Pax was suddenly pulled out of his relieved state. Everything rushed at him backwards. Guthrie, Stacey, Sherry, Luke, and the others, Kyle and David, Manny, Jeff, Daniel. He knew what was east of here, and if they went far enough, it wasn't anything he wanted to see again. In fact, he wasn't sure what he would find inside himself if he went back.
"I think that's a good place to start," Ramesh said. "Probably lots of farms that way."
"Let's assemble the team first before making any decisions about where to go," Pax said. "Unless you're going out, you shouldn't get a say."
This didn't seem to please the others, but they nodded anyway. He may have put some guilt on them, making them feel like generals in a room sending soldiers out to war. Gambling with their lives, but it was better to do that than to risk losing his grip on the situation.
8
Dan
Dan swung the door open to his home. The bunker had always been a sort of home to him, but he never thought it would be his permanent place to reside. Not only didn’t he think he'd spend all his time there, but he never thought he would have invited so many people to live with him. He went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Scavenging had been good lately, combined with the comforts of electricity from the solar panels, it sometimes didn't feel much different from the way things used to be. He walked to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.
He was getting older, or maybe this life was getting harder. He had wrinkles he didn't notice less than a year ago. It wasn't the fighting and killing, no, that stuff he didn't mind. Although, it did take its toll on his body sometimes. No, it was being around everyone. It was having to compromise, having to be kind. Sure, he did that before, but when the skies turned everyone soulless, he thought that was over. He knew he needed people, but he didn't think there would still be the bullshit from them. He saved their lives, every one of them, and he could feel the pressure coming from all of them. One misstep and they'd be all over him, critiquing, bitching, questioning his ability to lead. Well, guess what? He never wanted this to begin with. But if it was what he had to do to stay alive, then so be it. Besides, they weren't all bad.
Before Dan could think any further, he heard the door open slightly. There was hardly a creak to be heard, but it still alarmed inside of him. Someone was trying to sneak inside. He quickly pulled his pistol from his hip and spun around. He stepped out of the bathroom and pointed his weapon at the intruder.
"Scared much?" Eden asked.
Dan quickly put his weapon away. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be helping Jennifer in the garden?"
"I came to see you. Besides, the garden is boring. I want to do something else."
He couldn't argue with that. Gardening wasn't his forte, which was one of the many good things about having other people here. "So, see if Courtney needs help."
"You're leaving again, aren't you?"
Dan nodded. "Just came to grab a drink, maybe some ammo. I won't be gone long."
"Let me come with you."
"What?"
"You heard me. I want to come."
"No way. It's too dangerous out there."
"You always say that. You're supposed to be teaching me, taking care of me. Isn't that what my dad told you?"
Dan had thought a lot about what Cole had asked of him. It was a strange thing to do. Ask someone to take care of someone else that was born from you, all because they seemed to like you and you helped save their life. Sure, on one hand, that sounds great. Why not? Dan did save everyone's lives and Eden did seem to like Dan. But that's about where it all ended. There was no checking of his skills to be a parent, or a leader. Dan had never been around kids or teenagers outside of seeing them at the mall or other public places. He had never thought about having kids himself, either. So why was he equipped to deal with taking care of Eden?
"I am taking care of you. I'm keeping you safe from what's out there. That's what your dad asked of me, and that's what I promised him I'd do."
"You aren't keeping me safe from what's out there. You're keeping me ignorant." She slammed her hand on the counter. Dan did like Eden. She was something unusual to him, something that he had no experience with. In a different way, she seemed familiar. He saw bits of himself in her, like overcoming challenges. Not only did he save her life, but she saved his life. She put the final bullet in Alan, but he didn't need anyone knowing about that. They'd look at her like they looked at him. A monster. He didn't want that for her.
He also forgot that she was still in that moment in her life where she wanted to challenge everything. Dan had gone through it, just like everyone else. But he never realized the attitude that came with a girl that was becoming a woman. Somewhere in the past six months, she had become a teenager and it was like a switch was flipped. Luckily for most, it was always directed at Dan. So, at the very least, she felt comfortable around him enough to yell at him. To other people, she was the same, shy Eden.
"Maybe I'll take you out sometime. We can hunt, maybe explore a little—"
"Why can't I go now?"
"It's not safe."
"I know why you're going out there. It's more than just keeping everyone safe, though. Isn't it?"
"I don't know what you're—"
"You're going out there to kill Mick, aren't you?"
Dan didn't know what to say. Could she really see beyond him? Could she see what he was?
"Killing comes easy to you, doesn't it? I've seen it. Maybe those people out there haven't, but Jennifer has. Courtney has, too."
"This conversation is over. I'm leaving and you're staying, and that is final," Dan said, brushing past her and out the door.
Eden ran to the door and shouted at him. "You're a monster, and everyone knows it. You don't know the first thing about taking care of me."
Dan continued to walk. Courtney stood in his path with a worried look on her face. "You okay?"
"She could use you right now," Dan said, continuing to walk.
"I think she could use you more. You don't have to go."
Dan shook his head and continued to walk. He wasn't about to get into another argument with Courtney about leaving. The girls could take care of themselves together. He had more important things to do now.
9
Vanessa
Vanessa rode on top of Pax as hard as she could. She knew how much of a stressful day today had been. Eduardo getting hurt, taking three new people in, killing someone and then having it all thrown in his face. His efforts had been great since he arrived, but it was like he was always behind, never catching up to his inner quota that he had made for himself. The lives he had taken before, the lives he had lost from his mistakes, there would never be enough to make up for it, at least in his mind, and she knew it.
Pax being inside of her felt amazing. Their bodies were hot, dripping sweat. Whenever they made love, it was definitely something to behold. She had loved Diego, but the sex was never like this. It wasn't better or worse, it was just different. With Pax, it was like he was giving everything he had to it. It's what she loved about Pax. Everything he did seemed to be all of himself. Even after having his efforts squashed by the people questioning him, here he was, giving one hundred and ten percent to Vanessa. It was as if he was doing everything for the first time, or maybe as if he was doing everything for the last time, hoping to keep these moments as something he could look back on to say to himself, at least I gave it my all.
She could feel it building inside of her. The edge of it all, tingling for her to push over. She bounced faster and as far down as she could take him. She looked down at his face and met his gaze. Their eyes were locked, and she could feel him getting close. This is the man she was meant to be with, for as long as she could be with him. He saved her, and she knew she had saved him. There was never going to be anything greater than the two of them together, and that made her want to enjoy all of it with every drop of her being.
"Oh, God!" Vanessa cried out. Her body tremble
d on top of Pax's.
Pax grunted as he released everything he had.
She stayed on top of Pax for a moment, letting the feelings linger. Finally, she brought her head down and kissed him. Their two bodies were covered in sweat, but neither seemed to mind. She tucked her head in the crook of his neck and rolled off to the side. She could feel the air blow gently against her hair with each breath he took, trying to catch up.
"Vanessa, that was—"
"I know. It always is with you," she said, kissing his neck. He put his hand at her chin and brought her up to him, kissing her lips again. "I love you." She watched as his face went from smiling and dropped to stone. There it was, she took a great moment and turned it upside down. "It's fine if you don't love me, but I'd like to—"
"I do. I love you. You should know that by now, even if I haven't said it."
Inside, she felt a little bit of joy rise up in her, but she was cautious to show it. There was obviously still something wrong. "Did I say something?"
"Not really… maybe. I don't know," Pax said, being a typical guy. Even in the apocalypse it seemed like men didn't want to tell anyone how they really felt. Only this time there wasn't a therapist around to recommend.
"Was it because of earlier? The meeting? Cause you know we are right."
"I know you are, but it's more than that."
"Then what? You want us to go out, but don't want us to go where there's lots of farms, lots of equipment, possibly people who know what they're doing with growing and harvesting food. We can't sustain that type of growth here at the hospital."
"Don't you think I know that?"
"Then what is it, Paxton?!" Vanessa shouted. Pax stopped talking and turned his face away from Vanessa. She sat up, her breasts still hanging uncovered in front of him. She would never feel this vulnerable yet comfortable in front of anyone else again. She grabbed his face and turned it to her. Pax's eyes were welling with tears. "What's wrong?"
"It's her. It's me. It's that name nobody has called me in months."
Shit. She hadn't even thought about it. Paxton, or Pax, had told her about Stacey. Once. It wasn't even a full story, just bits and pieces. He never liked to bring it up, so she allowed him to talk about it however he wanted to tell it. He did, however, tell her his name was Paxton, at least, before everything. "I'm sorry, Pax. I didn't think—"
"I know. It's okay." He took a deep breath. She thought that the conversation might come to an end, and there was no fighting it with him once his past came up. It would be wrong of her to push, but he continued to talk. "I came from the east valley. In fact, I know exactly the kind of places you're looking for. Farms, open spaces, people. I've seen them all. The problem is, there's no people out there. At least, not anybody we want to meet. That's where I found her, I guess, where I saw her die. I can't do it out there. I can't relive those moments, see those ghosts."
"We don't have to go there. We can avoid—"
"It's not just her. It's my whole life. I can't go back there, possibly ever."
Vanessa nodded. She understood. It wasn't like he was saying they had to stay in the hospital, just not go east. So why was she fighting him on it? "What did you have in mind?"
"We need to go far out of the city. Not just to the suburbs of the bordering town, that's not gonna cut it. We need to set up lines of trade, to set up outposts hours away. Going east or south is just more desert. We need to go somewhere cooler, where in the middle of the summer it's possible to grow large crops. Out here, they'll just burn in the sun. At least anything we really need. Going north is what we should do, as far as Flagstaff, maybe further."
"Okay, if you have a plan, I'm behind you one hundred percent," Vanessa said. She smiled, knowing that he was right. She wanted to make sure his head was in it, and it was. He was still the Pax she had come to love.
She rolled back to the side and rested her hand on his chest. She watched him as he laid with his head on the pillow, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Her eyelids started to feel heavy. She had no trouble falling asleep but was worried about Pax. Did she open up the gates of his past? If so, what would that mean for everyone?
10
Dan
Dan hiked through the woods, never turning back to look at the camp. He had been to his bunker enough over the years, plus the extra time for the past six months, to know when he was out of sight from it. After a short bit of time, he stopped and turned around. Just as he knew, he could no longer see the camp from where he was at. He closed his eyes and breathed in the cool air, closing his jacket around him.
The cold was getting through to him more than it was earlier in the morning. Maybe he should have gotten a heavier coat to wear, but he also didn't want to be lugged down with something so bulky. The small jacket he wore would have to do. He wasn't going to go back to camp now, not while he had important matters to attend to. Not even the cold could keep his cravings at bay.
He felt it deep inside of him. The need. It was as if his body knew. As if the gatekeeper inside of him was undoing the latches in anticipation of the hunt. Meanwhile, the demon behind the gate was pushing against it, even closer to bursting out at any moment. The demon needed blood, and it needed it now. Dan was practically foaming at the mouth, needing to let Daniel go full berserk.
He pulled his gun out, but held it in his left hand. He didn't want to get caught without the need for the weapon but also didn't intend on using the pistol when he found Mick and the others. His knife would be getting the pleasure of doing that job. He thought of the blood that would stain the blade. Red, hot, thick, sticky. Everything about it he loved. It was something of a sort of beauty.
He continued to hike on, trying to push all thoughts of Eden and Courtney from his mind. This was the part where they wouldn't understand. He still needed to hide from them. They knew something, even Eden had said it. Throwing it in his face. They had seen the mask slip, the demon behind the gate had wrapped its hands around the bars, giving them a look into what he actually was. But they hadn't seen him come out completely.
In his mind, he knew what they saw was the demon, but they were able to justify it. He had saved them all. He had defended himself. It was all fine to become a monster when someone was coming at you, trying to kill you. Maybe he had gone further than he needed, than they wanted, but nobody would ever question him for it. If one's life is on the line, anything goes, and becoming a monster is one of those things. What they don't know, what they wouldn't allow, is seeing him now. He needed the blood to satisfy his own needs. He wasn't trying to save himself, not really. Sure, he had pitched the idea to Courtney and Jennifer that he was doing this for their own safety. But in reality, it was selfish.
Was Mick and Rodger really going to come back to kill them? Who knows? Dan wasn't wrong when he said that they could be desperate enough to do so. It was definitely possible. But it was also possible that the three of three of them ran into a horde and were eaten five minutes after finding the road, or that Mick lost his temper one more time on the next guy, and that guy didn't play by the same rules Dan tried to play by, at least when people were around. Maybe Mick turned on his own brother, accidentally taking it too far, causing Rodger's death, only to find Lacey holding a gun, killing her brother-in-law in a matter of seconds, to then turn the gun on herself. All of those scenarios were likely in the world it was now.
But no, he couldn't take any of those chances. Plus, it put him in a position to benefit himself. If Mick hadn't come, waiving his knife around, putting his hand on the women, Dan didn't know what he would do. Maybe he would go back outside, kill more soulless. Maybe he could keep the cravings at bay a little longer, but until somebody messed up enough to get kicked out, he couldn't keep doing that for long. He needed the real thing. It was just a matter of time before it took him over, and he would have to make a decision on what to do. There were people in the camp he didn't care about, in any form of the word. But he didn't really want to kill those people. Just because he knew
he was better than them, didn't mean they always needed to be killed by him. It just meant they were a lot higher on the list of last resorts. But what would that mean for Jennifer or Courtney? What did that mean for Eden?
No, everyone in the camp was off limits. If they lost someone from within, there would be questions. Those questions Dan wouldn't have answers for. He had already let them in on his secret monster, and they accepted him as much as they could. If they saw the monster in its full use, they would never accept him. And that was something he couldn't have. It was something he didn't want. He had grown fond of those people and made promises to them and others. That could never happen. For now, he would have to bide his time, playing nice, and taking out as many soulless as it took until he could kill the real thing. Hopefully, that would happen soon.
Dan continued to walk, ducking under leafless branches and making his way around the large trunks. He took another step behind a large tree and was met with a rotting face. He quickly jumped back at the snarl of the soulless man in front of him. The beard on the dead man's face was full of dirt and leaves. His face looked as if he hadn’t been able to dodge the branches from the trees and had scratches all over. Dan raised his knife and plunged it into the face of the soulless. It made a wet smacking sound when he pulled it out. Dan took another step to the side, allowing the body to fall forward.
Dan stepped away, continuing on his path to find Mick and the others, when his foot hit something soft. He looked down and saw an animal. It was dead. He kicked at it with his foot and saw it was another squirrel. It had been ripped open, its guts hanging out, just like the other ones he had found. Was it Mick killing the animals? If so, there was no way Mick was still out here doing it, was there? What did Lacey and Rodger think of it? Did they even know?
Exodus: Soulless Wanderers Book 3 (A Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Thriller) Page 5