by Lori Wick
Jackie was forced to shake her head, but her eyes encouraged him.
“He said, ‘I may have lost the use of my legs, Clay, but my soul still has wings.’ ” Tears filled Clayton’s eyes. “Why didn’t we take the time before to really study God’s Word, Jackie? I mean, we’ve always had Bible time before breakfast, but not like this, not with such depth and meaning.” A tear spilled over. “Why did it take his getting hurt for me to see how important it is?”
Clayton’s hand came to his face as he tried to quell the flood, but his tears would not be stopped. Jackie wanted to die with the pain of it. Her friend was hurting, and she couldn’t do a thing. She reached for his hand but pulled back, afraid that her gesture would be taken wrong. A moment later, Clayton’s tears subsided, but his breathing was still hoarse and deep.
He hadn’t looked at Jackie, but now he did. To his amazement, he felt no shame. She stood looking at him, her expression tender and tears filling her own lovely eyes.
“You’re a good friend, Jackie Fontaine.”
“You are too, Clay. I just wish I could do more.”
“You’ve been a great help.”
Jackie nodded. “Please tell your father that I’m praying for him.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Go on home now, Clay. I’ll get myself home.”
“All right.”
Jackie turned and started away and didn’t look back. However, she knew that Clayton stood on the road and watched until she reached her own yard.
Jackie wasn’t the least bit hungry when she arrived so she begged off from dinner and went to her room. She took time to pray for Mr. Taggart, but her mind kept going back to what Clayton had said.
Her family never read the Bible together. In their family spending time with God’s Word was up to each person, and the truth was, Jackie had never taken an interest in her Bible. Not like her mother and Eddie always did, and certainly not like Clayton and his father. For the first time in years she pulled it out and turned to a place in Jeremiah. There was a little marker at that spot, and she tried to remember why it was there. She read it to see if she could find a clue.
Starting in chapter 23, verse 19, she read softly aloud, “Behold, a whirlwind of the Lord is gone forth in fury, even a grievous whirlwind; it shall fall grievously upon the head of the wicked. The anger of the Lord shall not return, until he have executed, and till he have performed the thoughts of his heart; in the latter days ye shall consider it perfectly. I have not sent these prophets, yet they ran; I have not spoken to them, yet they prophesied. But if they had stood in my counsel, and had caused my people to hear my words, then they should have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings. Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see Him? saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the Lord.”
Jackie did not understand much of what she read, but one thing had jumped out at her. Was God a far-off God, or was He near? Most times she would say He was very far off, but she closed her Bible and went to join her family before she could really gain an answer.
“I want you to go to school.”
“No.” For the first time in his life Clayton out-and-out defied his father.
“I’m not asking you, Clay. I’m telling you. Go to school.”
“Absolutely not.”
“It starts next week, Clay. I’m sure I won’t be laid up here forever, and you’ve got to get there.”
Clayton shook his head. His voice was gentle, but he held his jaw at a stubborn angle. “I’m going back to work tomorrow, and that’s the end of it.”
“We don’t need the money,” Kevin said, but he knew it was a half-truth.
Clayton looked clearly skeptical.
“We’re good for a time, Clay. Please do as I ask you.”
Clayton shook is head. “It’s foolish to deplete your savings account when I’m capable of supporting this family.”
“You’re not touching your money for school, Clay.” Kevin’s voice went up a notch. “Do you hear me?”
“I’m not going to, but I am going out on the job with Cormac tomorrow, and that’s final.”
Kevin opened his mouth to say more, but Clayton turned away. He didn’t look at his mother or father, but both heard him on the stairs and then closing the front door.
“Elaine.” Kevin was reaching for her, panic on his face. “Make him go to Denver, Elaine.” She saw the tears in his eyes. “He’s waited for so long. Make him see. He’s got to go. Please, Elaine.” Elaine sat down on the bed and leaned over to put her arms around him. She had never seen Kevin like this—so helpless and weak. It had been six weeks since he’d been put in this bed, and he hadn’t moved from it. However, this was a blow that was harder to take than the accident itself. It had never occurred to Kevin that Clayton would change his mind about school. Elaine waited until she thought he might be a little calmer, but when she looked into his eyes, he still looked desperate. Tears came to Elaine’s own eyes as she slowly shook her head.
“I can’t tell him to go, Kevin, anymore than I could leave you myself.”
“Oh, Elaine.”
This was too much for him. Tears racked the body that was already becoming flaccid and weak, and Elaine held onto him with all her strength.
“He’s dreamed for so long,” Kevin cried, “and stayed to work long past the time he first knew he wanted to teach. I just can’t stand the thought that he’s staying for me.”
Elaine smoothed the hair off his brow. They had washed his hair just that morning, and the effort had exhausted him.
Not many hours later, Clayton had come to say he was going back out to work.
“It’s not forever, Kevin,” Elaine soothed. “If God wants him at school, God will show us the way.”
“But he could go—” Kevin began. Elaine cut him off. “No, Kevin, you’re not thinking clearly. If he goes, then Milly and I must go to work, or we’ll be forced to use up all the money in the savings account. What will we do after it’s gone? It would be even harder to call Clayton home, I think, than for him not to go at all.”
Her calm voice got through. She was right, of course, and he had to confess the panic and lack of trust. However, his mind was still praying, and a moment later he asked Elaine to write a letter for him.
“To whom?” she asked when she had sat close to Kevin, paper and ink at hand.
“My mother.”
The married couple exchanged a long look.
“You want to know more about the position?”
Kevin nodded. “I would do anything for you and the kids.”
“Even this, Kevin?”
“Yes. Even this.”
With that, he began to dictate. Elaine took down every word in her smooth hand. However, her heart was beating fast. The contents of this letter could change their lives forever, but on second thought, Elaine realized that had already happened.
20
Morgan walked away from the Taggart home, doing his best not to think. He knew it was cowardice, but right now he didn’t think he could handle his own thoughts. How in the world did a man praise God after he’d been broken and laid down? Morgan could not even imagine, but that was exactly what he’d witnessed. Determined to apologize for not coming sooner, Morgan had gone to see Kevin to cheer up the bedridden man, but it hadn’t gone anything like the way he planned.
“There was no warning,” Kevin had told him. “One moment I was in the saddle, and the next instant we were falling. It must have been a deep hole. I’m surprised my horse didn’t break a leg, but I was in too much pain to really analyze what was happening.” At that point a peaceful smile had come over Kevin’s face.
“Not that it really matters,” he went on softly. “I’m alive, and we’re praying every day for my recovery.”
Such talk always made Morgan uncomfortable. Praying was the pastor’s job. But Kevin wasn’t through.
“B
ut I’ll tell you, Morgan,” he said, the smile still in place, “if I never get out of this bed I’ll still praise God because that would be His plan for me.”
Morgan had sat thunderstruck, rescued only when Milly had offered him coffee. It tasted like bitter water in his mouth, but it gave him something to do with his hands and eyes. He drank every drop, and not long after he’d finished the cup, he’d taken his leave.
On his walk home, he moved very slowly. He hadn’t thought about what he and Addy had talked about for weeks, but now it came to mind. He had listened to every word of Pastor Munroe’s sermons, just as she’d urged him to do, but he still didn’t like what he heard. Addy had told him not to harden his heart, and the words had been good. Morgan could see that hardening his heart was exactly what he was doing. He was doing it now. Walking away from Kevin Taggart, Morgan pushed all thoughts of God from his mind. He arrived home in a frightful mood, but no one in his family made comment.
Jackie held in the huge sigh that threatened to escape her and walked up the steps of the schoolhouse for the start of the new year. It was difficult to have shared a room with Eddie for all those years because it caused her to think of herself as older, when in fact she had two more years of school to go. Eddie was the lucky one. Her birthday had fallen right before the school year began, so when she turned 18 she was finished. Jackie wouldn’t be 17 until January, which meant that even though she turned 18 in the middle of the following year, she would still need to attend. It was almost more than the 16-year-old could take.
At least the teacher was still Miss Bradley. Rumor in town had been that she was moving to Denver and would not be back, but she was there at the front of the room, looking much the same. Jackie had not enjoyed the punishment she’d received late in the last school year, but she had to admit that the woman was fair. Her praise was as noteworthy as her discipline.
Being in school also reminded her of Clayton and the loss of his dream. Jackie had cried buckets over this. Clayton had not. He had told her very calmly that this was the way it needed to be right now, and someday God would provide another way. Jackie had felt devastated for him nonetheless. She couldn’t understand her own heart. First she was crushed that he was leaving at all, and now she was upset that he couldn’t go. She’d finally gone to her mother and been surprised speechless by what she said.
“That’s what true love is all about, Jackie. We put aside our feelings and wants to see to another’s needs or happiness.”
Jackie could not get the words out of her mind. True love. Is that what she felt for Clayton? Is that why she was so tongue-tied and felt so foolish around him? Her heart did the funniest things when he was near, and she was never hungry afterward. Was it love? Jackie could see that she had much to think about.
“I want you to be thinking about what you will write,” Miss Bradley’s voice cut across her thoughts. “And I will expect you to do your best. It can be any subject, but it must be thorough. The paper is due at the end of the month, September 30, three-and-a-half weeks from today. Yes, Padriac?”
“Can we work with a partner?”
“Not this time. I want you to do this on your own. Now, go get your math books and let’s begin on page 6.”
Jackie did sigh this time, but also reminded herself she had better start listening. She had a paper due on the last day of the month, and she wasn’t even sure what was expected. She opened her math book to page 6 and told herself to get in line.
“A grizzly?” The little girl’s eyes widened.
“Yep.”
“How big was it?” Sammy asked.
“Big,” Clayton told her and shook his head. “Ugly too, with a turned-up nose and a bunch of fur missing off his back.”
“Maybe it was a she.”
“Maybe,” Clayton agreed and tweaked the end of her nose.
Jackie looked on. She wanted to be so light and carefree around Clayton, just like Sammy was, but she had decided that she was in love with him and now had even less to say than before.
Sammy and Clayton talked on about the bear some more, and then Clayton moved away. They were at a birthday party for old Mrs. Greeley. She was a regular customer at the store, and the whole Fontaine family had been invited. Elaine, Clayton, and Milly were there because Milly had taken piano lessons from Mrs. Greeley.
Jackie began to wander some herself. The party was being held in the elderly lady’s house and backyard, but Jackie moved to the front. She had decided to do her school report on wildflowers, and Mrs. Greeley’s fenced-in front yard was full of them. Jackie moved among the different blooms, touching one here and smelling one there.
She wished she had paper along to take a few notes, but maybe she could come back and do that later. She was kneeling on the grass to look at an interesting species when she heard footsteps. Jackie looked up to see Paddy approaching, a grin on his face.
“Now, don’t be telling me you’re working on your report on a Sunday.”
Jackie smiled in return; he was always so fun. “Well, Mrs. Greeley does have some perfect blooms, and since I was here …” The young woman shrugged.
Paddy sank down onto the grass. “I’ll put mine off until the night before it’s due and then write like mad ’til I’m done.”
“Why, Paddy? Why not work a little at a time?”
“Because I’ve no interest in horses.”
“Then why did you choose that subject?”
Paddy shrugged. “My mother has a book on horses, and it just seemed convenient.”
Jackie shook her head. “You should have chosen something you’re interested in.”
“My mother doesn’t have any books on mines.”
Jackie’s mouth swung wide open. “Paddy! You don’t need books. Your father’s a surveyor, and you could get him to take you to a mine. Who needs books when you have all of that?”
Paddy stared at her as if he’d just seen a ghost. “Jackie, darlin’, you’re an angel.” He breathed the words and stood. He felt so good that he even bent low and dropped a kiss onto her cheek. Jackie only laughed as he then shouted with glee and ran to find his father in the back. It would have been a wonderful scene if Jackie hadn’t looked up and spotted Clayton coming her way. Had he seen the kiss? Would he think that she was interested in Paddy?
“What are you up to?” Clayton was beside her now, dropping onto the grass much the way Paddy had done.
“Oh, just looking at the wildflowers.”
“Milly told me about your report.”
“She did?”
“Sure. She said Miss Bradley looked quite impressed. Most of the class is doing an animal of some sort, and she thought the teacher must think wildflowers would be a nice change.”
Jackie nodded but couldn’t speak. Why was she so talkative with Paddy but utterly mute with Clayton?
“So tell me what all of these are.” Clayton indicated the flowers around them.
“I’m certain you must know them all, Clayton.”
“Well, tell me anyhow. It’ll give you good practice.”
“You’re such a pest,” she told him to cover her feelings, but she did as he asked.
“This is Indian paintbrush, and this pink one is mountain holly-hock. Behind you is western coneflower and then blazing star.”
“What about this one?” Clayton pointed to a flower colored in deep pink with numerous yellow stamens in the center. It was lovely to the eyes and had a small, delicate, light green leaf. Jackie reached for it and smiled.
“This is a wild rose. It’s my favorite.” She held it to her nose. “I love the fragrance.” She let Clayton smell it, and he smiled as well.
With his eye on her face, he said, “Paddy’s coming back. Would you like to be alone with him?”
Jackie’s eyes flew to his. She blushed to a color that rivaled the Indian paintbrush. Clayton took that as a yes and rose. He smiled at Paddy on his way by but said nothing else to Jackie. She was glad that she’d been a help to Paddy, and even that h
e’d come back to tell her that his father was going to help, but more than anything, she wanted to call Clayton back and tell him he had it all wrong.
Kevin’s chest heaved from the exertion, but the sense of triumph he always felt was well worth it. This was the fifth time he’d sat in a chair, and the tingling he felt in his feet made him want to shout with joy. However, this was a solemn occasion. His wife knew what he was going to say, but Clayton and Milly had no idea. He took a deep breath and began.
“Your mother and I have been in touch with your grandmother in Denver. We’ve all done a lot of praying and thinking, and I’ve decided to take a job that she has offered me in the office at the mill.”
Clayton and Milly stared at him and then at their mother.
“You mean move to Denver?” Milly whispered after a painful moment of silence.
“Yes,” her father said gently.
“Why, Dad?” Clayton managed. “Why leave Georgetown? You and Mom love it here.”
“Yes, we do, Clay, but your mother and I want you to get to school, and we can’t wait too long or the snows are going to be upon us. It’s the ninth of October, and I can’t believe we’re not snowed in already.”
“You can’t do this, Dad!” Clayton burst out, all calmness deserting him. “You love it here in the mountains, and I won’t let you give it all up for me.”
Kevin waited for this outburst to die down and then said, “I talked to young Doc Edwardson just this morning. He told me I would never sit in the saddle again. If I thought there was a chance, I’d stick it out, Clay, but I know in my heart he’s right. I never thought I’d be happy behind a desk, but I’m so thrilled to be sitting in a chair right now that I’ll take what I can get to support my family. And that is what I’m talking about, Clay,” he added almost sternly. “It’s my job to take care of this family, and any way I can do that, I will.”
The room fell very silent now. Milly could hear the pounding of blood in her ears. Leave Georgetown? Leave Danny and Paddy? What would she do? She had no desire to live in Denver. Why, God, why did this happen to Dad? Why must he suffer this way? She began to cry. She told herself not to, but she couldn’t hold back the tears. Elaine went to her.