by Jacy Braegan
Coming suddenly to my feet, my voice raises to override him while fighting to control the rage running through my veins at Blake and Russell’s audacity. “I didn’t fucking get back with Blake! I told Aidan that wasn’t happening. Ever.”
I grab my hair with my hands in a tight grip and tug hard. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. This is a fucking nightmare. Hands try to loosen my grip from the strands of my hair as a voice speaks. It feels like it’s coming through a haze. “You’re serious. Russell was wrong?”
Tears sting my eyes as I nod, peering through my lashes at Clay. I’m not above pleading at this point. Aidan deserves to know the truth, and it needs to come from me. “I need to tell him the truth, Clay. Please, where can I find him? Please, tell me.”
Clay sighs as he looks down at the note in his hand before returning his gaze back to me. He studies me for a moment before letting me go. Sinking back down to the couch in dejection, my eyes fall to the floor. Before my begging can resume, a Kleenex drifts in front of my face. “Here, wipe your eyes while I write the address down. Make sure you fill up your car before you leave town cause it’s quite a way outside town.”
Taking the tissue and letting it soak up my tears, I struggle to stop them from coming. My breathing shudders through my chest while trying to take deep breaths to calm down. I will get my man back, and I won’t lose him again. That’s a vow I make to myself.
Clay slips a piece of paper into my hand and turns my face up. He gives me a sheepish smile before speaking. “I’m sorry for coming down on you like that, but I hope you understand why. I just want to protect Aidan. He’s like a brother to me.”
I nod my head in understanding. I would do the same for my best friend, Luca, if someone did that to him, especially since the guy knew Aidan and my history together. I would be leery of the two starting anything back up, not like we’d ever really started anything to begin with. “I understand. I should go.”
Heading for the door to pull it open, Clay’s voice stops me. “I won’t tell him you’re coming. He isn’t listening in his current mental state, and he’ll leave before you get there. Just go today so I don’t have to lie or avoid my best friend.”
I turn my head to look over my shoulder toward him with an attempt at a small smile. “I’m leaving right now. I want that man in my life too much to wait.”
Clay’s laughter follows me out the door. I make only one stop on my way out of town. With a tank full of gas and a large coffee, I head south on the interstate.
Chapter 25
Aidan
I drive pretty much on autopilot. My parents have had a cabin near Turner Falls in the Arbuckle Mountains for as long as I can remember. I can make that drive in my sleep, and I’m glad I wasn’t heading somewhere that I’d have to stop and get directions. Jayson hadn’t come with us here too often, so the memories shouldn’t be as strong there about him. At least I can hide out and not worry about running into him. I need time. Time to heal and try to move on even though I hadn’t done that since we were kids.
My Jeep pulls up in front of the two-story cabin and I stare at it for a moment. If the brown wooden slats could talk, they’d tell so many stories of my family here over the years and it’s calling me now. The front porch wraps around the sides and a set of wide stairs lead up to the front. Green pine trees surround the house on three sides, but the front opens to a gorgeous view of the seventy-seven-foot waterfall across the way.
Grabbing my bags from the passenger seat, I hop out of the Jeep. Taking a deep, cleansing breath of the fresh mountain air and letting it infuse me, I make my way towards the cabin. Well, it doesn’t make me automatically feel better, but at least the air is nice.
Striding up the steps, I slip my key into the knob and deadbolt to unlock the door. Slipping inside, I make sure the door locks behind me. I know out here I don’t have to, but it’s a habit after living in the city my entire life. I drop my bags to the couch. The air in the cabin is stale as my parents haven’t been to air out the cabin this summer. Opening a few of the windows, I let the breeze cool off the house while airing it out at the same time. Next stop is the kitchen to flip on the main breaker to the house and shut the fridge doors. A trip to the grocery store is in order to keep me from starving. My parents didn’t like leaving a lot of food, especially perishable items at the cabin. Despite not having breakfast, I’m not really hungry at the moment.
Knowing how much Clay worries for me, I pull my phone out of my pocket as I walk to the front bay windows to look out at the falls across the way. Knowing he’s likely to still be asleep after having been at the hospital with me all night, I settle for sending him a text message letting him know I’ve arrived at the cabin. The message will probably send him to find my note, but who knows. He could be up. I turn my phone to silent so it doesn’t disturb the peace I came here to find.
Moving my bags from the couch to the floor, I fall prone to the cushions. Grabbing a decorative pillow, I hug it to myself while staring out the window lost in thought, until nodding off in exhaustion.
* * *
The sound of tires crunching on gravel wakes me from my slumber. Groggy and confused, my sleepy brain tries to figure out where I am and why I’m not in my comfy bed at home. As my hand flexes in the brace and a jolt of pain hits me, it rudely reminds me of everything that went on the night before. I frown with the realization of what had woken me. The cabin sits back from the main road, so no one should be here.
Feet walking up the front stairs has me sitting up. From my seat on the couch, the big windows reveal the car parked behind my Jeep, and I know who it belongs to. The sound of knuckles rapping on the front door causes my frown to deepen. How the fuck did he track me down so quickly? Shouldn’t he be with his fiancé? No doubt the engagement ring is already back on his finger. That asshole. I can’t believe he dares to show his face here after what he did.
More knocking from the door has me staring at it. Standing up in silence, I move into the hallway where he can’t see me if he peeks into the windows. I’m so not opening that door as I’m not strong enough yet to face him. I’m not prepared to see him with this pain in my soul and the tears in my eyes. Already, I can feel them pooling at the edges of my vision.
More knocking accompanies his voice as it comes through the wood and opened windows. “Aidan, it’s Jayson. Please, open the door.”
Even though he can’t see me, I shake my head anyway. Oh, hell no, that door isn’t opening. He can stand out there and wait all day for all I care. As quiet as can be, I sink to the floor behind the door. His sigh comes through the door along with a dull thud. It sounds like a skull hitting the wood, and it has me curious if he’d hit it with his head. Still, I don’t open that door. There’s nothing he can do that would inspire me to take that step to invite him back into my life again to destroy it. Hadn’t he already done enough?
“I know you’re there. Please, open the door. I really need to talk to you.”
I wonder how long he’ll wait out there. It’s a small form of torture, but he so deserves this after lying and breaking yet another promise. I’m still not letting him in. I don’t trust myself. I may never trust myself again.
Another sigh comes through the door before he speaks, “Fine. I’ll come back later.”
His footfall as he descends the stairs catches my attention from my whirling thoughts. A part of me cries out for him inside me. It begs me to open that door. It wants me to call out to him and stop him, to beg him to choose me. I refrain. I want him to choose me of his own accord, not because I’d begged and pleaded with him. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I lean my forehead silently against the door.
Chapter 26
Jayson
It’s hard to believe, but Clay was right about Aidan’s frame of mind. He isn’t wanting to listen. How can I explain things if he won’t open the door and let me in? I move down the stairs, but as my foot touches the ground, I come to a sudden halt. He doesn’t have to ope
n the door to listen. I can make him listen.
Straightening my shoulders, I pivot on my heel and walk back to the door. With my hands against the doorframe, I lean toward the door and raise my voice. “I’m not leaving this porch until you open this door. Since you obviously won’t do that, I’ll say what I came here to say anyway.”
I don’t know how I know Aidan is at the doorway waiting, but it’s just something I know deep inside. He can hear me. The cabin doesn’t have the greatest sound insulation if I remember correctly. With a deep breath, I part my lips to let my soul pour out. “Russell was wrong. He assumed from Blake telling him what he wanted to happen that we had gotten back together. I kept my promise to you, Aidan. I put Blake in his place. I knew if I didn’t, he wouldn’t quit hounding me. You’d try to protect me, and this was something I had to do on my own.”
Pausing for a breath, my voice is calm but loud enough so he can hear me. Placing my hand on the door as if it’s his chest let me imagine that I’m somehow connected to him. “I couldn’t believe it when Clay told me what had happened last night. I’d been so worried about you. So scared that something had happened. There’s no way I would’ve gone back to Blake. How could I?”
My body trembles while fighting my fear of the words that need to come out. He’ll never give me the chance I need unless I’m completely truthful with him. I pause again to see if he’ll open the door, staring at it as if I can will it to open by sheer mental strength. Another sigh filters out before I speak my final piece, “I didn’t want to do this with a door between us, but there’s one last thing you need to know. I was never in love with Blake. How could I be when I lost my heart when I was just a kid? It’s always been you, Aidan. You’ve always been the other half of my heart, my soul… even when separated, you were the piece of me I was missing. I didn’t have to fall this time because I was already there. I’m so in love with you that there can be no one else.”
No single part of me moves. There’s no blinking, no shifting, and no breathing as I wait on him to open that door. Surely me telling him I’m in love with him will have him opening that door that’s keeping us apart. My soul cries out for his as I wish for him with all my might. I hear nothing but my heartbeat in my ears as if nature around me has ceased to exist. There’s only me, Aidan, and this damn door between us. Please… just open the door. Everything will work itself out.
Seconds turn to minutes as I wait for that door to open. Tears form in my eyes as I hold my stare on that door. He isn’t opening. He’s shutting me out forever. Dear God, this isn’t happening. I didn’t reach for everything to have it denied now. Please no.
My bottom lip trembles, and I know I’m moments away from bawling my eyes out. It’s going to be the monster of all cries, and there’s no way to do it while he listens on. Lifting my hand resting on the door to cover my mouth, I choke off the sound that threatens to emerge. My entire body shudders as I fight back the sobs I can’t let come. With a shuddering breath, I take a step away from the door. I shake my head in silence before forcing myself to speak. If he doesn’t want me, there’s no way I can stay. “Fine. I’ll go. Good bye.”
I can’t hide the emotional shakiness of my voice, but so be it. Spinning around, I go down the stairs for a second time. I’m in such a state of shock he would turn me away after all I’d said. I’m not even sure how I’ll make it back to the city, much less down the twisting road that led to the cabin. Maybe it doesn’t matter if I don’t survive. Without Aidan, there’s no one left to care.
My thoughts veer toward a dark path as my feet hit the gravel path to the driveway to shuffle through the small grey and white pebbles. I’m so lost in my head I never hear the click of the lock as it disengages, nor the sound of the door creaking as it opens. But his voice, dear God, do I hear his voice.
“I love you, too, Blue Jay.”
My entire body comes to a sudden halt with an audible gasp. Those words… that name… I spin around to stare at him as he stands at the top of the stairs to the porch. There’s never been a more glorious sight in the entire world than the view of him standing in the dappled sunlight smiling at me. “Not leaving already, are you?”
For a few moments, I can only stand there like a deer in headlights. As he spoke, he moved down the steps. Letting out a cry of relief, I take off running toward him. An elation so great rolls through me in a way I’d never felt before. He opens his arms wide to greet me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I jump into his arms. He latches onto my back as if he’ll never let me go while I lift my legs to attach myself to his front. My tear-covered face buries into the warmth of his neck, letting me breathe him in. “I thought I had lost you for good this time.”
He holds me tight and brushes a kiss along my jaw. For a moment, neither of us says another word as we simply enjoy being together… each of us in love with the other. My dreams are becoming reality.
Chapter 27
Aidan
I lean my head back against the door as I listen to him speak. God, will he quit tormenting me and go away already? It’s just too hard. I shake my head no in silence as a tear rolls down my cheek to drop onto my bare hand resting on the floor. Closing my eyes, I try to stem the flood that’s coming.
Wait… Hold the phone. What did he say? Did he say he’s in love with me? My jaw falls open as I sit there. The thought stuns my entire being and I can’t move. Did I seriously hear him say that? I’m not dreaming again? I’m not sure how long I sit there like an idiot. Two sad words, however, catch my attention sending me scrambling to get up.
In my haste to reach him, my feet tangle together sending me falling to the floor. My chin almost hits the hardwood flooring, but I throw my hands out to catch myself, forgetting the brace on one of them before cringing as the pain of my full weight on my injured hand sets in. I take a moment to draw in a deep breath to calm myself before standing up. I flick the lock and pull open the door.
Stepping to the edge of the porch, I wait for him to turn around. I frown for a moment as he doesn’t even turn to look back. Oh, hell no. He doesn’t get to come here and make that announcement and leave. “I love you, too, Blue Jay.”
Since we’d reunited, I refrained from calling him the special nickname I’d given him years ago. It’d been a way to keep my heart distant from him. I knew if I’d used it, I’d lose my heart to him. Unbeknownst at the time, that was a worthless effort because I’d lost it to him already.
The gasp that slips from him brings a smile to my face before he spins around to stare at me. Light glistens on his wet cheeks making me realize that my beautiful man had been crying. Both of our faces are damp with tears from nearly losing the person who means the most to us. Fearing that he won’t return to me now has me speaking again, “Not leaving already, are you?”
I move down the steps toward him as he stares at me. Admittedly, I’m worried until this sweet cry slips from within him. My smile widens, and I open my arms wide as he comes running at me. I’m not prepared for him to jump into my arms, but my arms wrap tight around his back to catch him, holding him tight. Pain twinges in my sprained hand, but I ignore it to keep my hold on him. Fuck, I’m never letting this man go. He chose me, and I’m keeping him, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.
His words vibrate against my skin as he speaks. I shake my head avidly, catching him talk about losing me for good. I want to shout to the heavens how much I’m glad to have him back in my arms where he definitely belongs.
Brushing a kiss along his jaw, I stand there holding him. My eyes drift shut as my soul finally settles within me. The past twenty-four hours had been such a tumultuous storm that I need this peace. I imagine he does, too.
Moving towards the cabin, my mind screams for privacy. I slide my hands down to take hold of his ass to ensure that I don’t drop him, still ignoring the stinging pain in one of them. I’m so not letting him go yet, not even because of my hand. “I’m sorry I believed someone else over you… I hope you’ll forgive me for
that.”
Walking through the open doorway, I kick it shut behind us with my heel. Sinking back down on the couch I’d abandoned when he arrived, I turn my body to ensure that his feet don’t get trapped behind my back. He pulls away from my neck to turn those sweet blue eyes on me. “Of course, I do… would kind of be hypocritical of me after you forgave me, and what I did was way worse.”
His hand cups my cheek to keep our eyes held. His own gaze is curious which almost makes me ask what’s wrong before he speaks, “You finally remembered my nickname…”
I tilt my head in confusion before it registers what he means. With a soft sigh, I brush my lips against his. Pulling back, my dark eyes meet his own. He deserves an explanation. “How could I ever forget the one name I gave you? I haven’t been using it because it scared me to let you in that far. I thought if I did, then I would get my heart broken all over again. I didn’t realize that it was already too late. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”
I let my eyes fall from his down to his chest. I’m not sure he’d ever picked up my undertones when I’d teasingly called him Blue Jay when we were kids. His fingers grasp my chin to tilt my face back to his. There’s an unasked question in his eyes as he looks down at me. “I remember when I first called you Blue Jay. It was the first time I truly noticed how blue your eyes were and how I wanted to drown in them. It was then I knew I felt more than friendship for you. I didn’t know what love was then, but I knew how attracted I was to you. How you never saw the feelings I tried so valiantly to hide, I have no idea. I was one hundred percent crazy for you then, and I’m still one hundred percent crazy for you now. You’re pretty much stuck with me.”
His sweet laughter is a balm to my soul and a melody to my ears. I vow then and there to do my best to ensure he makes that sound every day for the rest of our lives. Our relationship may be young, but there will come a day when my ring will be on his finger.