Isa brushed a strand of curly dark hair away from her face and exchanged a glance with her bond mate, a boy named Ian. “Are you sure? You really don’t look like you’re feeling well.”
“I’m fine,” Kirheen stressed, forcing a smile as she said it. “I’m just not hungry today, that’s all.”
Isa stared at her, concern all but bursting from her blue eyes. Ian shifted, clearing his throat as he prepared to speak. Kirheen allowed herself a quick glance in his direction, her breath catching in her throat. She’d always had a tense relationship with Ian, and it wasn’t for lack of liking him. In fact, if she was being honest with herself, it was because she liked him too much. She tried to keep her distance, avoiding eye contact and conversation whenever possible. It was too difficult to concentrate when he was around. When she’d pictured herself with a bond mate, it was always Ian she’d imagined being with.
Like his bond mate, he had large luminous eyes, a deep shade of green that reminded her of the forest. Thick brown hair stuck out in an artful disarray that would have looked ridiculous on anyone else. He carried himself with confidence, and it was that confidence that allowed him to get away with looking like he’d skipped out on brushing his hair each morning.
“Are you certain, Kirheen?” he asked, leaning across the table. “You haven’t eaten in days. Is it because of what happened?”
“Was it really as bad as we’ve heard?” Isa piped in.
Kirheen groaned. It was incredibly difficult to go about your life and forget about having your mind torn to pieces when that was all people wanted to talk about. She had a sudden desire to flee the room, to leave them behind without an answer, but it wasn’t going to help. If she left, she’d only be confirming what they all believed - that she was broken, that Herzin had won.
“Listen, both of you,” she said, weaving a lie as she spoke. “What’s done is done. It was just an accident and I’m fine. Me not eating these incredibly dull oats every morning has nothing to do with what happened. I just don’t like breakfast, that’s all.”
Several of the other Bonded that had been eaves dropping snapped their heads the other way when she glanced in their direction. They quickly returned to finishing their meals as if they hadn’t just been waiting eagerly for some horrifying tale of mental torture.
Isa looked as if she’d been scolded by the Union Master himself, shuffling back to her seat with her head down. Kirheen almost felt bad for lying to her. She’d just wanted to help, but it wasn’t something that could be helped, and she didn’t want their pity. Ian cast a skeptical glance in her direction, lips drooping into a worried frown. He clearly didn’t believe a word she’d said, but he didn’t press the issue further.
Sliding his bowl out of the way, Ian rose from the table and waited for Isa to do the same. As he stepped past, he graced her with a genuine smile. “I hope you start feeling better soon, Kirheen” Ian said softly, and the sound of her name on his lips made her heart flutter. Isa smiled and gave her a slight bow as she passed, then followed Ian out of the hall.
To her right, she felt Garild shift. He cleared his throat and Kirheen bristled with irritation, her already bad mood plummeting to an abysmal low. Here we go. “They are right, you know,” he whispered, treading lightly into the remnants of their conversation. His bowl was empty and pushed out of reach. He’d been waiting for her, a realization that irritated her more than it should have.
“Can we not have this conversation?”
“I’m just worried,” he snapped back.
“Oh, better yet, how about we just ignore the fact that I’m a complete mess right now? It would be nice for a change,” she said, keeping her voice low enough so the others wouldn’t hear.
“I just want to make sure you’re okay. I’m your bond mate. I’m pretty sure it’s written somewhere that I have every right to worry about you.”
She shot him an annoyed glare. “Well, stop. I’m fine. Tomias already told us that there is nothing to worry about.”
“Well, he also said that I need to keep an eye on you, to make sure you don’t fall back into your own mind, and it doesn’t look like you’re doing a very good job.” He’d gotten bolder over the past week, and Kirheen was beginning to think it was her bad attitude rubbing off on him. And to think you were so innocent.
“Can you return to the meek, quiet, do-whatever-I-say Garild for a bit? I think I’d like that.”
He frowned but kept his mouth shut, at least about her current mental state. “Come on. We really should get going. We’re going to be late and Tomias will never let us hear the end of it.”
“There is no end to Tomias ever. He never shuts up about anything,” she said. She rose from the table, stretching her arms over her head as she willed herself to do anything other than mope. It took far more effort than she wanted to admit.
She trudged after Garild, stepping out of the Temple of Gathering and into the bright morning light. There was a chill to the air that seeped through the fabric of her robes, raising gooseflesh along her arms. It was refreshing, a welcome change from the stuffy air of the temple.
All around her, trees shimmered in the sunlight, their crystalline surface looking like fragile stone that would shatter at the slightest touch. Pale leaves twisted and intertwined, a ghastly canopy that reminded her of the frost that would soon cover the whole of Sanctuary. Many of the leaves had begun to fall from the trees, and they crunched under her boots as she walked. She wanted to lose herself in that sound, to stay outside forever in the beauty of the forest, far away from those that would control her.
There was no fence, no border, and no barrier to stop her from straying off the path and into the woods beyond. All that kept them in Sanctuary was a fog of fear thick enough to keep them from leaving, from stepping into the desolate world beyond, a world ravaged by the Darkness, or so they’d been told.
“Garild, do you ever wonder what is out there?” she asked her bond mate, slowing to a halt. She scanned the sea of trees to her left, heart filled with a longing she couldn’t quite understand. There was nothing waiting outside but pain and devastation, and yet she wanted to tip toe across that line, to see it all with her own eyes.
Garild stopped next to her. An exasperated sigh slipped past his lips before he answered. “No, I don’t.”
“Really? You don’t think about it at all?”
“What is there to think about? We all know what’s out there.”
“Oh? And just what is that?” she challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.
Garild grimaced. “I don’t even like to think about it. All that is beyond these forests is an endless waste filled with madness, death, and probably a number of horrible things that would eat us in seconds!”
Kirheen frowned. “And you really believe all of that? You believe it’s as bad as they say?”
“It’s probably worse.” Garild shivered and cast an anxious glance towards the forest. “I’m thankful for the life I have here. I don’t need to wonder about what’s out there. I really don’t want to know.”
“Maybe so, but I’m still curious.”
“When has that ever helped you?”
She was prepared to argue the point, but there was truth to his words. Sanctuary didn’t reward the curious, at least it never had for her. “It hasn’t yet, but I’m the only one with a mind great enough to think about these things. Nobody else respects that.”
Garild scoffed. “Uh-huh. Can we get going? You may be curious about the lecture Tomias is preparing for being late, but I’m not.”
“Fine. Let’s go,” Kirheen huffed.
They traveled for a time in silence, the only sounds the rustling of leaves and the faint chirping of birds from the surrounding trees. The beauty of the forest gave her a moments reprieve from her thoughts, but she soon drifted back to them.
It had been many years since the Darkness had crept across the world. It was hard to imagine how terrible it must have been, to believe that they were all that
remained in the world, the only ones capable of holding back the madness lurking outside the confines of the village. She’d give anything to see what remained. The desire to leave it all behind, to step into the forest and never return, was almost impossible to ignore. Deep down though, she feared what she’d find. What if it was just as they’d been told, that there was nothing left but a dark and dreary world full of horrors she couldn’t possibly face?
A thought grew in her mind, giving voice to a fear she’d buried deep. What if they were wrong? Suppose she ventured into the world only to find that everything she’d been told had been half-truths. There could be others, survivors living life on their own terms. If she found people like that, she wondered if they’d accept her. Perhaps they’d be free of her cursed power and her thoughts would be safe, her heart protected. She could simply be who she wanted to be and not live in fear of the very power she was meant to nurture and embrace.
She held that dream close, let it take root deep in her heart. The only thing that kept her from bounding off into the forest was the fear of the disappointment she’d feel if such a dream were shattered, beaten down by a harsh reality. Still, how sweet it’d be to leave Garild behind in the bubble he seemed to enjoy so much, disappointment or not.
She glanced to him, studying his face as he walked. He seemed lost in thoughts of his own, though she doubted they were quite so daring. A sudden curiosity bubbled to life within her and she pushed out with her mind, seeking purchase in his thoughts. There was resistance, the feeling of running into a wall, and a tingling sensation spread across her forehead. She frowned.
When she’d first met Herzin, she’d lied about her powers. She had done a lot more than just sense them within herself, she’d used them. Her fear of having a vulnerable mind had followed her throughout her childhood. She’d taken precautions early on to strengthen her mind against her peers. It had been a matter of trial and error, tugging at the edges of her power until she’d begun to grasp the concept. It was just a matter of focusing, and she’d become rather proficient over the years, or so she’d thought. The incident with Herzin had shattered her faith in her own powers, made her realize how much she still had to learn.
Kirheen tried again, focusing more intently on the wall she’d felt within Garild’s mind. Perhaps there was a way to break through it, not with the ferocity that Herzin had showed her, but with a gentle nudge. She just wanted to create a hole, something small enough for her to look through so she could see the thoughts on the other side. Found it! There was a weakness, a thinning of his natural barrier that she could sense. With just the right amount of force, she was sure she could break through.
Garild raised his hand quickly, scratching the side of his face. The sudden movement startled her. She gasped, snapping her gaze away from him and to the ground beneath her feet. She tried to keep a straight face, hoping her guilt wouldn’t show. His eyes flicked to her but quickly returned to the road ahead.
She felt like a fool. All her complaints about others trying to invade her mind, and she’d just tried to use her powers against Garild to do exactly that. Perhaps it really was her curiosity that was the curse and not her powers. Either way, it had been stupid to attempt. Besides, there was always the chance that she could mess up. She didn’t know what she was doing. What if she hurt him the way Herzin had hurt her? She wouldn’t wish that pain upon anyone, and it wasn’t worth the risk.
Slipping out of his mind, she shoved her powers away, feeling ashamed as she followed Garild down the winding path. Never again, she told herself. Never.
By the time they reached their home, Kirheen’s head was throbbing. Her stomach churned, throat constricting with each tumultuous flop, and she was thankful she’d chosen to skip breakfast. Garild led the way and she followed as quickly as her leaden limbs would allow. She focused on her breathing, trying to ignore her bodies desire to heave up what little there was in her stomach. All she wanted was to sleep, to pull a blanket over her head and let the shattered fragments of her skull settle back into place.
Had Tomias not been blocking the doorway, she would have done just that, but the look on his face told her she wouldn’t be going anywhere without being scolded first.
“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite students!” he said cheerfully, words dripping with sarcasm. “I’m glad you’ve finally deemed me worthy of your attention this morning.” He wore dark blue robes trimmed in silver, his white hair pulled back in a high tail. He leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, dark gaze simmering with annoyance. “Have a good explanation, either of you? An hour less of training for the one with the best excuse.”
Garild grimaced. “We’re very sorry, Tomias. We were talking to the other Bonded and lost track of time.”
Kirheen rolled her eyes. “Oh please, as if I was talking to them by choice. Apparently, my personal problems are of great interest to the others, so I decided to waste my morning telling everyone about my tale of woe and suffering.”
Tomias raised a brow. “I imagine they found it quite intriguing.”
“Oh, they loved it. I made sure to get all the details just right. Nothing like a story about the horrible mental anguish I suffered at the hands of my former teacher to motivate others first thing in the morning.” Her throat trembled as she finished speaking, a wave of nausea assaulting her senses. She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the bile rising in her throat. The throbbing pain behind her eyes deepened, her nausea growing alongside the pain.
“Kirheen, are you feeling all right?” Tomias asked. She opened her eyes just enough to see him approaching, a worried glance exchanged with her bond mate. Warm fingers gripped her chin, tilted her head up. She could only imagine what he saw; tired, bloodshot eyes, dark circles, beads of sweat dotting her brow. She was a mess. “Are you still not sleeping?”
“No,” she admitted. “The herbs haven’t been helping.”
He frowned, eyes the color of cinnamon studying her features with a mixture of sadness and concern. “Your headaches?”
“Worse. I have one now.”
He must have seen the pain she was in, however hard she tried to hide it. His fingers released her chin and he stepped back. “Let’s get you inside. I’ll have Fenir fetch Trista. Hopefully she can figure something out that might work better for you. We’ll postpone training, at least for now.” He smiled a crooked smile. “Looks like your excuse won today.”
CHAPTER 7
Fenir glanced over his shoulder as they entered the room, his dark eyes betraying a hint of anger. He was seated in one of the chairs near the fireplace, arm slung casually over the back. Unlike his twin, his white hair was unbound and fell in a solid sheet to his shoulders.
Garild had learned many things over the past week, but one of the more interesting facts he’d learned was that Fenir couldn’t speak. When questioned, Tomias had explained he’d been born that way. It didn’t hinder him much. His communication was done mentally, though he rarely had much to say. With the glare he was fixing them with, he was glad the man preferred silence.
Tomias led Kirheen to the chair next to Fenir. She plopped down without hesitation, groaning as she sank deeply into the cushions, her head resting on the back of the chair. He had noticed her exhaustion at breakfast, but now it was written plainly across her face. She looked drained, body limp and skin flushed. He wished there was something he could do for her, some way for him to comfort her and make her pain go away. She’d suffered enough.
Without a word, Fenir grunted, rising from his seat and taking several large strides to the door.
Tomias spoke. “If you would Garild, can you please go with Fenir and fetch our healer? She might need help carrying supplies.”
Garild nodded. “Of course.” Though he agreed readily, the thought of accompanying Fenir made his stomach twist into knots. The man terrified him. He swallowed nervously and followed Fenir outside.
Fenir trudged along, tall grasses squished flat beneath his boots. They crossed the clear
ing quickly, heading north, Garild struggling to keep up with the long strides of his instructor. A short way up the path, a small wraith wood house could be seen, nestled in a thicket of trees, smoke curling from the chimney. Around the perimeter of the house, he could smell the rich scent of herbs, a variety of mint and butterleaf blossoms and other plants he couldn’t put a name to.
With a heavy hand, Fenir knocked on the door. There was a crash from within, the sound of a heavy kettle hitting the floor. Garild heard a muttered curse and, a moment later, a woman with fiery red hair opened the door, her freckled face streaked with black powder. She wore a simple dark green robe, a lighter green sash tied around her waist. Her long hair was braided and draped over her shoulder, small leaves and twigs sticking to it where it had brushed against some earlier project.
“What do you want?” she huffed. “I’m a bit busy at the moment.”
Garild hesitated, waiting for Fenir to answer. When Fenir peered back over his shoulder in annoyance, Garild blushed, realizing his mistake. He cleared his throat. “Uh, Trista?”
“Yes. Get on with it,” she huffed, wiping the back of her hand across her brow, leaving a streak of black powder in its wake.
“Tomias sent us. He was wondering if you might have something to help Kirheen.”
“The ashen haired girl I saw to before? What’s wrong with her now?” she questioned.
“She’s not doing well. She’s not sleeping, she barely touches her food, and her headaches are getting worse. I’m worried about her.”
“Has she been taking the herbs I gave her?”
“As far as I’m aware. They haven’t been helping.”
Trista made several clicking noises with her tongue, tugging idly at her bottom lip with a sooty hand. “Give me just a moment, I think-” An acrid odor drifted from the open door, a burnt, earthy smell that made him wrinkle his nose. Trista bolted from the door, knocking over a bottle with her braid as she flipped around. It hit the floor and shattered, sending shards scattering in all directions. “Oh no, no, no! You weren’t supposed to burn.”
The Allseer Trilogy Page 5