by Abbi Glines
I pulled my bag up higher on my shoulder and thought carefully about how to explain this to him one more time. I’d tried everything. He wouldn’t understand the truth. Bringing up how he had failed me when my mom was sick and I was so alone would only hurt him. “I need to do this.”
Cain let out a frustrated growl and ran his hand through his hair. “You don’t trust me to take care of you. That hurts so damn much.” He let out a defeated laugh. “But then why should you? I let you down before. With your mom… I was a kid, B. How many times do I have to tell you that things are different now? I know what I want. I… God, B, I want you. It’s always been you.”
A lump formed in my throat. Not because I loved him but because I did care for him. Cain was a big part of my life. He had been for as long as I could remember. I closed the distance between us and reached out for his hand. “Please, understand. This is something I have to do. I have to face this. Let me go.”
Cain let out a weary sigh. “I’m always letting you go, B. You’ve asked that of me before. I keep trying but it’s slowly destroying me.”
One day he would thank me for leaving him. “I’m sorry, Cain. But I need to go. He’s waiting on me.”
Cain picked the suitcase back up and opened the screen door with his shoulder. Rush stepped out of the Rover as soon as he saw us. “Don’t say anything to him, Cain.” I whispered.
Cain nodded and I followed him down the steps. Rush met us at the bottom and looked up at me. “Is this all your stuff?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied.
Cain didn’t make a move to give him the suitcase and box. A muscle in Rush’s jaw jumped and I knew he was trying really hard to be good.
“Give him the stuff, Cain,” I said, nudging him in the back.
Cain sighed and handed the box and suitcase to Rush who took both items and headed for the Rover.
“You need to tell him,” Cain muttered when he turned around to look at me.
“I will, eventually. I need to think it through.”
Cain looked past me toward my truck. “You leaving your truck?”
“I was hoping you might could stick it up at the bodyshop and put a for sale sign on it. Maybe get a thousand out of it. Then you could keep half and send me the other half.”
Cain frowned. “I’ll sell the truck, B, but I ain’t taking no money. I’ll send it all.”
I didn’t argue with him. He needed to be able to do this and I’d let him. “Okay, fine. But could you give Granny Q some of it at least? For letting me stay here and all.”
Cain’s eyebrows shot up. “You want my Granny to ride her ass down to Rosemary to tan your hide?”
Smiling, I closed the distance between us and holding onto his shoulders I stood on my tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, for everything,” I whispered.
“You can come back if you need me. Always.” His voice cracked and I knew I needed to go. I stepped back and nodded once before walking to the Rover.
Rush had the door open on the passenger side when I got there and he closed it behind me. I watched as he looked back at Cain before going and getting in on his side. I was really doing this. Letting go of what was safe and taking the first move in finding my place in the world.
Rush
She looked like she was about to cry and I was afraid to ask her if she was okay. My fear that she might change her mind and stay in Sumit kept me quiet until we were safely out of the town limits. Seeing her hands knotted tightly in her lap bothered me. I wish she’d say something.
“You good?” I asked, unable to stop myself. My need to protect her took over.
She nodded. “Yeah. It’s just a little scary, I guess. This time I know I’m not coming back. I also know I don’t have a dad waiting to help me out. Leaving was harder this time.”
“You got me,” I replied.
She tilted her head to the side and looked at me. “Thank you. I needed to hear that right now.”
Hell, I’d record it so she could replay it over and over if it would help. “Don’t ever think you’re alone.”
She gave me a weak smile then turned her attention back to the road. “You know I could drive if you would like to sleep this time.”
The idea of being free to look at her all I wanted was tempting. But she’d expect me to sleep and I wasn’t wasting any time I had with her by sleeping through it. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”
I’d gone through a drive-thru and gotten something to eat on the drive down here. She’d been sleeping and I hadn’t wanted to disturb her but she had to be hungry.
“I’m starving. What sounds good to you?” I asked, pulling back onto the interstate that would lead us back to Florida.
“Um… I… I don’t know. Maybe soup.”
Soup? That was an odd request. But hell, if she wanted soup I’d get her some soup.
“Soup it is. I’ll keep my eyes open for a restaurant that I know has soup.”
“If you’re starving please just stop wherever you want. I can find something to eat anywhere.” She sounded nervous again.
“Blair, I’m getting you soup,” I replied, glancing over at her. I made sure to smile so she would know I wanted to get her soup.
“Thanks,” she said and studied her hands in her lap again.
We didn’t speak for awhile but it felt good just to have her in the car with me. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to talk.
The first exit with food I pointed to the sign. “Looks like there are good options here. Pick a place,” I told her.
She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You know if you don’t want to get out and want to stay on the road I could eat something car friendly.”
I wanted to draw this day out as long as I possibly could. “We’re getting soup,” I replied.
A small laugh startled me and I looked over to see her actually smiling. Making her do that more often was a new goal.
~*~
Blaire was asleep again when we pulled into the parking lot at Bethy’s apartment late that night. I’d been careful to keep our conversation easy. After awhile we’d settled into a comfortable silence then she’d fallen asleep.
I put the Rover in park then sat back and looked at her. I’d glanced over at her sleeping a million times on the ride home. Just for a few minutes I wanted the freedom to watch her sleep. The dark circles under her eyes worried me. Was she not sleeping enough? Bethy might know. I could talk to her about it. Asking Blaire questions like that right now probably wasn’t wise.
A soft knock on my window tore my attention from Blaire to Jace who was standing outside the car with an amused look on his face. I opened the door and stepped out before he could wake her up. I wanted to wake her up and I didn’t want an audience when I did it.
“You planning on waking her up or are you considering kidnapping?” Jace asked.
“Shut up, asshole.”
Jace chuckled. “Bethy’s anxious for her to get back so she can hear about the trip. I’ll help you with her stuff if you’ll wake her up and get her inside.”
“She’s tired. Bethy can wait until tomorrow.” I didn’t want her to have to wakeup to a nosy Bethy. She obviously needed more sleep and she needed more food. She’d barely eaten her soup earlier. I’d tried to feed her again but she said she wasn’t hungry. That needed to change. It was like those damn peanut butter sandwiches all over again.
“Then you tell Bethy that,” Jace replied as I shoved the box in his hands and pulled the suitcase out of the back. “I got the suitcase; you take the box in and I’ll wake her up.”
“Private moment?” Jace smirked and I shoved the box in his hands a little too hard.It caused him to stumble back which only made him cackle with laughter.
I ignored him and walked over to the passenger side. Waking her up and letting her leave me wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do. It scared the shit out of me. What if this was it? What if Blaire never let me near her like this again? No. I couldn’t let that happen
. I’d work slow but I would make sure this wasn’t it for us. Although having had her to myself all day was going to make it real hard to go back to the way it was.
I unbuckled her. She barely stirred. A lock of hair had fallen in her face so I gave in to the urge to touch it. Reaching up I tucked the hair behind her ear. She was so damn beautiful. I’d never move on from her. It wasn’t possible. I had to find a way to get her back. To help her heal.
Her eyelids fluttered open and her gaze locked with mine.
“We’re here,” I whispered, not wanting to startle her.
She sat up and gave me a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I fell asleep on you again.”
“You must have needed the rest. I didn’t mind.” I wanted to stay there and keep her in my car but I couldn’t do that. I moved back so she could get out. Asking her if I could see her tomorrow was right there on the tip of my tongue. But I didn’t. She wasn’t ready for that. I had to give her space. “I’ll see you around then,” I said and her smile wavered.
“Okay, uh, yeah, see you around. And thanks again for helping me today. I’ll pay you back for the gas.”
Like hell. “No, you won’t. I don’t want your money. I was glad to help.”
She started to say more but snapped her mouth shut. With a tight nod she turned and walked to the apartment.
Blaire
The first day back at work and Woods assigned me to the dining room. Breakfast and lunch shifts. Not good. I stood outside the kitchen mentally preparing myself not to think about the smell. I’d woken up queasy and forced two saltine crackers and some gingerale down but that was all I could manage.
The moment I walked into the kitchen the smell would hit me. The bacon… oh god, the bacon…
“You know sweet thing you have to actually go in there in order to work,” Jimmy drawled from behind me. I spun around, startled from my internal battle to see him smiling at me with an amused grin. “The cooks aren’t that bad. You’ll get over the yelling in no time. Besides, last time you had them wrapped around your pretty little finger.”
I forced a smile. “You’re right. I can do this. I’m just not ready for people asking questions, I guess.” That wasn’t exactly the truth but then it wasn’t a lie either.
Jimmy opened the door and the smell slammed into me. Eggs, bacon, sausage, grease. Oh, no. My body broke out into a cold sweat and my stomach rolled. “I, uh, need to use the restroom first,” I explained and made my way to the employee restroom as fast as I could without breaking into a run. That would look even more suspicious.
I closed the door behind me and clicked the lock into place as I fell to my knees on the cold tile.I grabbed the toilet as everything I’d eaten last night and this morning came back out.
Several dry heaves later I stood up still feeling puny.I wet a papertowel to clean my face up. My white polo shirt was clinging to me from the sweat that had broken out all over me. I needed to change.
I rinsed my mouth with the mouthwash on the counter and straightened my shirt the best I could. Maybe no one would notice. I could do this. I would just hold my breath while I was in the kitchen. That would do it. I’d breathe deeply before going in each time. I had to figure this out.
When I opened the door my eyes locked on Woods. He was standing against the wall facing the restroom with his arms crossed over his chest studying me. I was late.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m late. I just needed to take a quick break before I got started. I promise this won’t happen again. I’ll stay late to make up for it—”
“My office. Now,” he snapped and turned to stalk down the hallway.
My heart sped up and I followed quickly behind him. I didn’t want Woods to be mad at me. This job had been my answer for the next few months. Now that I’d talked myself into staying here and figuring out what to do I really didn’t want to leave. Not yet.
Woods opened the door for me and I stepped inside.
“I really am sorry. Please don’t fire me yet. I just—”
“I’m not firing you.” Woods interrupted me.
Oh…
“Have you seen a doctor? I’m assuming it’s Rush’s. Does he know? Because if he does and you’re here working for me in this condition I’m personally going to go break his fucking neck.”
He knew. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I shook my head frantically. I had to stop this. Woods could not know. No one was supposed to know but Bethy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Woods cocked an eyebrow. “Really?” The disbelief in his voice was unnerving. He wasn’t going to fall for a lie. But I had a baby to protect.
“He doesn’t know.” The truth fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. “I don’t want him to, yet. I need to find a way to do this on my own. We both know Rush doesn’t want this. His family would hate it. I can’t have my baby hated by anyone. Please understand,” I begged.
Woods muttered a curse and ran his hands through his hair. “He deserves to know this, Blaire.”
Yes, he did. But when this baby had been conceived I’d not known just how tainted our worlds were. How impossible it would be for us to have a relationship. “They hate me. They hate my mom. I can’t. Just, please give me time to prove I can do this without help. I’ll tell him eventually but I need to be stable and ready to leave after I do. This time my wants and his wants don’t come first. I am doing what is best for this baby.”
Woods’ frown deepened. We stood in silence for several minutes.
“I don’t like it but it isn’t my story to tell. Go change and head out to see Darla. You can do cart rounds today. Let me know when the kitchen smell isn’t so much of an issue.”
I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him. He wasn’t forcing me to tell anyone and he was giving me an out on serving breakfast. I used to love bacon but now… I just couldn’t deal with it. “Thank you. Dinner isn’t bad. It’s just the morning and sometimes the afternoons.”
“Noted. I’ll only put you on evening shifts in the dining room. This week you just work the course. But don’t get overheated. Keep some ice or something to cool you down. Can I tell Darla?”
“No,” I replied before he could finish. “She can’t know. No one can know. Please.”
Woods sighed then nodded his head. “Okay. I’ll keep your secret. But if you need anything you’d better let me know… if you’re not going to let Rush know.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
Woods gave me a tight smile. “I’ll see you later then.”
I was dismissed.
The schedule for the rest of the week had me working the beer cart. There was a tournament a week from Saturday and I was down to work the entire day. I couldn’t be happier about it. The money would be great. And although the heat was intense out on the course all day it was better than being in the air conditioning smelling bacon or any greasy meat and running off to vomit.
It had progressively gotten busier since I’d left. According to Darla, the members who only came during their summer vacations were all now in residence. Bethy and I ran two different carts in order to keep the place hydrated. Woods was rarely on the course so I didn’t have to worry about his prying eyes. He was busy working. Jace had told Bethy that Woods was trying to prove to his dad that he was ready for a promotion.
After restocking my cart for the third time today, I headed back to the first hole to make my next round. I recognized the back of Grant’s head right away. He was playing with… Nan. I’d known this day was coming but I hadn’t been prepared for it. I could always skip this hole and let Bethy catch them on her next round but that would only be putting off the inevitable.
I pulled the cart up and Grant turned in my direction. He looked like he was in a serious conversation with Nan. The frustrated frown on his face wasn’t comforting. He smiled but I could tell it was forced.
“We’re good, Blaire. You can go on to the next hole,” Grant called out. Nan’s head jerked around at the sound of my name and the hateful s
cowl on her face had me shifting the cart in reverse. Maybe my first instincts had been right. I shouldn’t have stopped.
“Wait. I want something.” At the sound of Rush’s voice my heart did a crazy little flutter thing that only he could make happen. I turned my head toward the sound of his voice to see him jogging toward me in a pair of pale blue shorts and a white polo shirt. It never ceased to amaze me that he could look so ridiculously good in such a preppy outfit. Boys in Bama did not dress like this for anything. They played golf in their jeans, baseball caps and whatever lucky t-shirt or flannel shirt made it out of the dryer that day. But Rush made it look like something mouthwateringly sexy.
“I need a drink,” he said with an easy smile once he got to my cart. He stopped right in front of me. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days. Not since our road trip.
“The usual?” I asked stepping out of the cart only to be even closer to him. He didn’t back up and our chests were close to brushing against each other. I glanced up at him.
“Yeah. That’d be great,” he replied but didn’t move. He also kept his eyes locked on mine. One of us was going to have to move and break this staring contest. I knew it should be me. I couldn’t lead him to believe anything was different.
I scooted past him and walked to the back of the cart to get him a Corona. I bent down to pull one out of the ice and I felt him move in behind me. Dangit. He was not making this easy.
Straightening up, I didn’t look back or turn around. He was too close. “What are you doing?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want Nan or Grant to hear us.
“I miss you,” was his simple response.
Closing my eyes tightly I took a deep breath and tried to calm the frenzy he was sending my heart into. I missed him too. But that didn’t make the truth go away.
Telling him I missed him wasn’t smart. I didn’t need to let him believe things could go back to the way they were.
“Get your drink and come on,” Nan snapped from behind him. That was enough to make me move. I wasn’t up for a Nan verbal attack. Not today.