The Radical Element

by Jessica Spotswood

  Like clockwork, Mrs. Abney, the across-the-hall neighbor, opened her door to see what all the fuss was about. Whenever she decided to make eye contact, she looked at us as though we were insects who had infested her home.

  “Hello, Mrs. Abney! It is so nice to see you!” Uncle Khosro called through the open door to the stone-faced widow. She was wearing her house shoes and an oversize floral print dress, and I thought she looked very much like the woman in the Wendy’s commercials who complained that there was not enough meat in the hamburger. Uncle Khosro was too nice to her. I was all for respecting one’s elders, but not when they were prejudiced assholes.

  Mrs. Abney had pinned a yellow ribbon on her apartment door. My uncle told me it had been a symbol of hopeful return for the American hostages during the Iranian hostage crisis in 1979. The hostages had been returned in 1981, but Mrs. Abney’s yellow ribbon went up in 1982 when Uncle Khosro and his family moved in. The gesture was not lost on him, but he still felt that with kindness, he could win over Mrs. Abney. I was pretty sure he could reach Mister Rogers’s level of kindness and still not make much progress with her.

  “You’re too loud,” Mrs. Abney said. “Some people are trying to live in peace. You people might not know anything about that, but Sunday is the Lord’s day. It’s a time of respite and prayer.”

  I didn’t know what “respite” meant, but I knew she wanted us to shut up.

  “You are so right, Mrs. Abney! Would you like to have dinner with us? We can enjoy this nice day together?” Uncle Khosro said, one hand clutching Amir’s legs and the other hand over his heart, bowing slightly to the elderly woman. “We are having the Original Recipe! They do chicken right! Please, you would make us so happy if you joined us.”

  “I’ve got my own food. Just keep it down,” Mrs. Abney said before she slammed the door.

  Uncle Khosro flipped Amir in his arms so he could kiss his cheeks. “Always remember to be nice to lonely people, okay?” Khosro told his son as he carried him into the kitchen.

  I had noticed that Mrs. Abney never had any visitors, too. Was there no one to check on her, no one who cared for her? Didn’t everyone have someone to care about them, even if it was strictly out of guilt and obligation? That was the Persian way. Guilt always made the heart grow fonder.

  We sat down at the table to eat our fried feast, but I didn’t have much appetite. Colonel Sanders’s cheerful face was a poor substitute for my mother’s cooking. I missed her loobiya polo, long-grain basmati rice with tomato, lamb, and string beans that smelled of turmeric and cinnamon. She always told me I should learn how to cook my favorite dishes, but I never took her up on it. Now I wished I had paid attention.

  The TV was on during dinner. There was a commercial for Ronald Reagan’s reelection. It seemed like everything could be sold over the television here, even politicians.

  “How was everyone’s day?” Uncle Khosro asked us cheerfully.

  “Soheila and I made a friend today,” Amir said.

  “Oh?” Aunt Fariba said in a disapproving tone.

  “Yeah! She had purple hair!” Amir bit into a chicken leg while Fariba shot her husband an alarmed look.

  “Um, how did you meet this person?” Uncle Khosro asked me diplomatically. I explained that Mai lived upstairs and was very nice. My aunt and uncle looked at each other for a moment before Uncle Khosro addressed me again. “Soheila, while you are here, your aunt and I are responsible for you, and while we are sure your friend is nice . . .”

  “American girls are trouble,” Aunt Fariba said. “They’re into sex and drugs. We want you to be careful.” I wondered how she knew, since I didn’t see her with any Americans. Most of her friends were Iranian immigrants like her.

  “I . . . She seemed very kind. And she can play the guitar so beautifully!” I tried to defend my potential friend. I was desperate to talk about something other than Orko and She-Ra. Amir and I had exhausted the topic of Orko, the hooded wizard with the tinny voice, and how he was the absolute worst.

  “Maybe you could have her meet us?” Uncle Khosro asked. He was asking his wife more than he was asking me. From her sour expression, Aunt Fariba wasn’t sold on the idea.

  So, on the days when Aunt Fariba went to work, Amir and I snuck upstairs to Mai’s apartment and listened to music. All the music I didn’t know I had been missing. Mai had magazines filled with photographs of musicians, young and old. There used to be magazines like this in Iran when I was younger, but that had all changed after the Revolution — and then before we had time to adjust to all the changes, the war began.

  I spent hours poring over all the cover art on Mai’s albums. The three of us danced to beats so good, they couldn’t have been created by humans. It was a huge change of pace from studying all the time for my college entrance exams. I was worried that I would be behind when I went back to Tehran, but for the time being it was nice to take a break.

  My bedroom back home was tidy, pristine. Mai’s was messy: sheet music was strewn on the floor, her bed was never made, and her closet was full of raggedy shirts that she had cut up. Her walls were plastered with posters of rock stars that I didn’t recognize. I learned their names like they were holy leaders: Pat Benatar, Men at Work, the Clash, Talking Heads, and someone with huge eyes who I only knew was a man from his mustache.

  “It’s so funny you keep looking at that photo of Prince.” Mai was lying on her bed while Amir and I sat on the floor. “Since you look just like Apollonia, and she falls in love with him in the movie and all.”

  “What?” I understood what Mai had said. I just didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.

  “You know, in Purple Rain,” Mai said.

  “What is ‘Purple Rain’?”

  “WHAT?” Mai screamed. Amir jumped up and began crying. “Shhh. I’m sorry, little man. I didn’t mean to scare you. You want a Jell-O pudding pop?”

  Amir wiped his eyes and nodded, and Mai went to the kitchen. She had stocked her freezer with all of Amir’s favorites. She seemed to be able to buy anything she wanted, and she had a big television and a state-of-the-art record player, so I assumed she came from a wealthy family. She lived alone, which I couldn’t understand. I wondered if she ever got lonely. I would probably live with my parents until I married.

  I thought it would be gauche to tell Mai that I came from money, too, which is how I was able to come to the U.S. My mom had offered to send money to my aunt and uncle for taking me in, but Uncle Khosro wouldn’t hear of it. That was another point of contention between him and his wife. I knew Aunt Fariba didn’t want me there. She never said it outright, but I was a burden to them. She was polite to me, but I felt like she assessed every piece of food I put on my plate and how much time I spent in the shower. I was draining their resources — or at least that’s how she made me feel.

  “Here you go, He-Man.” Mai passed Amir the pudding pop before turning to me and pulling an album from her record collection. “We’re going to listen to this all afternoon, and then I’m taking you to the movies. As soon as possible.” Mai carefully slid the vinyl album out of its shiny cardboard sheath. She gently handed the album cover to me and then flitted to the record player.

  Every song was a masterpiece, a story, and a world unto its own. I didn’t even understand all the lyrics and I still felt that way! The energy of “When Doves Cry” floored me. The drama of “Let’s Go Crazy” made my whole body tingle. My favorite song, “The Beautiful Ones,” made me ache for someone I hadn’t met yet. I didn’t know exactly what Prince was saying in that song, but I felt the pain and anguish just the same. It was an album chock-full of the emotion and expression that I needed. This man from a place called Minnesota, his music made me feel alive instead of just existing.

  I was nervous that my aunt and uncle wouldn’t let me go see Purple Rain with Mai. I had to see this movie after listening to the album all week. But Aunt Fariba, as hip as she thought she was, wouldn’t be pleased with Mai’s look. My aunt and uncle wer
en’t a religious or conservative household — my parents were far more traditional — but Fariba was very quick to make snap judgments based on people’s appearance. When she came home from the hair salon, she would tell story after story about all the women who came in and what they looked like before and after. “She came in looking like a walking dead person and left the salon looking like a walking dead person,” or “She looked like she was on drugs. You know, one of those party girls,” or “I’m sure she was a prostitute. I mean, the way she moved and her skirt was so short,” and so on.

  Initially, it made me self-conscious about my own appearance, until I thought about Fariba’s own look. She wore far too much makeup. Her hair was crispy from Aqua Net hairspray. Her bangs were teased to the point where it looked like a giant claw was protruding from her forehead, doing its best to clutch you, welcoming you into her realm of misery.

  I checked myself in my room’s mirror while Amir watched me. I wore a simple black shirt, nothing too revealing, and blue jeans with black ballet flats. My hair was up in a high ponytail. I had a little pink blush on my cheeks, but not enough to give Fariba or Khosro the idea that I was up to something. Fariba wore lots of makeup, but she was married, so that made it okay for some reason, which I thought was ridiculous. I never understood why adults always thought girls with too much makeup on were up to something. No one ever asked boys with too much bulge in their jeans if they were up to something. Double standards for men and women seemed to be international.

  “How do I look?” I asked Amir in Farsi. “Am I bitchin’?” I asked in English. I was picking up words like “bitchin’” very quickly from spending so much time with Mai.

  “Bitchin’!” Amir said, sticking his thumb up.

  I heard a knock on the apartment door and gasped. Amir and I rushed out of our room to see Aunt Fariba open the door for a totally transformed Mai.

  “Hello! I’m Mai Asano. You must be Soheila’s aunt! I’ve heard such wonderful things,” Mai lied. But she did it oh so well!

  “Hello,” Fariba said, taking in Mai’s long yellow summer dress and the black cardigan that I knew was covering the tattoos on her shoulder. Mai’s hair was under a fashionable summer hat that hid her purple streak. There wasn’t a hint of makeup on her gorgeous face.

  “Please, come in!” Uncle Khosro said as he stood up from the couch. “It is so nice to meet one of Soheila’s friends!” He was being kind. Everyone knew Mai was currently my only friend. “Please, please, come in and have something to eat!”

  “No, we’ll be late for the movie!” I told my uncle. Why couldn’t they just let me leave?

  “What is this movie our little Soheila is so excited about?” my uncle asked Mai with genuine interest. It was the first time since my arrival that I had been excited about anything.

  “We’re going to see The Muppets Take Manhattan. You know, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy,” Mai said cheerily. I bit back a laugh. I was sure I would enjoy watching the Muppets (I liked Sesame Street, which I watched with Amir), but I appreciated Mai’s lie.

  “We don’t want to be late,” I pleaded with my uncle.

  “Okay, but be home before ten. Call us if you need anything.” My uncle may have said more than that, but I wouldn’t know because we ran out after the first word.

  “How did I do?” Mai asked me when we were outside.

  “You were good,” I replied.

  “Yeah. I’ve got grandparents from Japan. I get it. Kind of.”

  Mai led us to a blue AMC Gremlin parked down the street. A young white woman sat in the driver’s seat, her window down to release the smoke from her cigarette. Her hair was dyed black and white. She reminded me of the skunk from Looney Tunes if that skunk from Looney Tunes never smiled.

  “What the hell happened to you?” the skunk lady asked Mai.

  “I’m trying out a new look. For one night only, thanks,” Mai said, leaning in to kiss the skunk lady on the mouth. I tensed. I wasn’t used to public displays of affection between boys and girls, never mind between girls and girls.

  “I like the new look! All you’re missing is a Members Only jacket!” A young white girl with a red bandanna across her forehead waved at me from the backseat.

  “Wow! You weren’t kidding, Mai! Your friend looks exactly like her,” a black girl in preppy clothes added.

  “Girls, this is Soheila. Soheila, that’s Cecilia,” Mai said, pointing to the youngest member of the group. “Janine.” The blonde with the red bandanna saluted. “And my girlfriend, Genevieve.”

  “Gen,” the skunk lady with the salty expression said. “Let’s hit the road before we miss the show.”

  As soon as I saw Prince’s silhouette bathed in purple light, holding a guitar onstage, I felt a rush of adrenaline that didn’t leave me until the end of the film. When Apollonia appeared in the backseat of the taxi, worried about paying her cab fare, Mai and her friends all yelled and clapped and pointed to me, letting the rest of the packed movie theater know that they were sitting with the star of the movie.

  I didn’t see it. Apollonia was glamorous. She was sexy. She was a risk taker. I wasn’t any of those things. And I definitely wasn’t ever going to get naked and jump in a lake for a man. Even if that man was Prince.

  I laughed during the scene when Apollonia got on Prince’s motorcycle as one of my favorite songs, “Take Me with U,” played. I didn’t laugh because it was a funny scene but because I realized I hadn’t thought of anyone back home since the movie started. Then I began to cry. I didn’t care if any of my companions noticed.

  After the movie, as we all piled into the car, Mai asked me if I wanted to audition for their band. “It’d be awesome! We do a little bit of everything. Funk, R&B, punk. Right now we do mostly covers and put a feminist spin on them,” she said.

  “Though I do hope we start doing more original songs,” Cecilia hinted.

  “Are you kidding? With Apollonia’s doppelgänger, we’d get booked at parties and events so fast.” Janine snapped her fingers.

  “Let’s see if she can sing first,” Genevieve warned as she looked at me in her rearview mirror.

  “What do you think? Would you like to try out?” Mai asked.

  I didn’t think about whether or not it was a good idea, if it was even possible for me to join a band since I didn’t know when I would be going home, or whether I might be bad at singing their songs even though Mai said I had a good voice. I just thought of how music made me feel better. So I agreed.

  “Soheila! Your mother is on the telephone!” Aunt Fariba shouted from the kitchen a few weeks later. She dangled the phone cord in her hand as though she couldn’t be bothered to hold the actual receiver. I gently took the phone from her and nodded in appreciation, which I resented. Aunt Fariba’s initial polite smiles had morphed into grimaces as the weeks wore on. I hated having to feel apologetic for taking up space. I hated having to make up excuses for coming home late with Amir when I took him to band practices. (I was now a full-fledged member of the Ovarian Cysters. I had asked Amir to translate what our band’s name meant, but he had no idea.)

  “Hi, Mom,” I said quietly into the phone.

  “Hello, my love.”

  I always took a deep breath after hearing my mother’s voice. Everything would be okay as long as I could hear my mother breathing. “Your father says hello.” We both knew that if my dad got on the phone, he would just weep with abandon and the phone call would last longer than it needed to. We were always mindful of my uncle’s phone bill. International phone calls between the U.S. and Iran could get pricey.

  “How are you?” she asked.

  I wanted to tell her I had gone to see Purple Rain six times. I wanted to tell her that I was homesick but I had made some new friends who called me Apollonia and they were making things better. I wanted to tell her that I was in a band, but I knew she wouldn’t approve. Good girls weren’t performers. Only compromised women got onstage to dance for people, unless they became famous and rich; the
n it was okay. My mother might not feel that way herself, but her friends back home did, and she wouldn’t want them to gossip or think badly of me when I returned.

  “I’m fine.” It seemed like the responsible and grown-up answer. “How are you? How is everyone?”

  I heard her sigh.

  “We are okay, but I have some bad news.” I braced myself for something awful. Did someone die? “Kayvon,” she began. Our housekeeper, Akram, had helped raise me, and her son, Kayvon, was like a younger brother to me. “He . . . he enlisted.”

  I gasped and sat down on the kitchen floor. I felt my eyes brimming with tears.

  “But he’s . . . he’s only fourteen,” I said, though my mother and I both knew boys as young as twelve were sacrificing themselves for the country. “Poor Akram.” I began to cry.

  “Don’t start that! You have to be strong!” She wasn’t going to tolerate any tears from me. I had to be a grown-up. I controlled my breathing and composed myself. “We tried to persuade him not to go, but there is all this pressure. We’re losing so many young men . . . He didn’t even tell his mother. He left a note.”

  “Give Akram my love.” I didn’t know what else I could say that would be of any comfort. “Mom? When am I coming home?”

  “Can you tell your uncle to call me later tonight? Tell him he can call anytime — we will be awake.”

  She hadn’t answered my question.

  “I will tell Uncle Khosro to call you, but —”

  “Don’t forget. It’s important. We have to say good-bye now.”

  “Okay. I love you. Tell everyone I am thinking of them.”

  “We know you are. But try not to think about us so much. Focus on your life over there.”

  She was commanding me to focus on my life here. I didn’t know what that meant. I could feel Aunt Fariba’s gaze on me when I hung up the phone. I turned around and offered a small smile, as though she were a prison warden that I needed to maintain a decent relationship with. I wanted her to ask me how everyone was back home. I wanted her to offer me some sort of affection. But she didn’t smile back. She just nodded and asked me to help her with the laundry. There were chores that needed to be done here. I guess she thought there was no reason to worry about a place a world away.