Return of the Ancient Gods

by Craig Robertson

  I rushed toward her. She was maybe thirty yards away. As I cut the distance, I noticed a shimmering appear directly between the child and me. Soon I could see it was the ever-so-annoying shiny blob I'd all but forgotten about. It was materializing along my path. Like the last time it had darkened my doorstep, it was in general taking on some shape. Well, let's just say it was no longer a globular blob. No, it was a pickle-shaped blob.

  “Move,” I shouted ahead. “Get out of my way.”

  In the most non-ethereal voice I'd yet heard from my tormentor, it yelled, “Run.”

  “Out of my way.”

  “Run, Jon Ryan, run.”

  The blob appeared to fly sideways and dim significantly. Never did that before. I picked up my pace. I was just about ready to snatch up the girl and save her.

  The shimmer returned to block me. “Run, Jon. All of you run.”

  Then the blob was gone; it just vanished. Good riddance, I reflected as I reached for the child. Funny what sticks in your mind. Right before I tried to grab her, she had the cutest demure little smile, just a little crooked. So sweet.

  As my arms closed around her, she seized them. With the power of a Saturn 5 at liftoff, she rotated and slammed me face-first onto the ground. Any living being would have been pancaked to death. Me, I was only confused and trying to reboot about five hundred systems.

  She grabbed my hair and lifted me like a rag doll.

  Okay, child or not, playtime was officially over. I extended my fibers. Sleep, I said into her head.

  Fuck you, came back loud and clear, like she was designed with the same unit.

  What are you?

  Instead of the usual stream of information, I heard, Your worst nightmare.

  Worrisome, reflected I. My fibers retracted. I turned my finger laser to maximum and fired at her right eye. The beam arrested mid-flight. I shoved my hand closer to her face, but the beam still stopped at the same spot.

  She whipped me around her head like I was an athletic hammer, and she threw me to the feet of Sapale and Toño. They were impressed.

  “Run,” I stammered as I stood.

  I got no argument on that count. We started out at top speed. I noticed the gods were slowly recovering. Many were on their feet or whatever and beginning to mark the action.

  “Scatter,” I shouted widely. “They have another device.” I hoped we could lose ourselves in the ensuing panic.

  No such luck. Most gods held their ground.

  Then we ran right into the cute little girl who wasn't looking so cute to me any longer. “Stop now and I will not destroy you immediately,” she said with convincing authority.

  I pushed my companions to one side, and we ran for all we were worth. “I'm putting up a membrane,” I yelled to them. “Three-two-one.”

  We were instantly isolated. We stopped before we could impact the far wall.

  “That should hold the baby bitch out for now,” I said.

  “Who was that?” shouted Sapale.

  “No idea. Badly in need of a spa …”

  Before I could finish the sentence, the membrane we were in began to rise and fall. Clearly someone outside was shaking it. I deployed my usual tricks. Ribbons of membrane dug into the bedrock below us. We held steady.

  “Good. They know where we are, unfortunately, but at least we're s …”

  That time before I could finish, one spot on the membrane began to change. What we normally saw looking outward from a full membrane was perfectly nothing. As I watched in horror and disbelief, perfectly nothing began to change color. It began as a dull red, then bright yellow, then it was blindingly blue white. I set a probe fiber on the spot. Two thousand degrees Celsius. Nothing was amazingly hot. Then the edge of the membrane cracked like an eggshell.

  “That is not even remotely possible,” wheezed Toño.

  “I'd agree if I thought it'd help,” Sapale responded.

  “Here, I'll throw up one just inside the original.” I produced a nothingness that eclipsed the failing membrane I'd deployed. Of course with a full membrane in the way, my force field would have vanished instantly.

  We three stared at the spot right in front of where the first membrane broke. Sure enough, within a few minutes the whole red, yellow, blue color repeated. Wash, rinse, repeat.

  “Doc, we can't keep this up forever, but maybe, just maybe, neither can they. Run a calculation as to energy expended and time intervals to each temp. See who'll win this game of chicken,” I said with uncertainty.

  An hour later Toño sighed deeply and cleared his throat. “I see neither a decay nor an increase in the speed of their assault. I think we must face the fact that they can do this forever if need be.”

  “So do we wait and see or surrender?” asked Sapale. “Kaljaxians are not big on surrender, you know.”

  “I know,” I replied as I ran a nervous hand through my hair. “If we hold out, we'll eventually lose.”

  “In approximately three days,” added Toño.

  “If we go down in a blaze of glory, we can't help our universe. We've learned a hell of a lot so far that could be critical.”

  “So you're saying we should pray they take prisoners?” Sapale was not pleased.

  “I say it's the best way to help our people. I'm willing to accept a vote,” I said. “I say surrender.”

  “I say fight,” snapped Sapale.

  “I say I hate you both. Putting an old friend in such a position,” protested Toño.

  “Hey, look on the bright side. Only fifty percent of your crewmates will hate you. The other half'll consider you almost as smart as they are,” I quipped.

  Without allowing time to develop regret, Toño said, “Surrender. It's the only choice that might allow us to help our kind. I'm sorry, my dear,” he said to Sapale.

  “No prob,” she said stiffly. “Works for me. Every time it gets worse, I can tell two people I told you so.” She smiled. “At least I'll die happy.”

  We all lay facedown on the floor, spread-eagle. Then I extinguished the membrane. Immediately we were rushed by nothing short of a horde. Everything that fell on us was large, smelly, and pissed. Two or three creatures grabbed each one of us separately. We were raised overhead and paraded around in triumph. Our captors howled and roared and the crowd cheered and hissed. I could say that for my part I was having no kind of fun.

  The mob stopped at the feet of the little girl who'd been so bad. They clearly feared her. Based on my experience, they were wise to do so. We were gingerly set on our feet in front of her.

  Her fists rested on her hips. Vorc stood a good three feet behind her and looked to me to be shaking like he was made of rubber. He was clearly abdicating any current leadership role to the girl.

  “I am Bethniak. Please know this is the worst day of your lives. I will discover your conspiracy and then you will all die miserably.”

  I started to stand. From nowhere a force slammed me to the deck and held me there like a building had landed on me.

  “You will do only what I say you will. Speak nothing on your own. Do not move of your own volition. Do not even think without my permission.”

  I formed a membrane. It was in the shape of a sphere at the end of a long stick, a hinge halfway along the length so it could move back to front. With all the force I could will, I aimed the ball at the back of her head. It hit with something in the range of the force of an adult rhinoceros on a full charge. Damn kid was tough. She flipped over once but landed on her feet like she planned it that way.

  “Fool,” she billowed. The back of my head was struck with massive energy, and my face imaged itself in the hard dirt.

  My next blow was to the back of her heels. That one worked better. She awkwardly vaulted backward and slammed the back of her head on the ground. A gasp rose from the crowd. I think they were surprised anyone would fight toe-to-toe with this bitchlet.

  She rose unsteadily, which was a beautiful sight. But I had to know she was madder than before, especially there
in front of her peeps. “Do that again and I will dismember your friends.”

  I tended to believe her intent and ability. She did waver a bit, however.

  “You, the male in the center, may stand.”

  I did so slowly, like I was waking from a nap. I dusted at my cloths. “I'm Ryanmax. I, like you, am a poly.”

  A much louder gasp rose from the audience, a few murmurs too.

  “I doubt that very much. To be a poly you must be a Cleinoid god, for one. I do not presently know what you are, but one of my kin you are not.”

  I set up a full membrane and dropped it instantly so I flashed in and out of visibility. Then I silently pointed at a nearby rock and lifted it a meter off the ground and pulled it into my hands. I smashed it to pebbles with a fist. “A poly's what I am. And know that some have whispered the Chosen One in my presence.”

  Boy did that draw an energetic reaction from those watching. I sensed a little genuine excitement.

  “The Chosen One wouldn't throw an intermixer unit at the feet of those about to egress. They do not hide in a shell. Pranks and parlor tricks are not harbingers of that individual. You will not say the name again. Tell me now, who are you and why do you delay us?”

  I touched my chest. “Ryanmax. I didn't hit you that hard, did I?”

  Someone in the distance guffawed. She pointed at the person without looking that way and he rose into the air, legs flailing and arms flying. Then he accelerated quickly and shot out of sight.

  “Your purpose in delaying us?”

  “I wasn't delaying you. I was trying to get everyone's attention.” Man I thought on my feet well. Bullshit was my stock and trade.

  “I believe you have,” called out a very squeaky Vorc.

  “To what end?” demanded Bethniak, “oh great Chosen One?”

  “To announce myself.”

  “I'm getting extremely bored with your vague rants,” she said in a manner I fully believed.

  “As we embark on our latest mission of conquest, I wanted all to know who the strongest poly was. It is me. I expect to be kept informed as to how the invasion is going and what plans are being made.” I wished I had a better line there. The was weak cheese.

  “You sad little rodent dropping. And did I see you even enlisted the help of that decrepit old ghost? That's shameful.”

  “What ghost?” Wait, the shimmery blob.

  “The one that tried to stop you. The one I cast out.” She laughed like a lunatic as if on cue.

  “Oh, that ghost. No, he's a fan, that's all.”

  She closed her eyes and sucked in a powerful breath through her nose. “This ends now. If we wait much longer, all the ancient gods may not be able to egress. You are no god. Even if you were, you're not Cleinoid.”

  “Maybe an antigod?” I said robustly.

  The crowd really reacted to that one. Screams and shouts erupted. People began to bolt.

  “If you are I will kill you with even greater joy.”

  I wagged a finger. “Ah, ah. Not kill. End, yes, but gods don't die.”

  She hammered me backward like an ocean liner struck. She was most uncool. “One last time. Why did you try and slow the egress?”

  “Because I want you all to stay. If y'all leave I'd be lonely.”

  Sapale whispered, “Do you think it's wise to bait her so energetically?”

  “Hey, if she can kill us she will. Why not make her suffer a little first?”

  “You are the man for that job,” she responded quietly.

  “We are through. You are having fun defying me, fool. I will therefore exact an equal amount more in suffering from you as I remove you from existence.”

  “Hang on. That last sentence was fairly convoluted, and you used a lot of overly large words IMHO. Could you repeat what you said in the language Normal, not Stick-Up-Your-Ass?” Without waiting, I gave her my best shot. I drove a membrane sphere down on her as hard as I could and fired my laser finger at her—right between the eyes. I also extended my probes not because I thought they would help but because, what the hell, I was all in. They couldn't hurt.

  I think the impact distracted her just enough that the fibers stuck. Before when I used them on her, I tried to control her and she proved uncontrollable. This time I shoved as much electric charge as I could through them. The only thing I left off was a prayer to Azacter, the wannabe local god of war. I'd met him. He was a total wank.

  And what did my beast accomplish? A hell of a lot but not nearly enough. Her knees buckled under the blow of the membrane and she nearly fell. She held up a hand and stopped the laser beam. The electric charge was the sweetest. Her hair puffed out like in the cartoons and sparks shot from her eyes. Maybe if I could have delivered ten times more juice I'd have done her in. I would never know. My probe fibers slipped off her and she lunged toward me.

  The crowd gasped to see anyone so openly defy Bethniak. They were even more impressed because I was semi-holding my own. Apparently that was a first in Godland.

  Bethniak grabbed me by the arm. I hit her hard in the face with my free hand, but that barely fazed her. She hammered me on the ground like she was using me to kill a mouse that frightened her. After a few seconds, the world faded to black.

  EPILOGUE

  I awoke feeling most disoriented. My brain was fuzzy, I felt upside down, and my left leg was constricted. Above me I began to see a shifting red circle and my face was hot, very hot. Whatever was happening, it was new to me.

  “Toño, I think he's coming around,” said a soft voice. Sapale?

  “It's about time. He's been out so long I was beginning to fear the worst.” Yup, that was Toño's voice.

  “Jon, can you hear me?” Yup, that was Sapale's. It hit me. Why was it people always ask if you can hear them before anything else? Are you okay? was a much better initial question. And if you answered yes or no, they'd know you heard them. Two queries in one sentence. I wonder why a thing like that seemed important just then?

  “Yus. I cun her you fun,” I managed to reply.

  “Why are you speaking so oddly?” shot back Toño.

  “Tink my jaws dissvocaed.” I grabbed my lower jaw with both hands and pulled out and down, then released it. “There, better. Man, that bitch kid packed a punch.”

  “Sure looked like it to us,” observed my life mate. I think she was laboring to suppress a giggle.

  “So, did I win?” I asked halfheartedly.

  “No, kind of the opposite, in fact,” quipped the love of my life.

  “But you made me proud in your efforts,” responded a more upbeat Toño.

  “You know, if I could have hit her with more electricity, I think I could have offed that douche canoe.”

  “Maybe next time.” Sapale couldn't suppress a giggle.

  “What?” I snapped. “What's funny about next time?”

  “Jon, are your eyes working?” she replied.

  I looked around. I was upside down. Yeah, I was hanging over a pit of bubbling lava, suspended by my left ankle. “Yes, I see fine now.”

  “Hence my uncertainty regarding the possibility you'll get another shot at Bethniak,” she responded.

  “Or anyone else,” added Toño.

  “You guys,” I returned, “what quitters. I think I have 'em right where I want 'em.”

  They both snickered.

  “In fact, I almost feel sorry for them.”

  Most definitely to be continued …

  GLOSSARY:

  Al (1): The ship’s AI from Jon’s initial Ark 1 flight. He kept it with him until his dying day and then it elected to hang around. Good AI! Full name is Alvin. Those engineers and their lame naming.

  Als (1): The Als is the surname for the “married” AIs Al and Blessing, given them by a pissy Jon Ryan.

  Ark 1 (1): The subluminal ship Jon took on his very first flight. He was searching for a new home for humankind. The story is revealed in The Forever Life by this author.

  Battle of the Periphery (1): The decis
ive battle where the combined forces of the free planets along the periphery of the Milky Way soundly defeated the Adamant armada. Of course they were greatly aided by the magical dragons of Nocturnat. Shortened to TBOP.

  Beal's Point (1): An area of monuments to disgraced Cleinoid gods. All living gods must visit to be made ill so they stay loyal.

  Bethniak (1): Evil, powerful child-appearing god. A real piece of work. Do not date this girl!

  Blessing (1): Vortex Cragforel gifted to Jon. Our hero renamed it Stingray because pronounced in Deavoriath Blessing sounds like “crash.”

  Brathos (1): Kaljaxian version of hell.

  Brindas (1): High master of Deft tradition and psychic ability.

  Brood-mate/brood’s-mate (1): Male and female members of a Kaljaxian marriage.

  Calfada-Joric (1): The Deft master brindas on Rameeka Blue Green. Went by Cala also.

  Calrf (1): A Kaljaxian stew that Jon particularly dislikes.

  Central Seat (1): The official leader of the Ancient God's conclave.

  Cleinoid gods (1): Ancient and malevolent mix of gods. They have destroyed many universes before and are eyeing ours now.

  Command Prerogatives (1): The thin fibers Jon extends from his left four fingers. They are probes that also control a vortex.

  Cragforel (1): Friendly Deavoriath Jon met after he first escaped the Adamant in the far future.

  Davdiad (1): Kaljaxian divine spirit.

  Deavoriath (1): Three arms and legs, the most advanced tech in the galaxy, and helpful to Jon.

  Deca (1): One of the witch gods skilled at prophecy. Sister of Fest.