Tasting Her Christmas Cookies: A Holiday Romantic Comedy

by Alina Jacobs

  “Can you make me some green and red frosting? I want to make swirled tops,” she said.

  “I want marshmallows,” I slurred, pouring us all another round of shots. It was definitely getting a little blurry in here. I was really starting to think smearing cake and candy all over Owen's cars was a totally fantastic idea. Hey, he was a lying, cheating, Christmas-hating bastard, right? Really, if I thought about it, I was showing considerable restraint.

  By the time the cupcakes had been baked, cooled, and decorated, the eggnog vodka was gone and we had started on the Yule log vodka, which was supposed to taste like chocolate mousse but tasted like reindeer roadkill.

  “The frosting is done,” Morticia said, scraping a bowl into an overflowing five-gallon bucket.

  “We need disguises,” Fiona suggested.

  “I have the perfect thing,” I said, snapping my fingers, or trying to. That vodka was messing with my hand-eye coordination.

  From one of my boxes of costumes, I pulled out three elf outfits.

  “Why do you have three?” Fiona asked.

  “They were on sale.” I shrugged, pulling on the red tights and little shorts. I put on the jacket and tightened the belt. Then I helped Fiona lace up the bodice on her elf costume and adjusted Morticia's collar. With our elf hats and sunglasses, my friends and I could be any mall Santa's little helpers.

  “We can’t just walk in with this stuff,” Fiona said, gesturing to the boxes of sprinkles and the bags and buckets of icing.

  “We'll wrap it,” Fiona decided. “I bought all this Christmas paper from the dollar store and never used it.”

  “We should use it. I have bows too!” I said as we sat on the floor, wrapping the boxes of sprinkles, icing, sauces, and cupcakes.

  “Now who’s taking too much time?” I said as Morticia carefully wrapped the boxes of cupcakes.

  “It has to look legit,” she said as she carefully lined up the patterns on the silvery wrapping paper.

  When everything was wrapped, Fiona took the boxes of cupcakes. I had the bags of royal icing and boxes of sprinkles, marshmallows, and other small, sugary objects. Morticia had the bucket of buttercream frosting and bags of chocolate sauce and red syrup. As we were about to leave, she picked up the bat and added it to her load. She had wrapped it neatly in green-and-red paper and tied a large bow on it.

  “Just in case you want to really let loose.”

  We hauled the baked goods across town to Owen's tower. After all the physical exertion, I was a lot more sober when we arrived there and snuck into the garage.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” I said apprehensively as I surveyed the rows of expensive cars. Morticia and Fiona were unwrapping the bags of frosting. “We could just eat the cupcakes instead.”

  “You shouldn’t eat so many carbs,” Owen's mom said, appearing out of the shadows, the bells on her elf costume jingling softly. “Carbs make you fat and break out your skin. I should know. I have two PhDs.”

  “Well, good for you,” Fiona shot back, hefting a container of icing.

  Was Owen’s mom going to call the cops? Holly, this was such a dumb idea.

  Diane frowned as she surveyed the boxes of cupcakes and frosting. “Are you here to do some sort of crazy sex activity with my son?”

  “Of course not!” I said just as Morticia said, “Yeah, we totally are.”

  “Morticia,” I hissed.

  “What?” she whispered back. “We can’t admit we're here to cake-smash his cars.”

  Diane Frost smirked. “Oh, you poor, stupid, heartbroken girl. Did you actually think my son was in love with you?”

  I bit my lip. Yeah, actually, a part of me kind of had.

  “He was just using you,” Diane continued. “He’s been with Sloane the whole time. You know, as a scientist you have to remain dispassionate in order to see the truth. That’s how I operate. Don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. I’m right. Look at the facts.”

  I did. I had. And the conclusion was that Owen had definitely been using me. I looked around in anger. Was I just another thing that Owen had acquired because he could? Did he collect women like cars?

  “This is your big moment, Holly,” Morticia said. She pressed a button on her phone, and the Russian dance from The Nutcracker broke out, echoing around the parking deck. I pulled out a bag of royal icing and dumped it over the nearest car. Fiona handed me two cupcakes, and I hurled them at two more pristine black cars.

  “More icing!” Fiona cheered.

  I dragged the bucket of buttercream frosting and dumped it all over a silver Porsche, covering it with red. For good measure, I lobbed handfuls of red and green sprinkles onto the frosting. They stuck, speckling the car.

  “Have fun licking that off, dick!”

  I smashed several cupcakes on a Lamborghini, smearing the red and green frosting all over the windshield, cake crumbling on the sleek hood of the car. White chocolate went all over the Bugatti that he’d driven me around in, then came fistfuls of red sugar, the crystals raining over the car like angry snow.

  “Stop it!” another woman shrieked. Amber raced toward me in an elf costume that was a lot sexier than mine. She had on mile-high stilettos and was hobbling along as she approached. “That’s my boyfriend's car.” She ran to Fiona and tried to wrestle the cupcakes out of her arms.

  “I made these! Get your own cupcakes!” she hollered.

  Morticia picked up the bat, comically wrapped in Christmas paper and a bow, and swung it around.

  “Keep going, Holly! Finish the job. I’ll hold her off!”

  Amber managed to snag a cupcake. She hauled back and threw it at me. I ducked, squirting a nice stream of frosting along the length of a white McLaren Lotus. The cupcake barely missed me and instead hit Sloane in the face.

  “Where did you come from?” She, too, was wearing a sexy elf costume.

  “My future daughter-in-law!” Diane Frost said, pleased to see her.

  “I was coming out here to give Owen a little surprise,” Sloane said, “but clearly you animals ruin everything for people who are just trying to make their men happy.”

  “Because nothing says ‘I love you more’ like pimping yourself out to win a magazine award,” Morticia shot out.

  Sloane plunged at me, wrestling me for the icing. “Give it to me! I’m going to kill her!”

  “All of you need to make your own baked goods!” Fiona shouted. “We spent hours on these! Hours!” She smashed a cupcake in Amber’s face. Amber lunged at her.

  I hoped Morticia had it under control. I was too busy avoiding Sloane. She had several inches on me, and unlike me, she did real workouts, not the “How fast can I shovel these chips and dip into my mouth?” kind.

  Sloane finally wrestled the frosting from me, squirted it in my face, then ran to Morticia. I lunged at Sloane's ankles, and we both went down in the icing and destroyed cupcakes.

  Morticia was still swinging the bat around. Dr. Frost did some sort of jujitsu move and took the bat, throwing it away. She tried to punch Morticia, but my friend ducked. Fiona was trying to throw a cupcake at Amber, but her aim was off, and Owen's mom scored a cupcake to the face.

  Slone kicked at me then ran to the group. I raced after her, slipping and sliding in the icing. I grabbed a cupcake. I was furious at Sloane and the whole situation. Raising my arm, I hurled it at her. She ducked, and I watched as the cupcake flew through the air right at a very confused-looking Owen.

  74

  Owen

  I looked up to see what looked like Santa's toy shop dumped out in my garage. Elves were everywhere.

  “Owen!” my mom called.

  “Baby!” Sloane cried.

  They raced toward me, covered in frosting. In fact the garage looked as if an industrial baking accident had occurred. Icing, cake, chocolate sauce, and sprinkles were all over the floors, walls, and ceiling.

  “My cars!” I said in shock. They were covered in desserts.

  “It was Holly!” anoth
er elf exclaimed running towards me in mincing little steps.

  “Shit,” several men chorused behind me.

  “Mom?” Jack said as he, Jonathan, Matt, and Oliver peered around me at the dessert carnage.

  “My darling sons!” my mother said, trying to hug my brothers. The youngest two shrank away from her.

  “This is private property,” I said tersely. “I’m calling the police.”

  “Holly’s the one who needs to go to jail!” Sloane howled.

  I pushed through them.

  Holly looked at me defiantly, picked up a cupcake, and threw it at the nearest car.

  “You don’t get to just use me like I’m some sort of funny little holiday experiment that you can brag about to your friends,” she said hotly.

  “I would never! I love you,” I insisted.

  “No you don’t.”

  Holly looked as if she was about to cry.

  “Of course I do,” I said, reaching out and swiping at some of the frosting on her face.

  “He’s in love with me!” Sloane yelled.

  “No he isn’t,” Belle said, shoving our brothers out of the way. “Honestly, Sloane, don’t send incriminating emails from your work account. I had Garrett Svensson call up Evan Harrington and make him hand over your emails.” My sister handed Holly a stack of papers.

  “That just proves that Owen and I had a deal,” Sloane countered.

  “No, it explicitly shows you were talking to Diane about it.” Belle pointed to the email.

  “Belle is lying!” Sloane shrieked. “I didn’t do any of that.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Belle said. “I literally have proof.” She turned to Holly, who was leafing through the papers. “I’m sorry you got sucked into the middle of our family drama.”

  “And I’m sorry you got sucked into the middle of mine,” Holly replied, jerking her head to indicate Amber. She smiled at me sheepishly. “So fair’s fair? Sorry I ruined your cars. I’ll buy you a drink to make it up to you?”

  “You can make it up to me right now,” I said, leaning over her, tasting the sugar, vanilla, and cake as I kissed her.

  “Yeah, I think that might work,” Holly breathed against my mouth.

  I pulled her into a kiss, not caring that all the cake and frosting were going to ruin my suit. I kissed her long and hard.

  “I think I love you too,” she said when I released her—well, tried to release her.

  “I think we’re glued together,” she said, peeling herself off me.

  “Does this mean you accept him back?” Jonathan shouted. “Because supposedly we’re eating raw turkey and beer for Christmas.”

  Holly wrinkled her nose.

  “I’m cooking,” I explained.

  “You?” she said in shock.

  “I couldn't book a caterer.”

  “Of course not! For Christmas Eve? You’d have had to book way in advance.”

  “Well,” I said, “I didn’t.” I looked at Holly. “But maybe you want to have beer? Christmas is about spending time with people you love.”

  “Yes, but call me old-fashioned, I like food on Christmas.” She looked at me then looked around. “The least I could do after destroying your cars is host your Christmas party.”

  Belle threw our mom, Sloane, and Amber out of the tower. She tried to eject Morticia and Fiona too.

  “No, they're with me,” Holly said.

  Belle peered at them. “I didn't recognize you two under all that cake.”

  “We probably shouldn’t track all that into the building,” Holly said, stopping in the doorway.

  “I’m going back home to shower,” Fiona announced. She took a bite of the last remaining cupcake.

  “Same,” Morticia said from behind a cake-covered car, where she was recovering her baseball bat.

  Holly waved to them then followed me to the elevator.

  My brothers and Belle exited the elevator two floors below to adjourn to Belle's condo.

  “I am sorry about everything,” I apologized once we were in my penthouse. I pulled Holly to me, kissing her, little flakes of dried icing raining on the freshly swept floor.

  “I think I might have slightly overreacted,” she said against my mouth. “The holidays, right? Makes people crazy.”

  “You aren't crazy,” I said seriously. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Owen.”

  I wrapped her in my arms again. She was exactly where she belonged. “I have a favor to ask,” I said after a moment.

  “Of course I’ll help you with your holiday party,” she told me. “And I'll even wash your cars off. I have a Christmas-themed bikini!”

  “Not that I wanted—” I ran a hand through my hair, streaking the platinum silver with red frosting. Holly tried not to giggle. I looked down at my hand wryly.

  “I know you said you wanted to go to Paris if you didn't win,” I said. “And if you still want to move, I’ll help you as much or as little as you want.”

  She opened her mouth, but I held up a hand to stop her.

  “But I was thinking maybe you’d like to open a restaurant here in the lobby? I have money allocated for it. My employees want it. So do the Svenssons.”

  “What do they have to do with it?” she asked, confused.

  “They have these weird feuds… Never mind them. You don’t have to give me an answer now,” I assured her.

  “Yes.”

  “You can take time to think about it—”

  “Yes!” she practically shouted.

  “It doesn’t have a window, because all the retail space is used up,” I said.

  Holly shrugged. “It will be a secret. Internet influencers love that stuff. We're building a building within a building! It will be totally cool!”

  “I'm glad you're staying!” I said in relief. I grinned broadly then kissed Holly.

  “Yum,” she said. “I love the way you taste covered in frosting.”

  75

  Holly

  I undid his tie, the frosting smearing on my hands.

  “I think this suit is ruined,” I said as Owen took off his jacket and dropped it to the floor. I threw his tie next to it and unbuttoned the top button on his shirt then pulled. The buttons all popped off, springing around the room.

  “I thought that shirt was better made than that.”

  “I beat a lot of meringue,” I said. “All of me is soft with the exception of my chef's arms. They’re disproportionately strong and good at fine motor control.”

  He threw off his undershirt, and I licked the frosting off his chest while I undid his belt.

  “I need my Frost and frosting fix,” I joked.

  He hissed as I took his cock out of his pants. It was thick and big, and my pussy ached with need for him. He undid my elf costume as I stroked his cock, getting frosting on it.

  “Nuh-uh,” I said as Owen bent down to press his face to my now-exposed tits. “From the moment I first saw you, I wanted to lick frosting off your cock. Now is my chance. Don't ruin this for me.”

  He bit down a curse as I bent down and licked my tongue along the length of his cock, anticipating how it would feel to have his huge dick inside me. I slid the whole length into my mouth, tasting the frosting. His hand rested on my head, gently rubbing my scalp. Then his fingers tangled in my hair and pulled me up to kiss my tits.

  “I want to fuck you in that ridiculous elf costume,” he said, hand pressing between my legs.

  “Feeling the Christmas spirit! Also, I come covered in frosting, so you get a two-for-one kink deal!”

  “If you’re going to continue to dress in those outfits, I think Christmas might be my new turn-on,” he mumbled as he licked and kissed my nipples. He pushed me back onto the large couch, pulling down the little shorts I was wearing under the elf jacket, then tore off the tights.

  I moaned as he spread my thighs and pressed his mouth against me, licking me, teasing my clit, stroking along my pussy. He rolled on a condom. His chest had a streak
of red frosting on it.

  Sticking out my tongue, I licked him, making him growl. Owen crushed our mouths together then slid into me. He fucked me slowly, purposefully, making me feel every inch of his hard length. I tipped my head back and moaned as Owen trailed his tongue over my skin to the mounds of my breasts as he slowly fucked me.

  One hand snuck between my legs to stroke my clit. I whimpered, my tits brushing against his chest as he thrust into me. I panted, and he moved up to kiss me, taking my mouth as he filled me with his huge cock. I moaned, my hands in his hair. I knew I was getting icing in it, but I didn’t care. I spread my legs wider, needing to feel him, needing his cock.

  He increased the rhythm, and I whimpered and panted against his mouth, kissing his strong jaw. One hand braced on the couch, the other went to my hip, fingers digging into my ass as he went faster. My tits bounced as he fucked me, his thick cock rubbing against my clit with every thrust. My breath came out in pleading little pants until finally I crashed over the edge, Owen coming quickly after.

  “Yum,” I said, licking a stripe of green frosting off his cheek. “Sex is definitely sweeter with a little baking!”

  After showering, I had dragged Owen out to grocery shop. The store was crowded with last-minute shoppers.

  “You should have really planned ahead,” I told Owen as he loaded several hams into one of the three carts we had commandeered.

  “Why are we buying so much food?”

  “I told you, I am not having a repeat of the chicken tenders incident. There will be leftovers.”

  “Did you have to invite all the Svenssons?”

  “Yes,” I said in disbelief. “They’re our friends. That’s what Christmas is about—spending time with family and friends.”

  “There’s an awful lot of them.”

  “And that’s why you have the big penthouse. Fortunately, it is already decorated.” I added various cold cuts to the cart.

  “You could have ordered this online,” Owen said.

  “No way. Who knows what they'll try and sneak past you? No, I have to inspect my food. I have standards,” I said as I attempted to pick up a frozen turkey as big as Owen's dog and put it in the cart. He took it from me then grabbed another one.