by Amber Nicole
I haven't felt this alive in over a year. Since the last time we were together. It's as if her lips resuscitated my cold dead heart. Pushing her back into the guest room door I fumble with getting the knob to turn. Getting frustrated I grab her by the ass and lift her out of the way. Totally not expecting her to wrap her legs around my waist and kiss me harder. Gripping my hair tighter. I finally get the door handle turned and kick it open then head towards the bed. Keeping our lips fused I slam Gracie’s back on the mattress and lie on top of her, I don’t want to separate from her warmth for even a second.
Letting go of her ass I start to move lower giving her time to tell me no, or to stop. All she does is arch her back and moan louder into my mouth. Taking that as consent, I yank my boxers off her while tugging down my sweats all within a matter of seconds. Before I can think about the consequences, I slam into her. Hard, unforgiving, taking out all my anger, and frustration on her.
Listening to her sounds just spurs me on.
Her nails run down my back hard and it pushes me over the edge taking her with me. Feeling the room start to spin, I collapse next to her. Closing my eyes for a minute to catch my breath, I start to drift off. Finally feeling satisfied and content I think I hear her whisper, “I remember you, Ash, forever and on.”
20
Gracie
Waking up, I feel warm and extremely rested. I didn't wake from a nightmare last night. I need to use the bathroom. I hear a grunt and someone pulls me closer to a naked chest?
What the hell? I open my eyes and see that I'm not in my room after all. Shit! Shit! Shit, oh my god last night should not have happened.
Omg what did i just do? One minute he's throwing me in pig shit, and making me walk almost naked in the pouring rain. The next he's kissing me like I'm the air he needs to breathe. Why did I kiss him back? And why the hell did I sleep with him? He just felt so familiar—like I was coming home. I just needed someone to hold me. Everything has been so dark lately I've felt so lost. Last night was a mistake but it opened something in my mind. I think I'm starting to remember things. Looking back I see he's still asleep. He looks so peaceful while he's sleeping. Usually all I get is disgust, and contempt. He looks content.
Slowly and carefully lifting his arm from around my waist. I grab my pillow and slide it in my place before rolling off the side of the bed and landing on the floor on my knees. Ouch I'm going to feel that later. I crawl to the end of the bed and quietly snatch Ashton’s sweats and the T-shirt I was wearing then crawl out to the hallway to use the bathroom. I shut the door. Slamming my back against the wall I try to calm my nerves. I slip his clothes on, use the toilet, then wash my hands and face. Slowly opening the door I see the coast is clear. I tiptoe down to the kitchen—I need coffee, then I need to try and sneak home. Ash had my phone all night. He took it from me when he stranded me at the farm so I can only assume all the messages from my family. Getting the coffee started I decide to go explore since I know no one is home and Ash is sound asleep. I find myself on the third floor in front of a room I haven't been in for a very long time.
Opening Mia’s door, I get hit with a whiff of her signature smell: Victoria’s Secret’s Love Spell. And nostalgia.
“Finally you’re all mine. Ash is out with the guys so it’s just us girls. What do you want to do first? We have games, junk food, nail polish, oh and I want to play with your hair. How about we do hair first? I love your hair. I wish mine was this long and wavy. I also rented some movies, grab one and pop it in the player,” Mia says, grabbing all the hair stuff. She loves to do my hair, always has. I put Drumline on because it’s one of our favorites then plop my butt in her computer chair while she gets started. Usually we use this time to talk about boys but since I’m dating her twin she doesn't like to hear details, so I just listen to her rant and rave about Carter, her latest boyfriend. Offering her advice when it calls for it. After about a half hour she spins me to face the mirror. Wow she did French braids in a bun type style with half my hair down and curly. "Wow Mi I love it, you’ve always been so good at hair. We should fix our makeup and take some selfies?"
"OMG yes girl. Let's do it. We need to update our Insta page."
Smiling at her I jump up, fix my eyeliner then wait for her. She can take hours doing her face. I'm like fifteen minutes tops unless it's a fancy date with my guy. After an hour she's ready. I smile for a few pics for our shared Insta page then I let her have at it. I can only stand so many duck faces. Collapsing on her giant bed I get in my spot and dig into the white cheddar Cheetos she always has here for me. “Mi, do you want a drink? I’m going to run to the kitchen?”
“No, I'm good girl. If you see my smelly brother ignore him and get your butt back here. You are mine tonight.”
Nodding, I skip out her room and down the stairs to the kitchen. I bend over to grab a soda from the fridge when someone wraps themself around me from behind. “I’m not supposed to acknowledge you Ash,” I whisper behind me. Feeling the vibrations of his laugh against my back he spins me around plants a quick kiss on my lips then runs off with his hands up like he’s surrendering. “You never saw me doll, but remember tomorrow you’re mine,” he says with a wink, disappearing back around the corner. Following after him once I have my drink, I head back to Mia’s room. She’s standing in front of the mirror just staring at her reflection. Noticing my lurking she sends me a nasty glare “I thought you said you wouldn’t acknowledge him? Guess I should have known you couldn't just be mine for a few hours.” Spinning around she plops back on the bed. Wow what was that about? Her moods are so sporadic lately.
I remember now, we had a lot of sleepovers in this room in the beginning years but less and less once she started going through her mood swings. Not wanting to intrude but also not being able to help myself, I enter then sit on the edge of her bed. It doesn't look like anyone has been in here since that night. Seeing her cheer bag on the chair I walk over to it and search for her friendship bracelet. We always took them off before practice. She used to say this was way too expensive to get damaged or lost. I used to think she meant our friendship was what was too expensive, but maybe she actually meant the bracelet. It was white gold with diamonds in an infinity sign with a charm that had the letters of our first names on it. All these random flashbacks and my nightmares really have me questioning a lot, and if I ever really knew my best friend?
Digging around in the bottom of the bag I don't feel the cold chain, but a crumbled object. It’s a photo. An ultrasound to be exact. What?
I fall to the floor on my butt and look at this tiny outline of a baby. Mia’s baby if I go by the name printed on the top. Eighteen weeks and four days. Mia was pregnant? Feeling the wetness on my cheeks I realize I’ve started to cry.
Why didn't she ever tell me? Who was the father? A sudden noise startles me. Ashton stares at me with the most horrific expression on his face.
“What the fuck are you doing in here? No better yet why the fuck are you still here,” he asks in a voice so cold, so dispassionate, shivers run down my spine.
"Ash, I think we need to talk, I'm starting to remember some things, about you, about us." I look up at him with excitement and apprehension.
"That’s great, dollface. That you think I give a fuck is even better. But the fact that you're sitting there and holding that while talking to me really takes the cake."
I look down in confusion. “I don’t understand? Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I ask him, trying to avoid the evil in his eyes.
“Why would I tell you anything? You were the one who ruined everything. Now get the fuck out of here. I don't want you around I changed my mind. Oh and Gracie if this time I knocked you up tell me before you go jump off a cliff. An abortion is cheaper and less painful. I knew you were fucking lying about having memory loss.”
I just stare at him. Jump off a cliff? What is he talking about? Losing patience with me he yanks me up from the floor, shouting in my face. “I said GET OUT!!! Oh, and if you know what's goo
d for you, don’t come back to school again. Better yet leave this fucking town.” He grabs me by the arm, rougher this time, and practically throws me down the stairs.
“Ashton please stop! I don't understand? Will you please just tell me? No one else will? What happened that night? Please!” Falling down to my knees I hold my hands in a prayer position and look him straight in the eye.
“Please I’m begging you, I need to know! This not knowing is making me insane.”
He looks at me for a few minutes then cracks up. He laughs, then starts screaming, gripping his hair, “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT! I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN! Just get out Gracie,” he finishes in a whisper then starts to cry, putting his head in his hands. I am so confused, not knowing what to do. Should I stay? Should I try and leave? What’s going on right now? A few minutes later he grabs my arm pulling me from the floor and wraps me tight in his arms. I'm so blown away by his change in moods I don’t realize he's still crying. I try to pull away but he just holds me tighter. Not wanting to startle him I slowly wrap my arms around his lower back causing him to almost collapse on me and cry harder. Feeling a little awkward I pat his back soothingly. Thankfully this snaps him out of whatever was going on in his mind because he starts to chuckle. Not letting me go he starts to speak.
“You were my everything Gracie, and she was my twin. I don't know what happened that night up on that cliff, but I know that you ripped my heart out and left me there to die a slow agonizing death. You said you're starting to remember things? I just need to know why? Why did you try to kill yourself? Why didn't you tell me about the baby?”
I stop him there. “What baby Ash? I know my mind is still fuzzy on certain things, but I was never pregnant? I don't know why I was on that cliff. I didn't even know that a cliff was involved. I don’t know what happened on that night Ash, but I know for a fact I would have never tried to kill myself? We were happy I think. I was happy, and you ... you were my everything too.”
Looking down at me I know he can see the truth in my eyes.
“You may believe that Gracie but what about the note? The picture you left behind that wrecked me? Fuck you were just sitting there sobbing with it?”
Thinking for a few seconds it hits me. “Wait you mean Mia’s ultrasound? Why would you think that was mine? Her name is right up at the top. As for leaving you a note, I never wrote a note. Why would I? I would have never tried to kill myself. Is this why everyone is being so secretive towards me? Why my family is treating me like I’m made of glass? You all think I tried to kill myself?” I can’t breathe. The panic attack is coming. I pull away from him, bend, place my hands on my knees, and try to breathe.
Ashton says something, but my head is in a fog. Next I know he's grips me by the throat and kisses me so hard, causing me to gasp and take in a much-needed breath. He immediately lets me go, takes my cheeks in his hands and looks me right in the eye.
“What do you mean Mia’s ultrasound? There was no name on that photo Gracie. Trust me I stared at it for months.”
“It wasn’t mine Ash. Look for yourself the name is right here. I've never been pregnant,” I whisper, still feeling out of breath and so physically and emotionally drained. I slam the photo to his chest. Then pull away and head towards the door.
“Wait, where are you going? We need to talk?”
“We will Ash, but not now I’m not feeling well, and I need to get home before they call the cops and file a missing person’s report.”
“Wait, at least let me give you a ride? We don't have to talk okay? Please Gracie, my mind is so messed up right now I don't know what to believe, but I do know I want to make sure you get home safe.”
“Yeah okay Ash but no talking, just a ride. Thank you.” I stumble out the door and to his car. My legs are jelly after that shitstorm. My bag and shoes are in his back seat, so I grab my sneakers and slip them on sans socks. Gross, I hate wearing sneakers without socks. Dreading it, I pull my phone out my bag and see it's dead. Ugh that's just going to make things worse. I toss it back in my bag, and shut the door then put my seatbelt on. I catch the reflection of the nasty purple bruise along my temple as I sit back. That’s going to cause some questions. In an effort to make myself look a bit more presentable I find some concealer and do the best I can to cover it up and run my fingers through my hair since I don’t have a brush handy. I part my hair to the side giving me some more coverage. That’s as good as it’s going to get.
Ash jogs to the car a few minutes later wearing a hoodie and sweats. He turns to me and sighs, grabbing my chin and moving my head to the side to inspect my bruise. “I can still see it, but I also knew it was there. I never expected her to hit you so hard.” Letting go of my chin he gives me one more look before pulling off.
21
Ashton
Silent. The car is so silent. I know she said not to talk, but all this silence is allowing me to think. I don't want to think right now. I have so many questions. She has to be mistaken about Mia right? Mia was a lot of things but to not tell me about her being pregnant? She was always looking for attention. This should have been top news, and why was that picture in the note from Gracie? These things are not making any sense whatsoever. When I get back I’ll look at the photo Gracie shoved at me. I didn’t want her to take off on her own so I threw it on the side table. I reach over grab her hand and place it on my thigh. “It’s going to be okay Gracie. I know things are still fucked up between us, and we have a lot to get through but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere until we work all this out.”
Still staring out the window avoiding my gaze she says, “Thank you Ash, I didn’t know it but I’ve really missed you.”
Damn she really knows how to make the guilt storm start. I can’t believe everything I’ve put her through what the fuck was I thinking? Can I claim temporary insanity caused by grief? I should have known. I should have fucking known that she would have never done something like that to me. We were planning a future together. Even if she was pregnant we would have discussed it. But that note—shit that fucking note now that doesn’t make any sense. We're going to have to talk about this shit eventually. I kept the note in a shoebox in my closet. Over the last eight months I’ve probably read it more times than I can count. I know that bullshit note by heart. Now that I’m thinking about it, it doesn't sound at all like Gracie. Fuck I’m such an idiot.
Getting lost in my thoughts I don't realize that Dom’s dad’s car was in Gracie’s driveway until I pull up behind him. Looking over at Gracie I see all the color has drained from her face.
“I am in so much trouble. You should probably take off before you get caught in the middle of this storm,” she says, opening her door to get out.
I’m not sure how I feel about her right now but I do know this is my fault. Jumping out of my car I rush to her side to stop her.
“Wait, we still have a lot to talk about and we will, but I’m not going to make you go in alone.” Before she can respond to me her front door swings open with an irate Mr. Rose. Shit this is going to be rough. I haven't seen them since that day in the hospital.
“Gracelyn Nicole Rose where the hell have you been? Do you know how worried we have been?” Finally noticing me he halts on the bottom step.
“Tristan? What are you doing here? Why are you two together? I thought we discussed not having contact between you two anymore?” he says to me in a shocked voice.
“Wait, what? Why wouldn't you have contact with me? Why is he calling you Tristan? Tristan, that name sounds so familiar to me. Wait, you're the one they talk about when they think I’m not in the room?” Gracie turns to me with a face full of confusion. Not knowing what she's talking about I just stand there like an asshole. Having enough of my silence she turns to her dad.
“I really don't know how to explain my disappearance besides saying that I was fine, and my phone is dead, and honestly that's all I'm going to say on that matter since everyone in this gosh darn family has been keeping things fro
m me on top of lying.”
Wait why is she covering for me? I was the one who left her stranded forty-five minutes from home, and why do they think we haven't had any contact? Hasn't she told them about all the torment I've been causing her? I go to ask her but her mom and brother come rushing from the front door with Dom’s dad trailing behind in a more leisurely manner.
“Oh god Gracie, where have you been?” her mom gets out through the tears.
“Do you have any idea what we've thought happened to you Gracie?” Her brother snarls in her direction. Whoa, since when has he acted so cold towards her? They were always thick as thieves. Best friends. Not thinking, I step forward resting my hand on her lower back in a sign of comfort that her family definitely doesn't miss. Her mom looks like she might faint, while her brother looks like he may murder me. Bending down to her ear so her family can't hear me I ask, “Do you want me to leave?”
Snapping her attention to me she shakes her head no. I nod in understanding and kiss her temple causing her to gasp. Yeah I guess I haven't done that in a really long time. It just feels so natural having her in my arms again. Not letting her go, I turn us to her family.
“I think we should move this conversation inside? The neighbors are getting one hell of a show, and I’d rather this not get out to my father.” I tell the Roses.
“Yes, that's probably best. I’m going to head back to the station. Tristan can you move your car, you’re blocking me in.” Dom's dad states.
Letting go of Gracie I nod, moving back to my car to do just that.