Walking the Crimson Road

by Perrie Patterson

  “I like them a lot, too.” I say, staring into his beautiful face.

  I don’t want to move from this position, but eventually we go in and change out of swimsuits and into something dressier for our lunch date.

  Lane has the top off the car when I walk out the front door.

  “It’s a perfect day for a drive. I want to show you around The Chatham Resort.”

  “Sounds wonderful,” I say, as I pull my hair into a bun and put on my Ray-Bans, ready for a beautiful drive up the coast.

  The restaurant is set on the beach, and we have a perfect table for two with incredible views of the ocean. Lane points to a location in the distance and shows me the seals sitting out on the rocks.

  “We can walk around later and maybe spot a whale.”

  “How exciting. I hope we see one.”

  We hold hands across the table, and he puts his thumb across the bracelet he gave me.

  “Macy and Meg noticed the bracelet the other day when we were out shopping.” I say cheerfully. “Macy told me she was the one who helped you when you went to Tiffany’s to design it.”

  “Yes, Macy was glad I called her to ask her advice with it.”

  “Your family is great,” I say, setting my water glass down.

  Lane looks slightly distracted, like he did the first night we were here, as if he wants to tell me something. The waiter interrupts our moment when he walks up to talk about the menu.

  After lunch we walk out to the beach and watch the seals. We walk through the Inn’s farm and gardens. I point to a rustic looking barn.

  “Let’s go check out the barn.”

  We walk hand-in-hand over to the barn. Lane leans against the wood frame and pulls me in for a kiss. “This has been one of the best weeks of my life,” he says.

  “Mine too. I wish it could last forever.”

  “You do?” he asks. “Forever with me?”

  I laugh and say, “I wish this could last forever.” I twirl around with my hands up in a gesture of lightheartedness. I’m not sure how serious Lane was trying to be, but I gave the moment a lighter mood.

  On the ride back to the house Lane reaches for my hand. “How about we sit on the beach for the next few hours and watch the sun go down?” he asks.

  “That sounds like the perfect ending to a perfect day and a perfect end to a perfect trip.”

  Pulling up to the front of the house, he says, “I’ll get some drinks and snacks and put them in a basket and grab a blanket.”

  “I’ll meet you outside. I’m going in to use the restroom,” I say, walking through the front door.

  I get to the powder room in the foyer next to the office where Lane had a meeting with his father on Sunday afternoon. The door is open, and the room is large and filled with books from floor to ceiling. It’s a beautiful library. I know no one is home, so I walk on in and look around.

  There’s a baby grand piano near the bay window. Another door leads to a smaller office located at the far end of the room that boasts a massive oak desk. The library has a long couch and coffee table in the center of the room. There’s a table behind the couch with lots of framed photographs.

  I walk over for a closer look. I pick up a frame that has a photo of Lane’s mom with an older woman. I’m guessing its Lane’s grandmother. The photo next to it is Lane’s mom with… What the…? I stare at the photo in my hand. It’s of Lane’s parents with Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. I continue looking at all the photos on the table, and there’s more on the bookshelves and on the piano. I walk over to the piano, and there’s a photo of John Kennedy, Jr. and his wife Carolyn Bessette on their wedding day. Another one of a young girl with JFK and another man who looks familiar, maybe Robert Kennedy. There are photos of Lane’s mom with the entire Kennedy family. The entire room is filled with photos of Lane’s family. Photos from years ago and photos from last year fill the room. This is a family library filled with books and memorabilia of the Kennedy legacy. I hear Lane calling my name, but I’m frozen and can’t move. I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I think I’m in shock by what I’ve just discovered. Lane is a Kennedy. I feel betrayed, angry, hurt, and let down by the one person I felt I could trust.

  I step out of the library into the foyer. Lane is standing there, and he knows I know his secret.

  “Bex, I was trying to tell you.”

  I push past him and run up the stairs to my room, close the door and put my hands over my face and cry.

  “Rebecca, Rebecca,” he calls after me.

  I can hear Lane knocking on the door. “I wanted to tell you the first night we got here. I was afraid to tell you. I’ve had to live with the pressures of being a Kennedy all my life. That’s why I knew who your story was about. That’s why I knew about The Greyfield Inn and Cumberland Island.”

  Of course, I should have put two and two together, I feel so stupid. He continues talking, and his voice is more soothing. “I know I should have told you sooner. I was just so happy to have found a girl far removed from the life I’ve had to live. There’s more pressure on us because of who we are, on me in particular than on my sisters. There’s a legacy, it’s political, and there’s also supposed to be a curse on the male members of the family. It felt so good to be away from all that. It feels right when I’m with you.”

  He pauses a beat, and I feel bad for him, but I’m so hurt that he didn’t tell me, we’ve gotten so close on this trip. “Please believe me when I say I was planning to tell you, and I’ve tried to find the right time a few times this week. I have, really, I have. I was just about to tell you on the beach tonight. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true, and it’s true that I love you. Please open the door, Bex.”

  I open the door a little. I’m still crying but manage to say a few words. “I feel hurt right now, Lane. I feel lied to. I trusted you, and you kept a secret from me. I feel stupid. I feel used. I don’t even know what I feel. I’m going to pack so I’ll be ready to leave at 7 a.m., and I’m going to bed.” His face is sad, and he has tears in his eyes. “Goodnight, Bex,” he says, and I close the door.

  I finish packing and set my alarm. I wish I could talk to my mom right now, but I freakin’ lied to her about where I am. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’ll get any sleep. My emotions are tied up, but I don’t think I can talk to anyone about this yet because it’s too raw. I pace the room and glance at the clawfoot tub in the bathroom and decide to draw a hot bath. Sliding in, the bubbles cling to me. Leaning my head back, I try to relax. Maybe lying to my parents caused bad mojo. Geez, have I fallen in love with someone I don’t know? Maybe Lane did try to tell me…and I’m just gullible. The clues where there. He’s from money, from the east coast and part of the secret society. Ugh! I’m driving myself nuts thinking about this. My mind is a mess. I get out of the bath, dry off and turn out the lights. I fall into bed and can’t help but cry myself to sleep.

  When the alarm goes off, I feel like I’ve been hit with a truck. It’s still dark outside. I turn on the hot water and splash my face. I’m all red and puffy. I apply enough makeup to cover any signs of crying. I walk down the stairs, carrying my suitcase, and set it near the door when Lane’s mom walks by.

  “Good morning, Rebecca. There’s breakfast on the counter in the kitchen for you.”

  “Thank you so much, I’ll fix myself something.”

  I pick up a bagel, some fruit and juice and sit down at the table. Colleen gets herself another cup of coffee and joins me.

  “I’ve had an amazing time this week. Thank you again for having me.”

  “It was our pleasure.” She pats my arm, and I notice I’m still wearing the bracelet Lane gave me.

  Lane walks in, glances in my direction, and picks up a plate.

  “Good morning,” he says.

  I can tell he is trying to be cheerful but definitely putting on a show of sorts. I don’t think anyone else has noticed our solemn mood. Since it’s so early in the morning, being less enthusiastic w
ould come with the territory.

  “Good morning,” I say, trying to smile.

  He sits down with coffee cake and a cup of very strong-smelling coffee. Colleen starts talking about something, and Lane and I try to follow along and act like we’re paying attention. Don walks in with the newspaper in one hand. “What time are you two heading out this morning?” he asks.

  Lane looks at his watch and says, “Right about now. Ready, Bex?”

  I get up, hug his mom, and say thank you again to his dad. His dad picks up my bag and puts it in the trunk of Lane’s car. They hug and kiss Lane and make plans to see him in a few weeks. We get into the car and begin the four-hour drive to his private plane in New York.

  We drive in silence for what seems like forever, but it’s probably just an hour. It gives me time to post a photo of my toes in the ocean and add some random caption about having the best spring break ever. I change the location to Gulf Shores. I also texted Bella letting her know I’ll be back at Phi Mu house today around 3:00. Out of the staunch silence Lane speaks. “Please talk to me. I want us to be able to work through this.” He looks over at me with a pleading concern.

  “I don’t know what to say right now, Lane. I’m hurt. I have a lot of things that I’m feeling, and I need to sort them out somehow. I think you should give me some time to do that. I’m guessing your family just assumed I knew whom I was dating. It feels really awkward knowing they’ll probably read my story in The New Yorker. I wonder if they’ll think I wrote a crazy fictional story about JFK, Jr. having a long-lost child because I was dating you? I don’t want to seem like some crazy stalker fan girl. I don’t want anyone thinking that about me.”

  “I’m going to explain to my parents that you just found out right before we left. I’m going to let them know that it’s my fault for waiting too long to tell you, and it’s caused a bit of an argument between us. They are not going to think bad of you. They love you. They can tell you are much different from girls I’ve dated in the past. And I want to give you as much time as you need to sort out your feelings. But I also want you to believe me when I say I would never hurt you on purpose for any reason. I love you more than words can say. I want you to understand that. I want us to work this out. I want to be able to talk to you more about it when you’re ready.”

  When we get on the plane, there are snacks waiting for us, but I have no appetite. I fall asleep during the flight, and it’s not until we’ve landed in Tuscaloosa that I wake up. Lane and I walk slowly down the stairs to the tarmac. The BMW he drives around campus is waiting for us.

  He pulls up to the curb in front of Phi Mu, gets out and helps me with my bag. Our hands touch, and I feel the electricity go through me that I’ve always felt when I’ve been near him. He notices it, too, because we glance up at each other.

  “I’m here when you want to talk,” he says, looking at me like there’s been a death. He gets into the driver’s seat and starts the car. I take my bag and quickly walk into the house, up the stairs, and into my room, barely speaking to anyone as I pass them along the way.

  I shut the door behind me, fall face down on my bed, and cry my eyes out, an ugly gut-wrenching cry that tears through my soul and feels like I’m dying inside. My insides feel like they’re being ripped apart piece by piece and will never be put back together. I feel angry, lonely and hurt. I feel like I’ll never be happy again for the rest of my life. What if I’ve lost the love of my life?

  My phone dings a text. I look at it. It’s Lauren asking if I’m back from the beach. Yes, I text back. Then my phone starts ringing for a FaceTime call. Again, it’s Lauren. I accept.

  “Hey, why didn’t you text me back the other day? Bex, are you crying? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I just got home, and I’m really tired.”

  “Okay, well I sent you that photo, and you didn’t respond.”

  “I guess I didn’t understand what you were sending me.”

  “It was a photo from The New York Times. I was working on homework in Dad’s office, and I knocked the paper on the floor and that page fell out. When I put it back in, I noticed the photo, and it happened to look just like you and Lane, but I knew it couldn’t be you because you were with your friends at the beach, right? When I read the caption, “New York Bachelor, Lane Townsend of The Kennedy Legacy leaves for Cape Cod with mystery girl in his exclusive limited addition McLaren Spider,” it freaked me out. I wanted to find out what the heck it was? Seriously, Bex, you look like you’ve been crying, and Lane is apparently a celebrity or something? Did you guys get into a fight? Did he break up with you for some girl that looks similar?”

  Frustrated, I scream. “Oh my gosh, Lauren, it was me in the photo! I didn’t go with my friends. I went with Lane to his family’s house in Cape Cod!”

  “No way. Are you kidding me right now? That was you getting off that plane and into that cool car? And he’s like the son of some famous politician or something?”

  I sit up, flip over and lean my head against the pillows and stare at Lauren on my phone screen.

  “Bex, are you just going to leave me hanging here or what? Tell me what’s going on with you. I’m your sister, remember?”

  “Mom and Dad didn’t see the photo, or did they?”

  “Well, it’s Dad’s paper, but he doesn’t read the gossip page anyway, so I don’t think he saw it. Then later I saw it in the recycling bin.”

  “Good, they still don’t know. I’m planning on telling them about it later, so don’t say anything. Give me a chance to talk to them. I’d rather wait until I’m home for a few days this summer. I just can’t handle anymore drama right now. I’ve got my trip to New York in a few days, and finals two weeks after that.

  “Yeah, thanks for planning that trip over my spring break, by the way. Now I can’t go to the beach with my friends, which I would actually be doing, instead of going to New York with you.”

  “Here’s the short version of the story Lauren, I’m in love with Lane. I fell in love with him maybe the first time I saw him in class. I have a hard time thinking straight when I’m with him, and when he asked and pleaded with me to go with him over spring break, I caved and said yes. Everyone thought I was at the beach, and I made it look that way on Instagram. Bella and Lexi knew all about it. I had no idea that Lane was from a famous family. I can look back on things now and see that I glazed over a lot. I’m a gullible person, I guess. I found out on my own by walking into their family library which had photos of all the Kennedy family members. Lane claims he was trying to tell me about it. But the last night we were there I find out on my own, and now I feel like I’ve been lied to.”

  Lauren’s mouth is hanging open, and she’s staring back at me dumfounded.

  “Lauren,” I say, trying to get her to say something.

  “So, you’re fighting with him over the fact that he’s from a famous family?”

  “No. I’m upset and angry with him because he never mentioned it. Now I feel like a complete dumb ass. I was so smitten that it never occurred to me. I feel used and lied to and confused about my feelings for him.”

  “You said he was trying to tell you about it but didn’t get around to it?

  “He claims he was trying to tell me about it the first night we were at his house. He claims he tried to tell me again, then he was planning on telling me the last night we were there, but I wandered into the library. The door was open, it’s a beautiful library—-I couldn’t resist.”

  “Book nerd backfire,” Lauren says, moving her head side to side with each word. “So how did you leave things with him?”

  “I told him I needed some time to sort out my feelings. I told him I was hurt and that I had trusted him. I mean, my gosh, we talked about everything, I felt like he was my best friend. I loved him, still love him.”

  “Does he love you?”

  “He says he loves me and wants us to work this out. I told him to give me time, but I’ll see him in class on Tuesday, and it will be so hard. I ju
st don’t want to talk to him or see him right now.”

  “I’ve gotta go, Bex. Mom’s calling me. I hope you can forgive him and work things out.”

  “Thanks, Lauren, I feel a lot better after talking to you about this. I’ll see you on Wednesday night.”

  I work on unpacking and doing laundry, taking all my clothes out of my suitcase and moving them to my laundry basket. As I go to close my empty suitcase, there is the shell that Lane picked up the first night we were at his vacation house. I reach for it, close my hand around it, and start to cry again. Bella bursts into the room. “Bex, Bex, I’m so glad to see you.”

  I turn around to face her and she sees that I’m crying. She drops her bags and hugs me tight.

  “Bex, what happened?”

  We sit on my bed, and I tell her the whole story from beginning to end and leave nothing out. I even tell her about my experience with him on the sailboat. When I’m finished, I say, “I’m just so hurt.”

  “I understand why you would feel that way, but I think you should find a way to talk to him about it, Bex. From everything you’ve just told me, I can tell that Lane really loves you. Especially with what happened on the sailboat and how you told him you plan to wait until you’re married to sleep with someone. He was glad you felt that way, right? That’s what he told you. What guy says that? Unless he really cares about you and loves you. I mean that’s the kind of guy I want to find, too. If you think about it, he probably came to Alabama to get away from the Ivy League schools in New England. All the schools that his family members have gone to for generations. He was searching for himself and his own identity. He met you and found you different from other girls. You’re innocent, sweet, thoughtful, smart, talented, and gorgeous. Most importantly, you’re real, you’re genuine, and he could see that right off the bat. I think that drew him to you.”

  “Yeah, I guess so, but I just can’t help how I feel right now.”

  48

  #Stressdoesntgowithmyoutfit

  I reluctantly go to church with Bella and Lexi on Sunday. They try everything to cheer me up. Later in the afternoon while I’m trying to get stuff ready for class, I start scrolling through all the pictures Lane and I took together, including the video of us goofing off on the beach when he’s carrying me around on his back. It makes me sadder. Bella tells me to stop looking at pictures and videos of Lane and pick up the phone and call him, but I can’t. I know I’m being stubborn, but my pride is hurt especially since Amanda warned me about him in the first place.