Defy

by Sara B. Larson

  I reached one trembling hand up to cup his jaw. He closed his eyes and turned his face into my hand, pressing his lips against my palm. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered.

  He shook his head, his eyes still squeezed shut. “If I hadn’t gotten mad at him … If I hadn’t accused him …” His voice was unsteady.

  I took his face in both of my hands. “Damian, look at me.”

  He did as I asked, his expression bleak, years of suppressed pain breaking free from the tight hold he’d kept it under.

  “It was not your fault. Hector is evil. He probably waited until one of you broke down and got upset at him to do it, so that you would blame yourself. He was poisoning her for a reason. He didn’t decide to kill her on a whim. He is evil.”

  Damian took a deep, shaky breath. “The worst part is that no matter how much I hate him, he’s still my father.”

  I stroked the hair back from his face, wishing I could take away his torment, his pain and guilt.

  “He declared war on Blevon within two weeks of killing her, claiming that a sorcerer from here had done it. And you know the rest.” He took a deep breath and reached up to place his hand over mine. “The reason I am telling you all of this is so that you can understand something. He’s still my father, but when the time comes for me to kill him, I won’t let myself hesitate. I will picture my mother. My brother. Everyone I’ve loved, everyone he’s taken from me. And I will have the power and courage to do what I must do.”

  My stomach clenched and I let my hands drop into my lap. “But now you’ll never get that chance, because I’m not good enough. I can’t stop Iker.”

  Damian leaned forward and this time he took my face in his hands. “Yes, you can. When you got past Eljin’s defense, it was because you were completely focused. Every ounce of your mind and strength and power was aimed at one thing — to get that mask off his face, right? You didn’t hit him in the ribs; you yanked off his mask with your sword.”

  I thought back to that day, how I’d been so furious. In that moment, I’d hated him and his mask so much, all I could think about was tearing it off his face.

  “If you can hone that kind of focus and determination again, you will succeed. And my guess is that you have a lot more hatred for the king and Iker than you do for Eljin. When you are training, you have to imagine that Eljin is Iker, and that beating him is the only way you can avenge your parents’ deaths. Your brother’s death. He’s the only person standing between us being together.” He stared earnestly into my face and I had to blink back tears.

  I could see them — my parents, lying in their own blood. The life leaving Marcel’s eyes. And now Damian, the prince of Antion, was sitting before me, telling me … what? What was he telling me? “Are you saying you want to be with me?” My voice was hoarse.

  The firelight made his eyes practically glow as he threaded his fingers through my hair, pulling my face closer. “So much that it hurts.” His eyes searched mine, a hint of desperation in their blue depths. “Do you understand now why I’ve been afraid to let myself care for anyone? If Hector ever found out, he would use you to break me. We will never be able to truly be together until we defeat my father.”

  I knew it was impossible — even if he wanted to be with me, even if he were made king and able to do whatever he wished, he couldn’t marry his former guard. He would have to marry for political advantage. Perhaps someone from Blevon, to rebuild the former peace that had once existed between our nations.

  But then Damian leaned forward so our foreheads touched. And in that moment, I didn’t care. I didn’t care that it wasn’t possible for us to actually have a future together. All I wanted was to be with him right now, in this moment. Blood pulsed hot through my body — part of me wanted nothing more than to lose myself in his touch, to kiss him until everything else faded away.

  But another part was fighting, straining for release. I knew the wise decision was to ignore how badly I wanted to stay here with Damian. I had to focus instead on the sudden confidence surging through me.

  I pulled back. “I want to try again.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yes, now.”

  Damian smiled wistfully at me. “I knew you had it in you. And I know you can do this.” He didn’t move, though; his hand was still in my hair, holding me in place. “But would you mind waiting for just a few minutes, at least?”

  “Why?” I asked, though I was sure I knew the answer.

  “Because I don’t know when we’ll be alone again until this is all over,” he said, making my heart race. His fingers tightened against the back of my head, pulling me toward him. When his mouth met mine, a rush of heat exploded in my body, burning through my veins, my skin, my lips as I clutched Damian’s back, holding on to him — as though he were my anchor in a violent sea of uncertainty. I could feel his own desperation as he wrapped his arms around my body, holding me tightly in the circle of his embrace.

  There was a light knock at the door and we sprang apart just in time for Eljin to open it, carrying a tray of food, with Rylan on his heels. Rylan gave me a hooded look, but he seemed resigned, rather than angry.

  “I have the food you requested,” Eljin said with a mocking twist to his voice.

  “There’s been a change of plans,” I replied.

  “Oh really? How lovely,” he said.

  “You’d better be prepared to lose.” I pushed past him out the door and headed back to the practice room.

  ARE YOU SURE you want to try again tonight? Maybe it would be better if you rested for a bit.” Eljin mocked me as he picked up his practice sword again.

  “No, I don’t need to rest,” I bit out.

  He shrugged and walked over. “Then let’s begin.”

  As he began to circle me, watching for my attack, I thought about what Damian had told me. I thought of him as a young boy witnessing his mother’s murder. I thought of my own parents, hewn down by an army made our enemy because of Hector’s evilness. I thought of Marcel — how he had believed in me and how he’d been another casualty of this war. I thought of Iker and how he betrayed the queen’s secret and sentenced her to death. I thought of the breeding house filled with terrified girls, who were raped over and over again. I thought of Rylan and his unending courage and of his love for his brother — I couldn’t bear it if they had to face the same fate as Marcel and I did. I thought of Damian, playing a part all these years, trying to figure out some way to stop his father and save his kingdom. I thought of him kissing me, telling me he wanted to be with me.

  But if we didn’t stop Iker and the king, I would lose him. We would all lose everything.

  All of it, all of my love and pain and anger surged up and filled me with fury — with purpose — with power. I felt it building in my chest, and I attacked. Eljin’s eyes widened in alarm. Left, right, left, spin, and jab. My sword moved so fast, he couldn’t follow me. He grunted, desperately trying to throw up a shield. I felt it — the moment Eljin reached for his power, when the magic surged to answer him. I refused to let him succeed. I refused to let Iker win. I refused to let us all fall to his power. With a scream of fury, I faked right and then spun around with all of my might and slammed my sword into Eljin’s ribs, knocking him flat on his back. I stood over him, chest heaving, my sword clutched in my hands.

  He stared up at me, his eyes wide. Silence filled the room until the sword fell from my hand and hit the ground with a clatter.

  “You did it,” I heard Rylan say, but this time, he didn’t cheer. No one did.

  For some reason, tears filled my eyes. Even though I tried, I couldn’t hold them back. My shoulders shook with sobs. And then Damian was there. He pulled me into his arms, stroked my hair. “Shh,” he whispered. “It’s okay. You did it. I knew you could do it.”

  “I’ll go tell my father,” Eljin said. I turned my head to see him push himself off the ground, rubbing his rib cage. He looked right at me and nodded. A nod of approval.

  Through my tears,
I smiled grimly, and then he was gone.

  The next week flew by as we prepared to go back to Antion and the palace to launch our attack on King Hector. Each day, I was able to recall that same power and beat Eljin, and my confidence grew. The one dark spot was that I could never find a time to talk to Rylan alone. He grew quieter and more withdrawn every day, and I was worried about him. But whenever I tried to ask him if he was okay, he brushed me off. I knew he worried about what we’d find back at the palace — who we’d find alive. I fervently prayed Jude was okay.

  But I also knew he was mad at me, and I was helpless to fix it in our current situation.

  The night before we were supposed to leave, General Tinso ate dinner with us in the practice room. Lisbet arrived halfway through with Jax, and right behind them was Tanoori. I was sitting on the floor, just lifting a piece of meat to my mouth when she walked in. She looked at Damian for a long moment, then her gaze flicked to me. She gave me a curt nod and sat down next to Lisbet, who was saying something softly to Rylan.

  Tanoori looked remarkably well, especially compared to the last time I’d seen her, when she’d appeared nearly dead.

  “We need to finalize the details of our plan before tomorrow,” General Tinso said when we’d all resumed eating. I looked at Tanoori suspiciously, and General Tinso noticed.

  “It’s safe to speak freely before her,” he said.

  “She threatened to kill me,” I disagreed. “And she attempted to kill Prince Damian at the palace. She was going to be hanged for it when Eljin saved her.” I looked to Damian for affirmation.

  “She was only doing what the Insurgi asked her to do, not because she wanted to,” Damian said. He glanced at Tanoori, who wouldn’t look up from her food. “I’m the one who asked the Insurgi to plant someone to attempt an assassination on me, and I didn’t want her to die for it. So, I’m also the one who asked Eljin to save her.”

  “You did what?”

  “I knew she was going to try to murder me,” Damian said calmly. “She was never intended to succeed — only to attempt it. If my guard hadn’t been there, I would have had to stop her myself, which I was prepared to do if necessary.”

  I glared at him, my food forgotten on the plate in front of me. “Why would you ask them to attempt to murder you? Aren’t they the ones who actually did murder your brother?” With everyone else listening to our conversation, I didn’t dare yell at him for keeping something this important from me, but inside I was seething.

  “Yes.” Damian sighed. “But afterward, Lisbet discovered their hideout and went to them. She learned that their leaders were a trio of sorcerers, loyal to Blevon and General Tinso, who wished to overthrow King Hector. She explained that she was the general’s sister-in-law, and that I was loyal to Blevon, not my father. She convinced the Insurgi that killing his heirs wouldn’t stop Hector, and she also told them about Iker, warning them that they wouldn’t be able to murder the king, either. They agreed to try to work together with General Tinso and me to overthrow him.”

  “But how does having the Insurgi send Tanoori to try to assassinate you help? And why did you send me to deliver a message to them? Now will you tell me what was in it?” With everything else that had happened and how focused I’d been on learning how to defeat a sorcerer, I’d almost completely forgotten about that nightmarish trek through the jungle, despite the scars from the jaguar attack to remind me.

  “The attempted murder was to get Iker’s and the king’s attention, to make them think we had enemies out there who wanted me dead. When I had you take the message to the Insurgi, I had no other choice but to ask for your help. Lisbet and Jax usually delivered the messages, but Iker followed us to their rooms that night I took you with me. She felt his presence and told me to leave. She had to flee the castle before I could write the message for her to deliver to the Insurgi.”

  “It was Iker who followed us? I thought it was Eljin.”

  Damian shook his head.

  I knew I hadn’t been imagining things, but it was worse to think that it had been Iker and that I hadn’t even suspected him. “So what did the message say?”

  “It contained the details they needed for their part in our plan. They’re going to help us when we attempt to break into the palace.”

  “The Insurgi are going to help us?” I looked at Tanoori, who had been eating quietly this whole time. She finally met my gaze, and I saw a ghost of the girl I used to know in the hesitant smile she gave me. I still couldn’t believe Damian had asked her to try to murder him. Had she known she was meant to fail — was she just acting, too?

  “They promised they would.”

  “They have some very powerful sorcerers and an impressive number of rebels, all of whom wish to overthrow the king. And we’re going to need all the help we can get,” General Tinso added.

  “I agree,” I said after I forced myself to eat a bite of meat. “I’ve been thinking about it, and even though I’m pretty sure I could beat Iker, I don’t see how I’m going to be able to get close enough to him to even try unless you bring your black sorcerers to help me. Otherwise, he’ll just burn me to a crisp before I even come close enough to get past his defenses.”

  “My black sorcerers?” General Tinso gave me a strange look. “What are you talking about?”

  Before I could answer, Damian jumped in. “I’ve been meaning to speak with you about that. Alexa’s parents were killed by a sorcerer’s fire when part of the Blevonese army raided her village. Is it possible that there are black sorcerers helping your army that you aren’t aware of?”

  General Tinso’s eyes widened as Damian spoke. “No. I would know if there were. Are there any other reports of this happening, or was it an isolated event?”

  Damian shook his head. “I don’t know.”

  “When you are king, we will need to look into this. I don’t know who that sorcerer was, but I’m certain he was not with our army.”

  “So you don’t have any black sorcerers who can help us?” I asked, confused and upset. If the sorcerer hadn’t been part of the Blevonese army, who was he? And why had he killed my parents?

  “No, we don’t,” the general said.

  “Then how am I going to get close enough to Iker to fight him without him killing me first?” My stomach tightened into knots of anxiety.

  “You wouldn’t want a black sorcerer’s help — trust me. And as it happens, you won’t have to worry about getting close to Iker. If our plan works, you should be standing at his side when we come with the prince.” General Tinso smiled at me like this was the best news I’d ever heard.

  “And just how are you planning to make that happen?”

  General Tinso began to explain, but Damian held up his hand to cut him off. “Alexa, I want you to remember that you agreed to do this. That you wanted to help.”

  “I know,” I said bitterly, looking between him and the general. “What is it you want me to do?”

  “To do the best acting job you’ve ever done.”

  “I don’t understand.” I glanced at Rylan, but he stared down at his untouched food and wouldn’t meet my gaze.

  “You’re going to be taken back to the palace first, a day or two ahead of us by some Blevonese soldiers,” Damian said.

  “I’m not going with you?” My chest tightened, as if a hand were slowly squeezing the air from my lungs.

  “No. You have to go first. You’ll tell them you’ve been held captive with the prince in Blevon, and that you were sent back to deliver a message to the king. The message will announce the coming of General Tinso and his army with the prince as his captive. It’ll say that the general is coming to negotiate the release of the prisoner in return for an end to the war.”

  “And I’m supposed to take this to the king?”

  “Yes,” Damian said, his expression guarded.

  “Why would he believe you are their captive if he suspects you’re loyal to Blevon? Wouldn’t he realize it’s a trap?”

  “That’s
why we made the assassination attempt look so realistic, and why we have to act like the abduction was real. Hector has spies in the Blevonese army, and we can only hope they have reported back to him by now.”

  I took a shaky breath. “And if it works and he believes the message, what then? Are you just going to storm into the palace and hope I’m somewhere close by?”

  “No. When you deliver the message, he’ll probably say he doesn’t care about bargaining for my life,” Damian said matter-of-factly, as though the reality that his father didn’t care whether he lived or died was about as interesting as commenting on the blandness of our supper.

  “So how am I going to get him to agree to meet with you? And why would he keep me anywhere near him?”

  “You must suggest that this is an opportunity for him to surround and trap Blevon’s most powerful general,” General Tinso said. “Tell him that you know which men in my army are sorcerers. You have to convince him that you can point them out, so he can have them shot before they got close enough to use any sorcery to fight. You must make yourself indispensable to him so that he keeps you with him and Iker.”

  “But I thought Iker could sense if another sorcerer was in the room.”

  “He can, but with so many people around — and so many sorcerers in one place — he won’t be able to pinpoint who they are fast enough. You have to convince them that they need you, without revealing that you know Iker is a sorcerer.”