by G. R. Lyons
“I'm fine,” Rey interrupted him. “I've eaten. I've taken my meds. I have everything I need. You go get your ass in bed.”
Spencer raised an eyebrow.
“Come on,” Dirk insisted, hooking an arm around Spencer's waist.
Spencer rolled his eyes. “I can walk, you know.”
Dirk didn't reply other than to steer the man down the hall to his bedroom. Once there, Dirk pulled back the covers, steadied Spencer while he took off his shoes and changed into some sweatpants, then helped Spencer into bed, sitting up against the headboard.
“This is ridiculous,” Spencer muttered. “I feel fine now.”
Jayden made a show of tucking the blankets around his legs while Dirk said, “Tough. Because you're not getting out of this bed unless you have to shower or use the toilet. Are we clear?”
Spencer started to scowl at him, then nodded instead.
The doorbell rang, and Spencer tried to get up, but Dirk stopped him. “The nurses can answer it, and Rey can handle whatever it is.”
Spencer slumped back against the pillows and crossed his arms over his chest.
Dirk reached out and tapped on Spencer's phone where it lay on the nightstand. “If Jayden and I aren't here, you can text or call either of us if you need anything or just want to talk,” Dirk said, “but under no circumstances are you to check in on work. In fact, first thing tomorrow, I'm going to change the passwords to both of our email accounts so you can't log in remotely.”
“Dirk–”
“I'm serious, Spence. You're taking the week off, and then we're going to reevaluate everything. I'm not letting this happen again.”
“Me neither,” Jayden added.
“Hello?” a woman's voice called from the doorway.
Spencer blushed. “Irene.” He fussed with the blankets, looking like he felt at a disadvantage. “Are you back?”
Irene crossed the room, gave Dirk and Jayden a nod in greeting, then perched beside Spencer and shook her head. “I'm moving out to New Haven to be with my sister, actually. I just flew back to start packing up my place, and realized I'd left a few things here.” She paused. “Rey said you had a little scare.”
“It was nothing,” Spencer said, but even he no longer sounded convinced.
Irene glanced at Dirk, then Jayden, then focused on Spencer again. “Do you wanna know what I did every morning before coming here to spend the day with your brother?”
Spencer frowned and tilted his head, clearly confused about the question.
“I did yoga,” Irene said, “and meditation. Then had a good, unhurried breakfast. That way, I was relaxed and fed, both mentally and physically prepared to do my job.” She paused. “The first rule of taking care of someone? It's to take care of yourself first. I don't care if you're a medical professional or a parent or a lover. If you're not in a good state yourself, you're not equipped to provide for someone else.” She paused again. “And I am so sorry I didn't see the signs. I'm trained in stuff like this and I didn't even notice.”
“Not your fault,” Spencer whispered.
Irene patted his hand. “I'm just glad you're alright. And that you've got these two fine men to take care of you.”
Spencer grimaced.
Irene wished him well, then went to gather her things and say goodbye to Rey. Dirk waited until she was gone before he turned back to Spencer and cocked an eyebrow at him.
“You heard the lady,” he said. “We're going to take care of you now.”
Spencer's grimace returned. “But it's my job to take care of you.”
“Not today, it isn't,” Dirk insisted.
Jayden crawled up on the bed and snuggled up to Spencer's side. “We're gonna take care of you for a change,” he said. “And you're gonna shut up and let us.”
Spencer frowned, but he curled an arm around Jayden's shoulders and hugged him to his side. Dirk reached out, grabbed Spencer's free hand, and gave it a squeeze.
“You'll see,” Dirk murmured. “We'll figure out a way.”
Chapter 18
SPENCER LAY awake in the dark—Dirk and Jayden on either side of him, both fast asleep—while Irene's words played on repeat through his mind. He'd been forced to sleep so much over the past two days that his body didn't want to accept that he should be doing more of the same, especially while his mind was running at full speed, trying to work out a problem that he couldn't quite grasp.
He knew he hadn't had much of any time to himself ever since the accident, but he'd never resented it. It just was. Circumstance had dealt his family a shitty hand, leaving Spencer in the position to step up and find a solution, whatever that might mean. For him and Rey, it meant getting a good paying job so that he could pay off their parents' debts and provide for Rey's care.
Once Dirk and Jayden had come into the picture, it meant making time for them so that they'd feel cherished and cared for, not neglected or lacking.
But where had that left Spencer? Constantly running. Exhausted. Juggling too many balls and trying to keep them all up in the air even when the universe threw more at him.
He finally dozed off in the early hours of morning and didn't wake again until after Dirk and Jayden had already left for work and school. Spencer got up to use the toilet and to get something to eat, but Rey insisted he get back in bed just as soon as he was done. There was no refusing his brother when Spencer saw the determined look on Rey's face.
So rather than being the one in charge, Spencer obeyed. He trudged back to his room, slumped into his bed, and wondered how in all seven hells he was going to make it all day without going completely mad.
He grabbed his phone, but he'd never used it for anything other than work or to check up on Rey. The latter was pointless when Rey was right down the hall, and as for the former, sure enough, Dirk had been true to his word and changed the logins for both of their email accounts, locking Spencer out. He couldn't access any part of the company's servers.
Spencer tossed his phone aside with a sigh.
He looked around at his room, trying to figure out something he could do without getting into trouble. There were books or articles he could read online, but they'd all be industry-related, and Dirk would call that work. He could do some laundry now that Irene wasn't there to do it for them, but that would require getting out of bed, and he was pretty sure Rey would get on his case for that when he was supposed to be resting.
But if he didn't find something soon, he was going to lose it. Spencer couldn't remember the last time he'd been remotely idle. He had no idea what to do with the notion.
Rey wheeled into his doorway and knocked on the jamb. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” Spencer said. He started to get up, wanting to help Rey maneuver, but his brother scowled him back into bed.
Rey situated his chair at Spencer's side and let out a relieved sigh. “Anything to get away from my jailers out there.”
Spencer snorted a laugh, then frowned. “Are they that bad? I can call the agency. See about getting you someone–”
“Would you stop?” Rey snapped, completely exasperated.
Spencer shut his mouth shut and slumped back against the pillows.
Rey grumbled something under his breath, shaking his head. He looked away for a long moment, frowning in thought, then looked up at Spencer again. “It never really occurred to me until that morning just how much I've been taking you for granted.”
Spencer's eyes went wide. “What? No. How can you say–”
Rey held up a hand. “I mean…it did occur to me. Sort of. But not really? Does that make sense? It's just…I think we both got so used to the routine of it all, and you never complained about me always being so needy and demanding. So…helpless.” Rey cursed and shook his head again. “And I'm not. Deep down, I know I'm not, but it was just so easy to let you take charge and handle everything for me so that I didn't have to learn. And I love you for it, Wiz. I love you so much, but I have a shitty way of showing it if I let you work yourse
lf to death when I really don't need half the things you do for me.”
“But you're my brother,” Spencer protested.
Rey gave a noncommittal nod. “But I'm also a grown fucking man, and it's time I started acting like it.”
Spencer frowned, watching his brother as he seemed to wrestle with something in his head.
Finally, Rey blew out a breath and looked up. “I've made arrangements. It's gonna be a few months before they have an opening, but…I'm going back to the convalescent home.”
Spencer gasped. “Rey–”
“Let me finish,” Rey asked. He paused, then reached out and took Spencer's hand. “You've done so much for me. Too much. I know you keep telling me that the accident wasn't my fault. And you're right. I didn't cause the car to malfunction so that Dad lost control. But it was at least indirectly my fault, since they wouldn't have been driving on that particular road if they hadn't been taking me back to rehab again. And now this…I promise I won't take the blame and fall down that rabbit hole of depression again,” Rey assured him, “but it is at least indirectly my fault. Even if it weren't, it's time for me to start taking care of myself so that you can actually live your own life for a change.”
Spencer stared at him for a long moment before he managed to get out, “But I don't want you to go.”
Rey chuckled. “I appreciate that, but I'm sure once you think about it, you'll realize you don't mean it. Not completely, anyway. I'll still be around. I'll still see you all the time. But I won't be your direct responsibility anymore. You deserve to have a life. You have your men now, and you've way more than earned some free time to enjoy your own wants and needs rather than always focusing on mine.”
“But what are you– How–”
“I looked more into that occupational training program they have there,” Rey explained. “So for the first few months, it'll probably cost about the same that you were paying to have Irene here, but after that, I'll be able to work for my room and board there. And who knows? Maybe one day I'll even be able to find a job that I can do. Get my own place. They'll assess my skills to see what jobs I qualify for, and then teach me how to cook and clean while being in the chair.” Rey grimaced. “I'm sure it's gonna suck for a while, but I'll get used to it.”
Spencer slowly shook his head. “Rey–”
“I have to do this. For you and for myself. Seeing you pass out like that scared the shit out of me. I've never felt so helpless. Not even when I was lying on the pavement and watching Mom and Dad's car–” Rey shuddered, a haunted look flashing across his eyes, and Spencer could only imagine the horror of living through that moment. It had been bad enough dealing with the grief of their loss without directly witnessing it. “But I couldn't help you,” Rey went on. “You've spent the past eight years bending over backwards to provide every little thing I could possibly need, but there wasn't a single gods-damned thing I could do for you. So that's what I have to do now. I'm moving to the home just as soon as they have an opening, and that's that.”
Spencer swallowed hard and squeezed Rey's hand. “I'm gonna miss you.”
“Well, then you'd damned well better come visit me every weekend, won't you?” Rey asked. He said it in a teasing tone, but there was an obvious need in his eyes, like he was afraid to face this change while also being determined to do so.
Spencer wrapped his other hand around Rey's, holding it between both of his own. “I will be there every weekend. You won't be able to stop me.”
“Unless you worked too much,” Rey insisted. “Or your boys want a weekend away or something,” he teased.
Spencer winced.
“What's wrong?” Rey asked.
Spencer slowly shook his head. “Are they my boys? Do I really deserve to call them mine? To dare to take care of them when I can't even take care of myself, apparently?”
“You will,” Rey said, sounding as certain as though he could see the future. “Dirk said you guys are gonna figure this out so that nothing like this ever happens again, so I'm sure it's gonna be fine.”
“I don't know how, though,” Spencer said, slumping back against the pillows with a sigh, toying with the edge of the sheets in his lap. “If I keep up the same schedule at work, and then try to find time in my nights and weekends to devote to them, it still leaves me in the same situation.”
“So give up the job,” Rey said.
Spencer's jaw dropped. “I can't give up the job!”
“Why not?”
“Because…Dirk needs me there, and–”
“Do you really think there's no one else in the world who could do the job as well as you?”
Spencer squirmed, hating the very idea. “Well, no,” he admitted, “but–”
“Then quit the job and find something else you can do that demands less of your time.”
“But I love my job,” Spencer protested.
“Do you?” Rey asked. “Have you ever really stopped to think about whether you actually love your job, or you're just used to it? Do you love the work, or do you love working for Dirk?”
“I–” Spencer began, then paused, frowning. Did he love his job? He always said he did, but did he mean it? Or did Rey have a point? Was he just so used to the routine that he had no time to question it?
Rey watched him in silence for a long while, then quietly asked, “What do you really want, Spence? If you could do anything, what would it be?” He held up a hand. “You don't even have to answer now. But think about it. Alright? If money were no object, what would you want to do more than anything in the world?”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “But money is an object,” he pointed out. He made damned good money working for Dirk, but there were still bills and debts to pay. That wouldn't happen without a steady job.
“Just think about it,” Rey insisted, then glanced at the clock. “And now it's time for my meds.” He flashed Spencer a grin, spun his chair around, and wheeled out of the room.
Spencer blinked, watching him go. His brother was off to voluntarily take his meds? No needling required? No complaints?
Had Spencer passed out and woken up again in an alternate universe?
But Rey's words stuck with him all day.
What would he do if he could do anything he wanted? Dirk was living his dream, and now Jayden was taking classes so he could start pursuing his own. Hells, all Jayden had talked about since starting school was how he and his new friend were going to figure out a way to create and launch their clothing lines together and that it was going to be epic.
What was Spencer's dream? Did he even have one? Had he ever had one? If he ever had, he hadn't thought about it in almost a decade. A lot could change in that amount of time.
But as he sat there, thinking about it all, his eyes kept straying to his desk, his leather tools lying there neglected, his fingers itching to take them up again.
He reached for the covers, ready to throw them back and sneak out of bed, then heard voices down the hall.
Spencer blinked dumbly as he watched Dirk and Jayden walk into his bedroom. “What are you guys doing here?” He looked at the clock, then looked again to make sure he was reading it right. “It's the middle of the day.”
“We came home to have lunch with you!” Jayden announced.
Spencer scowled. “You don't need to check up on me,” he insisted.
“That's not the point,” Dirk murmured. He perched on the edge of the bed and took Spencer's hand. “If this past week taught me anything, it's that life is too short not to spend every possible minute with the people you love. So…” He grinned at Jayden, then looked at Spencer again. “We decided to actually take a real break and come home for lunch.”
“But what about the magazine? And, Jay, your classes–”
“The magazine will survive,” Dirk insisted.
“And I have this whole long lunch break between two of my classes,” Jayden pointed out. “I'll get back in time, I promise.”
“Come on,” Dirk said, stand
ing up and holding out his hand. “Let's get you out of this bed for an hour.”
Now that was something Spencer wasn't going to argue. He shoved the covers back, took Dirk's hand, and let the man lead him to the dining room. He didn't even protest—much—when Dirk made him sit while the rest of them went about unpacking the takeaway containers they'd brought for everyone.
Spencer picked up his fork as everyone started to eat, then realized none of them had drinks. He pushed back his chair and started to stand.
“Where are you going?” Dirk asked, both he and Jayden halfway out of their chairs themselves.
“To get some water,” Spencer said.
“I'll get it,” Jayden said.
Spencer rolled his eyes and followed. “It's not gonna kill me to carry a glass of water,” he grumbled, ignoring their protests. He went straight to the cupboard that held the glasses and reached down a few, calling out a request for what everyone else wanted, then paused when he had to pass the cupboard where his daevaak crystals were hidden.
Assuming they were even still there.
Spencer set down the glasses, opened the cupboard, and pushed the box of protein bars aside. The jar was there, and Spencer stared at it for a long moment before he slowly reached it down.
“Spence,” Rey said in a warning tone.
Spencer whirled around, scowling. “You didn't have to come police me, too, you know.”
“Apparently, I do,” Rey snapped, nodding at the jar.
Spencer narrowed his eyes and wrenched the lid off the jar.
Everyone suddenly moved, the lot of them rushing in his direction, their hands outstretched, looks of betrayal on their faces.
But all Spencer did was turn on the water as he upturned the jar over the sink.
Everyone stopped, blinking dumbly as they watched the little red crystals swirl down the drain.
Spencer pulled out the garbage can and tossed the empty jar into it, then slammed the cupboard shut and crossed his arms over his chest.
Everyone stared at him in silence for a long moment until Dirk let out a sigh and yanked Spencer into his arms.