Nameless

by Marni MacRae

  So knock already. I have been standing, staring at the imposing doors before me for a few minutes. I’m not afraid of Ms. Thornton. But the journey down the long, tree-lined drive to the impressive structure Ms. Thornton calls home had set butterflies thrumming inside me. I have nothing. Not even shoes or two pennies to rub together. It’s clear Ms. Thornton has everything and is accustomed to getting what she wants.

  I worry I am stepping away from Nick taking care of me right into the arms of Ms. Thornton doing the same. Only with more force. She surely has a presence akin to a gale. I blow out a breath and stand up straight. But she doesn’t scare me half as much as Nick.

  I raise my hand and rap sharply on the wooden door. Noticing only after I am rubbing my stinging knuckles that there are large brass knockers in the shape of orchids in the middle of each door. After a moment passes, I wonder if my knuckles had not been sufficient, despite the lingering sting in them, and raise my hand to the orchid in front of me. Before my fingers can touch the smooth, shining brass, the door swings open silently, and I drop my hand to my ragged skirt as if I had been caught at something.

  A man is standing on the other side of the door, holding it wide to me as if expecting me to enter. He doesn’t look at me or even turn his posture in my direction, and I hesitate before stepping over the threshold.

  “Hello. I’m…um…Eve.”

  I stand just inside the door glancing around at the massive interior that echoes my voice back to me like a small, timid child. I clear my throat and take another step as the man closes the door behind me as silently as he had opened it. “

  “Ms. Thornton, or…um…Ezra is expecting…”

  “Eve, darling.” Ms. Thornton’s voice rings out clearly as the click of her heels announce her approach. “Don’t stutter, dear, Ezra won’t bite.”

  Still dressed in cream and pearls, the older woman approaches me, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving a sweeping gesture with the other.

  “This is your home now. No need to announce yourself. Ezra, I think we will show Eve to the carriage house through the side gate. The dear needs to settle in and change.”

  She addresses the older man over my head and steers me toward the interior of the house.

  “Now, I am eager to chat some more. Discuss plans for the garden. And hear more of the tale of Eve and Nicolas—I understand he took you to lunch at Mel’s—but let’s get you settled first before we dive in.”

  Ms. Thornton keeps up her running dialogue as we sweep through the hallways of the palatial house, her heels clicking against the marble flooring, my paper slippers making a shuffling sound. It’s clear she doesn’t expect a response so I don’t interrupt as my eyes take in the long, curving, double staircase, sparkling crystal lights that hang from high above and rooms filled with soft, cushioned couches. Tables hold crystal vases and floors thick rugs that look inviting to walk upon. Or perhaps curl up with cushions on a winter night before the large fireplace I glimpse in one large room we speed past, to read or dream of warm summer nights.

  “Ezra has placed a few items in the carriage house for you. Some clothing and shoes. I expressly asked him to purchase a warm coat and some clothing you can garden in, but we can go shopping to acquire anything he may have missed.”

  At this, I do interrupt and pause just as we reach a set of double doors made of glass panes. They look fragile compared to the impressive wooden doors in the front of the home. Through the glass I can see a walkway of colored bricks, trees just beginning to bud lining the walk, and at the end of it, another home. Grand in its structure, but not nearly as imposing or as impressive as the one I stand in now. I wonder briefly why Ms. Thornton allowed a neighbor to build so close to her own home before turning to her and raising a hand.

  “Wait. Ms. Thornton,” I clear my throat and take a breath to forge ahead. Clearly I need to set boundaries now before the forceful and generous woman charities me into debt. “I appreciate your help and the offer to stay here, as well as the job in your gardens, but I really must draw the line at more purchases.”

  Ms. Thornton takes a breath as if to argue, and I cut her off quickly.

  “I know I have nothing, and you feel you can help with that, and you have—you are.” I indicate the house around us with my hand and smile. “You have given me a place to begin. But please. Let me work for this. Let me earn my way without feeling I am only a taker.”

  I shrug my shoulders and turn to look out the glass-paned doors at the trees beginning their leaves in the warm April sun. The world waiting for me to discover it. The wild runs through my head, and I turn back to Ms. Thornton who is suddenly quiet and looking at me thoughtfully.

  “I have been awake for a day, and all I know of myself is that I am broken and I owe so many people so much already.”

  “Yes. I can see your point.” Ms. Thornton’s voice has softened, and she gives a decisive nod. “I will have a contract drawn up. An agreement of work and compensation. One that is fair but not excessive. And I will refrain from spoiling you.”

  She sighs and looks wistfully out the doors as I, only moments before, had done the same.

  “I never had any grandchildren, Eve. My only son died some years ago and that space he left behind still yearns to be filled.”

  I am quiet for a moment, feeling the pain of a woman who has everything and yet strangely, nothing. Just like me. No family. No children or grandbabies to dote on. She is alone, surrounded by things that can’t speak to her. Can’t hug her like a child would. Suddenly, I like her more. For being human. Having weaknesses like everyone else. But still being strong in the face of her reality.

  “I’m sorry about your son, Ms. Thornton.” I reach out a hand and grasp hers briefly before letting it go.

  “Elizabeth.” She refocuses her gaze and turns to look at me. “Please, call me Elizabeth. And thank you for your concern.”

  The moment passes quickly as Ms. Thornton…Elizabeth…straightens her back and reaches for the handle of the glass doors. “We will be great friends, Eve. I can feel it, and friends should use given names. Now, let’s get you settled, shall we?”

  Elizabeth guides me down the brick path toward the neighbor’s home, and I take the moment to adjust to the pace of everything. I wonder—if I had come upon these people with my memories intact, would they have been as eager to help or befriend me? Laurel and Nick seem nice by nature, Laurel with her vibrant personality and Nick with his helpful morale.

  But Ms. Thornton—Elizabeth, seems like the kind of woman who keeps others at a distance. I wonder if it is due to her financial status or if it is her disposition. She has been kind and generous to me which leads me to believe others haven’t given her a chance to show her more gentle side. It’s likely having money comes with a price. I shake my head at the irony of the thought and watch as Elizabeth approaches the neighbor’s door, opening it wide without so much as a knock.

  “Um, Ms. Th—Elizabeth, why are we here?”

  Surely she hasn’t asked the neighbors to put me up in a room. That would only increase my debt load. I pray she is only bringing me by to visit.

  “Why, to settle you in, my dear.”

  “Um…I thought you said I would stay in your carriage house.”

  I have an idea of what a carriage house is. A structure once used for carriages before automobiles. Commonly converted to guest apartments.

  “Yes, my dear. This is the carriage house.”

  The expression on my face must show my incredulity, for she chuckles and elaborates as she continues inside.

  “My grandfather had a great many carriages. My father converted the structure into a guest house over fifty years ago. But we still stubbornly refer to it as the carriage house. This is your home, Eve.”

  “I hope you have a really big garden, Elizabeth.” I laugh aloud and step inside to gawk at the home she has so generously offered to me. “It’s going to take a lot of hoeing and raking to work this off.”

  “Nonsense
, child. It sits empty, gathering dust. You will bring life into it. In fact, have a party. Invite Laurel or Nicolas. Enjoy yourself, Eve. This home hasn’t had a guest in it for over three years. Honestly, it will be comforting to know someone is close by.”

  I smile, feeling a warmth spread through me for this woman. My life is a terrifying mystery in almost every moment, following every thought and decision like a cloud of oppression. But here, standing inside this lovely home with Elizabeth, I feel safe. Like I belong somewhere.

  The hope that had begun earlier blooms to life inside me, and I impulsively hug Ms. Thornton, there in the entryway of my new home.

  Elizabeth returns the hug and then holds me away from her at arm’s length. She gives me a thorough once-over, finalizing it with a sharp nod.

  “Now, pardon my frankness, but you look atrocious.” She drops her hands to place them on her hips and takes a step back to scrutinize me further. “You are a lovely young lady, Eve. No doubt about your looks. However, your attire needs to be burned, your hair needs a pair of shears badly and perhaps a long soak in a tub to…freshen up?”

  She raises an eyebrow, and I can see she is mixing honesty with humor in an attempt to soften the blow.

  “Yes. I agree about the clothing.” I sigh and look down at the limp blouse and ragged skirt. My paper slippers are already torn and dirty from use beyond their intended purpose of wandering hospital hallways.

  “But I don’t think we should burn them. They are the only physical clue to my origins. My hair…” I reach a hand up to finger my dark strands, knowing they must look choppy and unkempt. “I believe I cut it…I think it was longer…before.”

  “Ah.” Elizabeth narrows her gaze and tilts her head slightly. “Well, dear, that is easily fixed. If you like, we can make an appointment with my hairdresser. But first things first. Let’s get you into a tub and see if shampoo will help it shine.”

  She strides across the entryway of the home we still have delved no farther into than the front hall and picks up the handset to a phone on a table near the base of a long curving staircase. The carriage house seems to be designed similarly to the main home, only on a smaller scale. This entry only boasts one staircase. But it too is grand in its sweeping curve.

  “Ezra,” I pull my eyes back to Elizabeth who has slipped back into her no-nonsense persona. “Please send Intsy over.”

  She hangs up the phone, not waiting for a response from Ezra on the other end. I suppose Ezra doesn’t need to respond. Ms. Thornton asks and that’s the end of it. It will be done.

  “Intsy?” I ask, sensing I am about to be uncomfortable again.

  “Yes, dear. I have an appointment I must get to. I apologize for rushing out, but I will leave you in the capable hands of Intsy. She is Cora’s daughter.”

  “Cora?”

  Ms. Thornton crosses the room back to me, rubbing her hands distractedly as if her thoughts are elsewhere. “Cora runs the household. Cooking, cleaning, maintaining and such. Intsy is her daughter. She’s a maid in the main house and will be helping you as well.”

  “Honestly, Elizabeth, I don’t need help—”

  “Eve.” Elizabeth’s eyes flash to mine and I stop mid-sentence. “Never believe you don’t need help. It, in itself, is a sign of weakness. We were not placed on this earth to do everything alone and not require one another. You are helping Intsy by needing her. It provides her with a purpose and a job. You need Dr. Eston, you can’t very well doctor yourself. I need Ezra. He juggles my business and personal details so I can focus on the important points. Needing is not weakness, dear. Lying to yourself and claiming you don’t need anyone is.”

  Elizabeth ends her lecture with a nod and a small smile.

  “You provide for others, Eve, and they need you. It is a fair exchange.” She says this more gently as I am at a loss as to how to respond to her reprimand. “I already need you. Not only for my gardens but for your company. You remind me that life is fuller with others nearby. I have been alone with only my staff and business acquaintances for so long my social skills are rusty. You can help me with that.”

  Elizabeth steps away, striding purposefully to the door. She opens it to admit a young girl with dark skin the color of chocolate.

  “Intsy, please help Miss Eve settle in.”

  Intsy nods, staring at me with eyes darker than her skin, and Elizabeth turns on the threshold to catch my eye.

  “I will send Ezra to fetch you for supper this evening and we can talk further.” With a curt nod, she is gone, and I am left with a dark girl and swirling thoughts.

  Ms. Thornton is right. I do need help. I have been bristling at the abundance of support thrown my way, seeing it as charity. But I like the point she made. That it is an exchange. I hadn’t even considered my company as value until Elizabeth spoke of being alone. Of her son dying. Now, rather than feeling like a burden, I feel that my friendship may be as valuable to Elizabeth as Laurel’s and Nick’s is to me. And Elizabeth’s. An exchange. With that thought in mind and Elizabeth’s voice in my ear, you provide her with a purpose and a job, I turn to Intsy, marveling at the perfection of her smooth dark skin, and smile.

  “Hi, I’m Eve.”

  * * *

  Intsy gave me a tour. She walked before me quietly, her glowing chocolate skin distracting me with its exotic coloring, her eyes staring at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. We both reached a point where we knew we were watching each other, but neither of us had the nerve to say anything. After half an hour of wandering from room to room while Intsy named them, pointing out the comforts of each, I began to feel tired and looked forward to the bath and fresh clothing.

  I didn’t understand half of what the dark-skinned girl pointed out. The words were foreign to me. Their meaning or purpose just as mystifying. “Living room” seemed self-explanatory and “bathroom,” “bedroom.” But “parlor,” and “Wi-Fi,” “microwave” and “cable channels” meant nothing to me. I wished I had a pen and paper to take notes so I could ask Laurel or Nick later.

  I did my best to memorize the things that most confused me for later clarification. For some reason, asking Intsy intimidated me. So I followed quietly and thanked her when we ended the tour in a large room with a huge soft looking bed in it. My bedroom.

  Intsy called it the master, although she didn’t refer to me as master. Thank goodness. The carriage house had three bedrooms. All of them opulent and well appointed. I began to feel overwhelmed with the size of everything, the luxury that was stamped on every item, from the thick towels in the bathroom, to the piano in the parlor.

  That, I had stopped and lingered at. I had seen a huge piano in Ms. Thornton’s main home. It’s black body stretching across the room, drawing my eye and making my fingers itch to touch it. My piano—my piano! —was black as well and large, but a smaller version of the grand instrument I had seen earlier. Once I was done bathing, I planned to return through the maze of my home, find the parlor and indulge the draw I felt toward the black and white keys.

  Intsy drew me a bath while I chose an outfit from the clothing Ezra had left in the master bedroom. Stacks of clothing. I was amazed at the variety of articles to choose from and how much Ezra had accomplished in the time Ms. Thornton sent him out to shop.

  I found undergarments, socks, dresses, skirts, and blouses, as well as denim jeans and some simple t-shirts I assumed were purchased with gardening in mind. And five pairs of shoes.

  I couldn’t imagine why a person would need five pairs of shoes, but they were my favorite part of the stack. I took each pair from their boxes, marveling at the design of the dainty heeled sandals, the sturdiness of the leather shoes that had a thick tread and sturdy laces. Gardening, I added them to the stack with the denim and went on to the next box. In my mind, I was tallying the work I would need to do to earn the clothing, excited to get my hands on some garden tools and till the earth.

  The remaining three boxes held a pair of simple white canvas shoes that looked comfortabl
e and functional and two pairs of heeled shoes. One in black with straps that crossed over the foot in a striking design and a nude-colored pair shaped like mini boots and made of a supple leather that won’t reach past my ankle. I loved them all and couldn’t wait to don clothing that wasn’t stained or torn. Something that would make me feel like Eve and not a lost animal from the woods.

  Intsy had announced the bath was ready and I thanked her, closing the bathroom door, lest one of her duties was to assist me. I am open to an exchange of help, but only to a point.

  Now I soak in a tub that could easily fit four of me, my skin soaking in the fragrance of vanilla. Intsy must have added a scent to the water for it is heavenly and soft, lulling me to relaxation.

  I had showered this morning at the hospital, but it had not felt like this. There had been no soap or shampoo, no scent of vanilla or fluffy towels.

  I find myself marveling over the extremes I’ve undergone in such a short time. Waking in the field, beset by cold, rain, and fear. The struggle to grasp a coherent thought or find direction. The hospital and the stark walls. The constant feeling of being in a world I know but do not understand that still hasn’t left me. Then Nick. How he feels like a need to me, as if he is air, and I am constantly looking for him beside me. The kiss that made me feel whole, alive, and hopeful.

  Now, I am soaking in a bath in an opulent home so far removed from waking in the field only a day ago, I may as well be on another planet. But the steps that led here felt normal. Nick finding me. Dr. Eston and Laurel befriending me. Introduced to Ms. Thornton in a town I now bear the name of. Coming here to a place where I feel wanted and can do some good while I figure out this mystery of me. I feel blessed.

  As the water begins to cool, that word runs around in my mind. Blessed. I suddenly feel a strong urge to pray. To be grateful for my blessings and I sit up in the tub, water splashing around me.