Smoothen Silky vs The WereCougar

by Derek Slaton

  Rose swung in front of him, baton connecting with the WereCougar’s face square on, but the bitch didn’t even bat an eye. She grabbed the redhead by the throat and threw her across the room, smashing against an inn table, papers flying everywhere.

  Thorn growled, stalking into the foray like a feral beast. “Alright cuntwagon,” she snarled, “you can beat on the boys all you want but you just messed with the wrong-” A sharp pain in her side cut her off and she grasped her rib in shock, turning with her knife raised to see Kerr, eyes glazed completely over.

  “You were saying, honey?” The WereCougar teased, wiggling her fingers. Her eyes twinkled with triumph as Kerr’s fingers mirrored her own, following her mental commands.

  Thorn completely ignored her, drawing a second knife and glaring at the WereCub. “That’s three, motherfucker!” she cried, and threw both knives.

  They hit their marks in Kerr’s shoulders, and in the second of shock from the pain, he left her an opening for the dark warrior to rush him. She landed a rapid succession of bodyblows and headshots, smacking him around like a flyweight boxer. He slumped to the ground, blood pooling on the monochromatic rug.

  “Alright, you fossilized cock cobbler,” Thorn wiped her hands on her pants with a sneer. “Where were we?” She snatched up one of her knives from Kerr’s shoulder and whipped it with deadly aim, but the WereCougar slid underneath it and leapt back up to land a punch to her opponent’s chest.

  Thorn went on the defensive, body slightly sluggish from the wicked hit to her solar plexus. She attempted a few hits, but they were easily dodged, and the WereCougar caught her fist, twisting her wrist upwards. She wrenched it to force the ex-Agent to her knees, cackling all the while.

  Rose blinked a few times to try to get out of her daze, the sounds of Thorn’s hissing keeping her grounded. The redhead attempted to get up but slipped on the papers that had billowed around her. One stuck to the sweat on her fist and her eyes widened. It was a personal check for eight thousand dollars, and in the memo line it read Alimony Payment.

  “Motherfucker,” Rose breathed in realization, “the first and the fifteenth.” She quickly pulled out her zippo, flicking open the lighter with a shink that caught the WereCougar’s attention. The demon’s eyes widened double size as her nails dug into Thorn’s tricep with rage. She let go and sprinted across the room just as Rose touched flame to paper.

  “Your sugar daddy’s gone, bitch.” The redhead grinned as the fire engulfed the check. As it happened, the WereCougar erupted into flames as well, screams echoing as she continued to try to walk towards Rose.

  Soon she was reduced to nothing but ashes, and Rose scampered to her feet, rushing over to Thorn.

  “Are you okay?” she demanded, inspecting the divots in her lover’s skin.

  “Yeah, I’m fine, girl,” Thorn replied with a nod, showing off her arm as not having even broken skin. “What the fuck did you do to her?”

  “I burned her alimony check,” Rose declared.

  “Goddamn girl,” Silky groaned as he got to his feet, stretching his arms above his head. “That’s cold.”

  “Eh, fuck her.” Rose shrugged. “She can burn.”

  “Is it over?” Kerr moaned weakly from the rug, flopping over onto his back. He grasped the edge of one of the couches and dragged himself over, propping his shoulders up so he could see everyone.

  “Well, you ain’t got bitch tits anymo, so Silky’s gonna say yeah,” the pimp motioned to him, and the younger Agent started to paw his body. He reached down to his crotch.

  “Oh please, oh please…” He cupped his junk and sighed with relief. “Thank fucking Christ! The boys are back in town!” His grin was short lived at the sharp pain from the stab wounds in his shoulders. He eyed Thorn with incredulity. “And you, you fucking stabbed me.”

  “Don’t go blaming me for your inability to follow simple instructions.” She put up a hand in defense. “You were warned there would be consequences if you interrupted me three times.”

  “But you fucking stabbed me!” Kerr cried. “How is that an appropriate response to an interruption?!”

  “If you think that’s bad,” she replied with a smirk, “just imagine what’s gonna happen next time.”

  He gulped. “I’ll be good.”

  Rose’s phone trilled a happy ring, and her brow furrowed at the caller ID.

  “Who is it?” Thorn inquired.

  The redhead looked to Silky. “It’s the Boss.”

  “Aw hell,” Silky said, “this can’t be good.”

  EPILOGUE

  A mysterious man stood at the edge of the storage facility grounds. He was thin and wiry but a surprising amount of muscle tone beneath his lean frame. His chocolate hair topped pasty white skin, and he lifted a pair of binoculars to his cobalt eyes.

  The phone in the pocket of his black suit vibrated, and he didn’t break his view, reaching up to gently press on the bud in his ear.

  “Go for The Phaser,” he murmured.

  “Your contact, Ezra, has been killed,” a deep voice came through over the speaker, and the Phaser sighed.

  “Then who the hell is gonna pay me for this heist?” he snapped irritably.

  “He put five thousand in an escrow account to get this job moving,” the voice replied. “It’s yours, minus my fee of course.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” The Phaser threw a hand up, finally lowering the binoculars to hiss the words. “Five k? That’s it? Do you have any idea how much research I had to do for this job? There’s a reason I asked for fifty to pull it off.”

  “That is none of my concern,” the voice replied in a bored monotone. “You knew what the deal was when you signed up.”

  “Well I’m on site already.” The Phaser sighed. “Surely there has to be some useful stuff in that storage room.”

  A short pause. “Perhaps.”

  “If I can get my hands on some stuff, can you move it for me?” He asked, shoving a leather gloved hand in his slacks pocket.

  A longer pause. “I can’t guarantee you I can move it, or what prices I can get,” the voice finally conceded. “But I will make calls on your behalf.”

  “And reduce your fee for my troubles?” The Phaser prompted.

  An even longer pause. “Fifteen percent on final sale price,” the voice replied firmly. “Twenty if you wish for my people to handle delivery.”

  “Consider it a deal,” he confirmed. “I’ll be in touch after.” He clicked off the earbud and ducked low, jogging through the shadows to the outer wall of the facility.

  He leaned down, stretching out his back and touching his toes. Then he curled his hand back to grasp his right ankle, stretching his thigh. He repeated for the other thigh, and then did a few jumping backs to limber himself up.

  Once prepped, he closed his eyes and touched his right thumb to the pad of his right index finger in an a-okay sign. His body engulfed itself in digital translucent static, and then he casually stepped through the solid wall, phasing through it as if it weren’t there at all.

  He poked his head out of the other side, looking back and forth down the hallway, and then stepped out when the coast was clear. He unphased and touched his left temple, activating a heads up map display in his left eye. The map quickly plotted him a course through the infield of the storage facility, around a fleet of trucks and storage containers.

  He dove behind a large red container, and at the heel clicks of an approaching guard, quickly phased and slipped inside the container. He crossed to the far side, sticking his head out just enough so that he could hear the footfalls echoing away before exiting the solid metal like a ghost.

  He unphased and continued on his way, reaching the inner wall of the storage facility. It was a several foot thick barrier of reinforced steel and concrete, but it was no match for him. He backed up a few steps with a smirk, to get a running start.

  He tore full tilt at the wall, hitting the trigger just before connecting with the concrete. He hit the
floor on the other side and slid across the hallway, then dipped into a shoulder roll right through a vault wall.

  The security guard raised his eyebrow, a chill creeping up his spine, but didn’t see anything.

  The thief stood up and unphased in the center of the vault, eyes wide with the variety of demon artifacts within. He walked up and down the aisles, putting small random items in his backpack to try to maximize the return on his money. There weren’t any labels on anything, so he figured it was better to have a lot of items to sell as opposed to fewer large ones that might not be worth as much.

  He paused at the sight of a pedestal in the far corner. It contained an egg shaped item, roughly the size of a football.

  “Well, well, what do we have here?” he asked, rubbing his hands together. “What are you doing all by yourself?” He looked closely, not seeing any obvious signs of alarms or traps. He shrugged and reached out to grab the item, and a small metal arm immediately shot out of the wall and clamped around his hand.

  An alarm bleated loudly above his head. “Dammit,” he cursed. He grasped the egg tightly before phasing, removing his arm from the claw. He unphased and dropped the egg into his bag before turning to leave.

  A half dozen armed guards greeted him, led by a cinnamon skinned man in a white lab coat.

  “I don’t know who you are, but you are in a whole lotta trouble,” Baptiste said, crossing his arms across his chest.

  “With most people I’m sure you’re right,” The Phaser said with a grin, “but I’m not most people.” He winked just before the signal to fire was given. The first bullet reached him just as he phased, and it passed though him harmlessly as he sprinted through the firing line.

  “Code red! Code red!” Baptiste screamed into his walkie talkie, whipping around to see the body shaped static disappear into the wall. “The intruder is escaping via the grounds!” The entire facility went into overdrive but the thief ran straight through the storage units and trucks, not unphasing until he was twenty yards away from the facility.

  His heads up display blinked LOW POWER instead of the map, and he sighed.

  “Man, that was close,” he muttered to himself as he casually walked off into the darkness. “Maybe next place I steal from will have some stronger batteries.”

  The Boss strode into the vault, quickly coming up on Baptiste, who stood with a clipboard and pencil in hand.

  “How bad it is, Baptiste?” the Boss asked, worry laced in his tone.

  “It’s bad,” the attache replied regretfully. “They got some lesser artifacts, but they also got the Egg of Orion.”

  “Motherfucker,” the Boss breathed, scrubbing his hands through his white beard. “How the hell did he get in here?”

  “He had some advanced technology that allowed him to phase in and out of reality,” Baptiste replied with a hint of curiosity and awe in his voice. “He literally ran right through us and the walls.”

  “We’re going to need all hands on deck for this one,” the Boss said firmly. “Who’s close?”

  “Rutger is on site,” Baptiste listed off. “Not sure where Nantz and TNT are. Silky, Rose and Kerr are in Austin with some former Agency asset named Thorn.”

  “First bit of luck we’ve had today,” the older man said, eyes lit up. “Give me your phone.” He took the cell after Baptiste speed-dialed Rose, and at the connection he didn’t even wait for her greeting.

  “Rose, it’s the Boss,” he said brusquely.

  “Boss, don’t worry,” she replied quickly, “we have everything under control with the WereCougar.”

  “That’s good to hear, but not why I’m calling,” he said. “The storage facility vault was just hit.”

  “Oh my god,” Rose breathed. “How bad?”

  He winced. “We don’t know the full extent yet, but we do know they got the Egg of Orion.”

  She paused. “Holy fuck.”

  “Understatement of the year, my dear,” the Boss agreed. “It’s an all hands on deck situation. I need all of you to get to the storage facility as quickly as you can.”

  “Of course,” Rose replied.

  “And Baptiste tells me that you have Thorn with you,” the Boss continued, “please explain the significance of the situation and persuade her to help.”

  “You got it, Boss,” she agreed. “See you soon.”

  He ended the call and tossed the phone back to Baptiste.

  “Put the word out to every contact you have ever made,” he said firmly. “Finding whoever took the Egg of Orion is the Agency’s top priority.”

  END