by Grey , S. R.
He deserved so much more than broken me. It was time for us to be done.
At that thought, my eyes filled with tears.
We were just pulling into the garage, and shit, I didn’t want Noel to see me like this. So I popped open the door and took off.
I was a runner at heart.
Though I knew Noel would follow.
He always did.
And I was right.
He was on my heels as I made my way into the house and to the staircase leading to the second floor.
When I started up the steps, he did too, grinding out a frustrated, “Jesus, Maisie, what the hell is going on? Would you please stop?”
“No,” I cried out as I kept moving. “I can’t.”
If I did, I’d lose my resolve.
And this needed to be done.
Flying into the bedroom that we shared, I grabbed my suitcase from the closet and tossed it onto the bed.
It popped open, like it always did.
I began immediately throwing clothes into the bag.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Noel, standing there, watching, stunned.
He pulled himself together quickly, though.
Tightly, he asked, “Why are you packing? Is it because I said I wanted to talk? Funny, ’cause you told me you had some things to say too.”
Still tossing clothes into the suitcase, I replied, “I do have some things to say. It was going to be a lot, but I think it’s best to keep it short and sweet—I made a decision.”
“What kind of decision?” he asked warily.
I blew out a breath, and said in a rush, “I made the decision to leave. And as you can see, that’s what I’m doing.”
He stepped over to the bed, his eyes pleading. “Maisie, come on now. This is crazy.”
“Is it, though?”
There was a blouse in my hand, and I held onto it tightly, like an anchor.
“It was bound to come to this, Noel,” I whispered. “Why not get it over with? We are done.”
He took a step back, like I’d just smacked him. “Why would you say that, Maisie?”
That kind of did me in. My initial surge of adrenaline plummeted, and I sunk down to the edge of the bed, the blouse I’d been clinging to so tightly dropping to the floor.
My anchor was gone.
Suddenly exhausted, I said softly, “I’ll never be right for you, Noel.”
He sat down next to me. “Don’t I get to be the judge of that?”
“Yes. You just don’t see it yet. Trust me, you will.”
Sighing, he reached over and took my hand.
I let him, as I had no energy left to fight.
“You’re wrong, sweetheart,” he said. “I love you. I know those words get tossed around a lot, but I mean them. I love you. I love you. Nothing could ever change that.”
I wanted to believe him, but I felt so damaged.
“We’re too different, Noel,” I threw out. “I realized that when I was at my mom’s. I mean, I really realized it. I’d known it all along, I think. That’s why I was always so back-and-forth. I was doing my best to ignore our issues, my issues. But that day, they became crystal clear to me.”
“Ah.” He patted my hand. “I understand now what happened.”
“You do?”
Squeezing my hand, he said gently, “Yes. But just because two people grow up in different worlds, it doesn’t mean they’re not meant to be together.”
I looked over at him and shook my head. “You’re such a romantic, Noel. Shouldn’t that be my role in this relationship?”
He smiled. “It’s the twenty-first century, babe. Get with the program. Men can be romantics too.”
That made me laugh. “I know. I was just kidding.”
My laughter then turned to tears.
As I cried, Noel cooed, “Maisie, Maisie, come here. Let me hold you.”
I gave in. I didn’t really want to leave this man. I just didn’t know what to do anymore.
So I did the only thing I could—I poured my heart out to him. In the hopes that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for me to get past this, for real, and for good.
Noel was so certain about us.
Why couldn’t I be?
I was willing to try.
Maybe this was how to do it.
“I’m just so scared, Noel,” I admitted as I nuzzled into him like he could save me.
Maybe he could.
Yes, keep talking.
“I’ve been living in fear that the other shoe will drop ever since we reunited. No, even before that I felt this way. In Sweden too. No matter where we are, Noel, I expect you to leave. Or to kick me out. I just can’t bring myself to believe you will keep on loving me.”
“But, sweetheart, I do love you,” he said. “And I will keep on loving you.”
I pulled back, crying out, “But you’re too good for me. Can’t you see that?”
“Maisie, stop it.”
Too bad he was dealing with one stubborn soul.
“No.”
I struggled to get out of his arms. But he held onto me tightly. He knew I’d run again.
He was right—that was my plan.
Noel wasn’t about to let me go, not this time.
When I tried one final time to get away, I somehow ended up on my back with him sitting on top of me, my arms pinned above my head.
He believed in me so much.
He believed in us.
Why couldn’t I do the same?
“You’re going to listen to me,” he ground out. “This bullshit ends tonight. First, it was you feeling guilty about what happened in Sweden. And now it’s you fearing I’ll leave.”
“You will,” I spat out.
“No! I told you before and I’m telling you now—I am not going anywhere! When I tell someone I love them, I mean it. I stick around.”
“People say things, Noel.”
That pissed him off.
“Don’t take my words lightly, Maisie. All this time, you’ve been worried I’m the one who’s going to take off. But who’s the person packing a suitcase? Who is the one always running?”
“Me,” I admitted.
“Yes, you.”
“It’s because I’m like my mother. And maybe like my dad. He left too, you know.”
Noel shook his head. “You’re not either of them, not deep down where it counts. You are simply you. You need to believe that.”
Did I?
Could I?
I wasn’t sure.
Noel went on, “Maisie, you need to realize that you’re using all those things as excuses. You’re afraid, but you need to be brave. Trust in us, okay?”
In a tiny voice, I confessed, “I don’t really want to go.”
He loosened his grip on my pinned wrists, sighing, “Then don’t.”
It was like it finally hit me then, harder and more intensely than anything ever before. I finally saw the truth, so damn clearly.
Life is like that, you know?
Sometimes you fight something so hard and for so long, until you suddenly realize there was never any reason to. You had made things bigger in your head, like a child who believes there are monsters in her closet.
Well, my monsters were about to get evicted.
It was a life-defining moment.
I could continue on as a scared little girl, or I could become a strong woman.
I chose strong.
Noel probably thought I was crazy when I peered up at him and said, “You really do love me, don’t you?”
He dragged his hand down his chiseled face, murmuring, “You’re killing me, Mais.”
Softly, I said, “I do love you too much. Maybe that’s what’s been scaring me all along. No, I know it is. And I’ve been giving in to that fear. But I’m not doing it any longer.”
“Are you certain you can live with your fear?” he replied. “Because I hate to break it to you, but love is almost always scary. And it rarely gets easier.”
I blew out a breath. “I know. But I’m willing to try.”
Lowering himself down onto me, he said, “Does that mean you’re not leaving?”
“I don’t think I can,” I teased. “You’re on top of me, pinning me down.”
“Be serious, Mais.”
“Okay, okay.” I smiled up at him. “Yes, I’m not leaving.”
“And no more freak-outs?” he hedged.
“No more freak-outs.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “How can I believe you?”
I slid my arms up around his neck and told him, “You’re going to have to trust me on that one, okay?”
He blew out a breath. “I guess that we’ll both have to trust each other.”
“I think that about sums it up.”
Shaking his head, he chuckled. “Good thing I love you, woman.”
“Mmm, it is a good thing. And it’s a good thing I love you too. But I’m thinking, after all this, I should probably show you.”
I arched up, my lips meeting his.
He knew what I meant and offered no resistance, not that I thought he would.
Feeling like a new person, one who deserved every good thing she had coming to her, I got to work on showing Noel Sandlund just how much I loved and trusted him.
And I think he saw that I, Maisie Troy, was finally all in.
All In
There were no more setbacks.
Maisie told me she finally was all in with our relationship, and she was.
Maybe she had needed to break and hit rock bottom, before she could be built back up.
That’s what the night of the last preseason game had been—the final crash and burn.
And now it was the rise of the phoenix.
Maisie was back to herself, and she was the best version yet.
We made so many wonderful memories over the next several weeks.
I played great hockey, and she embraced her new life. Even when her mother called from California with an update on her new life with Gary, Maisie held up just fine.
When I asked her why talking with her mom hadn’t affected her negatively, she told me the reason.
“I finally realized that it’s okay to be a little part of her. And even a little bit of my dad. I’m bigger than those small parts, like you said. I’m me. And I finally like myself.”
God, she was so healthy.
I loved it.
“Babe…” I picked her up and spun her around in a wide circle. “You may like yourself, but I love you so fucking much.”
When I set her down, she giggled, “I love you too.”
I raised a brow. “No more lingering doubts about us and our future?”
“Not a one.”
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me.
I knew then that we’d be all right.
And we were.
We finally even looked at the photo album with her dad in them. There were only a few pics of the man, he was tall and had dark hair, but I think it did Maisie good seeing him.
She’d finally learned to use the past as a catalyst to make her stronger.
By Christmas, we were closer than ever.
Since there was a short break with no games scheduled, I asked her if she’d like to take a little trip.
“Where to?” Maisie asked.
I held up the plane tickets I’d already bought, and said, “How about we go to Sweden?”
Her eyes widened. “Oh my God, Noel, I’d love to. But you don’t have that much time off.”
Yes, it’d have to be a short trip.
But that didn’t matter.
I had plans.
Oh, did I have plans.
“That’s true,” I concurred. “But even a few days away are better than none. Besides, where’s your sense of adventure?”
“Oh, you…” She gave me a playful push. “Come on. Let’s go pack.”
“Ah, that’s the spirit.”
Later that night, we were on a red-eye across the Atlantic. I’d booked first class, of course, so we could get plenty of sleep in the fold-down beds.
As a result, we arrived in Sweden feeling fairly well-rested.
I’d arranged for a limo to take us to the same hotel where we met.
After we got our luggage, we hopped in.
On the way, when I glanced over, Maisie was smiling.
She recognized the route.
“Are you happy?” I asked.
“I am,” she said.
We were too.
It didn’t even matter that it was snowy and cold in Stockholm. It was actually ideal. We lived in the desert, so the change was welcomed.
Once we were checked into the hotel, Maisie and I took a walk down to Old Town. Snowflakes fell all around us, blanketing the ground in white.
“Wow. Good thing I brought boots.” Maisie nodded down to her feet.
I wrapped my arm around her as we walked. “Yes, good thing.”
Decorations were up for the holidays, making the atmosphere magical.
We thoroughly enjoyed our winter stroll.
By the time we returned to the hotel, dinner was waiting for us. We sat down to a delicious meal of lobster and steak.
When we were done eating, I leaned back in my chair.
“So, Maisie, what do you want to do now?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m kind of up for anything.”
“Good to hear.” I smiled over at her. “What do you say we go up to the rooftop?”
Maisie didn’t know it yet, but I planned to recreate the night I’d reserved the scenic rooftop for our first date. Since it was cold out this time around, I’d asked the hotel staff to secure a bunch of those tall patio heaters so it wouldn’t be too frigid.
Maisie wasn’t worried about the cold one bit, though.
She said, “Oh, Noel, I love that idea.”
Jumping up, she rushed over to her suitcase, which in true Maisie fashion was lying open on the floor.
Pulling out a hat and woolen mittens, she said, “I’m ready.”
Laughing, I grabbed my coat and helped her into hers.
A few minutes later, once we stepped out onto the rooftop, Maisie gasped in awe.
It was exactly the response I was hoping for. See, I’d not only secured the heaters, but I’d asked the staff to decorate.
And man, had they ever.
There were colorful twinkling lights everywhere—draped around the edges of the rooftop and wrapped around the lampposts, even trailing up the heater poles.
There was also a light snow falling.
The staff hadn’t arranged that—fate had.
I took that as a sign.
The rooftop was beautiful, but not as gorgeous as Maisie. She was stunning. Even in her faux fur-lined hooded coat, her cute fuzzy mittens, and her pom-pom woolen cap, she took my breath away.
“Maisie,” I said.
She turned to me, and I dropped down to one knee.
This was it!
In my hand, I held an open black velvet box. Inside rested a big diamond solitaire ring.
Eyes widening, Maisie said, “Oh, Noel…”
I’d taken her breath away, just as I’d hoped.
Her pause gave me the chance to ask the most important question in my entire life.
“Maisie, will you marry me?”
Tentatively, she touched the box.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Oh my God, yes.”
My smile was ear-to-ear as I slipped the ring on her finger.
I stood then, lifting her up and spinning her around.
“You’ve just made me the happiest person on the planet,” I said.
“No, wait.” She giggled as I spun her once more. “That can’t be right.”
I stopped. “Do tell, why’s that?”
“Because I’m the happiest person on the planet right now, that’s why.”
I set her down, and then we agreed to be the happiest two people on the planet together.
And you know what?
I knew we were.
We had returned to where we’d begun. And yes, there’d been a few rough spots along the way. But it had been a journey, and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
Not one little bit.
Because that journey had led us here—to love and happiness, and to the promise of a life spent together.
One I knew would be the very best.
No illusions, just real.
Up next in the Boys of Winter hockey romance series is Blake’s story, Forbidden on Ice
And in the Men of Fall football romance series, look for Caleb’s story, Fair Catch, to release in October 2019.
Wait!
It’s not over yet.
Read the first chapter of Forward Progress, the first novel in the bestselling Men of Fall series, where football meets romance.
Leaving Las Vegas
I hesitate, my pen hovering over the yellow sheet of legal paper on my desk as I contemplate what to write.
What am I doing?
I’m making a list of what I’d like to achieve throughout the second half of this year. But damn, it’s no easy task.
I want to get this done, though. The rehab I went through a couple of years ago made me a big believer in things like setting goals and writing out lists.
My brain is usually racing when I write these kinds of things. I have so much to get down on paper that my pen moves too fast, leaving my sentences a jumbled blur of words I have to decipher later.
Today, however, I’ve got nothing.
Maybe because all my most recent goals have been achieved…and therefore checked off.
Like this one—I wanted to have my own gym business and make it a raging success.
Check, check.
Both of those objectives have been achieved.
And then there’s my ongoing goal of always trying to give back and help others.
Check that off too.
I’m still an active sponsor for Narcotics Anonymous, even if it is only for one guy these days—Las Vegas Wolves hockey player Benjamin Perry.
Still counts, though, right?
Ah, but Perry hardly needs me anymore. He’s doing really well on his own.
In the past, I always had my sister, Chloe, to worry about. She wasn’t in NA or anything, but she had her share of troubles in the relationship department. Seemed I was always swooping in to rescue her.