by SM Olivier
The way his eyes darkened, I had a feeling he knew where my train of thought had headed, because a wicked smirk curved at his lips.
“I forgot the flowers, but I figured this was much needed.” Kyler held out a large smoothie towards me. “You need to consume extra calories even if it’s in liquid form. Never know when you might need them.”
I felt my face warm at his innuendo, and I prayed it went over Grandpa’s—and everyone else's—head. Hopefully, they assumed Kyler was just concerned about my underweight body and not because of what we had done last night.
I jokingly rolled my eyes before accepting it. “Thanks, Dad,” I mockingly teased him.
I placed the straw against my lips and took a long draw of the cold liquid. I had to admit the green juice didn’t look that appetizing, but it was delicious. I was also surprisingly hungry.
I heard a throat clear, and my eyes slightly widened as David stepped forward with an obscenely large bouquet of roses. I was surprised by his presence. I knew he wanted to try being a father to me, but I never expected him to take the long drive to watch me dance.
“You guys looked great up there,” he murmured, almost uncertain as he handed me the flowers.
He had shown me such a different side of him lately, and I had to admit it was wearing me down. It made me want to forgive him and overlook the fact that he had never been in my life up until now.
“Thank you.” I took the flowers, and for the first time ever, I embraced him by my own volition. I could feel that I had surprised him by the action as much as I had myself. He almost seemed reluctant to let me go when I took a step back.
“No, thank you.” He sounded almost emotional.
I wasn’t sure how to process the feelings that were rioting in me right then. I was thankful that my guys seemed to pick up on this as they started taking their turns embracing me and telling Zane and me how great we looked out there.
“I can’t wait to show you some of the shots I took,” Paxton enthused as he held up his camera. “I’m hoping to mess around on Photoshop with a few of the shots.”
“I can’t wait to see them,” I told him honestly.
Golden was the next person to draw me into a hug. He buried his head into my neck. “You make me speechless when I watch you dance,” he admitted as he gently swayed his body against mine. “I knew you were nervous today, but I couldn’t see any of that on the stage.”
My heart fluttered with warmth at his words. “Thank you, Golden.” I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
“Pey Pey!” Clay loudly protested, reminding me of his presence.
I laughed and found him in Lochlann’s arms. I stepped forward, using him as an excuse to embrace both him and Lochlann.
“Beautiful as always,” Lochlann murmured as he slipped one of his arms behind my back.
“Me go!” Clay launched himself towards me.
“Oh, buddy, I’m sorry,” I crooned as I pushed some of his curls off of his face. “Peyton has to go back and dance a couple more times.”
“A couple?” Lochlann’s brows knitted in concern.
I gave him a rueful smile and shrugged. “Renee wasn’t ready to compete today, so that left a solo open. Anya and Alex asked me to dance the other one.”
“Are you sure you should be?” Kyler grumbled.
I sighed and held up my hands. “We’ll see.”
“She was more ‘voluntold,’” Kayley chimed in while Faith, Hope, Joy, and Maisie stared at her in awe. As I was hugging the guys, the girls had recognized her from her solo and peppered her with questions. The twins were still painfully shy and were clinging to Grandpa’s leg like a lifeline.
I tilted my head, agreeing with her unique statement.
“I don’t think you’re ready to push yourself that hard.” Lochlann frowned.
“I agree, but you know how mom is,” Zane said ruefully.
“Should I go speak to her?” David spoke up.
I shook my head. I understood their concern, but I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, go against Anya’s wishes. She really was the best instructor I’d ever had. I didn’t want to struggle against her too much.
“Don’t push yourself to injury,” Grandpa warned.
I nodded in agreement. “Anya’s aware that I probably won’t even place. She understands I’m not where I would like to be or even close to where I was. I don’t want any setbacks, so I’ll listen to my body,” I assured them. I had the same misgivings, but I would much rather have their support. I didn’t need them adding to the doubts I already had, which could mess with my head as much as self-doubt.
“We should probably head back,” Zane gently reminded me. “You have to get dressed for group.”
I nodded and pulled away from Lochlann, kissing Clay’s cheek as I patted his back.
“Thank you for coming again.” I smiled at everyone. “I’ll try to revisit you before the competitions are over with.”
I took a few steps away before I realized I hadn’t seen Crew. Turning around, I stopped and called out to their retreating backs. “Where’s Crew?”
A funny feeling of foreboding entered my stomach. Something’s not right.
I hoped I wasn’t being too overly paranoid, but I liked to listen to the little voice within that talked to me from time to time.
I noticed Kyler, Lochlann, and Golden exchange a look.
“He had to step outside,” Kyler said. “Apparently, a few more schools have been in contact with him, and he’s gathering as much information as possible.”
I could see that the guys weren’t happy about that. But why? Did they know something I didn’t? I knew Crew wasn’t the most forthright with his feelings and thoughts, but his college plans were something Zane and he always talked about.
I looked over at Zane, and he seemed just as surprised as I was by this information. I was under the impression they had been discussing their options with each other in the hopes that they could go away to school together. Plus, they had already started making plans to visit Albany together next weekend.
The explanation still didn’t sit right with me. It wasn’t like Crew talked on the phone for any length of time, especially over a topic that only affected him.
“Kayley, Peyton!” Alex sounded harried as she burst through the doors. “Let’s go. I’ve been looking everywhere for you two.”
“Sorry,” Kayley squeaked and scampered away.
I wanted to probe further. I looked at the guys, then Alex. With a heavy sigh, I knew this discussion would have to be tabled. I would have to wait until I saw Crew and ask him if he was entertaining other schools. Still, this new decision seemed to be coming out of left field.
“See you guys later.” I waved before hurrying after Kayley and Alex.
●
My body hurt. I was tired. I was hungry. I didn’t feel like myself at all. And for the first time ever, I wanted this competition to be over with. Even with the nerves, I usually thrived on competition days. Now that it was my turn to dance my solo, I was over it.
I pulled out my phone and decided to let Paxton know that I was dedicating this dance to him. I had to dig deep and make it a good one for him.
Me: Psst. Getting ready to go on. This one’s for you ;)
His response was almost immediate.
Soulmate: Really?! I can’t wait to watch you kill it.
I smiled before handing my phone to Kayley.
“Can you hold this?” I asked her.
“Sure can.” She grinned and slipped it into her tracksuit.
Four more performances, a short recess, and the award ceremony stood between me and the rest of the weekend. I was starting to feel the excitement of spending some alone time with Lochlann. Just the two of us with no family, friends, and—hopefully—no drama to bother us.
Lochlann said he’d secured a smaller cottage for Salvatore and Desmond. It was on the property we were renting. They weren’t even going to step foot in the secluded cabin we would b
e occupying. Lochlann still wouldn’t tell me where we were going, and honestly, I was okay with that. I liked surprises.
The moment the awards ceremony was over, Grandpa had booked us a reservation at an exclusive restaurant. I didn’t want to take the time away from Lochlann, but I felt like it was the least I could do for everyone since they traveled a good distance to see me perform only three times over an eight-hour or so period.
Those eight hours were a long time for me, and I didn’t have a gaggle of children with me to take care. So, I knew it had to have been a long day for them, too. The few times I was able to sneak to see them, I could tell they were getting a little restless. At one point, Golden sent pictures of the twins sound asleep on Kyler and David. Clay was passed out on Lochlann, and Paxton was lying on the auditorium floor coloring with the rest of the kids.
I heard my number announced, and I took a deep breath. I rubbed my sweating hands against my moss green and gold costume, adjusted the mock collar against my throat, and then made sure my hair was tightly secured.
I tried to shut out all the extra white noise in my head. There had to be a reason why Crew hadn’t answered my text. But I reminded myself that he was known for forgetting to respond to my texts. He had a lot going on right now, and I shouldn’t expect him to indulge me at every turn.
When I heard Ruelle and Fleurie’s Carry You begin, I walked out onto the stage. I tried to embrace the feelings I felt when I first listened to the moving lyrics, wanting to convey my desire to be the rock Paxton needed at times.
I wanted to give him back his shine. I wanted to be the wind to help him fly once more.
My limbs trembled as I did a chasse, step, and then leaped into a grand jetè. I immediately knew my landing wasn’t going to be clean. I felt the wobble in my supporting leg. When I landed with a stumble, I kept my face carefully blank and tried to recover the best I could. I heard some of the tittering and sounds of sympathy from the audience and carefully concealed the grimace I felt.
Inwardly, I was berating myself and confirming my belief that I wasn’t ready to take on three dances in one competition—not yet, at least. Outwardly, I kept my emotions in check. The only feelings I emoted pertained to my acting skills for the music.
My legs were quaking as I grabbed my leg for the reverse turn, and I silently prayed I could nail the rest of my moves with zero mistakes. After my third turn, I knew I couldn’t complete the next three turns, so I improvised by adding a few more floor work techniques. By the time the music drew to a close, my whole body was shaking, and I felt a lot more winded than I typically would.
I bowed before exiting the stage. Tears of self-beratement and disappointment burned the back of my eyes, but I refused to allow them to fall. I shook out my quaking limbs and met Kayley in the wings.
“It wasn’t a big deal,” she immediately reassured me. “The rest of the dance was flawless.”
I emitted a sound close to a laugh and sob. I looked up and exhaled a deep breath. “I wasn’t ready,” I said in defeat. “I should have begged them to give someone else the solo.”
“You’re going to place regardless,” Kayley insisted moments before Zane made his way to my side.
He pulled me in close and kissed the top of my head. “Even with a small mistake, you were breathtakingly beautiful.”
I shook my head. “That song was Paxton’s. I failed,” I muttered.
“He wouldn’t have noticed the difference. In fact, I’m sure the rest of us won’t hear the end of it for weeks.” He ran a soothing hand up and down my back, and with his other hand, he palmed my cheek, forcing me to look into his eyes. “He’ll make sure to let us all know that was his dance.” He grinned.
I chuckled forlornly, knowing it was true.
Paxton might not have known the difference, but I knew. I wanted it to be perfect, and it hadn’t been.
Zane led me towards the stairs, and I immediately felt disappointment once more when I saw Anya and Alex waiting for me.
“A small deduction,” Anya said without preamble. “You’ll gain the points back in technique and difficulty.”
“It was a bad mistake.” I picked at the gold braided band under my breast.
“There were a lot of mistakes all around today in the senior solo division,” Alex said encouragingly.
“I can’t remember the last time I made a mistake like that.” I blew out another breath, willing the tears back once more.
I knew I was hardest on myself and my worst critic. But that was because I knew what I was capable of. I had been dancing for years, and yes, I had received plenty of deductions over the years, but they were usually trivial. Most people would have never noticed if my turn-out wasn’t right or if my arms didn’t have flawless form. Generally, any mistakes I made were just a judge nitpicking for an error. With this one, though, I had handed them the fault on a silver platter.
“You still represented my school beautifully,” Anya said, comforting me as she cupped my cheek.
I knew it was pointless to continue this argument, that they would continue reassuring me, and that I would continue to berate myself. I needed to shake it off and work even harder next time. By the next competition, I’d feel almost one hundred percent. I had never competed in such a… fragile state like this before.
“Thank you,” I said automatically. “I’m going to get into my warm-ups.”
“Go, get comfortable.” Alex patted my shoulder.
I nodded and began walking to the dressing room.
“Peyton,” Anya called behind me.
I turned slightly, not wanting her to see how raw my emotions were.
“I’m proud of you. You’re a strong woman, and you only proved it further today.” Anya's voice carried despite the chaos surrounding us.
I attempted to grin and nod at her. I knew I had bounced back reasonably well, but it didn’t stop me from my self-flagellations.
●
“Is dance your future?” David asked me as we walked towards the vehicles.
“Yes.” I nodded. “I have a few auditions lined up in the next few months for schools in New York City. And I’ll probably take a few online classes for business administration,” I added.
“Business?” he inquired.
I sighed. I was trying. Honestly, I was. But I was so tired, and I just wanted to decompress and brain dump the last few hours. The roller coaster of emotions was exhausting in and of itself. The team had placed second in our group number. Zane and I received first ‘overall’ for duets, and I had placed fourth in my solo.
I didn’t feel like making small talk, but I was attempting to humor David.
“I figured once I’m not able to dance any longer, I could find a school to choreograph and teach at,” I explained. “Maybe, eventually, I’ll open up my own school that provides scholarships for students like I once was. Priscilla initially enrolled me in a Parks and Rec program, but once that ended, she decided she couldn’t afford for me to go beyond the intro classes. However, the school that had the contract with the Parks and Rec must have seen something in me, so they worked with her.
“The scholarship covered my lessons, but Priscilla was responsible for my competition fees and costumes. The school had some donors that would help from time to time with those costs. Priscilla later told me that she had racked up steep credit card bills to pay for the additional costs that I couldn’t get.” I shrugged. “So, I’d like to find boys and girls that were in similar situations like me and give them a larger helping hand. I don’t want them to worry about anything if they have the drive and determination to become better dancers. They don’t even have to want a future in it. For some of the scholarship kids, it was an escape for them. It was the only thing they could really rely on. I want to give them the same stability I had needed.”
David nodded. “It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and a solid plan.”
I felt a small tug in my chest over the admiration and pride I saw in his ey
es.
Was this how it felt to have a father? Sean hadn’t even pretended to attempt the role. Ever. Mickey was the closest thing to a father-figure I’d had growing up. It felt weird to have my biological father taking an interest in me suddenly.
I heard my name being called, and I turned out of habit instead of conscious thought.
“Peyton Delaney?” the man yelled.
Sal and Des immediately waylaid the man running towards me, and I turned forward again, relieved in their presence. I sighed and looked back over my shoulder in exasperation. For the most part, I had been left alone today.
Lochlann and Kyler immediately stepped closer to me. The other three security specialists closed in around our whole group. They were on high alert as they ushered us quickly to our vehicles.
I watched as Sal and Des stood in front of the man and murmured words to him. Lochlann placed a comforting hand on my lower back and guided me towards his car. As I was climbing into Lochlann’s Audi, I realized I recognized the smartly dressed, good-looking man. Recognition slowly sunk in, and I stepped out quickly.
“Grandpa!” I ran over to him. “Did you ever check into Martin Brady?”
Martin Brady had been at my last competition. He had given me his business card and was going to send me paperwork to audition for a music video. Grandpa had been skeptical of the offer and wanted to check his credentials first.
Grandpa looked at me, puzzled at first, but then I saw realization dawn in his eyes. “Ah, yes, his credentials checked out. Stay here.” He patted my arm and walked towards Sal, Des, and Mr. Brady.
I realized the guys had put the children in the vehicles and were now standing around me. They looked at me expectantly, and I gave them a rueful smile. I didn’t want to show my excitement in case it was more negative news, but I felt the anticipation tingling up my spine.
As I waited, I thought of Crew, who hadn’t been waiting for me when I rejoined my family. Kyler told me that he had to return home because the coach had reminded him that he was supposed to be assisting him with the junior-high’s football team today.