Varnished without a Trace

by Misty Simon

  That got a small chuckle. “I’m sure he’ll still find something, being the old coot he is. I do appreciate any help you can give me, though. I’m not sure what exactly I expect you to do except just be you.”

  Well, that was a change of pace from the way Burton normally treated me, although lately he’d been softening when I met him in here to talk about the murder podcasts I’d been listening to. And maybe one of them would help me help Hoagie. It was worth thinking about at least.

  * * *

  I went home, where the delicious smell of something filled the air. I wasn’t sure what it was, but apparently, Max had taken to that Pennsylvania Dutch cookbook and started using our kitchen as a testing ground. Maybe he was trying to distract me because he was serious about working in the funeral home and thought he needed to get me loaded up with sugar to go along with his plan.

  Either way, I was fine with it, as long as it was something delicious and worth the extra pounds I might gain just by looking at it. Fortunately, Sherman and I had sat at the coffeehouse for almost an hour, shooting the breeze, so I could eat again without feeling any guilt.

  I stepped into our kitchen to find Max taking a cake out of the oven. “Oh my, is that a fudge bottom cake? Please tell me it is.”

  His smile was wild and a little wicked. “It is. Maybe I should open a bakery instead.”

  “Uh, no, I refuse to have you wake up at four every morning to serve other people delicious things, and I don’t think my waist could handle it.”

  “Ah, but this one’s not for you.”

  I was baffled into silence. But then I found my voice. “What? Why? How?” I felt like we had already had this kind of conversation, and then I remembered that last time it was because he had decorated our house and made things beautiful. This time he appeared to be ruining my life.

  “Well, it’s for you, if you want to go with me to see how the investigation is going for Burton. It’s his birthday, you know, and I thought it would be good community relations to give him a cake.”

  “Smart and yet completely underhanded. I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

  He laughed and wrapped me in a hug. “I’m happy I’m here.”

  “Me too. Now, let’s go get that to Burton and see what’s happening.”

  Chapter Seven

  But when we showed up at the station, the birthday boy was nowhere to be found, and Suzy was as tight-lipped as ever, even when I explained to her that, according to Burton, “we” were trying to find Hoagie.

  Max made quick work of a piece of the cake, drowning it in the hot fudge that sat under the cake itself.

  Suzy smiled up at him as she took her time finishing her own cake. “He’s at the hardware store.”

  The perfect excuse to go find him was in Max’s hands, along with a carton of vanilla ice cream and a scooper. Plus, if anyone would know where Hoagie was or who might have wanted Ronda dead, it would be his sidekick for the last twenty years, Nathan Front, the guy who’d worked in the hardware store since he was sixteen and the one who’d been cranking the cage at the fire hall for bingo. He was also my crew member Jenna’s husband, and I’d use that connection if necessary.

  “Great, and we can get the new toilet seat while we’re there, Tallie.” Max smiled and I stifled a groan. I did not want to shop again.

  Just awesome.

  Because we had always seemed to need something more once we found another issue, we had become frequent customers of the local hardware store. Maybe that would change when we finally gave the project over to a contractor. I felt alternately like I never wanted to step foot in the store again and like I should set up a cot and at least a hot plate so I could make it my new home away from home, seeing as we were there all the time.

  But the hardware store was owned by Hoagie, who, for one, was a good guy and, for two, was one of my relatives, so I had decided early on not to burn it down, no matter how much I wanted to. It was a close thing, though, in the days after we’d started the renovation. I had even found myself eyeing the gas cans and the flame throwers just to amuse myself.

  I probably shouldn’t even make a joke like that now I was looking into arson.

  Not that I’d ever do something that destructive. My days of being a nuisance in town had ended when I’d divorced my ex-husband, Walden Phillips III, less affectionately known as Waldo.

  Well, I had stopped being a nuisance to everyone except the chief of police, Burton, who thought I was always a nuisance, especially when there was a corpse to be found and a murderer to be apprehended. But maybe not this time. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I’d been invited in this time. Although it wasn’t exactly panning out the way Burton had made it sound if I had no information and was chasing him around with hot fudge cake baked by Max.

  “Do we have a plan?” I asked Max as we walked down the center aisle of Hoagie Hogart’s hardware store. It was a nice store, with plain shelving, filled with all manner of things that you could ever dream of to fix your house or your lawn or your garden. Right now, it was also packed with shovels and rock salt to deal with the snow that had fallen this winter.

  We took a left into the paint aisle before Max answered.

  “Not really. Before we leave, I’d like to get into my office here, but first I was thinking we just should find Burton and thank him for all he does.”

  “That sounds shady.”

  “Like a big old oak tree in the forest.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “I know you’re trying to be funny, but it’s not working at the moment.”

  “Already getting sick of me? I’ve only been here for a few months.”

  I bumped my shoulder into his arm. “I’m not sick of you at all, and you know it. It’s more that if you’re going to live in town, you have to get to know the players, and Burton is one of those people you stay under the radar with if you don’t want to have a run-in with negativity over and over again when he’s in a snit.”

  “Ah, I’ve got you now. So, you’re warning me off him in case I might get my feelings hurt. I have been around enough to know how he reacts to people.”

  “You are impossible. Do what you want, but don’t come running to me for snickerdoodles if he starts swearing at you and telling you that you should mind your own business because you’re an imbecile.”

  Max shook his head. “He wouldn’t. He’s a cop and must know the virtues of being nice to the people who actually bring things to you to help solve the case.”

  I scoffed. “You just said you’ve been around enough to know how he reacts and then you pop off with that? Have you not been around for all the other ones? Maybe he was just being nice Christmas Eve at bingo, but he’s probably going to get all up in arms any moment now. I know him. But this is the best place to look for Hoagie, so I’m with you, and your cake and ice cream. If anyone knows where Hoagie is, or who killed Ronda, it might just be Nathan, not Burton. The only person she was even remotely nice to when she was in a mood was Nathan, and that’s only because the guy has worked here since he was a teenager, to help out his family, and Ronda knew she couldn’t get rid of him without seriously irritating Hoagie.”

  Or maybe that was what had happened. Maybe Ronda had tried to get rid of Nathan and it had irritated Hoagie enough to force his hand and varnish can? It could also explain Ronda’s interaction with Nathan’s wife, Jenna. At least it could if I contorted it right.

  Although I still didn’t want to believe that Hoagie had been pushed to the point where he’d take a life instead of just divorcing his wife.

  “Not that she hadn’t tried to get rid of me a few times over the years,” Nathan said, meeting us at the end of the aisle.

  I flushed. I had hoped no one would hear me over the churning of mixing paints and the loud talk between two men about nail sizes and which plunger worked best when trying to clean out a clogged toilet. I could have told them that from my experience as a cleaner, but no one had asked me.

 
“Hey, Nathan.” I played it off like nothing had happened because I didn’t want to embarrass him or myself any more than I already had.

  “It’s okay, Tallie. Ronda could be a bit much sometimes, but she was a good woman underneath that gruff. Maybe like the Grinch.”

  “Who hadn’t yet learned that her heart is three times too small?” Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

  But Nathan laughed. “She’ll be missed terribly.” He stretched out his hand to Max, who took it and shook it. “Good to see you, Max. Are you back for more supplies? I thought the house was almost done.”

  “It is, but I was looking for Burton.”

  “That must be the reason for the picnic basket on your arm.”

  Max blushed a little, being that the basket was decked out in checks and festooned with balloons. He’d gone all-out. But now I thought he might be rethinking the offering to the God of the police station and making it look so froufrou.

  “Actually, I was wondering if you might be able to help me find a new varnish for a piece of furniture I’m refinishing.”

  Not quite the save he probably wanted to go with, but it at least distracted Nathan from checking out the basket again. He walked to the shelf and pulled down a can marked with Hoagie’s personalized stamp, which he put on everything. A hammer with a smiley face on the head and the Mr. Yuk sticker.

  It reminded me of the can I’d seen next to Ronda’s head. How had it gotten there, and who had put it there? Why would the killer have left it behind? Was it really what she’d been killed with? That had to have hurt before she had faded out. And would have necessitated quite a bit of anger, I’d think. I was going to ask about recent purchases by anyone who had hated Ronda, but then Nathan and Max were lost in the wonders of chemicals and compounds, shine and durability.

  I wandered off because my mission today, whether or not I chose to accept it, was to find a new toilet seat for the original bathroom. I didn’t want to have to be here any longer than absolutely necessary, so I figured I should start now. Especially if Burton wasn’t here. Nathan hadn’t answered Max’s question, so I figured he’d probably already headed out to his next stop.

  Plus the only chemicals I knew were the ones you cleaned with, and I was happy in not expanding that knowledge.

  Not that I was thrilled to be looking at toilet seats.

  But new varnish was low on the list. Right behind buying toilet seats that would be nice and comfy but not showy. I never thought I’d be doing this. Even when Waldo had agreed to build a house, I was completely not involved in the construction or picking anything out. Waldo had handled all that. I’d bought a few things for the house and decorated it a time or two, but the basic stuff had not been my forte. And I was pretty sure it wasn’t now either.

  Yet now we had put in a full-size bath and a half-bath in the new section and left the one small bathroom that had been there for years as it was. That meant a new toilet seat, because the other two toilets were brand-new and Max wanted them all to look new. That’s how I found myself staring at a wall of toilet seats and trying to find any enthusiasm whatsoever.

  I still hadn’t found it when Max came around the corner with a big smile on his face. “I have the varnish. Did you pick a toilet seat?”

  “Of course,” I said, grabbing one that looked similar to the others off the wall. “All nice and cushy and not showy. Just like you asked for.” I looked down at the product in my hands and breathed a sigh of relief that I hadn’t accidentally grabbed the blue one.

  “We’re ready to check out, then. If you want to take the things home, I can stop in the office.”

  “I thought you were going to get me access to look around up there, too.”

  “Maybe not now, Tallie,” he said in a low voice. “Nathan’s a little overwhelmed with all this, and it might be better to come back in a few hours.” Then he raised his voice. “We need to drop off this cake to Burton anyway.”

  I followed him to the front counter, where Nathan stood with a line at his register and not a single other person dressed in the familiar gray shirt anywhere in sight. And still no Burton.

  Ten minutes later, no one had shown up to help Nathan. I glanced up at the office on the second floor where Hoagie had an office and the staff had a break room. The blinds twitched closed, but no one emerged.

  Finally, it was our turn. “Nathan, don’t you think you should call for help?” I looked behind me and there were six other people in line, looking out around the crowd to see how much longer it was going to be. Some had huge buckets of tools; others were scooting big buckets of plaster across the floor a foot at a time. Then you had the ones who should have grabbed a cart at the front of the store and instead decided to pick up just one or seven more things and were loaded down to the point that they couldn’t see over their load of all things hardware. Ah, everyone loved an after-Christmas sale.

  “It’s fine, Tallie.” He said it with his usual smile, but there was strain around the edges. “I don’t have anyone willing to come in today and the kids are all looking for their dad.”

  “Come on, Nathan, someone should be down here helping you. They can’t all be looking for him and leaving you here to work this all by yourself. Why didn’t you close today?”

  He rang up the toilet seat before he looked up and answered me, his face serious along with his voice. “Because he helped, Tallie, and someday I’ll be able to help just like he did.” And then the smile was back, as if the moment of seriousness had not happened. “Toilet seats were on sale today. This one was half off. That’s a really good deal.”

  I frowned at him as Max took the plastic bags Nathan handed over the counter. “You deserve better.”

  “Tallie, I have everything I could ever want, and more coming soon. Don’t you worry about me. I’ve got this in the bag.” And he lifted up the bag full of more supplies, chuckling when I deepened my frown.

  Max handed over the credit card we’d gotten to pay for all house repairs so that we could keep track of our expenses. Nathan ran the card, still smiling peacefully when a shout rang out across the store, amplified by the bare ceiling. The whole line looked over our shoulders to the second floor. Something smashed up against the venetian blinds, closed on the big window upstairs, flattening the white slats. What on earth was going on up there?

  Had someone fallen? Were they in trouble? Why was anyone up there at all when Nathan had said no one had come in today?

  There was another shout, and then the fire alarms blared. Then the sprinklers creaked open and spray shot out over the entire store. I found myself being shielded by a toilet seat in a plastic bag as Max and I made a mad dash for the exit.

  Chapter Eight

  The hardware store was less than three blocks from the fire station, so Uncle Sherman and his crew were at the store within minutes. They responded to all emergencies, volunteers geared up for anything, no matter the size of the fire.

  And this one couldn’t have been that big because I hadn’t even smelled a whiff of smoke before the sprinklers went on.

  We were all herded across the pavement to the opposite side of Main Street. Traffic stopped for the trucks to pull up in the parking lot next to the store, and then it was like a well-choreographed ballet.

  Sherman directed like a drill sergeant, but most of the volunteers were already moving in the right direction before he even gave out any orders. The hoses were pulled from the reels, ladders were extended and the fire itself was assessed.

  And what a fire it was. But curiously, it was next door at the chocolatier, not at the actual hardware store. Maybe that was why I hadn’t smelled any smoke when the fire alarms in the store went off. The buildings weren’t connected, so their alarms wouldn’t have been hooked up into each other. Not that I knew of. The danger was real that the fire could jump from building to building. Most of the buildings were built so close together that you couldn’t walk between them without turning sideways. Maybe the alarms for the two businesses were hook
ed together, just as a precaution.

  And the threat was very real—in the ten minutes we’d been outside, the entire back of the cinder-block building had gone up in flames. It was mesmerizing to watch them lick up the side of the exterior wall and dance across the roof. It was also terrifying because I couldn’t seem to find Nathan in the gathering crowd.

  “Do you see Nathan?” I asked Max in a low voice. I didn’t want to set anyone off if I had just missed him with all the people standing on the sidewalk—far more than had been in the store with us. But a fire was a big event in our tiny town in Central Pennsylvania, especially when it was Main Street in the middle of the afternoon.

  “I haven’t, but I’m sure he’s somewhere, probably talking to Sherman.”

  But Sherman came into view, and he was walking alone until the chief of police and my former nemesis, Burton, joined him on the sidewalk. I ducked behind Max instinctively. Apparently, it was still a habit not to want to catch his attention.

  “Tallie, you’re being ridiculous. He’s been nice to you for months and didn’t yell at you when you found Ronda. You need to trust that it’s not going to go back to the way it was.”

  “I’d like to trust that, but he’s turned on me before, and if anyone got left behind in the building, I don’t want to be the person he is looking at.” I remembered my thought that I’d considered setting the place on fire just to get rid of it and was so thankful I’d never said it out loud. I couldn’t even imagine what a field day Burton would have had with that.

  “It’s going to be fine. It looks like everyone got out.”

  I looked around the crowd again and spotted Nathan, looking shaken and slightly green. I had been the last person to talk to him in the store, so I thought it only right that I go talk with him now to make sure he was okay. Or at least that was the story I told myself when I couldn’t contain my curiosity anymore.

  “Hey, Nathan, you okay?” I said as Max trailed behind me. We met Nathan at the curb. Up close, he looked like death warmed over instead of just slightly green.