by Anna Albo
“Hello, Emma,” she said, sliding into her seat. “I’m so happy to see you.”
Tears welled up in her greenish-hazel eyes. I felt nothing. Should I have gotten emotional too? Why did I feel no emotions? Was something wrong with me?
“Hello, Meredith.”
She flinched at hearing her name. I wasn’t going to call her Mom, or Mother. She didn’t deserve that title.
“Thank you for meeting with me.”
I stared at her. She did sort of look like me. We had the same auburn-colored hair and although she was tall, she wasn’t as tall as me at five foot nine. Her warmer skin tone matched mine, but I definitely had a smaller version of Dad’s nose.
“It’s been a long time,” was all I managed to get out. It was kind of stupid, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Too long. You don’t know how sorry I am that all this time has passed. You probably have a lot of questions for me.”
Did I? I couldn’t think of a single one. Why was I drawing a blank? I sipped my still-scalding coffee and tried to pretend it hadn’t seared my mouth. “No, I don’t.”
Meredith appeared taken aback. “Oh. May I ask you some questions?”
“Sure, I guess.”
“How is school? What are you taking?”
It seemed like an odd place to start, but I went with it.
“I’m doing a degree in psychology.” My mind wandered a moment. Thoughts of New York were on hold. Life seemed to be on hold.
“What are your plans when you graduate?”
“I don’t know yet.”
She cradled her cup, nervously tapping the side of it. “That’s good.”
An awkward silence.
“Does your husband know about me?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, relieved that I’d asked her something. “He’s known about you from the moment I met him.”
“Does he know you’re here?”
“Yes. He encouraged me to contact you.”
I didn’t know how to take that. Why hadn’t she done it herself? Why did she need her husband to get involved?
“It’s just that at your wedding, neither of you said a word to me. I assumed he either didn’t know me or didn’t want to.”
“No, not at all,” she said, her eyes growing wide. “I’m sorry you felt that way, and I wish that hadn’t happened. You see . . .” She paused. “What do you know about my parents?”
“Dad let me read all the letters you sent him so I know a lot. He also told me a bit about them.”
She looked at her cup for a long time. “I don’t have much of a relationship with them anymore. When you were born, they made me give you up. I was fifteen and they felt I was far too young to be a parent. Then we moved from Pine Falls to Texas to keep me far away from you and your dad. I stayed in Texas until I finished my university degree, then my grandfather died and my grandmother was having a hard time dealing with his loss. I volunteered to come back to Minnesota to look after her. By then I was in my mid-twenties and your dad didn’t think you wanted me in his life. I know he broached it with you a few times, but you were resistant. I want you to know that I don’t blame you for feeling that way. You were nearly ten years old. I’d been out of your life a long time.”
I thought back to those days. I didn’t have many good memories, and the last person I wanted in my life was my absentee mother.
“When you turned eighteen, why didn’t you leave?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I had no money. My parents wouldn’t let me get a job and even if I got back to Minnesota, I didn’t know what I had to come back to. Your dad encouraged me to stay in school, get a college education and pursue my dreams. I think it’s because he didn’t get those opportunities. I stole them from him by walking out. Had we been able to raise you together, things would have been different.”
I tried not to think about how they would have been different, but I couldn’t help it. So many times I’d wanted to be like the other kids, with a mom who doted over me, who came to meet the teacher, who dropped me off at school or picked me up, who participated in bake sales or who helped me choose a Halloween costume. Or a mother who showed up to all my Christmas concerts. Sure, Grandma had stepped in and done all those things, but it wasn’t the same.
“How did you meet your husband?” I asked, getting my mind to focus in another direction.
“About a year after I came back, my grandmother died. Cam handled all my grandparents’ financial matters, so I got to know him. I fell in love with him and within a year we were engaged. The first thing I did was tell him about you. He was the one who told my parents that you and your dad were invited to the wedding. I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t face them. I was so scared. You don’t know my parents, but they are very opinionated, persuasive and very strict. I was certain they would talk me out of it, so Cam took them on and won. I know I should have spent time with you that day, but I was so afraid my parents would make me pay for it later. It’s funny that even now, I’m thirty-five years old and I’m still terrified of my parents. I haven’t spoken to them in over a year and yet I’m scared they’ll find out I’m trying to reconnect with my daughter. In all honestly, they probably don’t care. They know they’ve lost me.”
“Why are they so mean?”
Meredith took a deep breath and pushed away her full cup. “They had plans for me and my sister Lucy, and I have proved to be a major disappointment to them. They were always quick to criticize and point out any of my mistakes. They were also extremely controlling. When we left Minnesota, they never let me out of their sight. I was like a prisoner.”
“Why don’t you talk to them?”
“I don’t have much to say to them.”
“Did you think about me?”
The question made her lip quiver. “All the time. I made sure to keep up with your tennis. I went to all of your tournaments. Your dad would let me know when they were, and I’d be there. I told him not to tell you because I didn’t want to be a distraction, or worse, for you to tell me to stay away. I suppose I was selfish. And for that short time, I felt close to you, or as close as I could get. Then when I heard that Audrey died, I knew her death would be hard for you. Your grandmother was a wonderful lady.”
“She taught me to cook.”
“Paul says you’re quite the chef. You didn’t get that quality from me. My culinary skills are limited.”
“Do my brothers know about me?”
A big smile spread across her face. “Yes. I hope one day you’d like to meet them. Cam too.”
I nodded. Maybe. “What has Dad told you about me?”
“Like what?”
Sure, it was a broad question. “Did he tell you what happened last year? With Jake’s ex-girlfriend?”
She shook her head. “What happened?”
“Nothing much,” I said, not wanting to revisit that. “Do you know about my boyfriend?”
“He told me a little about him. He sounds like a nice young man.”
I took a long look at her. Did she know more than she was letting on? Or had Dad simply not told her, letting me fill her in? That wasn’t going to happen on this day.
“How often do you talk to Dad?”
“Maybe a couple of times a month.”
“Did you know my grandpa is getting remarried?”
“I heard he was dating again. I’m happy to hear that. Your grandparents were always so kind to me.”
I wanted to laugh. Always, except the time they did the DNA test no one speaks of. “Dad hasn’t met anyone. Do you think he still pines for you?”
Meredith laughed. “No, I don’t think so. Your dad has no trouble attracting female attention. If he wanted to settle down, he would have had his pick of women. I think he’s happy being free to do what he wants. I still remember the first time I met your dad. It was the first day of kindergarten and all I remember were those big blue eyes. He had me hooked at the age of five. Every girl with a pulse loved Pa
ul Andrews. Fortunately for me, he loved me back.”
“Do you want to get back with Dad?”
“Sweetie, I want nothing but the best for your dad, but I’m happy and I love my husband.”
“Do you want half my cookie?” I didn’t know where it came from, but I’d blurted it out and she was staring at my untouched cookie.
“Sure,” she said.
I split the cookie and handed her a half. We munched away in silence.
“I’m going back to Pine Falls for Christmas break after I finish my exams. Would you like to come visit? I’m not saying for Christmas or anything, but you could come a few days before. I could make dinner for all of us. You could meet Grandpa’s fiancée.”
Meredith’s face lit up. “I’d love that. And your boyfriend too?”
“No, not him. He’s staying behind with his family.”
I made that part up.
“Oh, well, I’ll meet him another time.”
“I’ll talk to Dad about dates and get back to you.”
We exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes. As I walked back to the bus stop I couldn’t believe what I’d done, but she seemed genuine. I texted Dad to tell him the news and the bus ride home I was filled with nervous energy. I wanted to tell Zach all about it, but worried that giving him any kind of opening might get his hopes up—and I wasn’t prepared to do that.
Instead, when I got home, I found a note with my name on it tented on the dining room table. It was Zach’s unmistakable scribble. I picked it up and opened it. It was only a few lines and my heart sank.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Emma
Did I call him? But what would I say? I considered texting him, but that seemed like the coward’s way out. Instead I waited for Genie to come home, Zach’s note still tucked away in my pocket. To keep myself busy, I compulsively cleaned, even though the weekly housekeeper was due Wednesday. I told Zach and Genie on multiple occasions that it wasn’t necessary to have a housekeeper, that I was capable of doing the cleaning if they didn’t want to, but I was always met with passive opposition. As I dusted the floorboards, these thoughts occupied my mind. Anything to get my mind off of what threatened to make me become unhinged.
I’d made it to the end of the hall when Genie came through the door. She hung up her jacket and dropped her purse on the ground.
I scrambled to my feet and when I got to her, her face was flushed and a small frown formed when she looked at me.
“I guess he’s told you?” she said.
“Did you know?”
“When I got home earlier he was packing.”
“Why didn’t you stop him?”
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “I’m supposed to do that? Why didn’t you? I don’t want to sound like a bitch, but you have the power to get him back. Pick up the phone and get him back here.”
I stepped away from her and the air from my lungs left me. I’d never seen Genie so ticked off before. “I can’t do that. He’ll want too much.”
Genie shook her head. “I don’t get you. You want him here, but on your terms? Emma, that’s not fair.”
Genie was getting frustrated, I could see by the color rising on her cheeks, but she was keeping her annoyance in check and I had to give her credit for that.
“I know, but this isn’t easy for me. I’m hurting too.”
She put her hands on my shoulders. “Look, I know. It was gross, I am pissed at him too, but you can’t keep this going on forever. You need to be straight with him.”
“I need a little time. Is that so wrong?” I was fighting the tears filling my eyes.
Genie smiled sympathetically. “No, but I think you should tell him that. I can’t speak for him, but I’m pretty sure the reason he’s left is because it’s hard being here with you. Can you blame him for that?”
“No,” I said, my voice cracking.
“Talk to him. Keep communication open. That’s my advice.”
She wandered off to her room and I went back to my cleaning. I was formulating a speech in my head, something to tell Zach when my phone chimed. I ran for it, hoping it would be Zach, but saw Dad’s number instead.
“Hey, Kiddo,” he said.
“Hi, Dad. I was going to call you later.”
“How did it go with your mom?”
“Meredith?” Had I told him? Yes, I had. I’d forgotten about that. I’d told him in a text message.
“It was nice. She’s okay. She wasn’t what I expected.”
“I’m in town doing some deliveries. I thought I’d come by later?”
“Why don’t I meet you?” The thought of explaining Zach’s absence wasn’t something that interested me, and I didn’t want Genie to spill the beans before I was ready to tell Dad.
“Oh, sure,” Dad said. He clearly was a little suspicious. “Give me an hour? Where should we go?”
“There’s a burger joint near me. Bob’s Burger Barn.”
I gave him the directions and we said our goodbyes. Did I tell Dad about Zach or wait? In the meantime, I called Zach, my heart pounding in my chest. If I didn’t call him now, I’d back out and never do it. I waited and after four rings it went to voicemail. I didn’t wait to hear his voice. I hung up and decided to try again later . . . maybe.
“WHAT’S GOING ON?” DAD asked as we settled into our booth. He’d been making small talk with me up until the server had sat us down.
“Nothing. I’m fine.” I said it too quickly and one corner of his mouth lifted into a smirk.
“You know I can see through all that. Does it have to do with your mom?”
I let out a squeak of relief. Yes, I could use Meredith to get out of this one. “Well, you know, it was a bit weird, but not horrible. We talked and I invited her to Pine Falls for Christmas. I don’t know when she’ll come, but she said yes.”
Dad’s face instantly brightened. “You did?”
I had him off whatever scent he was on. “Yeah, I think I owe it to her to get to know her. I hope you’re not expecting a big happy family.”
Dad grinned, his blue eyes coming alive. “I can hope, can’t I?”
The server took our orders and we talked about school, but then he brought the conversation back to Christmas. “Will Zach be joining us too? We could have a nice dinner. Maybe invite all the Walkers.”
I kept telling myself to act casual. “I think they are pretty busy. Zach’s family does a thing, or something. Some charitable event. Pretty sure Zach will be busy too.”
“That’s funny. When I asked Zach a few weeks back, he seemed happy about coming out to Pine Falls for the holidays.”
“His parents really want him at this thing. It’s a big deal.” I was babbling and not making such sense. Luckily the server arrived with our food.
“Why aren’t you going?”
“It’s not my kind of thing.”
“You sure everything is okay?” Dad asked.
“It’s been a long week. Finishing up school, Meredith. You know.”
He let it go and we finished up dinner. Dad, who usually had a voracious appetite, had barely eaten half his burger.
“Should I be wondering if everything is okay with you?” I asked, pointing to his burger.
“Late lunch,” he said, then smiled.
“Why the smile?”
“I had lunch with a friend.”
It made sense to me now. “A lady friend?”
Dad blushed just a little. “Yes, but not what you’re thinking.”
“Is she pretty?” I asked, happy to finally have the topic of conversation diverted away.
“Very pretty, but it’s nothing. I promise.” He paused, as if he wanted to add more, but stopped. “So let’s drop it.”
It was getting dark out and I didn’t want Dad doing too much highway driving at night.
“I’ll see you before I know it,” he said as we made it out to his car. I led him to believe I had Zach’s truck because I didn’t want Dad offering me a ride home.
He gave me a hug and I watched him drive away. Now back to my home and the sad reality that awaited me.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Zach
Being alone in the house wasn’t a bad thing. Mom and Dad were in Washington for a little travelling before they came home for the parties, fundraisers and holiday festivities. Louisa wasn’t around either, not that I expected her to be. When Mom and Dad were gone, she checked in on the house every other day, but so far, we’d missed each other. Just the way I wanted it to be. The last thing I wanted was a conversation.
I got home from classes. A week had passed since I’d left my own fucking apartment. Emma called once, that Saturday, and texted me a few times after that, but I didn’t reply or return her call. It’s not like she’d left a message. And her texts? One-liners asking me how I was. Fuck that shit.
I was getting angry, and it was a place I didn’t want to be. I dropped my books on the kitchen table and headed for the fridge. I’d stocked it with beer and a bit of food. I grabbed the takeout pizza from the night before and heated it up in the microwave. Then I grabbed a beer and pulled back the tab. Liquid joy. I stood next to the microwave, carefully avoiding my reflection in the glass. Did I look like shit? Probably.
The microwave chimed and I slid out the plate. I flipped on the TV and looked for any sporting event I could find. A hockey game out east was about to start. I ate my day-old pizza and drank beer. Who needed fine dining and home-cooked meals?
I heard the backdoor open. I stopped eating. Too late to hide from Louisa. She’d probably heard the TV I had blaring so that I wouldn’t have to listen to myself think. Within a minute she was in the entranceway to the family room.
“What’s this?” she asked, unbuttoning her coat.
“I’m staying here tonight,” I said, hoping she would leave me alone. “I have to get some studying done.”
She pursed her lips and nodded. “How many nights have you been here? I thought there was a burglar sleeping in your room and leaving beer cans in the fridge. I hate the idea of having to evict squatters.”