Out of This World

by Chris Wooding

  “Who built this place?” Thomas asked, craning his neck to see up to the top.

  “There was an ancient race of beings that lived here once, called the Drax. I don’t know much about them, but they were terrible warriors who conquered half the Nexus before humanity’s time. That was long ago. They’ve disappeared now.”

  “Gosh,” said Thomas. “They certainly built scary temples, though.”

  Mazzy’s ringtone went off, bleeping a jaunty little tune into the haunted silence. She gave them an apologetic look. “You’re on speaker, Boston. What’s up?”

  “I’ll tell you what’s up! That Viper has turned up again, and it’s heading right for us! The Hunters must have traced us somehow, followed us through the rift!”

  “Er, that’s not good,” said Mazzy.

  “It’s the very opposite of good!” Boston yelled. “It’s the other thing!”

  “All right. We’re heading back to the Epsilon.”

  “No. You’ll never get here in time. We’ve fixed the engine, but they’ll be on us in minutes. We’re going to take off, try to draw them away. If we can lose them, we’ll be back for you.”

  “You’re leaving us here?” Jack cried.

  “If they catch us, we’re all dead. Head into the temple. We’ll pick you up once we’ve shaken them. We’re a thruster down, but we might be able to do it if we put the Epsilon into Combat Mo—”

  “Did somebody say COMBAT MODE?” the Epsilon shrieked.

  “Oh, crud,” said Boston. The last thing they heard from him was a despairing howl as he was thrown across the cockpit. In the distance, the Epsilon rocketed up into the sky like a dart, engines flaring, and screamed off into the distance.

  “We’d better get out of sight,” Jack said.

  “In there?” Thomas asked, eyeing the temple fearfully. He took a suck on his inhaler. This time there was no hiss when he pressed it. He tried again, to no avail. “My inhaler’s run out!”

  “We’ll stop off at a pharmacy right after we escape the murderous psychopaths, huh?” said Jack, shoving him toward the temple.

  “There they are!” said Mazzy, pointing. Over the horizon, the black bulk of the Viper was approaching fast.

  They ran into the shelter of the temple, watching from an empty doorway as the Viper drew closer.

  “Aren’t they supposed to be following the Epsilon?” Thomas asked in a small voice.

  But they weren’t. They were heading straight for the temple, coming in low and fast over the peaks. Then, just as it seemed they were about to fly right over, the Viper braked hard, engines howling, blowing dust into their faces. They shrank back into the shadows as they saw a tiny figure open a door in the side of the craft and jump out, plummeting to the ground. An instant before the figure hit, rocket boots blazed into life, slowing his fall enough that he landed safely with a bump. The Viper’s engines boomed, and it blazed away in the direction the Epsilon had gone.

  The clouds of dust blew aside. Standing among them was a tall, thin robot in a black top hat, holding a long-barreled blunderbuss. He swept the scene with one monocled eye. TOF-1.

  There, half-buried by the dust but still visible, were a set of footprints. The footprints they had left behind when they went running into the temple.

  “Run,” said Jack. “Inside!”

  “I’m coming for you, ladies and gentlemen!” TOF-1 called as they turned tail and fled into the depths of the temple.

  “If sir will please hold still for a moment so I can blast his face off?” the robot suggested politely, aiming his blunderbuss down the corridor. His monocle flared red as he unleashed a deadly bolt of energy toward Jack, and his drooping stuck-on mustache blew about crazily with the recoil.

  Jack threw himself to the floor as the bolt seared past him. It exploded against the wall of the corridor, blasting out a cloud of dust and stone chips. His eyes stung and for a few seconds he couldn’t see. Then he felt arms around him, pulling him up.

  “What are you lying around for?” Mazzy demanded.

  They staggered onward and found the end of the corridor. Thomas was already there, jigging around like he was about to wet his pants. “Come on, come on, come on!” he urged, beckoning frantically.

  Jack looked over his shoulder, past the drifting dust that hung in the corridor. TOF-1 was striding through the sweltering gloom, his blunderbuss cradled in his hands. He wore a tweed jacket, riding breeches, and shiny black boots that clicked on the floor as he approached.

  “He’s crazy,” Jack breathed. “Does he think he’s on a fox hunt or something?”

  “You really are being quite inconvenient, sir!” TOF-1 called, aiming again. An illuminated crosshairs appeared on the lens of his monocle, zooming in on Jack. Jack ducked around the corner as another sizzling energy bolt came his way.

  They emerged from the corridor onto a wide balcony made of the same white stone as the rest of the temple. Stairs led down to a circular chamber. One side of the chamber was open to the outside, and through a row of arches they could see the bleached, lifeless mountains of Arcturus Prime.

  In the center of the chamber was a towering statue, one side drenched in blinding light. It was a menacing robed figure, its face invisible inside a drooping hood. One of the Drax, the mysterious aliens that had built this place.

  Jack and Mazzy ran down the curving steps to the floor of the chamber, overtaking Thomas, who was puffing and red-faced from far too much exercise. They had barely reached the bottom of the stairs when TOF-1 emerged on the balcony above them.

  “There you are!” he said. He adjusted his top hat and sighted down the length of his blunderbuss. The crosshairs on his monocle homed in on Jack again.

  “Behind the statue!” Mazzy yelled. She grabbed Jack’s arm and pulled him into cover. TOF-1 blew a chunk out of the floor where Jack had been standing a moment before. Thomas tottered after them and crammed in alongside.

  “What’s his deal?” Jack cried, wiping sweat from his forehead with his sleeve.

  “His deal?” Mazzy scanned the chamber for a way out. “His deal is, he thinks you’re Gradius Clench and he’s trying to kill you. Thought that was kind of obvious.”

  She fixed on the only exit she could see. A large metal door stood open on the far side of the chamber, flanked by two square pillars covered in alien carvings. Glowing numbers scrolled across her eyeballs as she calculated possibilities.

  “Not that,” said Jack. “I mean the top hat, the clothes, the snooty accent. He’s a robot, not the third Lord of Winchesterhamshire!”

  “Way I heard it, he was a butler once,” Mazzy said. “His master was a rich man who was obsessed with those English costume dramas they used to show on Earth. Pride and Prejudice, that sort of thing. So he built himself a whole mansion and reprogrammed all his servants to talk like Mr. Darcy or whatever.”

  “Mr. Darcy never blew anyone’s face off with a blunderbuss!”

  “I know. Boring, right? That’s why I never watch those things. Anyway, something went wrong with one of the robots. He went on a rampage, killed his master and all the other servants. He enjoyed it so much, he set himself up as a bounty hunter, just so he’d have the excuse to shoot more people. Which brings us up to now.”

  Jack peered out from behind the statue, then cringed back as another blast almost scalped him.

  “Pinned down, sir!” TOF-1 crowed. “Nowhere to run! Surrender and I’ll make it quick! An honorable death! What could be better?”

  “Gee, I can’t imagine,” Mazzy said with a sarcastic roll of the eyes. A slobbering sound drew her attention. Thomas had his inhaler in his mouth and was sucking it desperately. “What’s he doing?” she asked Jack. “I thought that thing ran out?”

  “It calms him down,” said Jack. “Sort of like a pacifier.” He noticed the numbers scrolling across Mazzy’s cybernetic eyes. “You’re doing that computer-in-your-brain thing again, huh?”

  “Working out our chances of escape.”

  “H
ow are they looking?”

  The numbers stopped scrolling as her calculations finished. “We’re doomed,” said Mazzy with a shrug. Thomas sucked on his inhaler so hard his cheeks caved in.

  “You always say that!” Jack accused her. “Whenever you calculate anything, it ends up as ‘We’re doomed!’ ”

  “Well, I’m gonna be right eventually, aren’t I?”

  “Sir is going to regret it if I have to come down there!” TOF-1 warned from the balcony.

  “Look, he’s gonna shoot us the moment we break cover,” Mazzy said. “There’s no way we’ll make it to that doorway. And it’s only a matter of time before he figures out we don’t have any weapons. Hence: doomed.”

  Jack cursed and kicked uselessly at the floor in frustration. “It’s that stupid monocle he wears,” he said. “Bet he wouldn’t be such a good shot without that.”

  Mazzy perked up. “What do you mean?”

  “There’s, like, a targeting thing in it,” Jack explained. “Like an electronic crosshairs. He uses it to help him aim.”

  Mazzy stared at him for a moment, openmouthed. “Jack,” she said. “You might just have un-doomed us all.”

  “Awesome! Go, me!” said Jack happily. After a moment his smile turned to a puzzled frown. “Er … What did I do?”

  “The monocle,” said Mazzy, her eyes scrolling with numbers. “I’m gonna hack it.”

  “You’re going to hack his monocle?”

  “Sure. It’s electronic, isn’t it? If it puts out a signal, I can connect to it. And if I can connect to it, I can hack it and alter the crosshairs to make him shoot off target. Ah!” Her face cleared. “I’m in. Ten degrees to the left sound okay?”

  “Sounds good to me,” said Jack, who would have preferred fifty.

  “Time to go, Thomas,” said Mazzy. “Get that thing out of your mouth.”

  Thomas disengaged from his inhaler with a hiss, like a diver removing his oxygen mask. “Are you sure about this?” he asked Jack.

  Jack hauled him to his feet. “I’m sure it’s better than staying here.”

  Squeezed together behind the statue, they gazed across the space between themselves and the doorway. Hot white light lay in stripes across the flagstones. It seemed an impossible distance to cross without getting hit.

  “Last chance!” TOF-1 called. “Give up now or you have my word your deaths will be … unpleasant.”

  Mazzy slapped Jack on the shoulder. “Wanna go first?”

  “No,” said Jack stubbornly.

  “Well, tough. It’s your turn.” And she shoved him out into the open.

  “Aha!” brayed the robot on the balcony. He swung his blunderbuss around and put a bolt exactly ten degrees to the left of Jack’s forehead.

  “Run!” Mazzy shouted, and they all sprinted for the doorway as TOF-1 opened up on them, sending energy bolts here, there, and everywhere in a frenzied attempt to hit his target. Jack yelped and zigzagged as flagstones exploded around him, his hands in front of his face to protect it from flying gravel.

  “Sabotage!” roared the bounty hunter. He plucked the monocle from his artificial eye and flung it aside. “Very well, you vile little grub! I shall shoot you as nature intended!”

  Raising his blunderbuss, he squinted through its sights. But Jack was too quick, and with one last burst of speed he leaped through the doorway. A bolt fizzed over his shoulder, close enough that he could feel it through his clothes. Thomas tumbled past him, wheezing like a constipated balloon, and Mazzy came last, waving her hands.

  “The door! Shut the door!”

  TOF-1 was already hurrying down the stairs after them. Jack seized the door and tried to pull it closed, but it was made of metal and weighed a ton, and he only succeeded in making himself look desperately uncool.

  “It won’t close!” he yelled, still straining against it.

  “There’s a lever on the wall here,” said Thomas from behind him. He reached out toward it. “What if I just …”

  The door lurched forward and Jack, who had been pulling with all his might, stumbled backward and crashed to the floor. Grinding and squeaking, the door began to swing shut. From the other side, Jack heard a robotic howl of outrage. TOF-1 was at the foot of the stairs, lining up another shot.

  Not fast enough. The door boomed shut a moment before they heard the scream of an energy bolt and an explosion against the metal. It was too thick to be damaged by any weapon the bounty hunter had. Jack let out a breath as he realized TOF-1 was stuck on the other side.

  “Come on,” said Mazzy. “We’re safe for now, but it won’t take him long to find a way around.”

  “Don’t think you’ve gotten off scot-free, Clench!” the robot raged from beyond the door as they headed deeper into the temple. “I’ll get you, that evil minx you’re with, and the porky one, too! Nobody messes with a gentleman’s monocle! The hunt is on!”

  “Whoa,” said Mazzy, her gaze traveling upward. “This has to be the place.”

  One by one, they stepped into the enormous hall, tiny figures in the gloomy, silent emptiness. Thin shafts of dazzling white light sliced down from slit windows high above. In the center of the room was a wide circular pedestal, a few feet high, made of black metal. There was another, much smaller pedestal nearby. At the far end were two huge statues of robed and hooded Drax, their faces hidden, hands invisible inside their oversized sleeves. Between them was a gate of the same metal as the pedestal, covered with strange writings, so large you could have sailed an aircraft carrier through it.

  “Whatever Gradius was looking for, it’s in here,” Mazzy said confidently. “I can feel it.”

  “I hope so,” said Jack. “’Cause I don’t see any other way out, and that gate doesn’t look like it’s going to open anytime soon.” He frowned. “Maybe we missed him,” he said uncertainly. He wasn’t sure he’d cope well with the disappointment if that was the case.

  “Let’s have a look around before we get despondent, huh?” said Mazzy. She headed straight for the central pedestal, and the others trailed after her. On closer inspection, there were panels and buttons around the edge of the pedestal. Mazzy pressed a few buttons, but nothing happened. She pressed some more, just in case.

  “It’s not working,” Thomas observed helpfully, peering over her shoulder.

  “We’ll soon see about that,” Mazzy said, and gave it a hefty kick. There was a hiccuping sound from inside the pedestal and then a hum of power as the machine woke up. “There!”

  “Is that how you usually fix things?” Jack asked.

  “Never fails,” said Mazzy, limping away.

  “Your toe all right?”

  “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth, blinking back tears.

  Suddenly the chamber filled with light. They stared in amazement as constellations appeared out of the gloom. Clusters of stars speckled the air above the pedestal, with colorful gas clouds of red and green and yellow draped among them.

  “Oooh!” said Thomas.

  “It’s a star map,” Mazzy gasped, her eyes sparkling.

  Jack walked around the pedestal. Scattered among the stars were planets, turning slowly in place. One was smooth and yellow-white-pinkish, a sandy desert planet; another was a lush blue green, almost completely covered in ocean.

  He spotted one that looked familiar. “Hey! I think that one’s Earth! I can see America!”

  “The twelve planets of the Nexus,” Mazzy said. “These are the planets that the Elders placed rift gates on to connect them together.”

  “What’s that little symbol floating next to Earth?” Jack asked, pointing to a small red sign that looked like an angry Space Invader.

  “Pretty sure that’s the intergalactic symbol for cooties,” Mazzy said.

  “Earth does not have cooties!” Jack said, offended.

  Mazzy shrugged. “Symbol says different. Face it, you’ve been quarantined for so long that even an extinct alien race didn’t want to visit.”

  Jack grumbled sourly a
s he trudged around the star map. He wasn’t even particularly fond of Earth, but he still felt the need to defend it. It was his home, after all. His and Thomas’s. It got on his nerves that everyone thought they were hicks from some backwater fleapit.

  “You said there were twelve planets in the Nexus, right?” Thomas asked.

  “Yep,” said Mazzy.

  “I count thirteen.”

  Mazzy looked again. “You’re right!” she said, counting the planets. “There’s Gallia … there’s Akkaris … Moltria Rex …” She paused, peering at a large, colorful planet with many moons and wide rings around it, like a blue-and-purple Saturn. It turned beneath the light of two suns. “So where’s that?”

  “Maybe that’s what Gradius was looking for,” Jack suggested, getting excited. “Maybe it’s the homeworld of the Drax!”

  “A lost planet!” Mazzy grinned. “There’ve always been rumors that there are more rift gates out there, connections to other planets that broke down or were forgotten thousands of years ago. If Gradius isn’t here, I’ll bet he’s headed there.”

  “Can we go after him?” Jack asked eagerly.

  “Sure! Once we have the coordinates, we ought to be able to get there through any rift gate.” She squinted. “I’m gonna need to download the data, though. Let me see what I can do.”

  Her eyes began to scroll with code again. Thomas grew bored and wandered off through the baking heat and shadow, toward the massive gate. Jack let him go, content to stare in wonder at the stars that hung in the air above him.

  Not long ago, he’d despaired of ever leaving his small, dull town. Now he had a whole galaxy to roam. He thought of his sort-of friends he’d left behind. They had no idea of what was out here. They would be sitting down to class right about now, while he was adventuring in space.

  A little smile spread across his face. Homicidal robots aside, this whole thing was actually pretty cool.

  “Hey, look! I found something!” Thomas called. Jack looked over. Thomas was standing in front of a panel of shiny black stone, set into the wall near the huge gate. He touched his finger to it, and a little symbol appeared there, glowing white. He touched elsewhere, and another symbol appeared. He dragged it across the stone with his finger to join the first one, and they both changed shape and turned green.