by Amber Nicole
Omg he was so happy just a little bit ago, this is going to turn his world sideways.
A baby, I have always wanted to be a mom. I even thought about maybe adopting a few kids as well. Ash always joked we would need a farm with a huge house for our ten kids and all the pets I wanted to rescue. Maybe this won’t be all bad. Climbing back to my feet with a smile on my face I start to feel a little excited.
Yes we are young, and recently started to rebuild our relationship, but after everything I’ve been through I know life is so short, and you don't know how many days you really have left. So carpe diem and all that shit.
I run to the front of the school, planning on finding Ash so I can tell him. I know a school basement isn't the best place, but I have to be the one to tell him. Knowing Bianca, she's already told him, or posted it all over social media. Keeping my eyes on my destination. I don't notice I have a group following me until it’s too late.
Headed to the basement stairs where the workout room is, where Ash is, I grab the railing my hands shaking with nerves. I really hope he doesn’t hate me again after this. As I place my foot on the top step, acrylic nails dig into my shoulder blades and my whole life flashes before my eyes.
28
Gracie
“Mia, why are you doing this? You are my best friend I don't understand.”
“God Gracie can you be anymore naive. I’ve been fucking your brother for almost four months now, and spoiler alert. I’m having his baby. But thanks to you and his bitch of a wife Anna. Stupid sweet, trustful Anna. He wants me to get rid of it so he doesn’t disappoint you, or hurt his little wifey. Gah just makes me sick. The way he talks about you both. So I came up with a little plan.”
She starts laughing maniacally while pushing me closer to the edge of Willow Creek Cliff, one of the highest cliffs in this area. I keep trying to smack her hand away but she's ridiculously strong.
“Give it up Gracie, I’ve been planning this night for almost three months now. You’re not getting away from me. I put a muscle relaxer in your drink and with that hike up here pretty soon your legs will start to feel like jelly. Now where was I? Oh yeah,” she says with an evil glint in her eye.
“I came up with a little plan. You see you and Anna are the two most important people in Grayson’s life, and that's just not fair. I mean what about me and his baby? He needs me. He will never be satisfied with sweet missionary Anna. Why doesn't he see I’m all he needs, Gracie? Oh I remember these two bitches keeping him from me, but he’ll see, just you wait. Well maybe not you since you’ll be dead. Ha-ha but he will know who really loves him. So my plan, well the night he told me I needed to go take care of my little peanut, I decided. No I’m not going to take away this precious gift I was given. Someone who will always be there for me. Who will love me unconditionally. I’ll just take care of the obstacles in my way. Can you guess what—or rather who—those are?”
I go to respond but she continues before I get the chance.
“YOU! You. Gracie and that bitch Anna! You always get whatever you want. Perfect family, perfect grades, perfect boyfriend. Oh I'm sorry fiance. What do I have: an absent family, a brother who spends all his time with MY best friend, and a secret affair with a guy who doesn't even love me enough to use protection. So I am taking my life into my hands for once and doing whatever I have to for me and this baby!!!”
I’m at a loss for what to say. My head is spinning due to the altitude and maybe the drugs. My tongue feels heavy too if that's possible.
“Mia please,” I slur. “This isn't you. Think of Ash, and Gray will never forgive you.” Why am I not screaming for help right now? I just feel so sluggish.
“Ah I see the relaxants are finally hitting you. Good now, little Gracie I’m going to walk you to the edge and you're going to jump okay? Don’t worry I already wrote you a lovely suicide note. With a special surprise in it for Ash to really make it stick. He may never forgive you but who cares, you’ll be dead.” She cracks up, holding her knees. She really is insane. How did nobody know this?
I start screaming as loud as I can. A little late Gracie.
“SOMEBOOOODDDYYYYYY HHHEEELLLPPPPP MEEEE, MIA stop pushing me closer to the edge! MIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Falling, I remember falling and hearing a voice say, "one down, one to go then he's mine."
Then nothing.
I come to, at the bottom of the stairs. My whole body hurts and my head is killing me. I feel a warm liquid dripping into my eyes. Blood, so much blood I can smell the rusty metallic odor, and I also feel like I’ve wet myself. I hear snickering but the sound is so distorted as if I was underwater or in a tunnel. After all this time all it took for me to learn the truth was being shoved.
Why do people keep pushing me off things? Do I really deserve this much karma? I've always prided myself on being a good person. I go to church, I volunteer at the animal shelter, I spend countless hours baking and delivering my goodies to the children's home. I just don’t understand?
When I’m done throwing myself a little pity party for one, while lying there in a broken heap on the cobblestone floor of the basement, I notice that the Bitches minus Hope are in a circle around me. Just watching like I’m beyond fascinating. Tinsley, and India have their phones out. Are they really recording this right now? What the fuck!!
“What a pathetic little slut, you think you can trick Ashton into getting you pregnant, so you can trap him? Not on my watch,” someone says, I think it's Bianca but everything is fuzzy. What is it with all the cheerleaders being psychotic in this school?
“Help, please,” I try to croak, but only a whisper of a breath comes out. I need Ash. Closing my eyes as the pain becomes unbearable I start to pray. For me, for this little baby, and especially for Ash because if I don't make it through this I don’t think he will survive. All he deserves in this life is to be happy. I pray someday he gets to be.
Blurring out the pain I’m taken to a moment of happiness between us.
Lying on the blanket after our first time making love, Ash holds my hand in the air playing with my ring finger. “One day Gracie I’m going to put the biggest rock on this finger, so everyone knows you’re my girl. Only my girl.”
“This ring is perfect Ash, I don’t need anything bigger. I just need you.” Cuddling up to him more, feeling his bare skin on mine with the sun beating on my back I look up and give him a kiss. Nothing too crazy, we don’t have time for another round, and honestly I’m sore. I can already feel his excitement on my hip, so I stop the kiss before he gets any ideas. . I look into his eyes.
“Can we just freeze this moment? Me and you in this garden. Our own little sanctuary forever?”
He chuckles, I love the sound of his laugh. He doesn't laugh much anymore so when he does it’s like a shot of love to my heart. I feel all warm and fuzzy.
“Doll, we don’t need to freeze time, because we have forever together. We have so much to look forward to in the future.” He leans over, kissing me again. Just a light press of his lips but still as powerful as his dominant ones.
“What do you see? When you think of our future?” I ask him. We haven't had this talk in a few years. I wonder if things have changed since we were fourteen?
“Sometimes when I close my eyes at night I see you in a gorgeous white dress. Holding your favorite flowers with your dad on your arm. Walking to me in the front of the church we grew up in. Taking my breath away as much as you did the first time I saw you. I see you Gracie. In every part of my future. There is no me without you” …
I feel the first kick right in between my ribs, pulling me from a beautiful memory and curling into a ball as much as I can trying to protect the innocent life inside me. I know I just learned about you my little one but I love you so much. I hope I get to meet you someday. Feeling so broken and helpless I await the next kick. I don’t have to wait long, whoever did the first must have set a trend for the next time I feel multiple feet kicking me anywhere they can. It goes on so long. I can
't even scream, only grunt and cry. There’s a horrible pain in my pelvic area, I know I’ve not managed to protect him. I know I don't know the gender but I always saw a little boy. A mischievous little boy with hazel eyes and dirty blonde hair like his daddy, but so sweet and caring like me, but now we will never know because I’m losing my baby.
Darkness clouds my mind. I try to keep awake by thinking of my future with Ash. Trying again for another baby would be fun but not for a few more years. Maybe we could go to the beach. My limbs start to shake, am I having a seizure? I'm so sleepy maybe I'll just close my eyes for a minute, no I need to stay awake. Ash needs me. I fight for as long as I can but I’m slipping away, my last thought being I never got to tell Ash about our baby. I close my eyes again and feel relief. “He’s mine bitch, no slut and bastard child will ever change that.”
Everything fades.
29
Ashton
One hour. All it takes is one hour for everything to change. Sitting here beside Gracie in the ambulance I put my head in my hands yanking on the messy strands, how did everything go so wrong. How did we end up back here again?
One hour ago:
Leaving Gracie and walking into the workout room, I can't keep the smile off my face. Moving over to the weight bench, I do my daily reps session. Today is upper body, and cardio. I finish a few sets of standing bicep curls and set the weights down, walk over to the cleaning spray and grab a towel to do a quick wipe down before moving over to the treadmill.
My teammates keep giving me weird looks. Isaiah is straight up gawking at me. Probably thinks I just got laid.
Ignoring them, I put my earbuds in and blast Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger by Daft Punk. I prefer the original not the Kanye West version. It's one of my favorite songs and gets me pumped for the five miles I’m about to run. Usually, we run outside but the weather is starting to hinder that. Too icy, can't risk falling or injuring our team. We’re undefeated all the way baby.
Football may be over but basketball is in full swing. I always did as many sports as possible. Gave me something to do rather than going home to an empty house. Mia did the same which meant Gracie was there as well. Always on the sidelines cheering me on. In a uniform for football, and basketball. Or in the stands for the others.
She was always my number one fan.
I can’t wait to tell her about the phone call I just got a few hours ago from my recruiter Scott. I did it. I’m joining the Air Force. I got a seventy overall on my ASVAB. I have to go in next week and choose from a list what I want to do, but since I scored so high in electrical engineering I’m thinking something with Avionics. Maybe a mechanic. I need to do something that keeps my hands busy. I hate being idle.
That's one of the reasons I dreaded going into real estate with my father. Being at a desk all day I would die from boredom. Planes have always fascinated me since I was young. My nanny Nat would take us to the park by the airport and we would picnic while watching the planes come and go. It was a small airport so it wasn’t too noisy. I loved it, while Mia would complain about wanting to do something girly. I cherished those times being out of the house for something other than a sports practice or game.
“Hey man you gonna run or just stand there.”
The voice snaps me back. Shit I never turned the damn machine on, too lost in my thoughts.
“King, where you taking Chey for Valentines?” my buddy Smith hollers from the other side of the room.
Fuck, Valentine’s Day is coming up, I wonder if Gracie will want to do anything?
Things have been good. No, more than good, these past few weeks have been amazing since we discovered some truths about what happened that night.
Finding that ultrasound photo of Mia's took away my hatred towards Gracie.
We still have a lot to overcome, but Gracie is back in my life, she's starting to remember things, and this time I am not letting her go.
Getting into my run, I zone out thinking again about the news I just got. I can't wait to tell her. Thinking about our date tonight I start to smile even more.
Isaiah smacks my shoulder while pulling out one of my earbuds so I can hear what he has to say.
“Okay man what gives? You haven't wiped that smile off your face since you entered? Bianca give you a blowie or something before practice?” he asks, and the whole room snickers like a bunch of girls.
“Fuck no! Never again will that gold-digging clinger come near my dick,” I respond, faking a shudder.
Before they can respond we hear someone screaming from out in the hall.
“HELP … FUCK … ASHTON … HELP … SOMEBODY … HELP!”
I stop the treadmill, remove my other earbud and we all rush out to see what's going on.
Turning the corner I run right into Dom. He’s visibly shaking with snot and tears running down his face.
"It’s bad Ash, it’s so fucking bad man. I already called an ambulance and Hope is with her."
he gets out, though it's choked with emotion. What is he talking about?
"Dom man you need to calm down and tell me what's going on? I'm not following."
He grabs my arm and starts dragging me back the way he came. He's full on sobbing now. My other teammates are looking at him in horror.
He's always been a little freer about showing his emotions, but this is excessive. Something really bad must have happened.
My first thought is my doll, but no she's at practice, can’t be her.
Being practically dragged by a 250 pound linebacker I have no choice but to follow. We round the next corner and all I see is red. Blood, there is so much blood. Then I see someone at the bottom of the stairs in a broken heap curled in a ball, arms holding her stomach. I can’t tell who it is Hope is in the way.
Noticing us Hope stands with tears running down her face, making a mess of her mascara.
“I’m so sorry Ash. I tried to stop them. When they wouldn't listen to reason I ran to get Dom since he was closer than you guys. I was too late. I’m so sorry,” she says to me. but I don’t really hear it.
My heart has stopped and is squeezing in my chest. Lying there unmoving, and so so still, is my doll. My Gracie. What happened? I just saw her and she was fine. We’d made plans for tonight. Why is the room spinning?
Dom grabs my shoulder then smacks me hard across the face. Fuck that hurt.
"Breathe Ash, fucking breathe.”
After what feels like a few minutes I finally take in a breath. Snapping out of whatever that was. I rush to Gracie’s side, not caring that I'm getting blood all over my practice uniform. She's so still, I see her chest moving but barely. I look at Dom, and Hope.
"What the fuck happened? Where is the fucking ambulance?"
I pull her into my arms rocking her. I don’t care that the whole team is just standing there in shock while watching me hold the girl I supposedly hate. The one I have been bullying for the last few months. Looking up at my best friend. More like my brother. I start sobbing.
"Dom I can't lose her again. I just got her back. Where is the fucking ambulance!” I shout.
“I don't know man. They should be here already. Isaiah, King, Smith go check the parking lot.” he demands. Seeming to snap out of their shock they carefully move past us then bolt up the stairs. The rest of the guys follow behind.
Fuck this, I need to get my emotions under control so I can take care of the situation. I stand up, holding her close, trying not to jolt her too much. So much blood, I don't know where it's all coming from. I move carefully up the stairs to the front of the school to meet the fucking ambulance whenever it decides to fucking arrive.
I open the front door, and I see red. This time not because of the blood but from the rage coursing through my body.
The ambulance is here just sitting idle, the lights and siren not even on. The girls are blocking the path—not that he seems to mind. One of the EMTs is flirting with Bianca and all the other cheerleaders.
"Are you fucking serious righ
t now! What the fuck is going on?” I roar at the top of my lungs making all the girls gasp in fright. Moving towards the ambulance I lay Gracie on the stretcher then punch the fucking EMT in the mouth. “Useless fucking piece of shit if my girl dies because of your incompetence I'll fucking kill you,” I say, holding his throat.
I give Dom a look then jump in the back with her. He’ll handle this piece of shit.
The driver jumps in the back with us. It’s King's dad Dave. He tells his partner to go home while his son and my teammate King gets behind the wheel racing us to the hospital. I know that none of this is protocol but I don’t fucking care.
Gracie doesn't move a muscle and it's freaking me out more. Dave starts getting to work right away placing a collar, and a backboard underneath her, while setting her up with an IV for fluids.
“Is she going to be okay? Why is she so still? Is she still breathing? Where is all this blood coming from?”
“Calm down son. Just calm down, I can't have you passing out on me okay, just deep breaths now do you …”
He’s asking me all these questions but I’m not comprehending.
Putting my head in my hands I yank on the messy strands. How did everything go so wrong? How did we end up back here again?
A few minutes later we arrive at the hospital. King pulls us right up to the ambulance bay. The doors fly open.
“Dave, what have we got here? Where’s Johnson?”
"Long story Bill, seventeen-year-old female found unresponsive at the bottom of a flight of cement steps. She’s got a significant hematoma on the left side of her head, sluggish pupils, bruising of her left flank and her pants were soaked with blood but no external wounds were found. She is also dealing with a TBI from over a year ago,” King’s dad says as they load her on a bed with wheels and run into the building. I go to follow but they stop me at the door.