A Lot Like Christmas: Stories

by Connie Willis

  20. Meet Me in St. Louis: Except for the ending, this isn’t really a Christmas movie—we sometimes watch it in October instead because of its wonderful Halloween scene—but it has one of the all-time-great Christmas songs in it—“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”—and its theme of a Christmas marked by partings and sadness is one that makes the movie truly memorable.

  21. The Lemon Drop Kid: Not only is this based on a Damon Runyon story (see comments on Runyon under “Dancing Dan’s Christmas”), but it has Bob Hope. And the song “Silver Bells.”

  22. Spotlight: This Oscar-winning picture about the team of Boston Globe reporters who exposed a far-reaching scandal in the Catholic Church isn’t technically a Christmas movie, though it takes place during the holidays, and its subject matter is heavier than that of the other films on this list. But its theme—truth and justice fighting against seemingly overwhelming odds—is entirely appropriate for the season. And more timely than ever.

  23. Little Women: This isn’t a Christmas movie, either, but it starts out at Christmas, and the book has one of the great Christmas-story first lines ever, the aforementioned “ ‘Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,’ grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.” Plus, I watched it every Christmas when I was a kid. There are three versions to choose from. The one I grew up on was the June Allyson one (with Elizabeth Taylor perfectly cast as snotty Amy). The Katharine Hepburn version is generally acknowledged to be the best, but my personal favorite is the new one with Winona Ryder and Kirsten Dunst. Or you could watch them all.

  24. And finally, White Christmas: I know, I know, it’s a complete cliché. And by rights, it should have been a disaster. In the first place, it was a sequel (to Holiday Inn, which isn’t nearly as good), and was written solely to capitalize on the success of the song “White Christmas.” In the second place, it didn’t have a real score, just a bunch of random Irving Berlin songs pulled from hither and yon, and its story of “Hey, kids, let’s put on a show,” is the most overused plot in the book. Plus, Fred Astaire bailed, and then his replacement, Donald O’Connor, got sick. But somehow it managed to pull it all together to become a great movie, with bits like Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye doing “Sisters” in drag and the general sending his replacement off on a wild-goose chase, which get better every year. Plus, there’s Mary Wickes and the whole running gag of Danny’s injured arm. And the faces of the young boys, far from home and waiting to be called into battle, listening to a song from home. Inspired.

  Good things to read at Christmas are trickier to find than good movies. Everything out there right now seems to be either treacly, annoyingly inspirational, or about someone attempting to overcome drug addiction, prostitution, and/or abusive parents. But here are twenty that manage to avoid being pious, goopily sentimental, and/or suicidally depressing.

  1. The Original Christmas Story (Matthew Chapter 1:18–25, 2:1–18, Luke Chapter 1:5–80, 2:1–52): It’s got everything you could ask for in a story: adventure, excitement, love, betrayals, good guys, bad guys, narrow escapes, mysterious strangers, and a thrilling chase scene. And the promise of a great sequel.

  2. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens: The perfect Christmas story, which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the only way to begin a Christmas story is with the line, “Marley was dead: to begin with.” And just because you know it all by heart—Scrooge and Tiny Tim and the Ghost of Christmas Past, “I forged these chains in life,” and the bed-curtains and the turkey and “God bless us, every one!”—is no reason not to read it again.

  3. “The Tree That Didn’t Get Trimmed” by Christopher Morley: Obviously inspired by Hans Christian Andersen’s sickeningly sentimental “The Fir Tree,” this story of a tree that doesn’t get bought by anyone and instead gets thrown away not only avoids all the sins of its antecedent, but ends by telling a touching parable of those ultimate Christmas themes, suffering and redemption.

  4. “Christmas Trees” by Robert Frost: Robert Frost is one of my favorite poets. His poems are the essence of New England—taciturn and down-to-earth—and unique. Take, for example, that other poem of his that people associate with Christmas, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.” Or this one, about a man with a hill full of fir trees—and the man from the city who wants to buy them.

  5. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson: This modest children’s story of a church Nativity pageant invaded by the horrible Herdman kids, who steal and swear and smoke cigars (even the girls), accomplishes the nearly impossible—the creation of a new classic—and makes the reader look at the story of Mary and Joseph and the baby “wrapped in wadded-up clothes” as the Herdmans do, with new eyes.

  6. “Santaland Diaries” by David Sedaris: I first heard this on NPR, and I was riveted. I’d never heard a take on Christmas so wry, so cynical, and so dead-on. David Sedaris has gone on to write lots of pieces about Christmas, but this diary of his days as an elf in the toy department at Macy’s remains my favorite.

  7. “The Santa Claus Compromise” by Thomas Disch: This parable of a future in which six-year-olds have finally gotten their political rights and are intent on doing investigative journalism to expose Santa Claus’s true identity could have been written in today’s group-rights-activism climate. The fact that it was written back in 1974, when satire was still possible, makes it chilling as well as funny.

  8. “Journey of the Magi” by T. S. Eliot: The Bible doesn’t tell us anything about what the wise men’s journey to Bethlehem was like, or how much it must have cost them emotionally to make it. Or what happened to them afterward, when it was time to go back home.

  9. “Dancing Dan’s Christmas” by Damon Runyon: When the dust settles on the twentieth century, it’s my belief that Damon Runyon will finally be recognized as one of our greatest writers and will be fully appreciated for his clever plots, his unerring ear for language, and his cast of guys, dolls, gangsters, bookies, chorus girls, crapshooters, Salvation Army soul-savers, high rollers, lowlifes, louts, and lovable losers. I chose “Dancing Dan’s Christmas,” a story involving a mean mobster, a Santa Claus suit, a diamond vanity case, and a few too many Tom and Jerrys, to include here, but it was a tough call. “Palm Beach Santa Claus” and “The Three Wise Guys” were both a close second.

  10. “The Star” by Arthur C. Clarke: One of the classics of science fiction by one of the masters in the field, this tells a troubling story about the star that guided the wise men to Bethlehem.

  11. “The Gift of the Magi” by O. Henry: O. Henry is another underappreciated author, as witness the fact that dozens of stories, screenplays, and sitcoms have copied the plot of this story. But none of them have ever managed to copy the charm or the style of the original, a simple little tale of a watch fob and a set of tortoiseshell combs.

  12. The Memorial Hall Murder by Jane Langton: For all you mystery fans, Christmas offers an abundance of Christmas stories and detectives, from Sherlock Holmes (“The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle”) to Hercule Poirot (Murder for Christmas), but you may not have met Detective Homer Kelly or read this mystery about a murder that occurs while a college choir’s rehearsing the “Messiah.” And it doesn’t get any more Christmassy than Handel and choirs. Or murder.

  13. “Rumpole and the Spirit of Christmas” by John Mortimer: If you’ve encountered the irascible Old Bailey hack, Horace Rumpole, on PBS’s Mystery, he seems like the last person to have any Christmas spirit, and he is. Which is why this story works so well. Leave it to John Mortimer to teach us a new meaning of “the Christmas spirit.”

  14. “The Chimes” by Charles Dickens: A Christmas Carol is only one of a score of holiday stories Dickens wrote. A few years ago I decided to read them all, and when I read “The Chimes,” I got a huge shock, as will you. I won’t give it away, but let’s just say the plot of a certain very famous Christmas movie bears a suspicious resemblance to this Dickens story about a man who wishes he’d never been born.

  15. Wishin’ and Hopin’: A Christmas
Story by Wally Lamb: Set in the era of LBJ, Dragnet, and the Beatles, this story, about a fifth-grade boy who has a famous cousin (whom no one in the family has actually ever met) and who’s been cast as the little drummer boy in the Catholic school Christmas pageant but who’s more interested in girls, has pretty much everything you could want: nuns, rosaries, impure thoughts, angels with light-up halos, suicide Cokes, dodgeball, Dondi—and Annette Funicello.

  16. The Tailor of Gloucester by Beatrix Potter: When Beatrix Potter (of Peter Rabbit fame) was staying with relatives in the west of England, she heard a story of a tailor who’d fallen ill before he could finish sewing a coat he was making for the mayor and found it miraculously completed when he returned to work, and spun it into a Christmas tale about a bad cat, some beleaguered mice, and a twist of cherry-colored thread. The illustrations are some of Potter’s loveliest, and the story’s charming.

  17. “Christmas Eve: Nearing Midnight in New York” by Langston Hughes: One of my favorite poets, Langston Hughes has written Christmas-themed poems in several moods and modes, from the traditional “Shepherd’s Song at Christmas” to the slashingly bitter “Merry Christmas,” and you should read them all. But I like this one, with its city images and tentative “almosts,” the best.

  18. “Another Christmas Carol” by P. G. Wodehouse: There’s no way to describe a P. G. Wodehouse story, so I won’t even try. I’ll just say that this is the only Christmas story I know of that involves the bubonic plague and tofu, and that, if you’ve never read him, there could be no better Christmas gift than discovering P. G. Wodehouse.

  19. “Down Pens” by Saki (H. H. Munro): I love all Saki stories, but I’m especially fond of this take on the task of writing Christmas thank-yous, since my research on the subject for my novel Crosstalk (which consisted mostly of reading advice columns) proved conclusively that human beings think more about thank-you notes than anything else. Including sex.

  20. “For the Time Being: A Christmas Oratorio” by W. H. Auden: Part play, part poem, all masterpiece, this long work is what you should read in January, when you’re taking down the Christmas decorations (and your sense of good will toward men) and putting them away for another year—and then facing the bleak post-Bethlehem world we all find ourselves living in.

  One of the blessings of our so-called information age is that all these episodes are available to watch on YouTube or Netflix or Hulu. Or, in the case of Dr. Who, on BBC America or Syfy. Enjoy!

  1. Frasier, Season 3, Episode 9, “Frasier Grinch”: Even though Frasier’s son really wanted an Outlaw Laser Robo-Geek, Frasier bought him an educational toy—which didn’t arrive. So he and Niles have to try to find a present for him at the mall on Christmas Eve. Classic slapstick, brilliant title cards (as usual), and the ending had me in tears.

  2. Murphy Brown, Season 3, Episode 11, “Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell, Jingle…”: Murphy talked everyone in the office into making a charitable donation instead of exchanging gifts, and then broke the bargain by buying presents (just little ones), sending everyone scrambling for last-minute gifts in the only store open on Christmas Eve—the drugstore. Which has a large (and very breakable) collection of gnomes.

  3. Big Bang Theory, Season 2, Episode 11, “The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis”: All of this series’ Christmas episodes are good and well worth watching, but none of them can top this one, in which Sheldon approaches the custom of giving gifts in his usual hyper-rational, unemotional way, calculating the precise exchange rate for small, medium, and large baskets of bath oil, soap, and scented candles—and gets a lesson in higher mathematics (and Christmas) from Penny, of all people.

  4. The Muppet Christmas Special with John Denver: This was the first of the Muppet Christmas specials, and it’s the best. Highlights include “When the River Meets the Sea,” an altercation with Miss Piggy over the words “figgy pudding,” a truly awful rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” and a lively rendition of “Little Saint Nick.”

  5. Doctor Who, The Christmas Specials: All the Doctor Who Christmas specials—“The Husbands of River Song,” “Last Christmas,” “The Time of the Doctor,” “The Snowmen,” “The End of Time,” “The Day of the Doctor”—are terrific. My favorite is probably “Tooth and Claw,” having, as it does, Queen Victoria, a werewolf, Scotland, the birth of Torchwood, and the Koh-i-Noor diamond, but don’t make me choose. You should watch them all.

  6. The Twilight Zone, “Five Characters in Search of an Exit”: The Twilight Zone did a number of memorable Christmas stories. The most famous is “The Night of the Meek,” with Art Carney as a drunken department-store Santa, but “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” is more quintessentially Twilight Zone–ish, with its five mismatched people—a hobo, a bagpiper, a ballet dancer, a clown, and an Army major—trapped in a strange place with no idea what’s going on and no way out. And Rod Serling (who was born on Christmas) intoning, “Tonight’s odd cast of players on the odd stage known as—the Twilight Zone.”

  TO CHARLES DICKENS AND GEORGE SEATON,

  who knew how to keep Christmas

  By Connie Willis

  A Lot Like Christmas

  Crosstalk

  All About Emily

  All Clear

  Blackout

  All Seated on the Ground

  D.A.

  Inside Job

  Passage

  To Say Nothing of the Dog

  Bellwether

  Uncharted Territory

  Remake

  Doomsday Book

  Lincoln’s Dreams

  PHOTO: © G. MARK LEWIS

  CONNIE WILLIS is a member of the Science Fiction Hall of Fame and a Grand Master of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America. She has received seven Nebula awards and eleven Hugo Awards for her fiction. Blackout and All Clear—a novel in two parts—and Doomsday Book won both. Her other works include Crosstalk, Passage, To Say Nothing of the Dog, Lincoln’s Dreams, Bellwether, Remake, Uncharted Territory, The Best of Connie Willis, Impossible Things, and Fire Watch. Willis lives with her family in Colorado and adores Christmas in all of its many merry and sometimes ridiculous manifestations.

  conniewillis.net

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