Addicted To Him

by Monica Murphy

  “I have spies at your school and they tell me everything,” I say, my voice ominous. It’s not true. The rumors spread from one high school to the next. Everyone’s friends with everybody. Everyone’s talking about everybody else. We hear all their gossip, just like I’m sure they hear all of ours.

  “Spies, Eli? Really?” Cami crosses her arms, going into pure defensive mode.

  “Really. Listen, it’s been nice playing catch up and all, but I gotta go grab something to eat. See you two later.” I turn before they can say anything else, and head for the snack bar, picking up my pace.

  No such luck getting completely away from them, though. I’m only seconds away from calling out Brenden’s name once I spot him in line before I realize Baylee is keeping pace right next to me, touching my arm.

  I stop walking and turn to her, all niceties gone. “What the hell do you want?”

  “So hostile,” Baylee says, her smile firmly in place. “I heard you’re single.”

  Nothing like getting right to the point.

  “When am I not single?” I run a hand through my hair as I glance around, hoping like hell Ava doesn’t see me talking to Baylee, of all people.

  She’d probably flip the fuck out.

  Well.

  If she still cares.

  “There’s a party tonight at Sorrento’s house,” Baylee says with a suggestive smile.

  Some things never fucking change.

  “I was wondering if you wanted to go?” she asks, hope written all over her face. She’s cute enough. Senior like me. A complete bitch like Cami. No loyalty whatsoever. She knows Cami and I hooked up in the past. Shit, it was Cami who probably suggested they come talk to me. And here’s Baylee, sneaking away from her very best friend so she can arrange a hookup between us for later.

  “Nah. That’s not my scene,” I say with a shake of my head. No way am I walking into that lion’s den. They’ll all want to kick my ass.

  Her disappointment is clear. “I thought you weren’t scared of our team.”

  “I’m not.” Leaning in closer, I murmur into her ear, “I’m scared as fuck of you, though. Rumor has it you have teeth in your vagina.”

  I’ve never heard that particular rumor about Baylee in my life, but that shit is probably true. The girl is lethal.

  She pulls away from me with a gasp and a snarl, her eyes blazing with anger. “You’re such a prick.”

  “And you’re such a tease.” I send her a look. One that I hope says, get the fuck away from me. “Go find someone else to hook up with tonight. Preferably someone your best friend isn’t or hasn’t been interested in.”

  “Ha, that strikes out everyone within a fifty-mile radius.” Baylee storms off and I watch her go, slowly shaking my head.

  Like I said, trouble. Both of them. I vow to steer clear of them.

  I find my friends, and I stand in line with them at the snack shack for the rest of halftime, only making it back to our seats by the beginning of the third quarter. People have already started to leave—mostly the adults who come for some local Friday night entertainment—and most people won’t even sit close to us since we’re considered the enemy. Eventually, I’m able to lean back against the bench seat behind me and prop my elbows on it, kicking out my legs in front of me.

  I am the epitome of casual.

  But inside, I’m feeling anything but. I keep my eyes firmly glued on the field, watching Jake play. Watching the rest of his offense as they try to score. They seem to have a natural rhythm, as if they can read each other’s minds and know where everyone is on the field at all times. They’ve got the playbook memorized, and while I’m confident in our abilities, I know we make more mistakes. Some of my players go rogue and end up in a spot where they weren’t supposed to be.

  It sucks.

  The majority of their football team is made up of competent seniors who’ve played together for years—since youth league times. They were Mountain Bowl champions two years in a row when we were in middle school. They understand each other. Some of them even hate each other, but when they get on that field, they put aside their personal feelings and play for the greater good of the team.

  I’m quietly impressed.

  And quietly worried.

  Not that I would tell the rest of my guys I feel like that. I don’t need to put fear or worry into them.

  They can do that just fine on their own.

  The cheer team starts chanting, and I openly watch Ava. I changed position so I’m sitting in her line of vision instead of Cami’s, and she keeps focusing on something that’s above my head and just to the right. She won’t look at me. It’s almost like she can’t look at me.

  I’m slowly dying inside.

  Look at me.

  I stare at her intently, mentally willing her with my goddamn mind to see me. She’s smiling at everyone but me. My chest grows tighter and tighter the longer I stare at her.

  This girl…

  I want her to be mine. Which means I have to be good.

  First things first, I have to learn how to keep my mouth shut. Not say impulsive shit that makes her mad.

  Because that’s my problem right now. I always say impulsive shit. She’s always mad at me. I’m sure that that last story I made where I lied through my teeth has left her heated.

  There is nothing better than a heated Ava. Sexy as fuck. I get off on her anger. Meaning I’m a sick fuck.

  Hey, at least I can admit it.

  A heavy sigh escapes me at the same time my phone buzzes in the back pocket of my jeans. I reach for it to find I have a text notification from my mother.

  Where are you????????????

  I send her a quick response.

  Went to a game. Checking out the competition.

  I take a photo of what’s currently happening on the field in front of me and send it to her.

  She responds pretty quickly.

  When are you coming home?

  I’m tempted to ask her why she cares, but I don’t want to piss her off. She’s mad enough at me already.

  Me: When the game is over.

  Mom: I want you home now.

  Me: Why?

  Mom: You don’t need to be out late.

  Mom: Don’t argue with me about this. You’re already walking on thin ice.

  I roll my eyes. Since when does she actually give a shit? Not like she cares about my safety.

  Me: I’m 17 and QB of my football team. I’m out late every Friday night. What’s the big deal?

  Mom: Come home right after the game then.

  Me: I’m staying the night at Brenden’s.

  That’s a lie. I had no plans on staying the night at Brenden’s, but what if I get Ava to talk to me. What if I get her to spend time with me?

  I have to take advantage of what I can get. And besides, the last thing I want to do is go home.

  No response for at least ten minutes. I try to concentrate on the game, on Ava, but I’m distracted. Filled with worry. Is Mom okay? Why does she want me home so badly? She’s usually too drunk to care where I’m at on a Friday night.

  Why the sudden change of heart?

  Finally, she responds.

  Mom: Okay. That’s fine. Next time though, run your plans by me first.

  She’s ridiculous. In the last few years, she’s never cared. Once Ryan graduated and everything went to shit, I could probably stand in the middle of the living room buck ass naked with my dick in some random girl’s mouth and Mom would be too drunk to notice. Or she might even ask me who my new girlfriend is.

  And that’s the damn truth.

  “You know, you never did tell me how you got that cut on your face,” Brenden says, drawing me out of my thoughts.

  My fingers automatically go to the gash on my cheekbone. It’s thin but deep. Kissed with a nice reddish-purple bruise. Mom did a number on me. I look tough as hell. When you walk around campus with a bruised and battered face, people look at you differently.

  There’s no way in he
ll I can tell Brenden the truth. I’ll look like the biggest pussy on the planet.

  “Family argument,” I say, keeping it ambiguous.

  Brenden’s brows shoot straight up. “No shit? Your dad’s slapping you now or what?”

  “Something like that,” I say with a dark chuckle.

  Close enough.

  “Man,” Brenden laughs, shaking his head. “What’s it like, being you?”

  “Fucked up beyond measure,” I tell him, grinning like an idiot.

  His laughter grows. “No shit.”

  Yeah. No shit.

  Twenty-Three

  Ava

  The game ends and thankfully, we won. I want out of here, to make my escape before I potentially run into Eli, but I have to stick around and help clean up first. I put away my poms, roll up the mats we use to cheer and stunt on, and chat a little with friends but I’m desperate to leave.

  I’m torn. Part of me is dying to get away and not talk to Eli. Dealing with him is stressful. But the other part…

  Wants to talk to him. Wants to hear what he has to say. Wants to watch him grovel and make his amends. But will he grovel?

  Knowing him, probably not.

  It was difficult, having to cheer with him watching me from the stands. His gaze never left me for the entirety of the second half. He was surrounded by friends, all of them talking and laughing, watching the game intently. Every once in a while, one of them would nudge him in the ribs or slap him on the shoulder, but he barely noticed them. Eli sat as still as a statue among them, his eyes only for me. It should’ve felt creepy. Like I have a crazed stalker who’s obsessed with me.

  Instead, it was…exhilarating. Knowing I don’t actually have a stalker, but a gorgeous boy who’s completely obsessed with me. Who can’t stop staring. Who wishes we were together.

  Or at the very least, wishes he could fuck me.

  There’s something liberating in clinging to the harsh reality versus wrapping yourself up in some soft, fuzzy version of the truth. Thinking words like, he wants me or he’s attracted to me.

  Let’s be real. Eli wants to fuck me. End of story.

  And there’s power in knowing that. Now I finally understand why sex is such a drug.

  My gaze would never linger on his face too long, but I noticed the cut on his cheek. The colorful bruise just above it. Did he get in a fight? And who with? Couldn’t have been my brother. So who? And why?

  Curiosity is a terrible thing.

  Deciding to play it cool, I gather up all my stuff, check in with Brandy and then take off, headed for the parking lot. I parked on the other side of the bus barn, so I have a bit of a walk. Normally I’d walk with some of the other girls who parked in the same lot. Tonight, I just want out of here instead of hanging around and gossiping with my friends.

  Of course, the majority of the girls on my team have football playing boyfriends, so they’re out on the field taking photos with them. I could be one of those girls, but currently Lindsey is taking photos with Wyatt, cozied right up next to him. They’re both wearing matching giant smiles.

  My heart pangs with longing. Not because I wish I was with Wyatt.

  I wish Eli and I could be like that.

  Shoving my emotions deep inside where they should stay, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and leave the field area, heading for the parking lot. There are still stragglers lingering. The football booster parents are cleaning up the snack shack. There’s a large group of freshman girls who are standing near the exit gate, and I’d guess they’re waiting for parents to pick them up.

  Loneliness settles over me and I mentally tell it to kiss my ass. I’m not lonely. I have friends. I have a life. If I was smart, I’d find a boy. One who goes to my school. One who’s polite and quiet and respectful. Who’s cute and funny and makes me laugh and impresses me with his intelligence.

  Sounds like a unicorn to me.

  I’m about to cross over the bridge that leads to the parking lot where my car’s at when I hear someone call my name.

  A male someone.

  Glancing over my shoulder, I pause when I see it’s…Caleb headed my way.

  “Yo, Ava!” He jogs over to where I’m standing, coming to a stop right in front of me. When I was younger, I had a crush on him. Pretty much every girl has at one point. Most of them still do. Caleb is probably the most attractive boy at our high school, and he knows it. The problem?

  He’s a complete player. As in, he’s had some sort of encounter with pretty much every single girl on this campus. No joke.

  Well, except for me.

  “What’s up?” I ask Caleb, smiling at him. Kind of grateful for him being here, if I’m honest. I didn’t want to walk out into the parking lot alone.

  “I saw you by yourself and figured I’d walk with you,” he says as both of us start toward the lot. “Jake would be so pissed if he saw you alone right now.”

  “I can handle being by myself. I’m a big girl,” I tell him with a faint smile.

  “Oh, I know that,” he says suggestively, making me laugh. “If something were to happen though, I’d feel terrible.” He sends me a bashful look, and I want to roll my eyes. Caleb is the furthest thing from bashful. He’s just flirting with me right now.

  We make small talk about the game. Caleb brings up the college scouts, though he doesn’t mention them actually looking at him. I wonder what he’s going to do after he graduates. Go to college? Doubtful. The only reason Caleb has okay grades is because he plays about every sport the school has to offer, and we have to maintain a minimum grade point average in order to participate. He’s never been overly ambitious. Not that I’d call him lazy.

  I think he’s the sort of guy who prefers to live in the moment.

  We stop beside my car, Caleb watching me as I toss my backpack in the trunk.

  “You going to Sorrento’s house?” he asks me.

  I slam the trunk closed and shake my head. “Nah. I’m going home.”

  “Why don’t I ever see you at any of the parties?” Caleb smiles, going for charm, I suppose.

  “I’m really not much of a partier,” I answer, wishing we could end this conversation. I’m tired.

  I want out of here.

  “That’s not what I heard.”

  I tilt my head. “What do you mean?”

  “Rumor has it you were at that party a few weeks ago at the old Johnson resort. The one Jackson Rivers held.” Caleb’s smile is easy, but his eyes shine with a devilish gleam. “Heard you got super drunk.”

  Spies. They are literally everywhere. You don’t even realize people are watching you, but they are. They’re keeping track of your every move, and someday, they’ll expose you.

  Like now.

  “Who told you that?” I cross my arms, going into defense mode.

  “Doesn’t matter. I’m just curious.” He pauses for a moment, and in the distance I hear a car door slam, then someone yell, “Fuck off, Diego!”

  Sounded like Jocelyn, his on again, off again girlfriend.

  “Why did you go to that party but you won’t go to Sorrento’s place after every home game?” Caleb asks. “Like, you’re never there. Ever.”

  “You know why,” I say irritably as I drop my arms and hit the keyless remote, unlocking my doors. “Jake doesn’t want me around.”

  “Not true. He’d rather you be there so he can keep tabs on you. When you’re off at parties thrown by people who go to a different school, that’s different. Who knows what could happen?”

  I don’t say a word.

  “I think your brother would want to know about that, don’t you,” Caleb says as I climb into the car.

  Keeping the door open, I swing my head in Caleb’s direction. “Did you tell him I was there?”

  “No.” He shakes his head, that easygoing smile still on his face. “I didn’t believe it was actually you at that party, until just now. Figured my source had it wrong.”

  I say nothing. Instead, I slam the car door and st
art the engine. Caleb approaches the driver’s side, propping his arms on top of my car, and I lower the window halfway. “What do you want from me, Caleb?” I ask wearily. I’m guessing he wants to blackmail me somehow, which is stupid.

  “You should come to the party tonight,” he says.

  I laugh, though there’s no humor in the sound. “Why?”

  “So you can hang out with me.”

  “I’m not interested,” I tell him, reaching out to rest my hand on the gear shift. Caleb is making me vaguely uncomfortable, and I don’t like it.

  What’s his deal?

  “Why not, Ava? We’ve flirted before. Don’t you want to have a little fun?” Caleb’s voice rises the slightest bit, and I’m about to put my car in drive and leave, when I hear a familiar voice call out,

  “Hey! Is there a fucking problem here?”

  I close my eyes for the briefest moment and bang my head against the headrest. I’d know that voice anywhere.

  Eli.

  “Seriously right now? What the hell do you want?” Caleb backs away from my car, sneering at Eli and the rest of his football team. “And why the fuck are you here?”

  “Came to watch you fuckers play. Instead I find you creepin’ on some girl.” Eli flicks his chin in my general direction, and I sort of want to roll my eyes.

  Some girl? Like I don’t even matter? What an asshole.

  Or maybe…he’s just watching out for me.

  My heart catches on that theory and won’t let go.

  “I’m not creeping on her. I know her,” Caleb says. “And I’d leave her alone if I were you. She’s Callahan’s sister, dumbass.”

  Eli approaches Caleb slowly, his entourage following right behind him. “I know exactly who she is. Don’t think Callahan would be too pleased to find out one of his best friends is flirting his way into his little sister’s panties right now.”

  Caleb makes a dismissive noise. So do I. “I’m not flirting with her, dickface.”

  Eli casts his gaze in my direction, his eyes filled with barely contained anger.

  And I swear to God, jealousy.

  “Is he flirting with you?” Eli asks me.

  I don’t answer. I just send him a look, one that I hope says what are you doing?