Desperate to Die
Page 18
“Not so fast. I’m still responsible for monitoring you after that paracentesis.”
“I’ll grant you that. Only because I like you and the rowdy group behind you. I don’t want to get any of you in trouble with a medical review board or something like that.”
“Thank you,” Donn said, “but do me another favor. After the war story, tune into an old I Love Lucy or Carol Burnett show. A little humor is the best prescription.”
“Most of you were in diapers when I watched those shows,” he said softly.
-----
Driving home, Annabel wore a smile, happy to be finished for the day. She wanted pampering; something she was scarce on these days. Stepping out of the car, she didn’t dare leave her keys in there, something she had stupidly reserved for her Robby Burk night. She decided to forego rummaging through her sparse refrigerator contents or dreaming up what to make herself for dinner and went on up to Pete’s café.
The pleasant jingle sounded when she stepped in. Customers occupied several tables. She dumped her things on the bench against the wall and strolled to the counter.
“I was wondering when I’d see you in here again,” Pete said, rearranging sweets inside the see-through case. He looked towards the door and leaned over. “No date tonight?”
“No man with me. I can’t tell any more when they’re considered a date or not. I messed up the last one.”
“Having a crisis on a date is a good test if they’re possible marriage material.”
“Yikes, I wouldn’t go that far,” she said. “I’ll order your house salad and if you could throw on some grilled chicken …”
“Coming right up. Especially since I’ve got help today.” He nodded towards a stout woman preparing a sandwich plate.
“And just some water,” Annabel added and went back to the bench. She needed to catch up on her cell phone; unlike Jordan, she had not scrolled though emails or texts for hours.
Nancy had texted her earlier in the day. Dad said it would be fine – for you to have some of Dakota’s ashes. Can I come up this weekend?
You don’t have to come up just to give them to me, she wrote back and sorted through her backpack for her medicine paperback. She began studying the classification criteria for CHF when Pete put her water and salad on the side of the placemat.
“Thanks,” she said as Nancy’s next message showed up.
I want to visit my sister, that’s all.
All right, but bring books and an air mattress. I DO need study time.
Can we go out Saturday night? (Invite your friend Bob).
All right.
She pressed “send” and chewed a slice of chicken. A guy and girl laughed loudly at a nearby table and then swapped their plates but Annabel wondered about her upcoming plan with Robby Burk. She had enough dignity to refrain from calling him because he had been clear … he would call her.
Another thing, she thought, she had enrolled in medical school but that didn’t mean she was a nun. It was time to search for a fling via the different app she had selected since having too much trouble with the social app, Findar. She vowed to be more careful and listen more to her intuition. After all, she had had some fantastic experiences. Like the guy on the boat on the Ohio. That was a memorable one-night stand. What was his name anyway?
By the time she finished her meal and scrolled through the profiles of men who had left messages for her, she decided to contact a man five years older than her who had sun-kissed surfer’s hair. He hinted about some kind of secret police work under “occupation.” His name was Ben Rogers.
CHAPTER 21
Gloria first tended to Darlene. The home aide would be at the house soon and would change her mother’s clothes and make her bed, so she only did what was important. She reached under the sink and then into the closet and mixed liquid from two containers … the one ingredient she’d been using to poison her mother and the other to make it easier to drink. As far as her calculations went, she made enough for what she wanted accomplished during her absence. She brought over the glass.
“Good morning, Mama. You slept like a champ last night. No one knows like me since I sleep with one eye and ear awake for you.” She sat on the edge of the bed and held Darlene forward enough to let the drink slide down slowly. “I’m going to bring home a cake today after work and we’re going to celebrate my birthday. Your little girl is getting old too.”
Gloria stroked her mother’s grey hair and looked into her icy eyes. “You have no idea how I’m going to miss you, Mama,” she said as she put the used cup on the nightstand.
She hated that her mother would have to wait a few minutes to be cleaned up, but she needed to get ready for work. She stared into her closet and pulled out a camel blouse, which was becoming with her golden honey hair. Lastly, she pulled on her solid shoes - a blessing for a long shift on a hard floor.
The doorbell rang when it was supposed to, allowing Gloria to sigh with relief. She opened the front door and greeted the caretaker, Marabeth, an olive-skinned woman with a shining smile and a helpful attitude.
“Mom is ready for you,” Gloria said. “I know deep down inside, she’s happy to see you.”
“She’s a fine woman,” Marabeth said, “except for when she mumbles out a cuss word.” She put a big black bag on the chair. “Don’t worry about a thing, dearie. You go off to work.”
Gloria bundled up in her jacket, grabbed her belongings, and headed out. When she started the engine, she praised her efforts. She had left under no different circumstances or changed behavior than normal. Nothing that would raise a red flag.
-----
Annabel read May Oliver’s new chart notes since late rounds the day before. For being on call, her day was starting on a promising note for her patients. May’s breathing tube had been pulled last night by the on-call team and the pulmonologist and specialized cancer doctor had come up with a plan for her chemotherapy. She walked into May’s ICU room, where her patient gave her the faintest of smiles.
“I made it through having more than a slice of my lung cut out,” May said with a hoarse voice. “Unlike some colleagues over in Afghanistan who had different body parts operated on, I escaped that because I wasn’t in the thick of battle. But back in the states, I fall prey to the knife anyway.” She grimaced with a twinge of pain along her ribs.
“It was an important surgery,” Annabel said. “The surgeon performed a lobectomy and by doing that, he removed the entire tumor.”
“That’s what they told me.”
Annabel readjusted the pulse oximeter probe on May’s finger and listened to her shallow breaths with her stethoscope. Her vital signs were acceptable, but Annabel recognized the weary, strained look on her patient’s face.
“The doctors don’t want to waste any time,” Annabel said. “Dr. Schott will probably brief you on rounds, but if he’s satisfied, we may be transferring you out of here today back to the medical floor. Chemotherapy is next.”
“As long as they remove the rest of these IV tubes.”
“The one in your non-operative upper chest may be needed for some time.”
May wiggled her finger at Annabel; the one with the bulky probe. “Thanks for filling me in with my care,” May said. “You’ve been an asset ever since I landed in the hospital.”
Annabel smiled. “You would do the same if our roles were reversed.”
-----
Annabel passed the east nurse’s station on the medical ward when Bob joined her.
“My sister’s coming up this weekend,” she said. “How about we grab a bite to eat on Saturday?”
“Go out before our test next week?”
She laughed. “Maybe it’ll do us some good. We can spare a night.”
“I’m game. Should we ask Stuart and Jordan?”
“Sure. Ask Karla too, if you’d like.”
Bob shook his head. “She won’t come. She’s gone crazy as far as studying. Some kind of new thing, like she wants to score the highest o
n her rotation. She’s thinking of applying to the country’s most prestigious residency programs in her senior year and wants her grades to shine. That’s put a wedge between us and, like I’ve mentioned, we don’t see each other much. The relationship has dwindled away.”
“I’m sorry, Bob. In the fall, it seemed like you two were hitting it off.”
“I don’t blame her for her changed attitude. I hear residency spots can be pretty damn competitive.”
“I can’t think that far ahead.”
He looked at her, considering what to say. “And I can’t think about being on a rotation without you, let alone residency.”
Her forehead wrinkled as she slowed to look at him, trying to catch his meaning.
“Who would I have this much comradery with, share snacks with, or acquire these memorable patients with besides you?” he quickly asked. “Besides, the two of us end up in medical dramas about new drugs or eccentric patients.”
She didn’t have time to respond as they rounded the corner into the office and Jordan and Stuart also appeared.
“Amazing,” Dr. Schott said from behind his newspaper. “It’s rare for twin calves to be born, but in Kansas recently, there were three calves born twice on either side of the state.”
“Fodder for the world record book,” Bob said.
“Fodder for farmers who want to replicate such a thing.” Donn pushed the paper aside and pointed towards the bulletin board. “Who’s taking the first admission today?”
“I’m up first,” Dr. Berg said.
“I’m the student up first,” Stuart said.
“Enthusiastic group,” he said. “Let’s go do rounds and you students have to attend a grand rounds lecture later at the medical campus.”
Annabel grabbed a rolling cart from behind the central desk and Dr. Burg and Dr. Watts pulled patients’ charts from the rack and stacked them on top. Stuart rolled the noisy antique out of the nurses’ way.
“Dr. Palmer,” Donn said, “give us Mr. Hogan’s update.”
“He had a low grade temperature overnight and he’s almost put a pound back on,” Bob said. “On physical exam, he has a trace more pedal edema as well. He is still on doses of IV Lasix.”
Their chief resident fidgeted with his mustache. “What are we going to do with Mr. Hogan?” he asked and took off through the doorway.
Inside, Mr. Hogan ambled over to the sink in brown, clunky slippers. “I thought I heard you all coming,” he said. “I’m going to brush my teeth - the highlight of my morning besides breakfast. Plus, old people can’t sit around all day in a chair or they may be caught dead.”
Donn rolled his eyes. “There’s truth to that. Move around when you can and don’t let blood clots form in your legs. And put your legs up when you’re resting. We’re trying to get that edema to subside.”
Mr. Hogan turned and sat back in his chair. Donn crouched and pressed on his ankles, noting Bob’s assessment to be correct.
“We’re going to increase your Lasix today,” Donn said.
Before they left, it was clear no one mentioned any plans for his discharge.
-----
Gloria reported to the west wing of the medicine floor eager for the change of pace in a new facility. Ten-hour shifts could be grueling but she was ready for the challenge. In essence, previous work days at other jobs were often less tiring than being at home with Darlene. She hoped she would stay focused during the day; it would be difficult to not let her mind drift to her mother, who would be getting more obviously sick for the caretaker as the day wore on. But she would say good-bye to her at the end of the day with all the love and affection they had shared for each other over the almost-four decades they had been together.
She saw her boss get off the elevator and she whispered silently to herself, “Mama, it won’t be long. I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it.”
Her new boss approached her with a clipboard and a colorful headband around her hair.
“Gloria, welcome.” She ushered her new employee to the counter, explained her tasks for the day, and handed her a list from her paperwork. “Some days, I may break this routine, depending on what needs to be done,” the woman said, “but this is a nice manageable introduction to the floor. I have you slotted for two twenty-minute breaks and a half hour for lunch,” she added, pointing to Gloria’s schedule. She wore a blue hospital coat and gave her instructions in a friendly tone. So far, Gloria was more than happy to be in the government hospital.
The woman left after introducing her to the east and west wing staff at the nurses’ stations. Gloria went back to where they had started. She readied her designated cart of machinery, making sure the rack on the side of it housed a bottle of hand sanitizer.
She didn’t have to do it, but she committed the first woman’s name to memory from her list of patients. After all, she also had a name and a face and was more than just a medical assistant taking vital signs; caretakers and patients in the hospital environment were co-dependent on each other. She put a spring into the step of her black shoes, and went in the corner room.
“Morning, Ms. Baker,” she immediately said to a woman brushing her hair. “I’m Gloria and I’m here to take your vital signs. Let’s put a heartbeat number to that lovely heart of yours ticking away in your chest.”
-----
After morning rounds, all four students piled into Bob’s Chrysler sedan and headed downtown to the medical campus for grand rounds. Dr. Schott gave them leeway to eat lunch while they were gone and they decided on a familiar independent restaurant on the medical campus. As they walked from the parking lot, Annabel spun around once, taking in the deep blue sky with a splattering of billowy clouds moving fast above the tall buildings. They filed through the revolving door and joined medical folks escaping the hospital and offices.
The students formed a line, put in their orders, and paid. Soon a man was calling their names and they were busing their food to a table.
Annabel placed her tray down and took a sip of cappuccino. “This tastes like a million bucks. Cinnamon on top of the frothy hot milk like it should be.”
The students opened utensils and acknowledged other people they knew. Not wanting to check messages during the lecture, Annabel scrolled through her phone to find that Ben Rogers had suggested a definitive plan for them – to meet Saturday night.
She frowned and thought about it while she speared an avocado slice from her salad. There was already a plan in place with Nancy and Bob and she didn’t want to start changing things around. She took a look again at his profile on the dating app. He had a pleasant smile. He also mentioned in the same text that if they agreed to meet, he would alleviate any concerns she had about his identity. Since he had listed some kind of police work, he would show a picture of his credentials if she confirmed the date.
How about meeting at 7 p.m.? his message said. At Stone’s west of the interstate … it’s a great new bar with craft pizza. A young crowd. And later…that’ll be up to you. ☺
Jordan was bragging about making a correct diagnosis on a previous rotation as Annabel contemplated her response. Bob sat across from her and, although he chowed down on a warm pastrami sandwich, his eyes stayed on her. She could always link up with Rogers after going out with Nancy and Bob and it wouldn’t preclude her from sleeping with him if she wanted.
Her last thought before messaging him was that she’d waited for Robby Burk long enough. Even if he happened to call, Saturday night plans would already be a done deal.
She scrolled her fingertips with a message. Sounds fine. Mind if we meet at 8 p.m. instead?
“Did you hear us, Annabel?” Stuart said.
“Uh, I guess not,” she said.
“You better catch up to us and quit being so Jordan-like with your cell phone.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I’ll eat faster, but you all go ahead if I’m going to make you late.”
“We’re fine for a few minutes,” Bob said, wiping his hands.
She rose with a smile and put on her jacket. If she was going to have a one-nighter, Ben Rogers gave her little to worry about. Now she had something fun to think about; something to help her get through any depressing aspect of the rest of her week. Every relationship she had right now was platonic – she craved for something physically intimate.
-----
Gloria worked her way down to the east wing. She gathered vital signs, recorded them on bedside charts and her own log, and made friends with patients. As she rubbed her hands, the cold sanitizer clinging to her palms, she glanced at the next name, knocked on the door, and entered.
“Mr. Hogan,” she said, “I’ve come to take new vital signs on you. Looks like the docs want you weighed too.” She stared a moment at his face. “You’re my first Santa Claus look-alike for the day.”
“I’m missing the beard and mustache,” he said, “but you’re right. My hair and eyebrows more than make up for that.” He laughed and patted his belly. “And this too.”
She motioned for his arm and wrapped around the blood pressure cuff.
“But my belly isn’t just fat, you know. I’ve got bad congestive heart failure. I swell up. They even siphoned fluid out of here a few days ago.” He pointed toward his left lower quadrant. “Like an elephant sucking water out from a watering hole.”
“That sounds miserable,” Gloria said and quieted to get his pressure. She unwrapped the cuff and asked him to stand on the scale.
“They did that earlier,” he said. “They only do it once a day before the doctors come in for rounds.”
“Okay,” she said. “I can understand.” She put the pulse oximeter on his finger for a reading.
“There is only so much monitoring I’m going to take,” he said. “My heart is shot and I’m just trying to go home for end-of-life stuff. Clearing my plate, so to speak.” He grinned at that, happy with his choice of words.