Sounding the Depths

by Maria-Claire Payne

  Josh felt his cheeks flush— Jesus! —under Ethan’s gaze. Josh dropped his chin to stare at the beer bottle he clenched in one hand. Why this man? Josh shook his head. He knew from long experience that, given the opportunity— and not much encouragement at all, Josh thought—not a man in the club would turn down a go with him. Josh drained his beer. Yeah, that’s me. All hail the hometown hero. He caught Ethan staring at him and the nagging thought raced through his mind again— so…why this man?

  A man approached their table, and Josh started to open his mouth to turn down the invite to dance.

  “Care to join me?” The stranger smiled at Ethan, reaching out one hand.

  Kicking Todd under the table at his friend’s delighted grin at the unexpected—unprecedented—snub, Josh scowled when Ethan slid from the booth, his wide smile turned on his hopeful suitor.

  “Sure.”

  Josh stared at Ethan and his partner for a few minutes.

  Fuck. Josh watched Ethan’s face, his gaze unwavering until Ethan looked over his dance partner’s head, catching Josh’s hard glare.

  Courtesy of his fair colouring, Josh felt that goddamned flush rising when Ethan winked at him, that easy grin making the corners of his dark brown eyes crinkle.

  Cocky bastard. But Josh caught himself smiling back at the sailor, somehow relieved to know that the full weight of Ethan’s attention was not directed to the upstart dancing with him.

  “Come on.” Josh grabbed Todd’s hand and led him to the dance floor. He positioned himself so he stood back to back with the tall Brit and relaxed a bit when Ethan made no move to distance himself. Their gyrations and the close space on the packed dance floor ensured that their heated bodies, slick with sweat, rubbed against each other in the flashing lights cutting swathes through the anonymous dark enveloping the people around them.

  Josh closed his eyes. His body moved to the hypnotic beat, oblivious to the flesh pressing his own—some by accident, some not—oblivious to everyone’s skin except Ethan’s, the man’s cologne the only scent Josh distinguished among the innumerable odours emanating from the mass of people who swirled around them.

  Josh’s breathing grew laboured when he felt Ethan turn, felt his brawny arms pull Josh back up against the broad width of his chest, neither man missing a beat, their bodies moving as one on the dance floor, their other respective dance partners forgotten…

  The lights came up, signalling a last call for drinks.

  Feeling naked without the shrouded dark, Josh turned in Ethan’s arms. The intensity of the look in the Brit’s eyes made Josh freeze. He cursed under his breath, annoyed at feeling like a deer in the headlights, caught between blinding fear and overwhelming want. Neither emotion sat well with him.

  Ethan murmured something. The corner of his eyes crinkled with laughter but his voice was lost in the din around them.

  Whatever frigging happy thought that had made Ethan smile was lost on him. Guilt and fear… Josh knew his own eyes reflected those oh-so-sexy emotions. Jesus. His belly rolled from the alcohol and shitty bar food he’d consumed, but he fought down the urge to puke right then and there. Damn! All he’d wanted was one evening’s respite from the ghosts that refused to leave him be—just one fucking evening with no responsibility beyond getting wasted and maybe laid by some one-nighter whose name he’d promptly forget in an hour.

  Some dude yelled “Goodbye” to Ethan and he turned his back—just for a moment.

  That was all the time Josh needed to make his escape. Ethan would be no one-night stand, the intense motherfucker. Josh dropped his gaze and pulled away. He grabbed his T-shirt and jacket, twisting his way through the crowd until he reached fresh air to straddle his bike and drive, aimless miles, alone, the pounding in his head some beacon for all of his pain.

  * * * *

  He found himself back at the cemetery.

  Josh left his bike at the closed gates and scaled the fence to search, again, for Ben’s grave, remorseful at still not knowing exactly where Ben lay, coupled with guilt at the desire he had felt in Ethan’s arms this evening.

  Josh rubbed Ben’s headstone, the mess from earlier cleared away by the army of grounds keepers, who kept the grounds pristine and the light rain that had fallen most of the afternoon.

  Josh considered that last deployment, the couple of men who had tried to get close after Ben’s death, offering comfort of many sorts. But Josh had kept them at a distance. Just like he had tonight with Ethan Gray.

  I don’t need another bomb going off in my face.

  Turning off his phone, Josh stretched out on his back, watching the stars overhead, knowing his rest tonight would be as uneasy as Ben’s.

  * * * *

  Josh woke to the rumble of mowers in the breaking dawn. He stretched and let out a loud groan. Even in his superb physical shape, a night on the damp, cold ground— in this fucking cemetery —again—had taken its toll. What the fuck was I thinking? Josh shook his head—and immediately regretted the gesture when the throbbing between his temples and a sudden wave of nausea reminded him. Oh yeah…I wasn’t thinking at all. He sighed. Yeah, his body could handle this abuse okay. He wasn’t so sure about his psyche… He climbed back over the fence before some member of the grounds crew busted him for trespassing.

  Reluctant to face the consequences of last night, Josh nonetheless turned his phone back on. Sure enough, he watched text after text scroll up. First one from Todd. Then two from his sister. Another from Todd. And one from Emerson. Shit. He could just hear Emerson and Blake reminding him that neither he nor Lana were too old to get their asses kicked for not following the house rules. Josh rubbed his forehead. The siblings’ adoptive parents made few demands. Letting them know when either he or Lana planned to spend a night under someone else’s roof— or no roof at all —was one. Fuck me. And now, right on cue… Yeah, here she comes. He looked up as an old mini-van careened up to the kerb next to him, tyres screeching. The driver parked, the woman’s messy blonde curls bouncing askew when she jumped from the driver’s seat and stomped up to Josh.

  “Motherfucker, Josh! If you plan to make a habit out of sleeping in this goddamned place, at least let someone know where the fuck you are.”

  Josh smiled at his sister. “You managed to find me okay.”

  Lana handed him a cup of coffee. “Here. You must be cold. And screw you.”

  Josh gave her a hug, her familiar tirade comforting. “Just saying my goodbyes.” Josh caught Lana’s searing gaze with his own.

  She looked away first, and Josh grinned, victorious for this round with his overbearing sister at least.

  Josh continued. “I’ve slept in much less inviting places this past year, remember.”

  Josh saw the burned-out cities and IED-riddled trails where he and his team had travelled during his last tour in Afghanistan, the images imprinted in his mind. He turned and took another look beyond the scrolled metal bars of the cemetery gates, sweeping his gaze over the manicured grass covering the still grounds, the terrain laden with nothing but morning dew.

  And heartache. And pain. And guilt…

  He looked up. He could feel his sister watching him.

  Lana followed his gaze back through the locked gates, the scent of fresh-mown grass filling the air.

  “Well, if you’re trying to tell me you miss the action, we can pitch you a leaky tent on a bed of rocks in the backyard and I can have the kids toss firecrackers down from the second floor at you at random times throughout the night.”

  Josh burst into laughter at her acerbic tone. He knew he’d get no pity-party from his sibling. Counted on it.

  Thank God. He’d had his fill of people’s sympathy after Ben died.

  Lana interrupted his musings. “So Todd stopped by and said you met someone last night but then ran out.”

  Josh sighed. I should have known she’d never give up without a fight.

  “No one important.”

  Josh felt that goddamned frown he’d never learned to co
ntrol, the crease in his brow—from the look on Lana’s face, she saw it, too—but she chose to say nothing further.

  Wise choice. Josh fought to relax his face. She didn’t deserve his anger at his near-inability to connect with anyone these past months…

  Arm’s length… Always maintain a safe distance from the potential threat until you have thoroughly assessed the danger to the self and others.

  “C’mon, I’ll buy you breakfast to make this up to you.” Josh settled his helmet, then handed his empty cup to his sister. This past year had sucked ass for her too, he knew, with both her husband and her brother deployed.

  Lana reached out to tap her fingernails on the Navy insignia gracing one side of Josh’s helmet. “We need to get moving on plans for the big celebration, bro. Time’s a-wasting. Just four weeks left until the party.”

  Josh nodded and followed Lana down a couple of blocks to a small twenty-four-hour diner. After he’d parked his bike, he lifted his helmet and rubbed between his eyes, his fingers on either side of his shattered septum, his misaligned nose a twisted reminder of his past. His thoughts drifted from Ben to the upcoming celebration for Emerson and Blake, to Ethan Gray, and then back again to Ben, an incessant cycle of guilt and fear and hope. He rubbed the misshapen feature that marred his face.

  Hope… Who am I fooling?

  Shattered hope.

  Chapter Two

  “Thanks, mate.”

  Ethan stepped out of the cab, handing the driver a fifty while he surveyed the nightclub. A large banner draped across the front entrance announced ‘Private Party’, but the gilded doors thwarted his attempt to wrestle his way inside.

  “Bloody hell.” He removed his invitation from his back pocket, noting the fine print directing him to a side entrance. He ducked into the alley to his left.

  Ethan started at the thunderous crack of a backfiring engine, the motorcycle that pulled up beside him a tad close for comfort in the narrow confines of the passageway. Gearing up to bitch the rider out, he caught his breath when the man astride the bike took off his helmet.

  Speechless, Ethan stared, once again, into the greenest eyes he’d ever seen. Thick lashes created smudges of coal-black framing the brilliant abyss of those pools. Ethan cleared his throat, watching the familiar figure run one hand through the short curls left intact from a military cropping a few weeks past regulation length.

  That deer-in-the-headlights look told Ethan that Josh had recognised him just as fast.

  “Jesus, it’s you!” Josh cleared his throat. “Sorry, dude, didn’t mean to slide in like that. I’m late.”

  Josh slipped a key card into the entrance lock, eyeing the invitation Ethan was still clutching. “So you’re here for the party? You’re supposed to go in on the other side so the doorman can check your invite, but what the hell, right?”

  “Sure,” Ethan mumbled, this loss of control foreign to him. Only around this man.

  Ethan thought back to Josh’s earnest, funny, charismatic discussion with those two cherries back in Todd’s office a few short weeks ago, thought back to the confident expertise Josh had displayed…right up until he’d fled into the night after that surreal dance. He shook his head, Josh’s ‘push me, pull you’ mixed messages somehow sexy as hell—and just as maddening. He knew Josh felt the chemistry between them, but the man continued to deny it, even now.

  Ethan saw Josh lift his guard, his eyes downcast, avoiding any contact. An enigma, this man Josh…

  He followed Josh inside.

  “That way.” Josh pointed to the hall on their right before he disappeared down a set of stairs with a wave of one hand, leaving Ethan staring after him.

  Ethan looked in the direction Josh had indicated. The hall to the right appeared to open on to at least two— shit, maybe three —different passageways. Exasperated, Ethan followed him instead. What the hell, there’s a party —somewhere in this maze of a building. Ethan grinned. Not like the comforting confines of his beloved submarines, this ridiculous cavern of a nightclub. When he pushed open the door that Josh must have passed through, he spotted a flash of short blond curls and opened his mouth to call out—and then shut it again. He swallowed. I should say something to let him know I’m here. But the sight that greeted his eyes silenced him.

  Undetected in his corner, Ethan watched Josh pull his shirt over his head and toss the garment to a chair. This was the second time he’d seen Josh shirtless and the effect was the same. He wanted to run his hands over his smooth chest and roll his nipples, one at a time, between his teeth until Josh‘s cock became as erect as those tender nubs of flesh. Fuck. Ethan started to call out again, but then Josh unzipped his jeans and kicked off his boots in one fluid motion. Caught up in this private striptease, Ethan remembered to breathe and exhaled, ready to announce that Josh was entertaining an uninvited guest.

  Too late… Ethan realised that Josh had caught a reflection in the floor-length mirror that stood in front of him—a reflection not his own. In spite of Josh’s peeved look when he turned around, clad only in his boxer briefs, Ethan reached out, wanting to pull him into his embrace.

  “Dude, you took a wrong turn—” Josh quit speaking.

  Ethan leant down a bit towards the shorter man, slipping one broad palm down the front of Josh’s shorts, Josh’s fair skin a striking contrast to Ethan’s.

  “I’m flattered, really.” Josh stepped back but Ethan kept his grip on Josh’s cock, stroking one of his balls with his pinkie. Their gazes locked. Ethan watched anger, annoyance, desire—and, finally, capitulation—cross Josh’s face in a minute that seemed an eternity. That look of want and longing belying the scowl on his face told Ethan that Josh remembered—perfectly—the electricity that had passed between them not so long ago. Ethan smiled and tightened his grip, hoping his eyes reflected his own thoughts— I’m not letting you go quite so easily this time.

  Josh’s member sprang to attention.

  “Dude, even if you can blow me like you’re trying to suck IQ points out of my dick, I don’t have time.”

  Cocky bastard. Ethan remained silent and stared into Josh’s green eyes from his three-inch height advantage. Men dropped to their knees for him, not the other way around.

  Ethan tore his gaze away from the mixture of lust and annoyance clouding Josh’s brilliant eyes and looked down at the tent rising in his own khakis, his customary aplomb restored now while he fondled Josh’s rigid cock. “Mate, who said I wanted to blow you…!” He pulled his hand from Josh’s briefs and then dropped both to his sides. If you want me, you’re going to have to show me you want me. He held his breath, wondering how Josh would react. Is he going to grab his shirt and disappear again?

  Surprise—and more than a little disappointment—replaced the scowl on Josh’s face at Ethan’s unexpected action. “Dude, if you’re waiting for me to beg…” But he reached up to pull Ethan’s mouth down on his own.

  Ethan smiled. Which of the two was caught more off guard by Josh’s unexpected gesture was debatable, but Ethan had no intention of letting the moment escape them. “Okay, mate, if you insist.”

  Josh tensed at his words but Ethan pressed his advantage, firming his lips against the other man’s resistant pout. Ethan reached out to run his hands across Josh’s naked chest, stroking him as he would a skittish, unbroken stallion. I’ve been waiting to do that since the first night I saw this man without his shirt on. He slipped the tip of his tongue between Josh’s lips, rewarded when the man opened his mouth under Ethan’s insistent touch. Their breathing quickened, this first kiss between them taking Ethan a bit by surprise. Like we’ve been together forever. He opened his mouth wider, emboldened as his pulse raced, to probe the sweet contours of Josh’s mouth, this delicate dance between their tongues fuelling the fire rising in Ethan’s belly. Christ…when did he last give a fuck about pleasing a man as much as he wanted to please this man? Ethan reached to pull Josh’s hands from around his neck and smiled at Josh’s muffled protest—a protest that turned into
a moan of pleasure as Ethan rained slow, light kisses across Josh’s warm chest, both of them letting out groans when Ethan caught each of Josh’s nipples in his mouth in turn, fulfilling that fantasy as he sank to his knees…

  Josh caught his breath as Ethan opened his mouth to take Josh’s considerable erection inches deep in his throat. Ethan pulled his head back, his motions slow and deliberate, to let his tongue trace circles across the ridge of Josh’s cock, using one hand to cup the weight of his textured balls while he teased his asshole with one long finger.

  Josh’s pleasured groans grew louder as Ethan worked his mouth and hands, trying to suppress the smile threatening his grip around Josh’s throbbing cock. Ethan inhaled Josh’s musky scent and looked up to watch Josh’s face contort in pleasure, his heart racing faster as the blond man’s piercing green eyes met than’s own.

  Ethan closed his eyes, devoting his attention to the feel and taste of Josh’s hard length filling his mouth. I wonder just how many IQ points I can suck.

  Ethan felt Josh’s hands clutch at his head as he thrust his swollen rod deeper into Ethan’s throat. Ethan opened his mouth wider, Josh’s tight grip signalling his willingness to succumb to the determined pressure of Ethan’s practiced tongue on his eager member. Ethan slid the length of Josh’s cock down his throat again while he slid his finger deep in his ass, exulting at Josh’s surrender as he dropped his guard and reached down to run his hands over Ethan’sshaved head.

  “Oh, yeah, fuck, ohmygod, yeahhh,” Josh moaned, thrusting his hips faster now, his hands urging Ethan even further down the length of his cock, his balls tight, straining to release their hot load into the back of Ethan’s throat.

  Lost in Josh’s guttural moans, the pinging sound of buttons colliding with the tile floor went unheeded when Josh ripped at the shirt that kept his hands from the dark velvet skin punctuated by erect nipples that Ethan longed for him to tease, to pinch, to bite. Each man capitulated to this kindled fire that torched every nerve. Ethan took a deep breath, the memory of Josh walking out on him at the nightclub still fresh in his mind. Two can play this game.