The Starting Line: Friends To Lovers

by Jennifer Hartley

  The guy hosting the party, Eric Murphy, gives him a bleary smile and starts laughing. “I told you my homebrew beer was potent, Ju. Potent.”

  “Yeah but, I had like, two.” Jude holds up his fingers, trying to put up two but three keep appearing. He thinks.

  “No bro, you had a sample of the weak things,” says Bill, the guy Jude is supposed to be creeping on. The guy is a grade-A ass, so he thinks Hailey’s friend is better off. “You had a full pint from the keg. The alcohol content is 12.4%.”

  “Well… Damn.” Jude sighs. He killed that pint way too rapidly. “Got any water? I wasn’t planning on getting wasted tonight.”

  “Sure,” Eric tosses him a bottle which Jude promptly misses by a mile. “Jennings, it’s a good thing you didn’t try goaltending. I hope you don’t treat your partner like that.”

  “Hot damn, that’s where I know you from,” says the ass, “You’re that ballroom dancer. With the hot chick.”

  Jude has this conversation somewhat frequently, and it rarely ends well. Especially when he’s intoxicated. Definitely when Hailey is referred to as a hot chick. “Yes. That’s me.”

  “Hey, what’s your name, man?” The ass holds up his hand to shake, but Jude really doesn’t want to. Still, he shakes, hoping the idiot keeps his mouth shut.

  “Jude.” He grips his water tightly.

  “I’m Bill, good job on winning…” He has no idea.

  Raising his eyebrows expectantly and giving a curt nod, Jude turns to Eric, who is watching the two closely. Changing topics, Jude leans forward, “You still got that lake house, Eric?”

  “Yeah I do, it needs a little work but -” Eric starts but is cut off by the ass.

  “Hey- is your partner…,” Jude looks up and follows the ass’s line of sight to Hailey, who is talking to a small group on the other side of the room. When she laughs, he feels his heart catch in a familiar way and drunkenly thinks he should get it checked out. “Is she single?”

  “No idea.” Jude clenches his jaw and tightens his fist.

  “What, she never let you tap that? Is she an ice queen?” The ass keeps talking, staring at Hailey, while Jude is sliding his chair back, and cracking his neck and fingers. “I mean, she’s hot. I bet she’s crazy in the sack. Like -”

  “Bill, shut up,” Eric interjects, placing a hand on Jude’s shoulder. “Hailey is my friend; Not only that; she’s not that kind of girl. If you came here just to hook up, then you better leave, because I am friends with all these people. Besides, I’m not responsible for anything Ju does to you.”

  The ass glances at Jude who’s staring at him, fully prepared to throw a punch.

  “Aw, c’mon man. You know I’m just joking,” Ass frowns as he downs the rest of his beer. He pushes away from the bar and moves to a different location. Jude continues to glare at him until Eric punches him in the shoulder.

  “Chill it out; he stopped.”

  Jude frowns, his buzz having turned sour after dealing with that idiot. “Why do people do that? Just walk up to complete strangers and -”

  “Start running their mouth off?”

  “Yeah, not cool. This water is weak. Give me another beer.”

  “Weak things or big boy?”

  “Surprise me,” Jude grabs a handful of chips as he glances back at Hailey who is now receiving some one-on-one attention from another guy. She hasn’t given Jude the ‘rescue me' eyes, so he leaves her be for the time being. Turning back to Eric, who just rolls his eyes at Jude and sets another pint in front of him.

  “What?”

  “You really don’t know if she’s dating anyone?” Eric asks, voice doubtful.

  “No. We don’t talk about that kind of things; it’s easier that way.” Jude takes a long sip and sighs. “Mmm, this is good.”

  “Secret brew,” Eric says as he clinks his glass with Jude’s. “Easier, huh? You two still aren’t…”

  Shaking his head, Jude laughs him off. “No. She’s… not really my type.” That line, the one he’s been using for years to anyone who isn’t the media, is starting to sound a little hollow. “Besides, we got too much history. Much better as friends. Much.”

  Jude misses the way John gives him a sad look because he’s watching Hailey, who has managed to free herself and is now talking with Eric’s girlfriend, Camille. Eric sighs and takes another sip, following Jude’s line of sight. “If you say so, man. I’ve actually got a friend that she might like: nice guy, super smart, they could hit it off.”

  “Sure, go for it.” Jude stands slowly, then sits back down. “Damn, I am drunk. Got any more food?”

  Eric smiles and gets the man a pizza.

  “I thought you said you weren’t going to get drunk,” Hailey frowns from the driver’s seat as Jude leans his head out the window, letting the breeze hit his face.

  “Wasn’t planned. Beer. Very strong.” Jude burps as he hunkers down in his seat. “Did you try any?”

  “Ha. I stopped drinking once I saw you go to the bar. Did you have any luck, by the way?”

  “Oh yeah. Big luck. Much success.” Jude’s eyes close, then yelps as a small fist wallops him in the bicep. “Ah, what the hell?”

  “Stay awake! I am not carrying you inside. I’d rather let you sleep out here.”

  “Alright. Fine, fine. Sing me a song then.”

  “How about you tell me about that guy, Bill.”

  “He’s an ass. Tell your friend to dump his sorry ass. Definitely trying to score. He should have gone to Vegas or something.”

  “Really? I met him. He didn’t seem that bad.”

  “Hailey, trust me. That guy is an awful human. No good.”

  She frowns and continues to drive, letting Jude fiddle with the radio the remainder of the way to her apartment. Once she parks and manages to get him inside, he goes directly to the couch instead of her guest bedroom. “You do realize I have an extra bed, right?”

  “No. Couch. So nice. Fluffy. I like.”

  “Ah, a two-syllable word. I guess I should be happy. Here,” she gives him a bottle of water and a couple of Motrin. “Drink this, take these. Don’t forget to take off your shoes.”

  “So good to me, Hailey.” Jude does as he’s told while Hailey retrieves him a real pillow and more comfortable blanket. When she returns, she tosses the pillow at Jude, moving his shoes out of the way so he won’t trip in the night.

  “It’s a good thing we never dated. Such a good thing.”

  “Oh yeah?” Hailey rises, brows drawing together at the sudden change in conversation. “Why’s that?”

  “We wouldn’t have worked out. I’d have done something stupid, or you’d have gotten tired of me, and then we’d have a huge fight, and then you’d leave and then we wouldn’t dance anymore. We wouldn’t even be friends. So much at stake. Not worth it.”

  Hailey frowns. Drunk Jude is normally so much more fun than this. “And why wouldn’t we stay friends?”

  “Because… because deep down, you’d always wonder why you settled for me, and you’d get resentful after a while and sad.” He pulls off his shirt and tosses it on the near chair, lying back on the couch. “And I don’t like it when you’re sad. So we’d get miserable and start saying mean, hurtful things to each other, just to see who would quit first.”

  “Wow, that’s… awful,” she sighs, feeling morose. “Jude, I don’t think that’s how it would go. Besides, I’m pretty sure you’d be the one to get tired of me. You’ve already established that I’m not someone you’d date.”

  She’s spent the last ten years listening to Jude talk about other girls, about what he likes and doesn’t like. She’s listened to his friends badger him, curious about her. He never says anything in response when she’s around, just shuts down the conversation. Hailey overheard him once or twice though, and both times, he’s said that even though they care about each other a great deal, she’s too type A, too much of a perfectionist, too controlling. She’s great at dancing but awful at relationships. He’s right.
She is, unapologetically so. She can’t change that aspect of her personality, and Jude would never ask her to.

  It doesn’t mean they haven’t thought of the possibility of them together beyond physical entanglements, but both quickly found several reasons not to make it a reality. It’s okay though, she tells herself, they work better this way.

  “It doesn’t matter, anyway. We care about each other too much to do something so terrible to each other. Excluding time apart, the worst thing we’ve ever done is tell each other the complete truth; even when it hurts to hear it.” He might not remember come morning, but she continues, pulling the blanket out and covering him.

  “And for what it’s worth,” she says softly, “I don’t think me or any woman who ends up with you will be making a compromise, because you’re one of the best people I know. You’ve got a great big heart, you’re funny, and you’re intelligent, Jude. But it’s your heart that I love the most about you.” She presses her hand to his chest as he gives her a lazy smile, causing her to laugh quietly and roll her eyes.

  He reaches up and drags a finger along her jaw, tugs a strand of hair near her face, then drops his hand. Then his smile slips into a grimace, and he clutches his stomach.

  Sighing, Hailey moves out of the way quickly. “I’ll get the trash can. If you get vomit on anything in here, you’re replacing it, Jude Jennings.”

  “Aye aye, Captain,” Jude grunts as he turns on his side. “Night, Hailey.”

  She flicks off the light and heads to her room, keeping the door cracked so she can hear if he needs anything during the night.

  Over breakfast the next morning, he mentions nothing of their conversation, and she assumes he doesn’t remember a thing.

  Except he does. Every word.

  Chapter Three

  Their lessons are going great. It’s a wonderful activity to keep them still in dancing shape during this uncertain year. They’re getting their ‘normal people’ feet beneath them, their casual schedules and freedom. It’s wonderful; it’s more than that. It’s…

  “Did you ever think you’d get so bored?” Jude asks as he slides across from her at their usual table, late Saturday afternoon.

  Hailey quirks her eyebrows in disbelief. “What, you miss getting up at five every morning just to get yelled at and have to deal with my crabby self?”

  He shrugs, then nods. “Well, yeah. I mean, I get up nearly that early anyway. You weren’t so bad after six or so. Besides, don’t you have a couple of early classes?”

  “Yes, but that’s only twice a week and those days are awful anyway because I have that instructor that wears socks with his Teva sandals and -”

  “Oh is he the ‘and so on and so forth'… guy?”

  “Yes!” she sips her coffee. “He said it thirty-seven times in a 90-minute period. Thirty-seven! Who does that?”

  “People who wear socks with their Tevas, obviously.” He cracks a smile then gulps his water. “Back to before, though, like… I’ve filled up my days pretty solidly. When I’m not at the fire station, I’m helping my brothers at work, or I’m heading to class or watching my nieces, it’s just…”

  “Not the same?” She watches as his eyes roam the table, searching for the words.

  “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy not having a schedule and not… having someone scrutinize my dietary habits and critique how skinny I am or anything, but sometimes I miss the automatic parts. The being on the dance floor, knowing you’re always there, always putting up with my idiocy or laughing at my stupid jokes, rolling your eyes when I’m a moron or covering up for me when Coach Ellen starts getting impatient. I miss those days. Not the stress or the constant microscope we were under.”

  He glances up at her and shrugs his shoulders, as though it’ll dust off the nostalgia. “Believe it or not, I miss the competition. I miss the terrible sleep nights before. I miss your non-stop rambling. I even miss waiting for scores…”

  “But?”

  “I don’t know. Is it that I miss what’s comfortable? I don’t regret my current situation. Do you?”

  Taking a moment to reflect, Jude watches as Hailey follows the lone waitress with her eyes, carefully selecting words and phrasing them in just the right way in her mind. Though she’s gotten heaps better, she’s never been quick to reply, especially to serious questions. This is in part because she’s delivering the truth and she knows he’ll take what she says to heart.

  “I know that these Saturdays with you are something I look forward to all week. This is something that I’m always going to want in my life,” she exhales slowly, her eyes flicking to his. “I think it was pretty clear earlier this year that our particular brand of ballroom dance is no longer appreciated, that no matter what we do, we’ll never be exactly what the judges want. I know we don’t dance for them, but if I were to put my body through all that again,” she looks down in her lap, biting her lip. “I’d want to do it knowing there was a possibility of winning it all. Right now? I’m in school. My only job is to graduate, hopefully with honors, and apply to grad school.”

  His hand is propped up by his palm as he watches her talk, absorbing every word. Whether they acknowledge this or not, it’s an important conversation, and he’s cataloging what she’s saying, trying to figure out how her choices affect him. The last part is his concern.

  “Do you know what you’re doing yet? Law school or psychology?”

  It’s only a flash moment, but he can tell her response isn’t going to be the whole truth. The way she hesitates and the slight twitch in her right cheek tell him everything.

  “I think… I’m still not sure.” What he doesn’t know is that she still needs to write her LSATs, and since she still hasn’t come to a final decision, she won’t be able to start law school for a few years anyway. “There are a couple of options I’ve been contemplating, but I’m not quite ready to discuss them yet.”

  Or she would give him that kind of answer. He raises an eyebrow at her, letting her know that he doesn’t appreciate the cop-out, but she shrugs and shakes her head. Narrowing his eyes, Jude decides to continue talking, hoping she’ll eventually drop him a hint.

  “We still have so many opportunities, so many chances to do more. I know there’s a coaching conference coming up, but then I look at my schedule and realize I’m already booked out until April. It sucks because I can’t figure out what I enjoy doing most. I love everything.”

  Hailey follows his hands as he talks; Jude’s always been very expressive, how they tap at the table, how he picks up the paper from his straw and twists it around, kinking it beyond recognition. She’s letting him continue talking, not interject like she so badly wants to. Maybe he’ll get around to it; maybe he won’t.

  “And sometimes, I’ll be lying in bed, so exhausted, but a different type of exhausted - wondering: how I didn’t know this type of exhaustion existed? What else is there that I’m not aware of? What have I been taking for granted? What have I always assumed, but just never bothered to figure out?”

  The waitress comes at that moment and delivers their plates, offering to refill their glasses and bring more coffee. Once she steps away, Jude glances up and gives Hailey a sheepish smile.

  “Sorry, that was a lot.”

  “No, don’t apologize. I miss that,” Hailey says quietly as she picks up her fork. “But I do understand. What else is out there that we don’t know?”

  “Exactly! Like, all those times we went to Paris, and you had to drag me out. I thought I saw the city. I thought I enjoyed the sights. What if there’s more to it than just old buildings and assholes with accents?”

  She smirks at him as she chews her broccoli. “Well, isn’t there a saying, ‘Experience is the best teacher’? Couldn’t you go travel or set off on some great adventure?”

  Leaning back in his seat, Jude toys with his spoon for a moment, thinking. “That’s just it. I’m not sure what it is I’m missing. Not only that, I’m hardly in the position where I can start country-hopping. The
re aren’t any glaring holes that I can think of; it’s one of those things where I don’t know I was wrong until I’ve screwed up or it’s already happened.”

  “Oh, yeah that’s….” Hailey’s brow furrows, contemplating the issue. “That does make things difficult. What else could we be so devoid of knowledge in though? We’ve done so much and yet, we haven’t at the same time..”

  They sit in silence, ruminating. The possibilities are endless. It makes them both feel a little queasy. Something about this whole conversation makes her feel a little claustrophobic like it will resonate for months to come. Hailey pushes away her plate after a few minutes. “Thanks. Now I can’t shut off my brain. What if we’re making huge mistakes at this very moment?”

  Jude laughs and wipes his mouth, “Hailey. Seriously? We’re eating dinner, not plotting out the demise of the Football League.”

  “Right, because in a list of Worst Possible Things, football coming to an end is at the top.”

  “Glad you got your priorities straight there.” Jude takes what was left of her food and starts eating it as well. She drinks her coffee slowly.

  “Are we going to do the end-year thing?” Hailey asks, remembering that she needs to adjust her schedule.

  “That gala in Corden?”

  “I thought it was Galton.” Hailey frowns, pulling out her Blackberry and scanning through emails. “No, you’re right. Corden. Galton is … oh, no. We’re not doing that.”

  They continue to discuss upcoming options for the months ahead, planning and talking about everything until they close their tablets and go their separate ways. Excluding their dancing, their main concerns are his fire fighting training and finals of her last Fall semester.

  Winter quickly becomes a busy affair. Jude takes another shift at the fire department. Hailey has finals and quietly interviews at schools for a master’s program in psychology. They also agree to do a spectacular show in Freemon a few days before Christmas. It’s partially self-choreographed, but they call in some reinforcements from Durm when their training window rapidly dwindles.