“What do you say?” Josie asks when I still haven’t said anything. She gives me a squeeze. My body doesn’t react. Not even a twitch. This girl does absolutely nothing for me. I’ve known it all along, but I guess I’m testing it out one last time.
“Josie. You’re real sweet and all for making the offer, and any other jackass on this campus would be a fool to turn your pretty face down, but I’m going to,” I tell her solemnly. “My answer is no.”
She releases her hold on me and steps away, irritation written all over her. “What the fuck, Eli? I don’t understand you. I’m basically offering you all the free pussy you could ever want, and you tell me no?”
“Sorry, babe.” I push past her. “The pussy I want ain’t for free.”
Isn’t that the truth.
“Brenden told me what you two are doing after the game,” Jackson says to me in the locker room, as we’re getting game ready. “I want you to know I think it’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.”
“I agree with you,” I say as I finish strapping my gear on. “It was the only way to get Brenden to agree to forgive me, once and for all.”
Jackson shakes his head, his longish hair falling into his face before he scoops it away. “You two are being idiots right now.”
“I know.” There’s no point in arguing with him.
“You should’ve never hit him.”
“Trust me, I know that too.” Impulsive. That’s my biggest flaw.
“I tried to talk him out of beating your face in, but he won’t hear it. And his girlfriend is no help,” Jackson says irritably. “I don’t like her.”
“Why not?” I’ve never given much thought about Kayla at all. She’s just there.
“She’s played him for over a year, and when she finally agrees to date his sorry ass, she tries to drive away all his friends. Including me. And you.” Jackson sends me a look. “You essentially handed her a reason for him to forget your ass when you punched him.”
“I fucked everything up.” I shove all my stuff into my backpack before I place it in my locker and slam the door shut. “Typical.”
“Nah. If Kayla wasn’t involved, you and Brenden would be okay right now. She’s constantly chattering in his ear, filling his head with all sorts of shitty stories about you and what a fucked-up friend you are to him.”
Brenden and I have never had what I would call a balanced friendship, though. I’m the leader, and he’s the follower. We fell into those roles our freshman year, and we’ve been content with them our entire high school lives.
Until now.
“I never thought I was that fucked up of a friend to him,” I say thoughtfully, trying to come up with other times when I was a complete jerk to Brenden. “But maybe I was.”
“You weren’t. You two were cool. You two were always cool, until recently. Again, that’s just Kayla talking.” When I send him an incredulous look, he continues, “I’ve heard her say this stuff. Trust me. I’m trying to watch out for you and your friendship with Brenden. That girl is poison. All girls are.”
I’m frowning. “What do you mean?”
“They want to monopolize all your time, man. And spend your money. Oh, and tease your cock until you’ve got blue balls and feel like you’re about to burst. Women are the worst,” he spits out, making me laugh. “What, I’m being serious! Trust me, this is why I stay single. Girls drag our asses down and they know it. Fuck that.”
I think about what Jackson says as we all gather around and listen to coach give us a speech. None of the varsity players went out to watch the JV game tonight. We usually do, at least during the first quarter and most of the second. We like to yell and encourage them, showing our support.
We heard a bunch of Badgers arrived right at the start of the JV game, talking mad shit to anyone who would listen and threatening to kick our asses tonight before the varsity game even started. Forget that shit. We didn’t want to get ourselves into any kind of trouble. So we stayed away from the stands.
Our JV team is losing and it makes me feel terrible that I’m not out there supporting them, but we can’t risk it.
As our coach continues to drone on, I scan the faces of my teammates. Jackson is sitting right next to me as a show of solidarity I suppose, and I appreciate it. Brenden is sitting across from us. He won’t even look in my direction. He’s sending a message tonight, even if he doesn’t mean to.
Our beef isn’t over.
For the first time this week, I feel sad. Sad that I’ve ruined so much with only a few words and a reckless punch. I don’t want to lose our friendship. Brenden and I have been buds since I came to this high school the beginning of our freshman year. We’ve always made the best of what we’ve got, together. He makes me laugh. He actually listens to my ass when nobody else would. I love giving him shit, and he does the same to me. We’ve always had each other’s backs.
Until now.
When the speeches are over, and we’re waiting to run out onto the field, I tell Jackson, “I’m gonna let him take me out after the game. Fuck it. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
“You’re a better friend than I could ever be,” Jackson says, slapping my shoulder so hard I wince.
When it’s all said and done, I hope Brenden feels the same way.
Thirty-Five
Ava
The dirty looks we’re getting are telling. Not that I’m surprised. The enemy has entered the building—or the football stadium, however you want to phrase it.
The rest of our cheer team and I settle our butts on the stands, pretty much right in front of where the Mustang cheer team is going to be on the sidelines. Cami said she’s using us as an intimidation factor, but I also think she’s here to check out the competition and possibly steal some good cheers or stunts.
Or maybe not. Brandy always says we’re so much better than them, and we don’t need to stoop to their level. She’s probably right. Cami has no problem stooping low, though. That’s just the way she operates.
I’m sitting with Lindsey on one side of me and Dakota on the other—keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer is the mantra repeating through my head. Though honestly, I’ve always gotten along with both of them just fine. It only got kind of weird with homecoming noms and the whole Wyatt thing.
I wish Ellie were here, but she went out of town with her family for the weekend. Her cousin is getting married in San Francisco. Part of me is thrilled to be here, to catch a glimpse of Eli playing, though we’re not on the best terms right now. But the other part of me wishes I had a cousin getting married out of town so I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.
The same thing happens at pretty much every high school football game on a Friday night, and the Mustangs’ home games are no exception. Instead of an inflatable football helmet, their team runs through the hind legs of a giant inflatable black mustang, shaped in the same pose as their official mascot. My heart races at the first sight of player number one, my gaze fixated on him and no one else as he runs out onto the field in his white and purple uniform.
I watch him as they stretch and warm up. They do jumping jacks on the field, all of them counting as loud as they can. They sound intimidating as hell.
Our football team can’t stop making fun of them.
“God, they’re so immature,” Lindsey says irritably as she glances over her shoulder to glare at our team before she turns to face the field once more. “I can’t wait to graduate.”
“Me either,” Dakota says.
I don’t respond. I’m in no rush to leave high school just yet. We’re only a couple of months into our junior year.
“I’m over pretty much every boy at our school,” Lindsey continues, her lips turning upward. “Half the reason I came to this game tonight is to check out the Mustang players.”
“Right? Look at Jackson Rivers,” Dakota practically purrs.
What is it about that guy that makes all the girls lose their minds?
“I love h
is hair,” Lindsey says. He does have all that long dirty blond hair that curls at the ends and hangs in his soulful blue eyes. “And have you heard his voice? He’s such a good singer!”
“He has a Sound Cloud account. So many good songs on it,” Dakota adds.
I want to roll my eyes.
“What about Eli Bennett?”
All the hairs on my body stand on end when Lindsey mentions his name.
“Cute,” Dakota says, then wrinkles her nose. “Talks endless shit, though.”
“That doesn’t stop me from thinking he’s hot,” Lindsey says, and they both laugh.
I quietly seethe.
“I hear he has a ginormous dick,” Dakota says.
My head snaps in her direction. “Where did you hear that?”
She blinks at me. “I don’t remember. People talk.”
“Why? Have you ever encountered Eli’s dick, Ava?” Lindsey teases.
“Ugh. No. Of course not.” I am lying through my teeth.
If they only knew.
“He’s a total player,” Dakota says dismissively. “Fun to play with for a little while before he loses interest.”
Huh. Is that what happened between Eli and I? I was fun to play with for a while, but then he lost interest? I still don’t understand why he’s never tried to contact me again. He hung up on me on FaceTime, and that’s it? We’re over? It makes no sense.
But then again, Eli and I have never made sense, so there you go.
The game starts, and the opposing team almost immediately scores a touchdown. Eli is losing his mind on the sidelines. I can hear him yelling and carrying on. Once the Mustangs get the ball, Eli and the rest of his offense work their asses off to make sure they get a touchdown as well. And they succeed.
It’s like this for the entire first half. So much back and forth I feel like I have whiplash. When it’s finally halftime, the score is 35-28, with the opposing team winning.
Those Mustang players jog off the field angrily. I’m sure they’re disappointed.
I am too. My heart hurts for Eli. I know how badly he wants to win all the time.
We stay put for the halftime show, and it’s okay. I’ve seen better. I think we’re better too, and everyone on our team has a big discussion once the routine is over, talking about our skill set versus theirs. We keep getting weird looks, and I’m sure most people don’t understand why we’re there in the first place, sitting on their side for a game. But it’s not like we’re going to sit on the opposite side. Plus, I see people who go to this school, people I know, and I wave at them. A couple of them, two girls I went to middle school with and who I still consider friends, even come over and talk to me for a few minutes. There may be a rivalry, but for a lot of us, it’s mostly friendly.
Once the third quarter starts, Dakota and Lindsey lose interest in the game. They go in search of some snacks while I stay on the bleachers and watch the Mustangs play. My heart squeezes as my gaze trails Eli’s every move. He’s got a great throwing arm. He’s also pretty good at running the ball. He’s done it more than once during this game, and he even ran in one of those touchdowns on the board.
I’d wanted to jump up and down and yell my encouragement so badly when he scored and they called his name, but I had to restrain myself. I can’t give it away that I want Eli to win. I’m actually proud of myself that I still want to see him succeed, despite everything that’s happened this week between us. I could still be mad enough at him to wish they’d lose.
But I’m not.
At one point, I give up watching alone and end up sitting with our football team for the rest of the game. Jake sits next to me, giving nonstop commentary about the plays and the players themselves. He has nothing good to say about Eli, but that doesn’t surprise me.
Eli has nothing good to say about Jake either, though he pretty much keeps his mouth shut around me.
“Why didn’t you sit with the girls?” Jake asks me, right as the clock runs out and a horn sounds.
Game over. Mustangs win, 42-38.
“My friends left during the second half.” Lindsey and Dakota never came back to the bleachers. “And besides, I liked listening to your commentary about the game.”
“I gave commentary?” Jake’s eyebrows shoot up.
I nod. “Yeah. You always do that. Like Dad.”
He smiles at me. “I didn’t even realize that’s what I do.”
“They look good,” I say, pointing at the Mustangs.
“We look better,” Jake says assuredly. “I’m not worried about them.”
“Not at all?”
“Not one bit,” he says with that same cockiness Eli displays. “My message to the Mustangs is, bring it the fuck on. We’re ready.”
“You should say that to Eli and post it on your social media,” I suggest teasingly.
Jake makes a face. “And lower myself to that dude’s level? No thanks. He can suck a bag of dicks.”
“Lovely,” I say with a laugh, shoving down the worry that gnaws at my stomach.
If Eli and I continue whatever it is we’re doing, how will Jake and my dad act when I tell my family about us? Jake is going to lose his mind. He’ll probably refuse to talk to me. Ignore me. Make me miserable.
The stands empty out quickly, though the Mustangs stay on the field, talking to family members and friends or even the news media. This is what happens after every Friday night game. Couples pose for photos together, both of them holding up the sign their girlfriend made for them. It’s practically a football game ritual.
Since I drove myself here and don’t have to leave any time soon, I linger down by the edge of the field, grateful most everyone from our football and cheer team have already left. Not that they want to stick around, especially the boys.
I’m really waiting for Eli. I want him to see me. Even if we’re still mad at each other, I want him to know that I came tonight, I supported him, and I want to congratulate him on a great win.
First, he’s talking to an older couple. Then a group of girls. Then another group of girls, who ask him to pose for a photo with them. He obliges, putting on a phony smile as they all surround him while they get their photo taken.
I stand on the sidelines, crossing my arms and feeling invisible.
Finally, finally he’s alone, and he slowly looks around, scanning the crowd as if he senses he’s being watched. When he spots me, I can see the surprise lighting up his eyes, his lips curling into a faint smile. Slowly, he starts to approach, his helmet in his hands, that familiar Eli swagger in full effect as he makes his way toward me.
“What are you doing here?” He stops in front of me, but with enough distance that we don’t look like we’re too close.
I suddenly hate that distance.
“I came with the rest of the team.” I shove my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. “Checking out the competition.”
He nods. Swallows hard. His hair is a sweaty mess. He has grass and dirt stains on the front of his white uniform. Black smudges under his eyes. The cut and bruise on his face is mostly healed, but he still looks beat up. Beat up yet beautiful.
I’ve missed him. So much.
“Congrats on a good game,” I tell him.
He smiles, but he looks weary. “Thanks. They almost handed us our asses.”
“But they didn’t,” I remind him. “You won.”
“Yeah. We sure did.” He quickly glances over his shoulder, as if someone said his name, though I heard nothing. “Listen, I gotta go.”
I feel like I just got kicked in the heart by his dismissive words. “Okay.”
Eli takes a step toward me, then remembers where we are, and who might still be around us. “I miss you.”
He mouths the words. Doesn’t say them out loud. But it’s like those three words are reverberating in my mind, in my heart, in my soul.
I miss you.
“I’m sorry.” He actually says those two words, and my heart cracks wide open. “Stick around?”
Hope lights within me, and like an eager puppy, I nod repeatedly, practically bouncing with excitement.
“Text me.” I make hand gestures like I’m texting on my imaginary phone, and he laughs. The sound licks at my skin. I haven’t heard it in far too long, even though it’s barely been a week.
I guess a week is too much.
“I gotta change and then—do something else. It won’t take long.” He hesitates for a moment. “When I’m done, I’ll text you.”
He smiles one last time, then turns and walks away.
Taking my heart with him.
Thirty-Six
Eli
I need to get this shit over with. Now that I’ve got the love—yep I said it—of my life back, waiting for me after I let Brenden punch my face in, I actually have something to look forward to this evening.
Seeing her on the field watching me after the game, was like a dream come true. The only problem? We couldn’t talk freely, and that sucked. I want to change that.
But I have other things I need to take care of first.
The high from tonight’s win doesn’t last long, considering I have to face Brenden. We wait until the coaches and staff leave. Until pretty much everyone leaves, though I’m almost positive the athletic director is still on campus somewhere. Janitors are cleaning up. The lights were just shut off at the stadium, which is a sure sign most everyone is gone.
It’s go time.
I head out of the locker room with Jackson trailing behind me like he’s my backup. There are other players who stuck around as well, and they’re all waiting outside for us. Kayla and Tara are there too, along with a few of the cheerleaders, including Josie. She’s studying me as if I’m a giant piece of meat she can’t wait to devour later.
Guess she hasn’t learned yet that no means no.
Brenden comes out of nowhere from the other side of the locker room, clad in a pair of black sweats and a black T-shirt, looking like a low rent fuckin’ ninja. He strides into the makeshift circle that’s already formed and points at the ground before him.
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