This Much Is True

by Anna Albo

  A sick feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. Like a snake, it coiled itself around inside me, threatening to suffocate me. She was going to leave me, I just knew it. And if she left me, then what? Emma was a once-in-a-lifetime girl, the kind you get one shot at.

  I picked up my phone again. Another text to Genie. I tapped my fingers on my thigh, waiting and stewing. More rye. I took my phone and stared at it before dialing.

  She answered on the third ring.

  “Hello, Bianca.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Emma

  I walked for a few blocks, not sure where to go. The only safe haven I could think of was the Taylor Tennis Club. I checked to see if the office was empty, and when it was, I went inside and shut the door behind me. I sank to the floor, resting my head against the wall. I couldn’t erase all the images on that video. How could he have participated? It was so . . . no words could accurately describe what I thought. Zach, my Zach, was supposed to be better than that. He wasn’t one of those guys. He was good, at least I thought he was. Wasn’t he?

  I was now questioning everything I knew about him and it tore up me inside. At first, I’d been too stunned and horrified to get emotional, but now, alone, I cried quietly and only stopped when I heard a gentle knock on the door.

  “Hey, is that you, Emma?”

  Stupid loser Ben. As usual, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I cleared my throat and sucked in a deep breath. “Yes. Go away.”

  “Uh, are you okay?” Did I actually hint some concern in his voice? Not possible.

  I wiped away my tears. “Are you deaf? Go away.”

  A moment passed and I thought he was gone but a few seconds later he spoke again.

  “You’re pissed at me. I’m sorry. Are you upset?” He spoke softly, the first time he’d ever done that with me.

  I got up and swung open the door. “What do you want?” I shouted.

  He jumped back, his grey eyes wide open. He probably thought I’d had some mental breakdown and use it against me later, not to mention that I’m sure I looked like I’d been crying.

  “Emma, what’s going on? Is this about what I said earlier? I was out of line and I’m sorry.”

  I could see genuine concern on his face. “I’m fine. It has nothing to do with you. Just leave me alone.”

  I tried to shut the door but he caught it, holding it open. “Did something happen? Did it happen here? If someone in the club upset you, I want to know.”

  Was he serious? The only person upsetting me at the club was standing in the doorway. “No. So go away.”

  “Are you sure? Do you want me to call someone? Your boyfriend?”

  “No, no and no.”

  I could see the light go on. His lips were trying to smirk but he was fighting them. Such an ass. “Did something happen with him?”

  “Would that give you satisfaction?”

  He frowned. “No, it wouldn’t. I know I can come off as a jerk, but I’m not heartless.”

  I huffed. “You’re kidding, right? Since you got here you’ve given me nothing but grief.”

  “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry for that. But if he hurt you, don’t protect him.”

  “He didn’t hurt me. Never mind, okay?”

  He titled his head and looked at me for a long time. I didn’t return his gaze.

  “If you want to talk, I can keep my mouth shut and listen, or I can get lost.”

  “Get lost.”

  He nodded. “If you change your mind, I’m at the front desk.”

  He turned to leave. I shut the door and tried to think, but my phone wouldn’t stop trilling. I briefly glanced at it. A million calls and texts from Zach. I turned it off. I needed quiet. I needed to shut the world out.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Zach

  “Well, look who’s barking up my tree. First, it’s Miss Goody Two Shoes and now it’s you. What do you want, Zach?”

  I tried to keep calm, but the alcohol was starting to cloud my judgment. “I thought we agreed that you’d stay away from her. When did that change?”

  “It didn’t. She came to me.”

  That didn’t sound right, but I wasn’t going to argue with her. “What did you talk to her about?”

  “I guess she asked you about the video. If you really want to know what we talked about, go ask her.”

  My body was swaying and I stopped myself. Was I already drunk? There was a time I could drink half a bottle of booze and still take an exam the next day. I’d be reeking of alcohol, but I could pull it off. “How about you just tell me.”

  A long pause and I swear she was smiling on the other end. “I bet she wanted to know what’s on it. Did you lie to her?”

  “Just tell me what you told her!” I yelled at her, completely losing my cool.

  She laughed like the bitch she was. “For you to be calling me, some major shit went down. She saw it, didn’t she? You’re so fucked, aren’t you? She dumped your sorry ass?”

  “Bianca, you’re starting to really piss me off.”

  “Oh no,” she said, faux concern dripping from her. “I’m upsetting you. I’m so sorry. No. Wait. I’m not sorry at all. Live by the sword, die by the sword, right, Zachy?”

  I took another gulp of my drink. “This is what you’re going to do. You’re going to call Emma and you’re going to fix this. You’re going to tell her that she should let it go. For us all to get on with our lives.”

  More laughter. “Uh, how about no. You see, you no longer call the shots. Here’s the thing, asshole. Two years ago, when I begged you to get rid of that video, you pretended it didn’t exist. You promised me you deleted it. I knew you were lying to me, but what could I do? And then once this girl came into your life, boom, the video resurfaces. How shocking! You’ve been holding it over me for so long. Do you have any idea what that feels like?”

  I swallowed hard. “Call her, Bianca.”

  “Fuck you, Zach.”

  “Then I release it.” An empty lie, but what did she know?

  “Then kiss Little Miss Perfect goodbye because she’ll dump you. Her high morals and sanctity will prevent her from wanting anything to do with you.”

  “She hates you. She won’t care.”

  “I seriously doubt that. Poor Zach, what’s it feel like being on the losing side for once?”

  “Stop screwing around. I can still ruin your life.”

  “You know what, go ahead. Release it,” she said, calling my bluff. “What more could happen to me? Make sure to tell your friends first, because I’m going to out every last one of them. And even if you edited yourself out—which right about now, I highly doubt that you did—I’m going to out you too. And Emma? Gone forever. Do you want to take your chances?”

  How the tables had turned. I got up, stumbled a few steps and made my way to the kitchen. I steadied myself and poured another drink. “What do you want, Bianca?”

  “Want? Nothing.”

  “Everyone wants something.”

  “Now you want to negotiate? You think anything I say to Emma will help you? You’re pathetic. She thinks you’re a saint . . . no, she thought you were a saint, but now she sees the real Zach Walker. The one I know so well. You can hide what you were and pretend to be something you’re not, but the stink always rises to the top. Sucks to be you right now, doesn’t it?”

  “Like I said, what do you want?”

  “I want your life to be ruined just like mine was, and the great part is that I don’t need to do anything. You’ve done it all by yourself.”

  “I can fix things for you, fix things with Jake.”

  She laughed again, but now it was more of a cackle. “What have you been drinking? I’m past all that. I’m putting my life back together. I will tell you one thing: this is the best call I’ve had in over a year. Thanks for the entertainment. By the way, lose my number.”

  She hung up.

  And that’s when all that I’d done and drank hit me at once. I made
it the bathroom just in time. On my knees, praying to the porcelain god, I knew I’d run out of options. I sat up, bile still burning in my throat and for once I was all out of ideas. I had a contingency plan for everything, but not this time. I was fucked. I pulled myself up, deciding to ditch the booze for the evening when I heard the ping of my phone. I ran over, praying it was Emma.

  Genie: What is going on?

  Genie. At least I still had her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Zach

  Me: Where are you?

  Genie: Out with Andrea.

  Me: When are you coming home?

  Genie: An hour or so.

  Me: Hurry up!!!!!

  I waited for her, staring at the bottle of rye. As much as it would have literally made me sick to have just a sip of it, I wanted to drink. It dawned on me that this is how people dealt with stress. Booze, maybe drugs. Sometimes both. I couldn’t be that person. I had to deal with this, I had to keep my head focused. I needed my sister’s help. She got home to find me pacing the apartment. Once she saw me, she rushed over. I looked a mess.

  “Did something happen? Are Mom and Dad okay?” she asked, her face etched with worry.

  My cheeks were flushed and my body was vibrating. “No. It’s Emma.”

  “Is she hurt? Zach, what the hell is going on?” There was so much panic in her voice.

  “She left. I don’t know if she’s coming back. I’m fucking losing it right now.”

  She placed her hands on my shoulders. “Take a few deep breaths. What happened?”

  “Fucking Bianca! Emma came home and she wanted to see the video. I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t let it go. I should have lied and said I didn’t have it, but I gave it to her. She watched it. Genie, she’s gone!”

  She brought her hands to my face and stared in my eyes. “You have to calm down. Don’t jump to the worst possible conclusion. Okay? First of all, you are going to tell me exactly what’s on the video.”

  I was hyperventilating now and thought I might lose it. I took a few halting breaths and calmed myself a bit. I then told her the contents of the video. She listened, revolted and irritated but trying not to show it.

  “Where is the video now?” she asked, using her most comforting tone even though she wanted to castrate me.

  “She took it. She was so mad and I could see how much she hated me. That she was so disgusted with me. I should have gotten rid of it, Genie. I should have listened to you. Why did I keep it?”

  “I don’t know. What possessed you to keep something like that? Never mind. How did she leave things with you?”

  “She didn’t say much of anything. She took off and that was it.”

  “She’s probably upset. I’m sure it was a lot to see. She likely needs some time to process everything. She loves you and you love her. This was something you did when you were very stupid. When the haze clears, I’m sure it will be all right. Do you want me to call her?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, collapsing onto the sofa. “I don’t know what to do. I tried texting and calling her, but she won’t respond. What if she doesn’t come back?”

  “She’ll be back. She probably went to a place she trusts. Maybe the tennis club?”

  She regretted those words the moment they left her mouth. Typical Genie, suffering from foot-in-mouth disease. My body went rigid.

  “Great. She’s with Ben Morrow,” I said bitterly.

  “Don’t worry about him. He’s not exactly a fuzzy teddy bear. Emma won’t want anything to do with him.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I am right. He’s no threat to you. Would it be better if I went to Mom and Dad’s? Left you guys alone when she gets back?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, bringing my hands to my head.

  “Why don’t I wait around until she comes back, and if I think you guys should be alone, I’ll leave.”

  I weakly nodded.

  “Did you eat? I could try and throw something together.”

  “I’m fine. I’m going to take a walk. I need to get out of here. If Emma comes back, text me.”

  “I will. And Zach?”

  “Yeah?”

  I grabbed my jacket and stared at her.

  “Remember Uncle Matt, okay?”

  My gaze locked on hers and I slowly nodded and put on my jacket. “I won’t self-destruct.”

  “Good. It would kill Mom.”

  She watched me leave. I’d done such a stupid thing, well, so many stupid things, and knowing Emma like I did, I was worried she wasn’t coming back.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Emma

  I got home to find Genie watching television. She looked up from the sofa and I knew Zach had told her. Empathy was written all over her face. She stood and I put my hand up to stop her. I didn’t want to talk to her. Besides, she’d take his side and I couldn’t blame her for that.

  “I can’t.”

  “Okay.”

  “Is he here?”

  “He left about an hour ago to take a walk.”

  I nodded and went to my room. Our room. I sat on the bed not knowing what to do next. I had nowhere to go. If I went home, I’d have to explain everything to Dad. If I stayed, what would happen? I’d been thinking about this for the past two hours and come up with nothing. Instead, the images on that video kept streaming through my head. As much as I hated Bianca, to know that Zach was holding something so vile over her head . . . I couldn’t imagine.

  The front door opened and I stiffened. Zach and Genie exchanged a few words in hushed tones and then they were silent. I closed my eyes knowing that he would come to the bedroom, that I would have to face him, and when I opened my eyes, he was standing in the doorway, his shoulders hunched forward, his eyes bloodshot.

  “Emma, I’m sorry.”

  I bit down on my lip, trying to keep my anger in check. “Sorry for what? Lying to me? Humiliating Bianca? Blackmailing Bianca? Are you sorry I watched it?”

  “For all of it.”

  An even sicker thought occurred to me. “Did you ever tape us together?”

  “No, never! Em, Bianca was well aware she was going to be taped. She knew what was going to happen. It was all . . .” He stopped.

  “Planned?” I finished. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, the ‘ick factor’ making me nauseous. I opened my eyes and stared him in the face. “She hated it!”

  “She wasn’t raped. It was all consensual.”

  “Stop! You aren’t getting it, are you? You saw the video. You were there. Did she really want to be a part of that? Be honest about it.”

  “I have no idea what she wanted,” he said, his voice dropping off. “I suppose she wanted to be in her sorority as much as I wanted to be in my frat.”

  “How many girls did you do this to? Are there more videos?”

  “That was the only time I ever participated in something like that.”

  A tear slipped down my face and I wiped it away. There were more and he knew it. “How many times did you watch it? Did you get off on it?”

  He shuffled his feet but didn’t leave his spot in the doorway. “I forgot about the video and didn’t even remember having it until I was reminded of it when you were at Brett’s cabin last year, when you read the texts out. You were so upset and angry and at that moment I hated Bianca. And then I realized I still had the video.”

  “But she wasn’t scared because you were in it too,” I deduced.

  “After she attacked you, I told her I would edit myself out. I could have done that, Emma. You would have never known I was in it.”

  “How chivalrous of you,” I said bitterly.

  He frowned. “I know I’m a piece of shit and that you are mad at me, but that doesn’t change how much I love you. And I get that you don’t want to hear this, but I was a stupid eighteen-year-old trying to get into the best frat. I did whatever it took. I’m not proud of it, but it doesn’t define who I am.”

  “But how d
o I know that you aren’t that person? That deep down you wouldn’t do it all over again?”

  “Because I’m telling you that. I don’t know what else to say.”

  I took a long time to say something. I had no plan and was making decisions on the fly. Maybe that was good, or perhaps it was very bad. “I don’t want you to sleep with me. I’ll take the sofa for now, until I figure this out.”

  I could see pain etched on his face. “I’ll sleep on the sofa,” he said.

  I thought to argue with him but didn’t. Unlike the last time he’d slept on the sofa, I wouldn’t be asking him back into my bed. “Fine. I need some water. You can get your stuff.”

  I pushed past him and he reached out to touch my arm, but I yanked it from his reach. I didn’t want him touching me, and I certainly didn’t want him anywhere near me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Emma

  I left for classes early in the morning. Zach was getting up as I was walking out the door. I needed distance. I couldn’t be in the same room with him. I grabbed a coffee, sat through classes, but retained nothing. I kept thinking of that video. It was tattooed on my brain and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t focus on anything else.

  Not wanting to go home, I went to the tennis club instead. I hit some balls, showered and then retreated to the office. I shut the door and tried to study. I actually got through a few chapters of my psych textbook before Ben barged into the room. He had a sports drink in his hand and without asking, took the seat across from me and stared.

  “What do you want?” I asked without looking up.

  “Feeling better?”

  “I’m wonderful. Anything else?”

  “I feel like you don’t like me.”

  Was he for real? “You’re so perceptive.”

  “I know I sort of insulted you, but I didn’t mean it.”

  “You’re forgiven. Can I study now?”

  “So it wasn’t me, then?”