Last night he hadn’t been able to sleep because, in the few weeks they’d been together, Ryan had begun to get used to sleeping beside Jessie each night. He loved having her behind curved against his front and his arms wrapped around her slender frame.
Needless to say, he was cranky. But it was a new day and he had much to look forward to. He anticipated hearing from Allison Randall, the recruiter from Black Crescent any day now. He’d interviewed nearly a month ago. She’d told him they were taking their time selecting the right person with a vision on how to move the company forward.
Ryan was no longer sure it was him. He and Jessie were already on thin ice. If he accepted the position, their relationship would be over. He was certain Jessie wouldn’t appreciate her boyfriend working for the company that ruined her father. That put Ryan between a rock and a hard place. Go after success, which was in his reach, or choose the woman he loved? If he was chosen, he would be required to make a decision and Ryan hoped he would make the right one.
* * *
Ryan was in her head too much. She’d been at work for hours and had missed a court filing for a case one of the senior partners was working on. She’d had to beg the court clerk for an extension, which thankfully had been granted. Otherwise, her boss would have her head on a stick if she hadn’t managed to correct her error.
Now she’d been staring at a brief she needed to finish for another partner and had only written a few paragraphs. What was wrong with her? Work had always been her respite. Her refuge from the storm. She’d never had a problem focusing, but then again, she’d never had Ryan Hathaway as a lover.
Whenever she was around him, any idea or thought she had flew right out the window. But she hadn’t seen him last night. In an effort to gain some perspective, she’d spent the evening apart from him, though her body was revolting in protest. She literally ached to be with him. To see his handsome face light up when she walked into a room. To hear him laugh at one of her corny knock-knock jokes. To feel him buried so deep inside her she didn’t know where she left off and he began. To taste the spiciness of his cologne on his brown skin.
Jessie wanted all of it, but on the other hand, she felt as if she was on a dangerous precipice and if she fell the wrong way, she’d fall headlong into disaster. One road led her on the path her parents envisioned for her with Hugh. The other less-known road led her to Ryan, who was always pushing her to live her life on her own terms. But Jessie was afraid of taking the road less traveled. If she revealed her feelings—that she was falling for Ryan—and their relationship didn’t materialize into more, she would have ruined the greatest friendship of her life.
And what did more mean? Marriage? Babies? For years, all she’d had to keep her warm at night was her dedication and focus on her career. On achieving success, so she would never end up like her father. She’d been on the well-known, expected path for years and was on her way to making junior partner. But the victory had begun to seem hollow with no one to share it with. She’d thought that person was Hugh, but over the years had realized it didn’t feel the same.
He was the upstanding guy everyone thought he was, and their relationship had always been one of mutual respect, but he didn’t make her heart skip a beat or make her ache for him. The times they’d been intimate had been perfunctory and certainly lacking the passion she shared with Ryan. It only took one searing look from Ryan to make her panties damp. Or a drugging kiss like the one he’d given her at the country club for her to lose all thought as to where they were.
Ryan was in her blood. She was weak and defenseless when it came to him. The last few weeks certainly made Jessie believe they could have more, but she was afraid to take the leap. Look at her judgment when it came to Hugh. She’d allowed the relationship to go on much longer than she should have. She should have ended it years ago, but she’d used him as a crutch to keep Ryan at arm’s length.
But she did owe Hugh the respect of having a heart-to-heart conversation and finally tell him there was no hope of resurrecting their relationship—so she could have a future. A future that may include Ryan.
* * *
Ryan knew he should give Jessie the space she asked for, but it had been over forty-eight hours since the kiss at the country club. Surely, Jessie had calmed down by now? That’s what he told himself as he waited outside her apartment door.
Becca answered, fully dressed, her hair done up and her makeup flawless. “Hey, Ryan. C’mon in. I was just leaving for a date, but Jessie’s in there.” She inclined her head down the hall to Jessie’s bedroom. Then she flew out the front door.
Ryan took the pizza box and six-pack of beer he’d brought with him and placed it on the counter. He was looking through the cupboard for some paper plates when Jessie came padding through the kitchen in a tank top, running shorts and her favorite pair of fuzzy bunny slippers. Her face had been wiped clean of makeup, but was bright and clear. Her eyes, however, grew wide when they saw him. “I thought I heard the door, but assumed it was Becca leaving.”
“Yeah, I kind of caught her on the way out.” Ryan paused from shuffling through her cabinets and pulled a bottle of beer from the carton. He unscrewed it and handed it to Jessie.
“Thanks,” She tipped it back and took a swig. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “What are you doing here?”
“I brought dinner.” He pointed to the pizza box. “I hope you don’t mind? I have cheese and pineapple.”
That he still remembered her favorite pizza brought a smile to her face and he released a sigh of relief. Showing up unannounced was a gamble, but he had to do something. They couldn’t go on like this.
“Thanks. I am kind of hungry. I skipped lunch.” She opened the pizza box without getting a plate and began eating.
“Why?”
“Struggled writing this brief for the senior partner and it was due by six. I think he purposely gives me these deadlines to screw with me.” She finished the slice in record time.
“Did you finish?”
“Barely.” She swigged her beer. “Today was not my best day.”
“Because you’re still angry with me?” Ryan surmised.
Jessie shook her head. “I’m not angry. Not anymore.”
Ryan brushed a hand across his forehead. “Thank God. I hope you know I got carried away. It’s no excuse for not keeping my word. And I’m sorry.”
“I believe you,” Jessie said. “I always did. The problem isn’t us. It’s that no one knows Hugh and I broke up.”
Ryan frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“We discussed going our separate ways in private, but hadn’t quite had the nerve to tell our families and friends.”
Ryan digested this information. “So anyone who was there Saturday night thinks you’re cheating on Hugh with me?”
Jessie nodded. “But I don’t care about any of that. Or what people think about me. I stopped caring a long time ago after my family and I were ostracized when we lost everything. I worry about my parents and what they think and how they feel. You know my father hasn’t been in a good way for years. This could derail him. He’s been depending on me to do what’s expected and I feel bad because I told Hugh we would tell everyone when the time was right.”
“The time is right,” Ryan stated. He didn’t understand what the holdup was. Or perhaps he’d been fooling himself. He thought back to the conversation he’d had with Jessie on the deck of the Hampton beach house. She had said they were on a break and he’d gotten it in his mind that it was a breakup. That’s certainly what Jessie had led him to believe. But maybe she was holding out hope that, with time apart, Hugh would see the error of his ways and come crawling back. Was this all part of some elaborate power play to get him to heel? To get Hugh to finally put a ring on it and stop procrastinating?
“It’s going to have to be,” Jessie said. “I left him a message last night that we needed
to talk.”
“I see.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “What’s wrong?”
Everything. He’d gotten in too deep with Jessie, even though he’d vowed not to, and she was walking away, doing what her family expected by choosing Hugh. It was beginning to appear that Ryan had been the fool to believe it was truly over between Jessie and Hugh and he finally had a chance of winning her heart when the deck was stacked against him. His phone vibrated in his pocket. He saw the display with the caller’s name and knew what he had to do. It was time he finally pursued what was best for him. He couldn’t let Jessie or her reaction influence his decision.
Swiping left, he answered.
“Ryan. Hi, it’s Allison Randall.”
Ryan glanced down at his watch. It was rather late for her to call, but he was happy nonetheless. “Hi, Allison. It’s good to hear from you.”
“I apologize for the late hour, but I wanted you to know how impressed we were with you and we would like to bring you back for a second interview so you can talk with Joshua about your specific ideas for replacing him as CEO.”
“Did Joshua tell you I ran into him in Falling Brook?”
“Yes, he did,” Allison replied. “Which is why he told me not to waste any more time. You made a great first impression.”
“Thank you, Allison. When would he like to meet?”
“I’ll email you a couple of date/time options.”
“That would be great. I’ll clear my schedule.”
“Wonderful,” Allison responded. “We’ll talk soon. Take care.”
“You do the same.” Ryan ended the call and, when he did, the somber expression on Jessie’s face told him she was not happy about his decision to move forward with the interview process.
“I thought you had forgotten about Black Crescent,” Jessie said, placing her beer bottle on the counter.
“Why would you think that?”
Jessie glared. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Maybe because we discussed how taking this position would be an awful idea. Not just for you, but for me and my family. Heck, the entire community. Black Crescent needs to fail so we all can move on with our lives.”
“I understand your position, Jessie. But it’s not your decision to make. It’s mine. Whether I do or do not pursue Black Crescent is my choice. I don’t appreciate you trying to dictate my future.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Aren’t you?” he inquired. “Would you be making this same request of me if we weren’t sleeping together?”
“How dare you?” She huffed, pushing away from the counter. “One thing has nothing to do with the other. It’s a bad move. And I would think, after everything that’s happened, everything you witnessed me and my family go through, you would be more sympathetic. But clearly I was wrong. You can only see what you want and forget about everyone else.”
“Christ! I really can’t believe you, of all people, would say that to me,” Ryan replied. “I’ve always been there for you, Jessie. Always been an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. Look up the word ‘empathetic’ and you’ll find my picture. It’s you who’s being unfair.”
“Me?”
“If the shoe fits,” he returned. “I would never ask you to give up on your dreams. Instead, all I’ve ever done is champion your goals. Yet that’s what you’re asking me to do—to give up something I feel strongly about. When you won’t compromise yourself. You’re not willing to go after the life you want, to break away from your family, but I am, especially if I can’t have you.”
Jessie’s phone rang and she stalked away from him and pulled it out of her purse. “Hello?”
Ryan couldn’t hear anything because she turned her back to him. His antenna went up. “Who’s on the phone, Jessie?” He stormed toward her.
She held up a finger, telling Ryan to give her a minute, and stepped away to talk in her bedroom. “I’m sorry now isn’t a good time to talk, Hugh.”
So Hugh was on the line?
Was it fate that the man who was standing between them would call when they were in the middle of their fight? Ryan didn’t like that Jessie had turned her back and tried to hide it from him, not wanting him to hear their conversation. If nothing else, he thought they had trust between them. He was wrong which meant they no longer had a future—Jessie wasn’t willing to take a risk, to defy her parents and to choose him.
* * *
Hugh’s timing was the epitome of bad. Why did he have to call her now? She and Ryan had never fought like this before, but this was big. He wanted Jessie to break away from her family, but she couldn’t do that. So their entire relationship was at stake and not just their romance. If he took that job with Black Crescent, it would end their friendship, as well.
“Are you listening to me, Jessie?” Hugh asked on the other end of the line.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Yeah, kind of...sort of.” Jessie didn’t want to give away that she was with another man. Hugh had never taken kindly to her friendship with Ryan. He’d never forbidden their association, but he’d been uneasy of Jessie’s openness with Ryan.
“All right, well, I wanted you to know that I’m coming home to Falling Brook.”
“You are?”
“Yes, these last several months apart have really made me see some things differently and I’d like to talk to you in person about some realizations I’ve had after I did some serious soul-searching.”
“Hugh, I don’t think that’s going to change anything.” She had to end things with him once and for all. There was no going back, not after the last month she’d spent with Ryan. It was time Jessie found her own way. She needed to stop doing what Hugh or her parents wanted. She needed to do what she wanted. She and Hugh had a superficial, surface-level relationship at best. They would never truly make one another happy.
“C’mon, Jessie. After everything we’ve been to each other, don’t I at least deserve that much?”
Guilt ate at Jessie’s insides. He was right. She owed him enough to let him speak his piece. “Of course. When are you coming in?”
“End of the week.”
“All right, I’ll see you then.”
“And, Jessie...”
“Yes?”
“I miss you.” He ended the call, not waiting for her response. And thank goodness he hadn’t because she didn’t feel the same. She’d hardly given Hugh a thought unless she was comparing how different he and Ryan were.
She returned to the living room and found Ryan with his back to her. She didn’t need to be a genius to notice the tension in the set of his shoulders. He was angry. Not just about her stance on his taking the Black Crescent position, but about her call with Hugh.
“Ryan.”
He didn’t move. Instead, he faced forward, staring out her window as if it had all the answers. “Are you running back to Hugh now because you and I are having a disagreement? Is that what this is?”
Jessie fumed. “Of course not. Why would you think that? Because I took a call?”
He spun around to face her and the dejected look on his face broke her heart. She hated that she was the cause of Ryan’s distress. “It’s me, Jessie. The man who has been by your side for over half your life listening to you fawn over Hugh O’Malley.”
“And you’ve always been angry about that.”
“Yes!”
“You don’t like Hugh.”
“No, I don’t.”
“And you resent our relationship?”
“Yes!”
She stared at him and finally saw the truth. “How long have you felt this way?”
“Are you blind, Jessie? I’ve always wanted you,” Ryan stated. “But you never saw me—” when she started to speak, he cut her off, shaking his
head “—not until the reunion when we had a moment on the terrace. That’s when you recognized the attraction between us. But as soon as Hugh showed up, you walked away. That’s when I knew I should move on. But now I’ve been with you, I want you to stay, but you have to want it, too.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t you make me out to be the bad guy.”
“I’m not. I’m stating I’m the man for you, Jessie. I always have been and I always will be.”
Ryan stared at her expectantly and Jessie’s breath caught in her throat. She’d never been as honest and forthright with her feelings as Ryan was being now. He was laying it all on the line, baring his soul to her. And what could she do? She hadn’t sorted out all of her feelings yet.
He sucked in a harsh breath. “I guess I’m completely alone in my feelings and clearly misguided.” He started toward the door.
“Ryan, wait.”
“Why? You don’t know what you want. And if you do, it isn’t me. It’s Hugh.”
“Stop putting words in my mouth. You have no idea what’s going on here. I...” Jessie didn’t know how to verbalize the thoughts rumbling around in her head. How she didn’t know how to escape the confines of following her parents’ expectations that were so ingrained her. That she’d only just begun to find herself the last few weeks, but was afraid of taking the leap. Hugh and Ryan deserved so much better than she was giving either of them at the moment.
“Yes, I do. You’re never going to choose me,” Ryan responded quietly. “So that’s my cue to leave.” His footsteps were sure and strong, and when he reached her front door, he turned to her. She wanted to tell him to stay. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay and they would work through this. But he didn’t. He merely opened the door and walked out.
Jessie feared he was walking out of her life for good. And she couldn’t bear that. Rushing to the window, she caught sight of him jumping into his Porsche and speeding off into the night. Had she done the right thing letting him walk away? Or had she just made the biggest mistake of her life?
Insatiable Hunger (Dynasties: Seven Sins Book 3) Page 13