by Layla Nash
“We should have just killed the bitch,” Evershaw muttered. “Instead of giving her the chance to leave.”
“It was a very limited time offer,” Todd said. He’d been the one to work with the detective on getting rid of the loan-shark. Evershaw had been tied up keeping Dodge from going completely out of control and destroying half the city. Todd shook his head. “O’Brien found the one dirty cop and dealt with him, but it is definitely possible – likely, even – that Bridger had more on her payroll. Killing her would have raised too much of a fuss and kicked off an investigation. We gave Bridger twenty-four hours to leave the city and O’Brien locked down all of her bank accounts. Bridger is gone. Smith set some of his friends to keep an eye on her and make sure she’s not trying something shitty to get back at you, so for now, it’s as resolved as we can make it.”
Dodge scowled and debated tracking Bridger down himself to deal with things. “A grave would have been better. It’s the only thing she deserves.”
The others grumbled in agreement. Edgar and Evershaw went on discussing security arrangements and screening procedures, but Dodge’s attention remained on the apartment building across the street. As much as he wanted to barge into the building and check on Persephone himself, he remembered the terror on her face when she’d seen him as a wolf in the hospital. He couldn’t repeat that. Seeing her afraid of him again would destroy him. He couldn’t put her through that. It was better that she was safe in the new apartment he’d bought and furnished, tucked away from him and the pack and anything else that might hurt her.
Every breath felt like his last, though, without Persephone in his life. He felt her getting further and further away from him. It was only a matter of time until she was gone from his life permanently. He closed his eyes and counted the seconds until Evershaw dragged him back to the house, so he could crawl back into the cellar and get drunk while Silas looked on. Dodge tilted his head back and inhaled, trying to catch one last hint of her scent.
There was no telling how long it would be until he smelled her again.
Chapter 47
Percy
A month passed in fits and starts. Some days crept by in slow motion, like when the physical therapist made me do exercises to rebuild balance and strength, while others disappeared like water down the drain. Mercy stayed with me for quite a while; I was grateful for her company and her help, even though it was weird to share an apartment with someone again. Of course, the enormous apartment in the fancy building was easily three times the size of my last one, so it wasn’t exactly like we had to share a bathroom.
Eventually she went back to the Evershaw house. Mercy still checked on me every other day to bring me groceries and help with cleaning and laundry, but she was needed at home. I had no doubt the house would have fallen apart without her there to help. God only knew how I would have survived without her.
But her departure meant I was alone in that giant apartment with very little to do, other than binge-watch shows I hadn’t started yet or browse the internet and try not to buy everything in sight. If I didn’t keep myself distracted, my thoughts inevitably turned to Dodge. Where was he? Why hadn’t he visited? He hadn’t even called or emailed or texted or anything. It was like he’d dropped off the face of the planet.
I didn’t know why I expected anything else. After all, he hadn’t bothered to visit me in the hospital after that one day. Maybe he had the same problem as Silas and was stuck in his wolf mind. Maybe Evershaw and Deirdre kept him away from me for my own safety. Dodge had looked so out-of-control in the hospital room as he attacked his friends...
Except in my heart I knew that if Dodge really wanted to see me, nothing would stop him. He’d already shown that in different ways, and in the way he’d guarded me in the hospital... He tried to keep everyone at bay. He could have bolted for freedom and just run away. He’d wanted to protect me, to defend me. Surely that meant he had feelings for me? I debated it in my head every day the first few weeks after I left the hospital. More than once I started to ask Mercy where he was, what he was doing, why he wasn’t there with me.
Inevitably I lost my nerve. It felt too desperate, too middle school, to gossip about the boy I liked with one of his friends. So I wallowed in uncertainty and suffered over it.
I eventually distracted myself by working on my website and searching online for new jobs and places I could apply or submit part of my portfolio. It would have been better if I had recent commissions to list, but I didn’t think Ms. Bridger and the animal sanctuary were going to give me a good reference. Just the thought made me snort and shake my head. I didn’t know whether she was still around. Mercy and Deirdre just said I was safe and she wouldn’t bother me anymore.
Maybe they’d killed her and didn’t want me to have to testify if anyone ever tried to pin it on them.
A few of the architecture firms – some local but some much farther away – called me for interviews, but I pushed off the calls until I was certain the bruises and cuts weren’t visible on my face and hands and arms. They’d healed up faster than I thought they would, though shadows of bruises still haunted my throat and cheeks even after I experimented with the makeup Mercy brought for me.
Even with the interest from the firms I contacted and the excitement of a new start somewhere far from the awful memories of the sanctuary and being abandoned by Dodge, I couldn’t find the energy to follow through. I chalked it up to my body and mind still healing from the torment from the sanctuary. I’d felt run-down and exhausted for weeks since leaving the hospital, and the medications continued to upset my stomach. I’d thrown up a few times and lived on toast and ginger ale for at least a week, even under Mercy’s watchful eyes. I meant to call the doctors for follow-up but never got around to it, and instead dragged myself through every day while trying to find the motivation to do more.
The nightmares certainly didn’t help me get any rest. I slept better during the day, that was for sure, because at least I woke up to light. It chased the first awful panic away before I even realized it was a nightmare and not reality. I hated the dark and kept lights on all the time. I hated to think what it meant for the utilities, but I couldn’t survive the terror every night. It just made me miss Dodge more. He would have made me feel safe. He definitely would have woken me up from those bad dreams before they got to real nightmares.
I circled back through every conversation we’d had, searching for any hint of what he might do. He’d said we would hook up for as long as I was interested, but... maybe ghosting on me was his way of making my interest diminish. He’d gotten what he wanted, after all: a hell of a wild night. Maybe it had just been a conquest, a challenge.
The possibility hurt more than the breaking bones I vaguely remembered.
A week after Mercy left, the gold-haired burly lion, Edgar, and his wife brought me dinner. Isobel, dark-haired and quiet, was kind and brought a soothing energy with her. They also had two kids – a high-energy toddler and a sleepy baby who just wanted to snuggle her papa. The soft looks they traded and their ease around each other made me intensely, insanely jealous. You could practically pick their love for each other out the air every time their eyes met. If I hadn’t already been nauseated, that would have sent me running for the bathroom. The toddler took an immediate liking to me and invited me to their house to play with trains. Isobel followed up with an open invitation to just hang out and watch movies or drink tea. I made some excuses and thanked them for the casserole, but didn’t commit to anything.
They had everything I wanted from life and made it very, very difficult to be around them, even though I knew it was unfair to judge them. From the look in her eyes and the lines around his, I knew neither of them had had an easy road in life. But they’d found each other and started a family, and had what I never really knew I’d always wanted.
Something in Edgar’s face made me suspect he knew why I deferred the invitation. His compassionate smile just made me feel worse for being a jackass when they�
�d been so generous with their time and making me feel welcome. I stammered something about seeing how the next week went, but they both knew it would probably be a while, if ever, before I showed up. I didn’t want company. I wanted to be alone to wallow in my misery and uncertainty and the awful memories.
It had been almost seven weeks since I woke up in the hospital when someone else knocked on the door. I vaguely recognized the man: Rafe O’Shea, with black hair and dark eyes and a hint of beard on his jaw. The woman next to him, introduced as Meadow, was beautiful in a shy, unassuming way. Her dark curly hair made me instantly envious. I could occasionally get the same kind of curls with several hours with a curling iron and a hell of a lot of hairspray, but hers looked perfect and natural. After my failed hospitality with Edgar and Isobel, I invited Rafe and Meadow in and even managed to offer them coffee and tea.
Rafe looked perfectly comfortable on the couch, studying the inside of the apartment with avid interest. “Even though the lions own this building, it’s on my territory, so I wanted to check in and make sure you’re doing okay.”
“Thanks,” I said. It still took me a little longer to parse their words when they threw out things like ‘lions’ and ‘territory’ so casually, as if everyone would understand the language the same way they did.
Meadow smiled and sipped the tea I’d managed to make. “It took me a while to learn how they describe things. Don’t feel bad. I had no idea any of this existed until about a year ago, so I know how you feel.”
Some of the tension in my chest eased. “Really? So you’re... you’re human too?”
It felt so damn weird to ask that question, and weirder still to expect a negative answer.
She smiled quickly and shook her head. “No. I’m related to Smith. We’re fae. Fairies. Not witches or shifters, but something different.”
I massaged my temples and tried to laugh. “I feel like I need to start taking notes and drawing wiring diagrams to figure out how this all fits together.”
“We can put you through a bootcamp,” Rafe said, his smile easy and surprisingly charming. If his girlfriend or wife or mate hadn’t been sitting right next to him, it might have even been flirtatious. “We don’t often have new humans to introduce to our world, but it’s been happening more frequently in recent months. Logan Chases’s wife is human. Even the bear’s mate is human. Well, they were human before their mates turned them.”
My head tilted and I tried to sort through the information he offered so casually. I’d almost forgotten about that conversation in the Korean restaurant, about how shifters were different in the mind depending on whether they were born or turned. “Wait. How does that…work? Exactly?”
Rafe’s expression grew a little guarded, as if he’d just realized he said something he shouldn’t have. He hemmed and hawed a little before he offered any more information. “Well, in extreme circumstances, a shifter could change a human. It’s usually to save the life of a loved one. It’s rare and there are consequences for turning a human without their consent, but it does happen. It’s usually by blood transfusion. Enough shifter blood overwhelms the human blood and replaces it, turns the recipient into a shifter. Same animal as the donor.”
To save the life of a loved one... It struck a chord with me and my thoughts drifted to when Dodge told me about his parents, how there hadn’t been time for his mother to save his father. Maybe that’s what she would have done: turned him into a shifter to save his life.
When I said nothing, Meadow picked up a cookie and nibbled on it. “You should come over for dinner, or we can bring something here. It might be good for you to get out, though. It seems like you’ve spent all your time cooped up inside.”
I wondered how they knew, whether the concierge was reporting on my movements – or lack thereof – to all the shifters who thought they had some kind of responsibility for me. I made a note to ask Deirdre or Mercy, just so I could be sure. There wasn’t any reason to live in a free apartment if it meant I’d be monitored like a naughty teenager. But I attempted a smile. “Thank you, that’s a kind offer. I haven’t left much because I still look a little like I got beat with a baseball bat.” I gestured self-consciously at my face to make sure they knew what I meant.
Rafe’s gaze drifted away, apparently unwilling to comment on my appearance, but Meadow’s attention never wavered. If anything, it got more intense. “You can’t even see anything anymore, Percy. And even if you could... It wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone gave you shit over it, then that’s their problem, not yours.”
I managed a half-hearted smile. “Doesn’t make it any easier to face the world, though.”
“It gets better,” she said quietly. She even reached across the coffee table to squeeze my hand. “I promise. I was in... a similar situation. Not exactly the same as yours, but close. Rafe saved me. But it took a long time to feel like myself again.”
“Let me clarify,” Rafe said, before I could ask anything or Meadow could go on. He played with a few of her curls and his entire demeanor softened. “Meadow rescued herself. She just let me carry her home.”
She laughed and smiled, and when they gazed at each other, I saw the same love and connection that Edgar and his wife shared. It turned my stomach even more, and I struggled to keep my guts in one place. I hadn’t eaten much all day, so it wasn’t like I would have produced anything but bile, but still.
Meadow flushed and pushed him away after Rafe said something soft and no doubt endearing in her ear. Then she looked back at me, her cheeks pink. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know that it gets better, even if it takes a while. Just be gentle with yourself and take as much time as you need.”
“Thanks,” I said, and rubbed my shoulder as my muscles ached. “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”
“It’ll sneak up on you,” she said. Meadow offered a few more thoughts on how eventually everything would be fine, then twined her fingers together a little nervously and pressed her lips together. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about this. Deirdre said you just wanted to go back to normal life, so I’m sure us being here kind of disrupts that.”
My eyebrows rose, and I started to frown as I considered. I had wanted to go back to normal. I’d told them all that multiple times: walking away, going back to the way things were, finding normal again. But somehow... somehow between that incredible night with Dodge and everything that came after, ‘normal’ lost some of its appeal. ‘Normal’ looked lonely, and alone, and limited. Woefully uninformed and completely lacking in magic, in possibilities.
I swallowed a knot in my throat. Somewhere along the way, I started to want what they offered, what a pack meant. I wanted the supernatural in my life. I wanted Dodge in my life, and that meant his pack, and his friends, and everything about him that was so beyond normal it was extraordinary.
I exhaled and my eyes prickled with threatening tears as the feeling of loneliness rose up again. I wanted the pack and yet didn’t have it. Maybe I’d never have it. I managed to clear my throat and say, “I used to think I wanted normal, but... but I think my opinion is starting to change. After the last few weeks, having a pack has been a huge help. I don’t think I would have survived without Mercy and Deirdre and everyone else. Including Edgar and his family.”
“That’s good to hear,” Rafe said. He squeezed Meadow’s hand. “There is a lot that packs bring to the table that we don’t often pay attention to. It’s very useful to have a built-in family. No matter what the rest of the world is doing or thinking, there’s always support.”
I nodded, though my throat closed and made it difficult to breathe or speak. “Sure.”
Although it felt like I’d waited too long and maybe Deirdre’s family didn’t want me anymore. Maybe Dodge didn’t want me near his pack, since they’d belonged to him first. I forced a smile and tried to say lightly, “Maybe I’ll join your pack, if you’ll have me.”
They glanced at each other, a quick look that communi
cated surprise and a bit of hesitation. My heart sank. Okay, so maybe one didn’t just invite oneself to someone’s pack. Was it invite-only?
Before I could walk it back and claim to be joking, Rafe nodded and put a business card on the table. “Any time. We’d be lucky to have you, if you don’t have another pack in mind. I thought Evershaw and his people would claim you. They kind of already claimed you and threatened dire consequences to anyone who bothered you. But if you’re looking for back-up and a family to support you, we are one hundred percent on board. That’s all my contact information, and Meadow’s as well. If you need anything – anything – just call. No questions asked.”
The kindness made it even more difficult to breathe. My vision blurred a bit but I kept the smile on my face as they slowly rose from the couch and headed for the door. “Thank you. I appreciate it. And maybe – maybe I’ll take you up on dinner later this week. If the offer still stands.”
Meadow hugged me. “Always. I’ll check in on you in a couple of days, okay?”
I nodded, wiping under my eyes in case a hint of moisture had crept out. “Sure. Yeah, sure. That would be nice.”
“Good.” She grinned and opened the door. “We’ll get out of your hair so you can rest, but I’ll be back to ask you about the habitat design. My uncle Smith is very interested in what you can do with a very large forest and a few gardens. He asked me to reach out again.”
“Oh, right.” I nodded. I barely remembered the tall, silver-haired man with the air of mystery around him. It felt like a million years ago that we’d been in his office. Dodge hadn’t seemed to like him much. The guy made the back of my neck prickle, but if he was related to Meadow, he couldn’t be all bad. “Yeah, that would be fun. It’ll be good to get back to work.”