
She slides down my body, her lips mapping my skin, her hands tugging at the waistband of my joggers like she’s trying to pull them off. I lift my hips slightly, hoping she’ll take the hint. I don’t know how I got so lucky. It’s cold as a witch’s tit out here, but I don’t even care. Ava Callahan is going to give me a blowjob on the lakeshore.
It’s like my wildest dreams are coming true.
Her tongue tickles the hairs that lead from my navel down past the waistband of my joggers, and I’m not sure how long I’ll last, I’m so damn eager. I feel her mouth against my cotton-covered dick, and I close my eyes as I hiss out a breath. She nuzzles my erection with her face and I groan, my hands landing on top of her head, guiding her where I want her.
Holy shit. This is actually happening.
She resists. Of course, she does. This is Ava we’re talking about. She dodges out of my grip and lifts up so that she’s staring down at me again, the haughty princess sneering at her lowly subject.
“I’m not going to give you a blowie, as you so cutely put it,” she says.
Disappointment leaves me sagging. “Well that’s a damn shame. Me and my dick were really looking forward to it.”
“I’m sure.” She crawls off of me and settles her butt on the sand. “Go ask your little girlfriend for one.”
“No doubt she’d suck me clean.” I slowly sit up, tugging my sweatshirt down before I run a hand through my hair, brushing the sand away. “I hear her mouth is like a vacuum.”
The disgusted look on Ava’s face says so much. “You don’t have any personal experience?”
“Nope.” I slowly shake my head and scoot over so I’m sitting right next to her. “The only girl I’ve been with for months is you.”
Her eyes widen the slightest bit. I surprised her. I can tell. “Bullshit.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Until tonight,” she reminds me.
“Right. Until tonight.” That kiss shouldn’t have happened. But I was too distracted with Ava showing up to stop it. The next thing I knew, Tara’s lips were on mine, her tongue in my mouth, a breathy little moan escaping her as she pressed her body against mine.
It was all a show. Put on just for me. There wasn’t any heart in it. Or heat. Tara’s mouth on mine did nothing for me. Absolutely nothing.
But Ava? Girl slaps my face and I swear to God all the blood rushed south, filling my dick. She’s worth the pain.
“Was it worth it?”
What the fuck? Is she like, in my head?
When I frown at her, Ava co
ntinues, “The kiss from the other girl.”
“No.” I shake my head, bending my knees so I can rest my arms on top of them. “I’d rather fight with you.”
“That’s insane.”
“It’s the truth.” I shrug and tilt my head, looking straight at her. “Do you even know how beautiful you are?”
She appears taken aback by my compliment. “You’re just saying that.”
“No.” I shake my head. “No way. You look like a fucking Disney princess, Callahan. And you rule me far more than you realize.”
Ava starts to laugh. “Please. If I ruled you, you would be at my beck and call whenever I wanted you.”
“Is that what you want? Really?” I change position and shift closer to her. She doesn’t move, just watches me warily with those big green eyes. Eyes I could happily drown in. “You want someone who’ll be at your every whim? Who won’t put up a fight?”
I stare at her, waiting for her answer, and it takes a while before it finally comes. “Maybe.”
Her tone is full of doubt. I know what she wants.
“Maybe you want someone who has as much fire as you do.” Unable to resist, I touch her, threading my fingers through her silky soft hair. Her lids fall at half-mast, and I know my hands in her hair feels good. I make her feel good. “Someone who knows how to challenge you. Someone who knows how to fight back.”
My mouth touches hers before she can utter another word. I kiss her once. Twice. My hand is still in her hair, cupping the side of her head as I drink from her lips. They part so easily, my tongue sliding in, circling hers, and I’m desperate to keep the kiss light. Trying not to push it. Push her.
She whispers my name, and it does something to me. It’s like a punch in the dick. Like a slap to the face. I pull her into me, my arms wrapping around her, her hands going to my front, diving beneath the sweatshirt so she can touch my abs. We kiss and kiss, tongues tangling, barely coming up for air, and when she slips a hand beneath my joggers, those delicate fingers brushing against the front of my boxer briefs, I immediately grab her wrist, stopping her exploration.
“You really want to do that?” I ask hoarsely.
Her eyes pop open and stare into mine. Our breathing is accelerated, our bodies brushing against each other as our chests rise and fall. Her fingers are still resting on my erection, and she draws them downward, making me rise up.
Fuck, that feels good. I can only imagine what will happen if her lips actually ever did touch my dick.
I’d probably go up in flames.
When she says nothing, I continue talking.
“If we keep this up, we’re never going back. Those lips of yours touch my cock? I’m yours. My fingers slip between your legs and make you come? You’re mine.”
Her eyes are huge. She has to know this is where it would lead, right?
“Are you prepared for that?” I ask her.
“I—” She shakes her head. Closes her eyes. Presses her swollen lips together. “We shouldn’t do this.”
Her words are weapons. Those last four she just dropped on me? Like another kick to the dick.
“What do you mean, we shouldn’t do this?” I sound mad. Guess what? I am. Love and madness. Anger and lust. They all swirl within me, spreading like a virus to every vital organ I’ve got. “What else are we supposed to do?”
Us being together feels…inevitable. At least, it feels that way to me.
“I just—you confuse me.” A shaky breath leaves her, her lips trembling, and I can’t resist, despite the fact that she torments me on a regular basis.
“It’s going to be so good between us,” I whisper against her mouth as I kiss her gently, my tongue darting out to lick at the center of her bottom lip. I inhale the gasp that leaves her, wishing I could keep it forever. Wishing I could memorize the sound so I can never forget it. “You know this, right? Whatever we do, it’s going to be mind-blowing. Like we were made for each other.”
Her fingers brush against me again, making me shiver. “I’ve never—”
I silence her with a kiss. “I know. It’s okay.”
She’s a virgin. I bet she hasn’t done shit. From what I’ve seen so far, she’s a natural. I’ll show her whatever she needs to know, and then some.
All that matters is I’ll be her first. I’ll own every one of her firsts. She’ll be mine.
And I’ll be hers.
“My head is spinning,” she whispers, a gasp escaping her when I sink my teeth into her plump lower lip. “Oh God, I don’t feel so well.”
I go still. “What do you mean?”
“My head.” She cracks her eyes open at the same time I do, and her whole body does this weird circle motion thing before she lurches to the side. “I’m dizzy. And my stomach…”
She scrambles off me and I let her, scooting backward to create some distance from her when she crawls away, ducks her head…
And throws up all over the sand.
Eighteen
Ava
I’m hunkered over the sand on my knees, hacking up my guts, trying to get rid of the dangling saliva that’s hanging from the corners of my mouth. It hurts so bad. My stomach aches from the continuous heaving. And all the liquor I consumed earlier burns a fiery path up my throat as it spills out of me.
So humiliating. Here I was, kissing Eli. The boy can kiss like no other—not that I have a lot to draw comparison from. The moment his lips touch mine always makes me want more. Next thing I knew, I had my hand on his erection, and my God, it was so big and hot. I wanted to see more. Touch more. But then my stomach roiled and my head spun and…
Yeah.
I threw up.
My eyes are tearing up as I retch one last time, coughing and sputtering into the sand, but nothing else comes out. I lift my head a little, the cool breeze smacking me right in my hot face, making me feel better, but only temporarily.
I close my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but here. Mortification eats away at me and I press my eyes closed, wishing I could disappear. Eli must think I’m pathetic, only because I am. I’m a pathetic loser who can’t hold her liquor. I’m also a pathetic virgin who tries to make a move and almost ends up barfing all over the most attractive boy she’s ever been with.
AKA, the only boy I’ve ever really been with.
“Hey.” He’s suddenly right next to me, his hands in my hair, brushing it back past my shoulders. “You all right?”
I shake my head but otherwise don’t answer him. What am I supposed to say? Sorry I almost threw up all over your freaking beautiful face?
Yeah. So gross.
“Was it the vodka?” he asks, his voice unusually gentle.
I nod. It’s fairly obvious, considering the liquid I just vomited is pink, thanks to the cranberry juice I consumed along with all that vodka.
He keeps stroking my hair, and it’s so soothing, I can almost believe he cares. “Let’s get you back to the cabin and find some water for you to drink.”
He helps me stand and once I’m on my feet, I sag against him, burying my face into his warm chest. Tears sting my eyes, and it’s not from throwing up. No, it’s from good old-fashioned shame. Pretty sure I’m having a total shame spiral right now, and lucky me, Eli gets to witness me falling apart.
“I don’t want to go back,” I moan into his sweatshirt.
“We have to,” Eli says as he slips his arm around my shoulders and holds me to him. I swear he sounds amused. Maybe he is. Maybe he thinks it’s hilarious, how lame I truly am. He runs his hand up and down my back, trying to comfort me I suppose, but his hands on me do the complete opposite. It reminds me that he’s here, that he’s still touching me despite what just happened, and all I want to do is run away and hide. “You need to lay down for a bit, I think.”
“Where?” I croak as I pull away from him. He dips his head, coming closer to me, and I cover my mouth, not wanting him to smell my breath. My mouth tastes awful.
I look away, keeping my hand over my lips.
&n
bsp; Could this night get any worse?
“I have gum,” he offers, digging in the pocket of his joggers before he produces a familiar foil wrapped stick. “You want it?”
I take it from him. “It’s warm.”
“It’s been nestled against my nut sack for the last three hours, so it should be,” he says with a chuckle.
Oh my God, that’s disgusting.
I unwrap the gum and stick it in my mouth anyway, grateful for the cool, minty flavor flooding my mouth. “Thank you,” I murmur.
“Not going to say anything about my nut sack comment, huh? Pretty obvious you’re still not feeling well.” He steers me around so I’m now standing next to him, his arm still thrown over my shoulders. I lean into him, grateful for the solid weight of his body. Otherwise, I’d probably melt onto the sand like a blob of nothing. “Let’s head back to the party.”
“I don’t know if I can make it,” I protest, my head spinning when I lift away from him.
“You can,” he encourages me. “Come on, princess. Don’t give up so easily now.”
Eli leads me back into the thicket of pine trees, guiding me down the dark trail. The branches are so tall and thick, they shut out nearly all the light, and I swear I hear all sorts of strange noises as we pass by bushes and smaller trees.
He’s oblivious to the creepy vibe, whistling under his breath like he’s one of the seven dwarfs headed back home to Snow White after a long day at work. I wish I felt half as nonchalant as he’s acting right now.
But acting casual has never been a trait of mine. Sometimes I think I’m too uptight for my own good.
Eventually I’m able to pull away from him and walk on my own, though he doesn’t let go of my hand, and I don’t let go either. Our fingers locked together comforts me. Gives me strength. And hope. Hope that he won’t toss me to the side when this night is over with.
When we come out of the trees, I finally feel like I can breathe again. Inhaling deeply, I toss my head back for a moment and absorb the light of the moon.
“You all right?”
Opening my eyes, I find Eli standing directly in front of me, watching me very carefully. “I think so.” I offer him a weak smile, absurdly grateful he didn’t ditch me during my time of need. “Thank you.”
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