“He’s giving me £430,000 to buy his old family farm until we can find his sire-long story-and then we’ll own it together because it’s going to be our marital home and we’ll bring up our children there, apparently.”
“Oh my God, Shelley. That’s a bit heavy. Shall we run off with the money and fly to Rodeo Drive?”
“The stupid thing is that I actually believe this is all going to happen.” I sat back in my chair, only just realising this was how I was feeling. “It’s like a gut instinct. Like everything is happening exactly how it should.”
“I can’t believe your mum comes to you in dreams and you can shut her out. Can you put my mum in one? She does my head in.”
BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM. The noise was accompanied by an explosion of glass and the smell of smoke as my office curtains set on fire. I looked at Kim and realised we were within a protective shield that looked like a giant blown bubble. I pressed against it and it felt spongy.
“Right, let me concentrate and get us out of here,” I told Kim, whose eyes were wide. I slowly got us to the door and out into the hall. The bubble disintegrated and we ran like hell for the fire exit.
Everyone from the shops and offices was gathered outside. Jax ran over to us as we emerged. “Thank God. Are you alright? The fire brigade and the police are on their way.”
“Yeah,” I said but I was everything but alright. Especially when I looked at the back of the crowd and saw the woman who was in Jax’s coffee shop that time before our meeting. She looked directly at me, flicked her fingers and a little flame danced on the top of one of them. Was this Lucy? I tried to push my way through the crowd, Kim hot on my heels, but she was nowhere to be seen. It was like she’d just vanished into thin air, which I bet she had.
How was I meant to deal with Lucy if I couldn’t get near enough to talk to her? Then the police and fire brigade arrived and the afternoon was taken up with crime reports.
* * *
My office just needed a little redecoration and as Jax’s older brother was a plasterer, painter, and decorator, he promised to fix things up the following week. For the time being I’d have to share Kim’s office or take my laptop down to Jax’s. I refused to be bullied out of my building.
We were sat in Kim’s office shortly before five when a knock came at the outer door. I put the door on the latch and asked who was there.
“It’s the police,” the man said out loud, and then his voice dropped to a whisper, “The special division.”
I let him in. “Are you Shelley Linley?” he asked.
“I am. And you are?”
“Police Constable Darius Wild.” He whispered again, “Werewolf.”
“Oh,” I said, not being able to help myself from giving him a once over. My subconscious, no doubt, looking for fur and claws. All I saw was a good looking man with shaggy brown hair and a beard.
“Ebony’s been keeping me in the loop and what happened today came up on our feed. Thought there might be something otherworldly to it. Best to check.”
“Come through. We’re working in my assistant’s office at the moment.” I walked in with him and heard Kim yell out, “Holy fuck.”
She quickly covered her mouth. “Sorry, she said. I have the hiccups.”
But Darius didn’t reply because he was frozen in place, staring at Kim, who was staring right back at him.
“Well, Darius. Would you like to look at the crime scene?” I asked.
He shook himself, coming back to the land of the living. “Oh, yeah, sure.” Then he followed me to my office with its scorch marks and soaked through interior.
“I’ve picked up all the details from the scene of crime officers, but sometimes we can pick up other things, extra clues, like signs of magic etc.” He looked around and then walked over to one of the scorch marks. He muttered an incantation and it lit up with a dark red glow. “Yep, that’s hellfire.”
I sighed. “I’ve been told I’ve upset Lucy Fir.”
“Oh dear,” Darius said. “That’s one woman you don’t want to get on the bad side of.”
“How am I supposed to reason with her if she’s in Hell? I’m not going there.” I described the woman I saw in the coffee shop before and in the crowd today.
“Yeah, that sounds like Lucy. She doesn’t get to come away from her post very often, not unless Satan says so. You must have really upset them.”
“Apparently my agency is making Withernsea too happy and loved up. Oh, and my parents have a longstanding feud with Lucy. She kidnapped my dad.” I told him everything I knew.
“Ah.”
“But how do I stop her?”
“And Satan. Chances are she’s acting on his behalf. You have to offer them something they want in return for leaving you in peace. I’m afraid that’s how it works. They’re not going to bargain for the greater good, so you’re going to have to think of something they want that’s bad.”
“Seriously?”
“I’m afraid so. Now, if we need to get a message to hell it's fine, because Rav is a demon and he can visit there.”
“Do you think we could bribe them with a good curry?”
“I wish. Well, I’ll leave you to have a think about it. I’ll find out when you have the all clear to get this mess fixed up.”
“Thank you, that would be appreciated.”
“So, what has Theo said about what’s happened?”
“You know Theo?”
“Yeah, he’s one of my mates.”
“Right, well, I kind of haven’t told him yet.”
Darius chuckled. “I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you do.”
He followed me back into the office where another staring session followed between him and Kim. Jesus, was Derren Brown hiding in the cupboard? “Darius? Is that all?”
“Oh, yes. Well, and just to say that I sent in an application for the agency. I’m young, free and single. Well, I’m not free on a full moon, but the rest of the time.”
“Ah, yes. We’re just updating the service so it’ll be even better and we’ll be in touch soon,” I told him.
“Right, okay. Well, I’ll be seeing you.”
Kim nodded her head, seemingly unable to speak.
I escorted him out of the office before they could start mooning at each other again.
When I got back Kim was tapping away on her keyboard.
“So, what was that all about? I felt like a third wheel.”
“Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m dating Frankie, remember?” Kim said, going back to her screen.
“Okay then. Well, let’s call it a night. I think we’ve had quite a day.”
“Sure,” Kim said. As I stood to get my coat, I saw her hastily click away from Darius’ application form, recognisable from the photo on the screen. I decided it was better not to mention it.
“I will not allow you to reside by yourself any longer. I need to protect you through my waking hours and well, if you will let me turn you then you will be protected in my vault during the light.”
“No. And you can stop with that manly protector shit. I can look after myself.”
“But this is my role. To fight for your honour. I’m not sure how I could duel with a devil. I am entirely sure I would be dust in seconds, but at least I would have tried.”
“Listen, I’d like my husband in my bed, rather than in a vase on the mantlepiece.”
He grinned, a great beaming smile. “You said husband.”
“What can I say? You’re growing on me.” I winked.
“I am growing right now, actually,” he told me, and that was the end of the conversation.
* * *
Of course, the next morning when I woke he was gone. It was going to take some getting used to, being the girlfriend and potential wife of a vampire, and whether I wanted to be made undead, I still wasn’t sure. What would happen to my witch powers? Then I remembered that I had a devil out to hurt me and the other things faded into insignificance.
“You don’t need to send Rav to hell. Lucy comes to every Halloween celebration. She gets to be herself but the people around her obviously don’t know her horns are real,” Frankie told me.
“So what does she get out of coming here?” I asked him, “other than being able to walk around without a disguise?”
“Well, that in itself is a major part of it, but also she has a quota for Halloween.”
“A quota?”
“Midnight is the time when the veil drops and she gets to choose one person. They have to have done something evil to be chosen. But she can go to their house and trick or treat them. Whatever they answer she can show them her true face. She touches them, and they burn from the inside out, then she escorts them to Hell.”
“Please tell me being bad isn’t running a red light or I’ve fucked it,” I replied.
He chuckled. “No. Murder, child molestation. The kind of stuff that you think ah, well, one less monster to worry about. It’s sometimes a shock to see who goes. Last year it was my dog walker. Apparently, some of his charges never made it back to their owners.”
“So in a way, she got to protect the animals. Aww bless,” I said.
“Shelley—” Frank yelled as a red-hot pointed arrow shot through the window and spiked through Frank’s wall. He froze it with water and it fell to the floor with a crash.
“What the hell just happened?” I asked, shaking.
“Hell, just happened.” He raised his voice. “You just said ‘aww, bless,’ about a devil. Are you insane?”
“So, that’s a no-no then, saying holy-type words?” I queried.
“If you want to live, I’d steer clear.”
“Cool trick there with the ice. I can do that when I’m sent fire?”
“You can learn but you can only control small amounts. No one has the capacity to stop hellfire but Satan, as far as I’m aware, not even the Lord himself. That’s kind of the deal between good and evil. They have to keep a kind of truce between the good stuff and the bad stuff. That’s why sometimes shit happens, like earthquakes or tsunamis. Some people have to die so that others can live a good life. It’s the balance.”
“Shit, this stuff is deep. Anyway, so I can get to meet Lucy at the Halloween party down on the beach front?”
“If you can recognise her amongst the other devils, yes.”
“Can I not do some kind of location spell?”
Frankie shook his head. “I’m afraid not. Only top-level witches can do location spells and you’re only a half-witch. I would love to be able to do them. They could be so helpful.”
“Damn. It would be a lot easier if I could just, for instance, wave at the wall and a map would appear and tell me where, like Theo is.” I waved my hand, sighed, and rolled back against Frankie’s sofa. “This whole thing sucks.”
“Wha-…” Frankie coughed.
“Have you got a crisp stuck in your throat again? How many times have I told you about eating too fast?” I sat up. Frankie was staring at the wall where above his television was a drawing of Theo’s house and an X. “I thought you said I couldn’t do it?”
“Y-y-you shouldn’t be able to. This isn’t right.”
“Well, I can. Where is Kim?” I said. A word came across the wall. U P S T A I R S. “My best friend is upstairs? Oh my God, have you got her waiting up there?” I pulled a face. “Am I after the event or before it?”
“Before, she’s cool. She’s watching Emmerdale.”
I got up to leave. “You’re weird. So very weird.”
“Says the person who can make maps appear on my wall.” He creased his brow. “We need to test your magic again. Something’s not adding up. Somehow, you’ve inherited more from your mother than your father, which is rare, though not impossible. Please be careful, it’s very strong. Keep doing those protection spells, and extend the wording to those innocents around you. You don’t want them hurt by wild magic.” He made some words appear across a piece of paper and handed it to me.
“Thank you,” I told him. “Now roll on Halloween.”
Chapter Fifteen
Shelley
It was Halloween. We’d called a halt to supernatural matchmaking while we dealt with the issue of Lucy. In the meantime, Kim was adding applications to the new system and interviewing prospective clients-or should I say, she was adding the applications to the computer, interviewing the hot male applicants herself, and leaving the rest to me.
“Erm, not fair,” I told her. “Leave some totty for me. I need eye candy too.”
“You’re getting married. I’m allowed to look at all the hot single guys.”
“I am not getting married!”
“That’s not what Ebony says, and she’s a seer.”
“I wish I’d never told you about the supe world.” I sighed. “Has she said anything about you?”
“Just keeps going on about me dating a police officer.”
“Oh my God. I remember her saying that in Jax’s. It’s you and Darius. I bet you’re going to date the werewolf.”
“I don’t think so.”
“What have you got against Darius?”
“Well, for a start I’m dating Frankie and for another thing, well, he has better hair than I do. I can’t deal with that.”
“I swear you were dropped on the head at birth.”
“Not possible, my whole head and body are perfectly shaped.”
“Come on,” I told her. Looking at her attempt at a ghost outfit which was basically a powdered white face and a white bikini. She was going to freeze to death outside. “How are you a ghost?” I asked her.
“I died sunbathing,” she said. “Overheated, had a heart attack.”
“Every man out there will have a heart attack if they see you like that.” I glamoured a white sheet over her body.
She looked down. “Take that off me right now.” She tried to grab it but couldn’t, seeing as it wasn’t real. “This is an outrage. You’re using your magic for bad things. Isn’t this against some code or something?”
“Let’s go.” I pulled her by the arm, “and remember there will be children present in the cafe so no swearing at me.”
“I’d better do it now then,” she said, letting out a stream of expletives that showed me exactly what she thought of the outfit I’d fashioned for her.
* * *
I’d thought Lucy might show up at the cafe open day but she didn’t, so it looked like I was going to have to look for her down at the beach. I agreed to meet Kim at The Marine at 7:30pm.
“How will you find me in that crowd?” Kim asked. “You going to use a location spell?”
“No need. I’ll look for the most naked person. The one surrounded by narrow-eyed women and men with their tongues hanging out. It shouldn’t be difficult.”
“So, you’re going to take this monstrosity off me then?” she snarked.
“Yes, as soon as you get home, it’ll disappear.”
“Thank God for that.”
“Look, you have to admit that when the local church’s under-six choir walked in, you were pleased to be dressed.”
“Yeah, whatever. Right, see you at The Marine. Are you staying dressed like that?” She pointed to my female vampire outfit which Theo had told me to save for later.
“Nope. I’m going as myself. Well, half of myself,” I told her.
I figured if I was half-witch I needed to embrace it, so I’d bought a long dark wig and a pointy hat, plus a witch’s costume. I looked pretty cute if I said so myself.
* * *
Theo came to pick me up dressed as a werewolf, complete with Wolverine type fingers. We’d seen each other every night since we visited the farm, apart from Thursdays when he had a card night with his friends. I used that night to rest from all the sexual marathons we kept having.
“So, I guess I’ll see Darius as a vampire?”
“You got it. We like to… what do you call it, ‘take the piss’ out of each other on Halloween.”
We drove down to The Marine and met up with Kim who was standing next to Frankie. Kim was dressed as a corpse bride.
“Nice outfit,” I said to her rather angry looking face.
“Well, I was dressed in my ghost sunbather costume but another of the magical crew decided to dress me in another outfit.” She gave Frankie a stink eye.
“Too many people were staring. I was at risk of turning them into snakes. It was easier to conjure you an outfit. In any case, you look even more sensational and will probably win outfit of the night.”
“That’s true. I do look amazing.” She twirled. “Not like what she dressed me in earlier.”
“Well, as fun as this is. I need to search for Lucy. Text me if you see her and remember our plan.”
“You’re not going alone,” Theo said. “I’m coming with you.”
“And me,” said Kim.
“And me,” added Frankie.
“Come on then,” I said. “Let’s get this over with.”
“You don’t smell of turnips this evening,” Theo said to Frankie.
“Theo!”
“It’s fine. I took something so you could avoid the odour. I’m nice like that. Whereas I’m failing to see any endearing qualities in your undead self.” Frankie looked Theo up and down.
“I know, let’s split up into two teams. I’m sure that would be more effective. Now, do you have your mobiles on in case we need to contact you?” I said.
“We can communicate telepathically. Try it now. Just think of me and say help,” said Frankie. I closed my eyes and imagined Lucy trying to set me on fire.
“What are you doing to him?” Kim screamed.
I opened my eyes. Kim told me Frankie had been buzzing.
“It’s fine. I’ll know to ask to manifest to wherever Shelley is,” he said, then he and Kim went off in another direction.
The Complete Collection: Supernatural Dating Agency Books 1-6 Page 10