Addicted To Him

by Monica Murphy

  “Too bad your asshole brother didn’t win,” she says snidely.

  “Yes, what a shame it is that you didn’t win either,” I throw back in her face, just as I reach up and adjust my crown.

  Cami glares at me. I smile in triumph. I am not one to brag about things, but I have to flex on this win. Especially to someone as hateful as Cami.

  “They all just felt sorry for that Sophie girl,” Cami continues, like she’s trying to convince herself that’s why she lost. “I mean, look at her. She’s fucking pitiful.”

  Not bothering to answer, I walk faster, trying to get away from her. Calling her out yet again for her shitty behavior is pointless. She doesn’t listen anyway. She’s too wrapped up in her own bullshit.

  Once we’re back with the cheer team, I toss my tiara and sash at Brandy who catches them both in her hands with a laugh. Cami’s snapping at everyone that it’s go time, and we all fall in line, our arms interlinked as we pause on the edge of the field, waiting for the Mustang cheerleaders to make the same formation.

  I’m a nervous wreck. I do not want to mess up this routine. We’ve practiced it so much, I feel like I could do it in my sleep. As we wait, Cami is making snide remarks about the other team, about us, about how we better not disappoint her, and I try my best to ignore it.

  But I can’t take it anymore.

  “Quit being so rude,” I tell her, my voice raised. “As the team captain, aren’t you supposed to be the one who’s encouraging us?”

  Cami’s face turns red with anger. She parts her lips, ready to let me have it when someone else beats her to it.

  “Ava’s right. We need someone to talk us up, not put us down.”

  This from Baylee. Cami’s closest friend on the team.

  Shocking.

  “Yeah,” Dakota adds, sounding nervous. “I’m nervous enough as it is.”

  “Same here. We need someone to wish us good luck,” Lindsey says with an awkward laugh.

  Everyone starts talking. Cami steams silently, her lips so tight, they disappear. Once the Mustang cheer team starts walking across the field, headed toward us, I hear Baylee yell, “We’ve got this, girls!”

  As we run onto the field and get into our starting poses, I can’t stop smiling.

  Forty-Four

  Eli

  We’re losing.

  The realization hits me like a sledgehammer, straight to the gut. I stare at the scoreboard, the time we have left on the clock, the fact that they’re beating us by a single touchdown. That’s it. With a little effort, we could tie this baby up.

  But that’s the problem. It’s currently taking us tremendous effort and we’re unable to get past them. It’s like their defensive line took a growth hormone over halftime, and now they’re unstoppable.

  Impenetrable.

  If I were feeling on top of my game, I’d make a penetration joke right about now, but I’m not. Instead, I’m frustrated. Upset with myself. My team is good. We put forth a solid effort tonight. At halftime, we were winning.

  The Badgers came back. And now, we’ve lost the ball. We couldn’t score. It’s back to the Badgers with a little more than two minutes left in the fourth quarter. Our defensive line is damn good too. They’re keeping Callahan from finding his receivers and he’s throwing incompletes. It’s fucking great.

  “We might have this,” Jackson says. He’s standing right next to me, looking about as tense as I feel.

  Brenden still isn’t talking to my ass. Fucker.

  Out of nowhere, Jake throws the ball to Diego, who’s completely unprotected. How the hell did that happen? I lose my shit, yelling at our boys on the field. Jackson is doing the same. But it’s pointless. Diego has the ball and a clear path into the end zone. The announcer yells, “Touchdown!” and the entire stadium seems to throb with all the noise from their excited fans. Their kicker makes the extra point—no two-point conversion from them, not this late in the game.

  Now they’re up by two touchdowns.

  Muttering under my breath, I put my helmet back on and run onto the field. There’s less than 90 seconds left in this game. We could probably manage to score another touchdown in that amount of time. We’ve done it before. But two?

  Nope. It’s over for us. We lose to them. Yet again.

  Fucking sucks.

  We go through the motions. I throw a twenty-yard pass right out of the gate, which gets everyone on our side excited. Every throw after that gets blocked. Or dropped. They keep calling timeouts. It fucks with my already fucked head. My offense has given up. I can see the frustration written all over their faces, and I feel them. We end up managing a field goal. Buzzer sounds. Game over.

  Badgers win.

  The crowd goes wild. Their entire team runs to the center of the field while we slink off to our sideline, gathering up our stuff. The mood is somber. Quiet. Coach is telling us to hurry so we can get the hell out of here. I totally agree.

  I need to get the hell out of here.

  Their cheer team is out on the field too, I can see their poms as the girls shake them in the air, and I wonder where Ava is. Drew Callahan is getting interviewed by the local TV news station, looking like the superstar he is as he talks into the mic.

  Must be nice, to always be on top.

  Grabbing my bag, I sling it over my shoulder when I hear someone yell my name.

  A female someone.

  I turn to see Ava running toward me, looking cute as hell in her uniform, her face covered in blue and white face paint. I drop my bag on the ground as she tackle hugs me, her face pressed against my chest, her arms wrapped tightly around me. I automatically hug her back.

  “I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice muffled against my chest. “I wanted you to win.”

  Unable to help myself, I burst out laughing. Only Ava could make me laugh after such a bad loss. “Bullshit, baby. But I appreciate you saying that.”

  She tilts her head back and smiles up at me, her eyes full of sadness. She’s hurting. Because I am. And that leaves me a little shook. “You did so good.”

  “Thanks.” I briefly rest my hand against the small of her back before I slide it down over her ass. Don’t mind me, quickly copping a feel. Even when I’m feeling low. “You looked pretty out there on the field.”

  “You didn’t see me,” she says.

  “I did.” Sort of. Wished I’d been the one standing there with her on that little stage during halftime instead of that Wyatt jackass, but I’m the one with her snuggled up close to me right now. Guess I win this particular game. “What are you doing when this is done?”

  “Oh, we’ll be here for a while cleaning up or whatever. And then I’m going with Ellie afterwards to eat at the Pizza Factory. I’m starving.”

  “How about I meet up with you there? Or—wherever?” I need her tonight. I know we have plans tomorrow night, going to her dance—that ought to be an adventure—but I want to be with her now.

  Just for a little bit.

  “Come to my house,” she suggests, a tiny smile curling her lips as she slowly pulls out of my arms. “You know how to get in.”

  I raise my brows. “You want me to almost kill myself again?”

  She nods, walking backward. “I’m worth it, right?”

  “Oh, you are definitely worth it,” I drawl.

  “See ya later then?”

  “See ya later,” I say, watching as she turns and heads back to the other side of the field.

  “Are my eyes deceiving me? Did I actually see Ava motherfucking Callahan run up to you and hug you? After her big brother and his team kicked our asses?”

  Slowly, I turn to see Jackson watching me, his eyes wide with shock. I bet I just rocked his damn world. “No,” I say with as much seriousness as I can muster. “You did not.”

  Grabbing my bag once more, I start following the other guys toward the back parking lot where our bus waits. Jackson falls into step beside me.

  “Seriously, bro. I saw her hug you. I saw her look up
at you like you’re some sort of god,” Jackson says, slowly shaking his head. “Was that for real?”

  I come to a stop, grabbing hold of his arm so he stops too. “Who else saw her?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I wasn’t even thinking when Ava ran up to me. I just—reacted. Probably wasn’t too smart. “Anyone say anything to you?”

  Jackson shakes his head. I let go of his arm, and we start walking once more.

  “Keep this under wraps,” I tell him. “Don’t go spreading any rumors about us.”

  It won’t matter. He knows it. I know it. Someone saw us. Word is going to spread like wildfire, and within hours, everyone will know something is going on between me and Ava. We’ll just have to face it.

  “Sure. It’ll be our little secret,” he says, chuckling, sounding full of doubt. He knows keeping this secret will be impossible. “I can’t believe it. Are you fucking her?”

  My entire body grows rigid with anger. “Don’t talk about her like that,” I spit out.

  Jackson full blown laughs now. “Oh you are most definitely fucking her. Damn, bro! Does her brother know? I bet he does now. Holy shit, are you two going to end up getting into a fight or what?”

  I don’t respond. There’s nothing I can say that makes the situation look better or worse. I like Jackson. We’re friends. Do I trust him with everything I’ve got?

  Nope.

  Meaning he’ll probably keep my little secret quiet at first. Maybe for a few minutes? By tomorrow night, it will be out, for sure, when I show up at that homecoming dance with Ava. Everyone will know then that we’re together.

  And everyone is going to have something to say about it.

  When I finally get on the bus, I see Brenden sitting by himself near the front, his AirPods in his ears and a glower on his face when his gaze meets mine. He’s still mad at me, and I’m at a complete loss as to why. I can blame Kayla all I want, but I need to figure out what’s up. I miss my best friend. I need advice. Someone I can talk to who I can trust.

  Deciding I need to take care of shit now, I plop my tired ass into the seat behind Brenden’s and nudge his shoulder. He whips his head around, pulling one AirPod from his ear. “What do you want?”

  “I want to talk to you.” I lean in a little closer and lower my voice. “Are you going to be pissed at me forever?”

  Pressing his lips together, he takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he studies me with his all-knowing gaze. I’m sure he can tell I’m suffering. He’s always been good at that. “You just want to talk to me because you feel like shit about the game.”

  “Don’t you feel like shit about the game?”

  We stare at each other for a moment, and I brace myself, waiting for more hostility.

  “You played good, man,” Brenden admits reluctantly, surprising me. “I don’t blame you at all. Those assholes got ahead of us. That’s it.”

  “We were so close, right? I thought we had it in the bag.” Maybe that was the problem. We felt too confident going into halftime, even though we only had a seven-point lead. You can never get too confident. I don’t know how many times our coaches have told us that over the years, and it’s the damn truth.

  It’s an issue of mine specifically, and they all know it. Did I fail them? I sure hope to hell not.

  “Yeah, same,” Brenden says with a nod, angling his body so his back is against the window, and his legs are stretched out on the seat in front of him. I do the same. This is exactly how we normally ride together on the bus when we’re coming back from an away game. This is exactly what we do too. Talk about it. Analyze it. Every player, every play. Where we went wrong. What we did right.

  “They must’ve had some speech in the locker room,” Brenden says.

  I laugh and shake my head. “I figured they took some weird growth hormone that made them ten times stronger.”

  Brenden laughs along with me, though it dies quickly. “I don’t like thinking you’re an asshole all the time.”

  “I don’t like it either. Whatever I did, I’m sorry, man. Okay? Can we get back to normal?” That’s all I want. Sick and tired of having to avoid him all the time.

  My best friend drops his head, staring at his chest. “Kayla doesn’t like you.”

  No shit, is what I want to say, but I don’t. Instead I ask, “Why?”

  “I don’t know.” Brenden shrugs. “She’s kind of—jealous. She wants to monopolize all my time.”

  I’ve been with chicks like this. I know guys like this too. They get into a new relationship and chase off all the friends. The possessive one wants all their time and when the other one has to do something like oh, I don’t know, hang out with their family, they fly into a jealous rage. Sucks.

  “What do you want?” I ask.

  “I like spending time with her. It took me a long time to convince her to be with me, and now that I have her…” He makes a face. “It’s not always that great.”

  Ouch. I was hoping to ask him for advice about my Ava situation, but looks like he needs some help first. “Does she make you happy?”

  “I suppose.”

  That’s not the right answer. “Do you think about her all the time?”

  I immediately see Ava’s smiling face in my mind. How cute she looked earlier. The way she looks at me after I kiss her. The first time I went down on her, the satisfied glow in her eyes when I made her come.

  I miss her. I love her. I want to see her.

  “Sometimes I just want to—get away from her,” Brenden admits.

  “Bro.”

  Brenden sighs. “I know. I should end it. But she’ll probably lose her shit when I do.”

  “That’s the chance you’re going to have to take.” I give him a clap on the shoulder. “It’s either you suffer through or you end it now before you get in too deep.”

  “I already feel like I’m in pretty deep,” he says, sounding stressed. “She can be a lot sometimes.”

  We talk about Kayla the entire bus ride back to campus, and it feels good to be needed. To focus on someone else’s problems, even if it’s only for about twenty-five minutes. By the time we’re pulling into the parking lot near the locker room building, Brenden has made up his mind. He’s going to end it with Kayla tomorrow.

  “Or maybe even tonight. Jackson’s having a party at his house,” Brenden says. “You going?”

  I didn’t plan on it. “Are you?”

  “Yeah,” Brenden says. “Kayla’s gonna meet me there.”

  “Don’t break up with her tonight at the party with everyone there,” I tell him, not so sure if I want to go if she’ll be there. She’ll end up giving me the side-eye all night and keeping me away from Brenden. “That’ll just bring on more drama, and you don’t want that.”

  “You’re right,” Brenden says with a nod. “That would turn into drama central.”

  “Hell yeah. Fuck that. Break up with her over text,” I suggest.

  “She’ll kill me.”

  “No shit?” It’s pretty much how I’ve broken up with every girl I’ve been with. Chicken shit way out, but we’re on social media all the time. That’s how our relationships grow.

  “That would send her right over the edge,” Brenden says.

  “Well, so would a breakup at a party.” We exit the bus and head for the locker room. I want to take the quickest shower in the world, change into clean clothes and get the fuck out of here. Go find Ava.

  “You going to Jackson’s party or not?” Brenden asks.

  “Yeah, are you coming to my party?” Jackson appears, inserting himself right in the middle of us and draping his arms around both of our shoulders. “It’s so nice to see you two have finally kissed and made up. I didn’t like having to choose sides, Mom and Dad.”

  “Shut the fuck up.” I shove at his chest, and Jackson drops his arms with a laugh, still walking in between us.

  “Eli, you gotta show up at my party. You’re the star of the night,” Jackson says.


  “You mean the loser of the night?” My ego has taken a beating. I guess that’s what I get for all that shit-talking.

  Won’t be doing that ever again.

  “You played an epic game tonight. Did you see your stats? It’s not your fault the Badgers are fuckin’ phenomenal. We’d be pretty badass too if we had an ex-pro football player leading us to glory,” Jackson says.

  He’s not wrong there.

  “So are you coming or what?” Jackson asks.

  “You should go,” Brenden says. “Everyone will want you there.”

  I shouldn’t. I should go in search of Ava and spend as much time with her as possible tonight.

  But I also need to hang out with my friends for a little while and lick my wounds, so to speak. We can all pump each other up after having a shitty game. To get so close to a win, only to lose…

  Yeah. I need some serious ego strokes.

  “I’m in,” I say, and pretty much every guy nearby starts cheering, making me grin.

  Making me feel like I’m on top of the world after all.

  Forty-Five

  Ava

  Despite getting up so early and feeling so exhausted, I’m still up. It’s past midnight. Eli texted me over an hour ago letting me know he was going to a party at Jackson’s house for a while. I told him he should still come over, and I’m currently lying in wait, hoping that he’ll show.

  I didn’t want to stop him from going to that party, but I wish he didn’t go. I would’ve left Ellie early for him. Which sucks, I know it does, but I miss him. I want to talk to him and make sure he’s all right. I want to tell him to his face about Jake confronting me last night and how he knows about us.

  How that’s going to change everything.

  People will find out and talk, if they’re not talking already. I went right up to Eli after the game and hugged him in front of everyone. I don’t know who saw, but someone had to. A few someones. Our relationship is somewhat out and will be officially confirmed tomorrow at the homecoming dance.