Finding the Way Back: A Stealth Ops Novel

by Sahin, Brittney

  “Sounds like you’re doing it wrong then.” He mumbled something indiscernible under his breath. “And, Addy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t actually talk about your sex life with me.” That gritty voice wrapped in sex had returned.

  “You’ll need more names and numbers?”

  “I’ll be needing my gun,” he replied in an even tone.

  “How long are you going to be protective of me?” she asked when he moved to her other leg. “What happens when I finally meet the one? Do you need to approve of him first?”

  He grew quiet, and then he let go of her. The next thing she knew, he was on his feet and cupping the back of his head with both hands. “I don’t think anyone will ever be good enough for you.”

  “You know, you don’t need to step in for my dad anymore.” She stood, willing away the flutter of nerves in her stomach. “He got his two-year chip last month.”

  His arms fell to his sides as he observed her. Zero response. No eye contact either.

  “What is it?” She moved to him.

  His brows drew together, but he’d yet to show her his eyes. “I’m off with everything that’s happened. Been a long two days.”

  Of course. And maybe his father winning the primary a few weeks ago was another explanation for his odd behavior that month. Why hadn’t she realized that sooner? “That’s understandable.” She reached for his arm and slid her hand up to his bicep and squeezed. “What can I do for you? How can I help?”

  He lifted his free arm and pinched the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes. “Maybe I should sleep. I think you’re right.” He shook his head, and his dark lashes lifted. “I can’t think clearly.”

  “Okay.” She forced a smile. “I’m gonna get out of these clothes then.” Force away my insane thoughts. Get a clear head.

  She snatched her pajamas from her suitcase and went into the connecting bathroom.

  After removing her pants and blouse, she turned toward the mirror over the sink. Her eyes wandered over her reflection and to the tattoo on the inside of her wrist, a reminder of what Isaiah Bennett had asked of her.

  Could she really stand in front of a room full of people and talk about her mother?

  “Addy? The hotel have a spare toothbrush?”

  “Yeah. Come in, it’s unlocked.” She grabbed the camisole off the counter as he opened the door, and she remained facing the vanity, eyes on the mirror.

  “You should’ve warned me you weren’t dressed.”

  “It’s not a big deal.” But maybe it was given his peculiar behavior lately because there was no way she could explain away the heat in his eyes as his gaze fell to her back and continued downward.

  She could come back from this, though. Find their version of normal again. Even if she didn’t want that, they needed it right now with everything going on with Knox’s family.

  “A bra and panties is basically a bikini.” She’d tried to keep her voice from breaking. To prevent the dip, but she’d been too late. It’d happened too fast. Her desire for him was too great.

  “For some reason, I never pictured you wearing pink panties now that you’re Secret Service.” His voice was three octaves south of normal.

  “Since when do you ever picture me at all?” she asked, unable to move. To act. To get freaking dressed to save her life.

  All she could do was observe the caress of his eyes on her body as if it were his hands instead.

  He never looked at her like this, even when she paraded around in swimwear or that one drunken Ace-of-Base-singing-night.

  Well, she didn’t think he had, at least. But was it possible all this time she’d been as clueless as him?

  He stepped closer, his body nearly touching hers, and she stilled, not sure what he was about to do.

  “I’m your best friend.” He held the sides of her arms and brought his mouth to her ear. “But I’m still a man. And it’s been a long damn time for me.” He looked up and found her eyes in the mirror. “So, I’m going to go back into the bedroom and do my best to forget what you look like right now.”

  Oh my God. Her lips parted, but then he turned and left as promised. After he pulled the door closed, she dropped her palms on the vanity and hung her head.

  What just happened?

  He’d barely said a thing, but her panties were soaked. Had he stayed in the bathroom any longer, he would’ve witnessed the pool of her desire at the crotch of her pink underwear.

  She wanted to take time to wrap her head around what happened, but she was terrified he wouldn’t be in the room when she returned.

  She hurriedly pushed her thoughts away and put on her PJs and went back into the bedroom.

  He was on the bed. Shoes back on.

  A what-did-I-do? look in his eyes.

  Regret.

  Shit.

  “You’re not staying, are you?” she asked, hoping to hide the disappointment in her voice.

  She’d scared him off. A man who could drop into war-torn countries without a second thought was afraid of her pink underwear.

  “Like I said, I’m not really in the right state of mind.” He slowly rose, a slouch in his posture she wasn’t used to seeing unless he was so drunk he’d allowed his body to actually relax.

  “Adriana.” The rough texture of his tone had the same effect as if he’d reached out and placed his palm between her thighs and found her panties drenched with desire for him.

  She took two small steps his way. “Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if we’d met at a different time,” she admitted. “But I know I wouldn’t have survived that night if I hadn’t met you. There are not a lot of teenagers who would take on someone’s problems the way you did. You’d known me for maybe two hours, but you stayed by my side.”

  “And I’ll stay by your side until the day I die,” he said, his voice level.

  “And I’m also not fifteen anymore,” she whispered when cutting off the space between them.

  He reached for her arm and surprised her by kissing the inside of her wrist where the tattoo of her mother’s badge number lay like a memorial script for all of time. “I know. Trust me,” he said in a husky voice, “I know you’re not a kid anymore.”

  And maybe he did know, but he held back. He looked at her with guilt in his eyes. He still looked at her like she might break and it’d be his fault.

  He let go of her arm only to brush the back of his hand over her cheek, catching a stray tear.

  “It was my mom’s idea to go to that party. New school. No friends. She even dropped me off down the corner, so no one saw me getting out of a squad car.” She smiled at the memory even though her insides hurt thinking about it. “Not many moms, who are also cops, would encourage their daughter to go to a party.”

  “I never met her, but if she was anything like you, I would’ve loved her.” He lowered his hand from her face, his brows scrunched together as if fighting the urge to unleash a storm of words.

  “Sometimes, I think my mom knew something was going to happen to her.” She sniffled. “It’s crazy, but I think she knew I’d meet you, and you’d be the hero I needed to get through what happened.”

  “I’m not—”

  “You are.”

  “And maybe you have to stop looking at me like that.” He paused. “You pulled yourself together, put on a brave face, and grew into the woman you are today. I had nothing to do with that. You found the way back, and you would’ve done it with or without me.”

  She drew in a shaky breath. “Your dad is honoring my mother Saturday night in Atlanta.” She allowed her words to sink in for a moment. “He wants me to take the night off work and talk about her.”

  “What?” He stepped back and looked heavenward.

  “I think your dad wants you there Saturday, and he may or may not be using me to try and make that happen.” She stiffened when his eyes flew to her face. “I’m going for my mom. Not for him.”

  “I should’ve known he hadn’t change
d. Always a politician.” He pressed both hands to the top of his head. “I’m sorry.” Shame floated through his words. “I’ll handle this.”

  “No.”

  He slowly lowered his arms to his sides.

  “Don’t say anything to him.” She set her palm atop his forearm. “I don’t want to cause friction between you two.”

  “He’s the problem. Not you.”

  “And he was shot at yesterday. Let’s—”

  “No one uses you. Not now. Not ever.” He moved out of her grasp and started for the door.

  “Wait, please.” She wanted to do this. Her mom deserved it. “I plan on going, but I think it’s best if you don’t.”

  He let go of the door handle and faced her.

  “That way, he doesn’t win, but at least my mom is still honored.”

  He remained quiet for a moment, indecision crossing his face before his shoulders slouched. “So, I can’t hit him?”

  She almost laughed. “No, you can’t.”

  He cursed under his breath.

  “Redirect your frustration toward the case. And pick me up close to eight tomorrow. I’ll take you to Chelsea’s apartment if you still want to question her.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not allowed to tell you anything, which means you’ll have to talk to her yourself.”

  His chest fell as if a weight had been lifted. “Thank you.”

  “And, Charlie?” Charlie, not Knox, because at the moment, she was fifteen again, and he had yet to become the SEAL. “Maybe don’t stop protecting me.”

  His mouth tightened briefly as he stared at her. “I never planned on it.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I thought you were going to try and get some rack time.” Luke checked his watch. “Let us handle things for a bit.”

  After what almost happened with Adriana, how the hell could he sleep?

  He’d nearly taken her into his arms and let her know how he really felt about her.

  His dick was growing hard thinking about it. Sitting on a couch in front of his team leader no less. Damn it.

  He grabbed a pillow and brought it to his lap.

  “I can’t sleep. I’m doing everything I can to refrain from banging down my dad’s door and telling him to fuck off.” And to keep from banging down Adriana’s door and tackling her onto the bed where he’d rip off those tiny pajama shorts of hers.

  But he’d been good for almost twenty very long years.

  He’d done his best not to cross the line. Even when she tiptoed along like she was on a tightrope, he carefully kept her from falling.

  Maybe if she didn’t skirt that line only after she’d been hitting the hard stuff, he’d give in and tell her how much he wanted to be not just her eighth date, but her final one.

  She knew he cared. Didn’t she? He didn’t know too many straight guys willing or able to recite the lines of every Patrick Swayze movie, and yeah, that was all for her. And he had no regrets.

  Well, except for his greatest regret of all, the fact he’d kept his true feelings hidden from her.

  He’d thought after Adriana had healed from the loss of her mother—maybe when she was eighteen, he’d tell her how he felt.

  Then college and the Navy became barriers.

  And in his current line of work, how could he start something “more” with her when the lies about his job felt thicker than the phonebook?

  How many times had he wanted to say, I’m still a SEAL, but the world doesn’t know it?

  When Bravo Three, Marcus, had died and Asher replaced him . . . God, he’d wanted to break down and tell her, but instead, he’d shown up shit-faced at her door with zero explanation.

  When Jessica had a bomb strapped to her chest in Berlin last year, he’d been a nervous wreck. Adriana had never met Jessica, which was a good thing because she might have recognized her on the news. And how would he have answered those questions?

  And then there was the time when Liam was in a coma, on the verge of death. Knox kept it together for the sake of Emily, Liam’s wife. He’d been her rock when in reality he felt like he was dying on the inside, so desperate to hear Adriana’s voice to get through it.

  The list went on and on. All the times, good as well as bad, that he’d wanted to confide in her, tell her everything.

  But he hadn’t.

  He’d kept the world of cartel leaders, terrorists, and murdering thugs to within the teams.

  “What happened?” Luke’s voice startled him. Shit, he’d forgotten where the hell he was.

  What had they been talking about?

  He regrouped. Remembered. Then whispered, “Political bullshit.”

  “You want to talk about it?” Luke set aside his black-rimmed glasses and leaned back in the swivel chair at the desk.

  “Not really.” He glanced around the empty suite. “Where’s everyone?”

  “Getting rack time like you should.”

  “But Bravo One doesn’t need sleep, huh?” He rested his head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling. “You ever regret bringing me onto the team? You were worried about my dad before we started.” He shifted upright at his words. “Scratch that. Dumb question. But damn.”

  “You know the man I was up until a few years ago isn’t the man I am now.”

  True. Luke had been different. Colder. Harder. A no-marriage rule for the guys.

  “But Eva changed everything. And Sam for Owen. Emily for Liam.” Am I the last single guy on Bravo? “And well, Asher changed things for Jessica, I suppose.” The guys on Echo would probably be next. “I’m gonna die single and alone.”

  “You won’t be alone. You have Adriana, a woman you’ve apparently been holding out on us.”

  “Yeah, sorry. I thought if I brought her around, it’d make lying to her more difficult.” The truth flew quickly from his lips because he knew if anyone would understand it’d be Luke.

  “It would’ve never worked out with Eva if I’d kept a lie between us.”

  “And luckily you didn’t have to—”

  “I broke the rules.” His jaw tightened beneath his beard as his brows lowered. “You know that.”

  “And you had your reasons. Things were different.” Was Luke giving him unspoken permission to tell Adriana the truth?

  Knox rose from the couch and locked his arms across his chest, attempting to decipher his team leader’s message.

  “Yeah, Eva got caught up in the middle of a shit show, and the woman is crazy inquisitive, but rules are rules, man.”

  And you broke them. But Luke hadn’t lied to Eva for seven years. Would Adriana forgive him? She said she wanted to be included in his so-called other life, but she didn’t really understand what that meant. Even if the teams were done after the election, he knew himself and the guys, they’d never stop helping people, as long as they were able to, which would always put a target on them.

  “Anyway.” He couldn’t think about this right now. He’d been off since his dad won the primary and shit had gotten real for the teams. Couple that with spending the last few weeks in D.C. with the woman he wanted but couldn’t have . . . well, yeah, wires had been crossed, and he was on the verge of short-circuiting. “I don’t know if we can trust my dad to do the right thing if elected.”

  “Your father may be the only chance we’ve got, but so we’re clear, if you leave Bravo because of him . . . we all leave. But before we worry about the election, let’s—”

  “Find the real shooter.” Knox nodded. “Anything new?”

  “No.” Luke reached for his glasses and pulled his laptop closer. “Harper’s coming up empty in New York. No visuals on Aaron or Sarah since the shooting. And whoever it was that actually took Sarah out of that hotel yesterday must’ve known where every camera was located because he pulled a Harry Fucking Houdini.”

  “I gotta figure out who hated my dad enough to try and kill him, and who’d have the means to nearly pull it off.”

  “Not to be a dick, but
based on what I heard, there are a lot of people who’ve threatened your family. That’s a lot of names to go through, and I honestly don’t think our shooter, or whoever hired him, is dumb enough to send a threat.”

  “Right.” He placed his hand beneath his chin and cracked his neck. “We need to clear Aaron’s name so we can get the full weight of the government behind us. Aaron must be in the woods somewhere. He’s trained to blend in. Maybe he hunts.”

  “No, the guy hates killing animals.” A.J. was in the doorway of the connecting bedroom.

  “Thanks for not coming out here in your boxers.” A smile landed on Knox’s face.

  “Yeah, well, the damn Brit threatened to cut off my nut sack if I slept in my skivvies in the same room as him.” The man bled Alabama with almost every word he spoke when he was tired.

  “So,” Luke began, “you don’t think Aaron would ever hunt? People can change.”

  “Nah.” He strode farther into the room. “Terrorists were like cockroaches to him, though. He made a distinction. But maybe his cousin or a friend has a hunting spot he knew about.”

  “I’m sure the Feds have checked all that out, but we’ll take a look in case,” Luke said.

  “And how’d it go with Wonder Woman?” A.J. plopped onto the couch and yawned.

  It hadn’t gone how he’d expected, that was for sure. He hadn’t intended to see her in her pink panties with her ass cheeks peeking out like a please-bite-me surprise. “She didn’t tell me anything,” he said with a cough to try and keep his dick from leaping to attention again at the thought of her. He just got that sucker back down. “But, um, she’s going to take me to Aaron’s girlfriend’s apartment in the morning so I can question her.”

  “Mind if I come with?” A.J. asked. “There’s something I don’t trust about this Chelsea woman.”

  “You haven’t even met her,” Luke commented.

  “I don’t need to, to know something ain’t right about her,” A.J. said. “She applied to every single job that hotel had available. From reservations to room service.”

  “She was new to Charlotte and needed a job,” Knox replied.

  “Did she apply anywhere else?” A.J. asked.