The Complete Collection: Supernatural Dating Agency Books 1-6

by Long, Andie M.

  Theo and I walked down the busy promenade and I stared at every devil. I didn’t want to do a location spell if I could help it as it might give Lucy a signal that I was looking for her. I didn’t know enough about how it worked. Music started up, and the crowds began to thicken. It became more difficult to stick together.

  And then she was in front of me. Her eyes flashing red as she clutched my arm. She slashed open, what I knew from films, to be a portal to her left and dragged me through it.

  I found myself sitting back in my own home.

  “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Shelley Linley. Or as you were born, Michelle Cast. I thought it was annoying enough that you were here in Withernsea upsetting Satan by creating love unions, but to find that you’re the golden child, well, that was just the rain on my bonfire and I don’t like it damp.”

  “How did you find out it was me?”

  “Because my boss hangs around Withernsea. He got all the gossip from dear Theo.”

  Theo. Satan knows Theo? What the actual fuck? “What do you want, Lucy?”

  She looked at her blood-red pointed talons. “I ended up in Hell because of your parents, so I kinda think you can’t offer me much in the way of a deal. Whereas I can play with you and make your life, well, Hell.” She laughed and little flames sparked from her horns-two tiny protrusions atop her head.

  I tilted my head as I met her gaze. “I get you were pissed that my dad went off with Mum. I would have been. To be honest, I’m on your side about the whole ‘try to split them up thing’ because to dump you before your wedding was pretty shit, but how is this my fault? I can’t help that I was born.”

  She sat back on my couch, which was annoying since she kept sparking and singeing the lovely leather.

  “I knew Ebony’s mother. She’d told me of her prophecy. That your father kept a secret, handed down through the generations. She saw a child, she said, who would be very powerful. She said that child’s child would eventually rule all of Withernsea.” She shot flames at my candles, lighting them all up. “I thought she meant me. My child. Our child. Mine and Dylan’s.”

  “Oh.”

  “When your father met your mother, they humiliated me. Yolanda’s predictions became clearer though. She said it was your mother that would have the baby.”

  “So you set the fire and killed Yolanda?”

  “No.” Lucy’s eyes flashed with red and my curtains set fire and dropped to the floor in ashes.

  “I stood near their apartment, near the boutique, and wished revenge on them all for their betrayal. Your mother had just announced her pregnancy. A man approached me. He looked like a vampire. He said he could transport me and your father away to a different place if I would agree to work for him. He said he managed people, and it was somewhere hot and away from here. I loved your father, so I agreed. I guessed he had a supernatural connection, most of Withernsea had. Apart from me—I was one of the ordinary people, yet not good enough for your mortal father. I now know where the phrase Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned originates from.”

  She turned to me and reduced the cushions either side of me to ashes. I tried to raise a protective bubble around myself but that just made her laugh louder.

  “I made a deal with the devil.” Lucy smiled. “He looked so normal, but he was able to make a deal with me as I had evil intent in my mind. I’d been thinking about your parents, how they didn’t deserve happiness, but ruin, and I had thoughts about killing them. Just anger, but that was enough for him to work with. He set fire to the flat, and it spread to the shop.”

  “The devil?”

  “Satan himself. The minute I agreed to the deal strands of red smoke wrapped around me. Your mother and father were caught up in the fire. The Devil grabbed me and dragged me into the flames. They were trying to get out. I told your father that if he wanted to save you and your mother that he had to come with me. He could see I was corrupted by evil but he agreed. Otherwise, all three of you would have perished in that fire. When the fire brigade arrived, I was placed on a stretcher. Your parents walked outside. I thought I’d hallucinated the whole thing, that somehow, I’d been in the fire and it had affected my mind but then I found myself guarding Hell itself. Your father was bound to the same place, but he was there to suffer.”

  “But how could my father go to Hell if he hadn’t made the deal himself?”

  “Because when he saw me and realised I was going to split you all up, just for a moment he wished to kill me. His evil intent was enough. Of course, feeling even more bitter and twisted because I now lived in Hell, I told Satan about your mother’s pregnancy. But it appears that the ones upstairs argued that Satan had upset the balance by taking your father and so your mother was to be protected.

  “So indirectly, Satan actually saved my life?”

  “Yes, something he has never forgiven the gods for. Satan has ruled Withernsea for years now, walking around and living there as one of their own, while I tend the fires of Hell for him. While he was happy at the misery in Withernsea, I was left alone. You think I’m the enemy but I’m just a puppet, Michelle. Now you’re trying to make those he ruins happy, so you need to be taken care of.”

  “If its Satan that wants to ruin me, why have you kidnapped me?”

  “Because you’re going to help me escape Hell. Now there’s a deal you can offer me. Help me escape and I’ll free your father so he and your mother can get back together in Withernsea.”

  “But I thought you didn’t want them together?”

  “I’ve been stuck in one place with him for twenty-six years with no escape. I’m sick of looking at his damn face, or should that be damned face? It’s time for a change.”

  “It doesn’t look like I have much of an option, does it?” I told her.

  “Not really.” She said. “Also, I get to take someone evil with me to Hell on Halloween and if you don’t comply, I’ll take Theo. He’s a murderer after all.”

  I wanted to call her a bitch, but I knew from dealing with a premenstrual Kim when to keep my mouth shut and this was PMT x 1000 sitting on my sofa. “You said Satan has been walking around the streets amongst everyone for all this time?”

  “Yes! He enjoyed taking a bite out of your friend. He wasn’t impressed that you managed to heal the wounds. They were supposed to turn your friend evil. She would have begun to kill your other friends off one by one. You’ve pissed him off. He detects that the prophecy has started. That you have strong powers.

  “Run this past me again. Satan’s been walking around Withernsea as a vampire?”

  “He has. He said tonight he’s going to finish off the job he’s started on your friend. He can’t come after you directly but he can kill some of your friends until you agree to make a deal with him.” She looked at her red nails. “I’ll bet he’s there right now.”

  “Take me back,” I shouted.

  “Do we have a deal?” She smiled slowly.

  “Yes. I will help you get out of Hell for the freedom of my parents.”

  “Excellent. As soon as I’m free, I will free your father.”

  “Now excuse me a minute while I do a location spell to find my friend,” I told her. I stared at the wall and saw she was in a backstreet near the amusements.

  “Can you take me there?” I asked Lucy.

  “I suppose so,” she said, then grabbed me and back we went through a portal.

  I appeared in the alleyway, Lucy standing behind me. Kim was lying on the floor.

  Laying over her, his mouth on her neck, was Theo.

  “Oh my God.” I said. “Are you Satan?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Shelley

  Theo stood up, Kim’s blood dripping from his mouth. “Of course I’m not Satan. Have you been drinking? I got a call from Frankie saying they’d been having a drink and Kim didn’t feel he was giving her enough attention, so she stomped out of the pub. He gave her a minute and then went after her, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  “So how
did you find her?”

  “She’s bleeding. It’s like a homing beacon to me. I’m trying to close her wounds with my saliva but it’s not working.”

  “Because they’re not vampire wounds. Here, let me.” I moved towards Kim.

  “Oh my God, what’s she doing here?” Theo asked.

  “Oh, yeah, Theo - Lucy. Lucy - Theo.”

  “Pleasure,” said Lucy. “By the way, behave yourself or I’m taking you to Hell with me tonight.”

  I looked at Theo and shook my head. “Not the time to ask right now.”

  I put my fingers on the bite marks that once again marred Kim’s neck and closed my eyes. I felt what appeared like bubbling from underneath and a thick red sticky liquid came out of her mouth, heat making it sizzle.

  “Oh my God, what has he done to her?”

  I envisaged Kim’s body in my mind. I saw red-hot liquid in her system, so I imagined a cool, icy, nitrogen style antidote, the white smoke chasing the hot liquid out of her body. Kim spluttered. Theo held her while she vomited the red liquid again and again. Then she opened her eyes.

  “What the fuck?”

  I sent the psychic message to Frankie. He materialised in front of me and looked Kim over. “She’s okay. She might feel off for a few days, but she’ll survive.” He looked at me. I nodded.

  “But Shelley. I don’t know how you’re doing this. I released the rest of your powers but to be able to thwart Satan. This is beyond anything anyone in Withernsea has ever known.”

  “Really?” I turned around to Lucy. “I wonder if I can freeze you. Shall I give it a try?” I raised an eyebrow.

  She looked back at me warily and took a step backwards. “Maybe you could. But you made a deal with me and that can’t be broken now. Not even by a powerful witch.”

  “So how do I find Satan?”

  “You don’t. You wait for him.”

  “Damn. Okay, while I wait how do I get you free so that I can have my parents back?”

  “You have to bargain with the devil himself,” she said.

  I placed a hand on my hip. “Excuse me? You said nothing about this before.”

  “I’m a devil, you have to anticipate I’ll be devious. I’m a bad guy. Jesus, you need lessons in supes.”

  “So I agreed to free you to get my parents back, not realising you meant I’d have to take on Satan?”

  “That’s right, babes.”

  “And I can’t do a location spell?”

  “Doubt it.”

  “You can do location spells?” Theo’s face seemed to whirr with thoughts. “I know we’re busy looking for the devil but can you do one to find my sire’s sire? I’ll be able to get my money back if we survive hellfire.”

  “Sure.” I flayed my hands in the air. “Not like I’ve anything better to do.”

  “Well, while you’re pratting around with that, I’m going to get a gingerbread ghost,” said Lucy, stomping off.

  I conjured up a picture in the night sky that looked like I drew it with sparklers. “Where is Theo’s sire’s sire?” I asked.

  “That’s my house,” said Theo.

  “I’m going to try to find Satan,” I said, “just because other people can’t do it, doesn’t mean I can’t.” I looked in the air and pictured the stereotypical devil with horns. A red-hot light shone in the living room of the map of Theo’s home. “That can’t be right,” I said.

  Then the light opened into a flaming red portal and a voice shouted out. “Do come and join me, I’ve been waiting.”

  “Don’t do it, Shelley. It’s a trick,” said Theo. “It’s got to be.”

  “But if I don’t go to see him I don’t get my parents back.”

  “What’s going on?” said Lucy. “I felt myself being summoned.”

  “Bring them through, Lucy,” the voice said again.

  “Come on, it’s fine.” Lucy said.

  “She could be lying to you.” Theo pointed at Lucy. “She said herself that she lies.”

  I turned and looked at Lucy. “Not this time. She wants to be free. She knows this is the only way Withernsea is freed from his rule.”

  “But how has he been ruling? I’ve not seen any evidence of demonic power.”

  “He’s not been walking around as Satan,” Lucy said. “He’s been living as a vampire, shagging around. Every one of his women has ended up in hospital with severe burns. I see it all where I am, but I’m powerless to stop him. Plus, one of them ransacked my flat when I disappeared and stole my Mac cosmetics – she had it coming.”

  “I’ll drive us there,” said Theo. “He’ll just have to wait. It’s only a couple of minutes drive from here.”

  “Well hurry,” said the voice from the portal. “Or your friend Darius will be toast.”

  “I bet I could teleport with practice,” I grumbled.

  “Well I offered to take you, don’t say I didn’t,” huffed Lucy.

  “It’s a couple of minutes up the street for Heaven’s sake,” said Theo, who had been struggling to get his car started.

  A flame leapt out of Lucy’s fingers and singed his back seat.

  “We’re in a petrol car, can you not blow us up?” I shouted.

  “He’s the one who caused that, saying words about the people upstairs.” She folded her arms over herself and mumbled something about Hell being easier than real life.

  We got out of the car and followed Theo into his house. As we entered the living room, we found two men playing cards.

  “Darius? Reuben? I… I just spoke to, well, never mind. Er, did I invite you round for a game, I don’t remember?” Theo said, his face creased in concern.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “This is Darius, as you already know, and this is my best friend Reuben,” Theo explained. “So… I’m a little confused.”

  “Really, you are so stupid,” Lucy said. “I’ve already told you he’s been living as a vampire.”

  “Say what?” I pointed to Reuben. “Is Reuben really Satan?”

  “That’s impossible,” Theo exploded. “Reuben is my best friend, we play cards every Thursday night.”

  “Yeah and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, he’s either down in Hell or causing death and mayhem here,” added Lucy.

  “Lucy, my beautiful assistant. Are you enjoying Halloween? Have you decided who your new plaything will be?”

  “Yes.” She smiled sweetly. “I’m going to take Theo with me.”

  “What?” yelled Darius.

  “Be quiet, wolf, or I’ll be having a nice steak for dinner,” snarled Satan.

  Darius’ face paled. “All those times we’ve played cards and had banter… you were the devil. I can’t believe it.”

  “And you thought it was wereblood that made me volatile. You’re so stupid.”

  “Is there someone else here?” I asked.

  “No, why?”

  “Because according to my spell, Theo’s sire’s sire is here as well.”

  Satan chuckled and raised a hand. “Oooh, that would be me. Basically, I watched Theo’s ridiculously stupid sire get attacked and then his sire, the original Reuben, came along, greedily wanting all the money from the sale of the farm so I kind of tore out his evil undead soul and took over his body. I’ve had various assistants looking after Hell and in the meantime, I’ve ruled Withernsea. It’s been one of the worst places to live. Diabolical in fact. That is until you came along, Shelley. It was okay while you didn’t have any powers and only wanted to match up the poor human saps who live here, but oh no, fate, the arse pain she is, decided to send Theo across your path, awakening your powers. I’m afraid that’s not going to work for me. Take him to hell, Lucy.”

  “I want to make a deal,” I told him.

  “Halt!” he shouted at Lucy. “It would appear a different option has been thrown my way.” He stroked his chin. “I need a moment to ponder this. I don’t want to waste the offer of a binding deal.” His eyes flashed red. What was it with devils an
d vampires? Was there a shop somewhere with a deal on red contacts?

  “Right. I want you to agree that you will not marry or give birth to this man’s child,” he said, pointing at Theo. “Also, that you will not arrange any more dates for supernaturals at your agency. I need my supes depressed. They create more death and destruction that way. Now, what do you want?”

  “All I ask is that you let Lucy free of her duties and allow her to come back to earth. She was wronged. She didn’t deserve to be placed in Hell. By doing so she will free my father and my mother will come out of exile.”

  “You’re willing to give him up for this?”

  “To save my family, yes. I want to know my father and mother.” I looked at Theo, tears in my eyes. “I am so, so, sorry, but I have to do this.”

  Theo looked down at the floor. “I can’t believe this. I’ve lost my best friend and my would-be wife in one night.”

  “Oh, and by the way, Shelley. How is your friend? She sure did taste nice when I bit her. Even better the second time around. It was easy to get Theo’s tie from here. Stupid vampire never locks the door. I hope it didn’t cause too much trouble between you and your boyfriend. Not that it matters now.” Satan laughed, then stood up and shook my hand. “Deal,” he said.

  “Deal.” I agreed. Red and white ribbons of smoke wrapped around our hands before dissipating.

  I looked at Theo as the Devil broke into laughter.

  “Now,” I said.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Shelley

  It all happened in seconds. The deal was binding and in front of me stood a red reptilian looking man. As he spoke I noticed he did indeed have a forked tongue.

  “Well, that concludes business,” he said.

  “I don’t think so.” A man walked through the door. He had red hair the same as my own and I instinctively knew that this was my father, even before Lucy said “Dylan”. He winked at me. “We kept one more secret from you, daughter.” In front of our eyes he transformed into a dragon-like creature. Standing on two legs, he had a dragon’s head and wings on his back. His trunk and legs were reptilian, and he had a fishlike tail.