Mana Dissociation

by Christopher George

“I’m so sorry,” I gushed.

  “That’s perfectly okay,” Vera continued with a grin, “Tell me, what do you want for yourself?”

  That seemed like a strange question, but I rolled with it, “To go home.”

  I immediately felt like Dorothy asking the Wizard for ruby slippers. Unfortunately, Vera’s face sank a little as she realized that she was about to disappoint me.

  “That’s unfortunate,” she sighed, “As that’s the one thing we can’t do.”

  Was I to be a prisoner? Before I could ask further or make any demands, Vera continued, “You see it’s not safe. We need to ensure that you’re properly trained so you don’t hurt yourself. Or anyone else.” The last line was added almost as an afterthought.

  “Tell me about yourself, child,” Vera murmured, “about your family, your childhood.”

  I wasn’t sure where to begin, but I flustered my way through. I told her about how my mother had died when I was very young and it had just been my father and I. It was funny, but as I was relating this story, it came slamming home just how similar my story was to Aiden’s. We had both been raised by our fathers.

  I shrugged off the vague sense of déjà vu and continued talking to the Primea. It just flowed out of me. I talked by my schooling, my college years and my friends. I told her about my job and what I planned to do for the future. I hadn’t meant to share as much as I did, but she was a good listener and didn’t interrupt.

  When the conversation lulled, she would ask some leading questions, which led me to believe that perhaps she already knew all this. But if that was true, why was she asking? The funny thing about the whole situation was just how easy it was to talk to the old woman. It was like talking to my grandmother. I’d spent a lot of time with my grandmother when I was younger. Dad was busy trying to make a living to support us. So for much of my childhood, it had just been her and me. I was been devastated when she had passed away.

  The whole conversation was a little surreal. Here I was, sitting in an overly decorated waiting room, chatting to the some kind of wheelchair bound mage leader. You can’t make this stuff up. Well, I suppose you could, but you’d have to be an awfully good writer.

  Eventually, I got to my trip to London. Vera nodded encouragingly, letting me get to the end the story. I eventually trailed off as I ran out of things to say.

  “It sounds like you’re lucky to be alive.” Vera commented as I finished, “Our kind are most vulnerable to mana when our bodies are acclimatizing. We normally quarantine those going through mana sickness from others of our kind. Aiden was not doing you a service by remaining by your side. His mana would have been making you sicker.”

  That did explain why I hadn’t been getting any better while I was with Aiden. Indeed, I had actually gotten sicker.

  “Would he have known?”

  “He should have,” Vera said firmly, “but to be generous, he might not have. I doubt he would have meant to intentionally harm you, but it could have killed you.”

  A nagging doubt filled my head. He had been so insistent that I remain calm. That I calm myself down. Maybe he did know, he just thought that we could control it. It wasn’t a generous thought. He had intentionally risked my life.

  “No, I doubt he would have intentionally harmed you.” The Primea continued.

  “You talk as if you knew him?”

  The Primea laughed sadly, “Yes, indeed I do. He lived here for some time. He was deeply troubled.”

  “Thanks to you.” I blurted out, without thinking.

  The Primea looked as if I had struck her. Her eyes lowered with sadness.

  “No,” she whispered, “No. I did not cause his suffering. That was his mother. Once I learned of it. I put a stop to it, but by then of course. It was too late. You can only push someone too far before they break.”

  “So he’s broken then?”

  “What do you think?” The Primea asked softly.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t either,” The Primea continued, “but I have hope.”

  “Hope?”

  “Yes, it’s all the elderly have left,” She sighed, “Hope for the future. Hope that your children will learn from your mistakes. Even when all signs point to repetition, it is good to hope.”

  The Primea’s voice trailed off sadly, and, for a second, I wasn’t sure that she was talking about Aiden any longer.

  “Enough of this,” Vera huffed, “We must decide what we are do with you. We must find you a teacher.”

  “Do I need a teacher?” I mused, more to myself than to ask the actual question.

  “Oh yes,” Vera smiled, “you most certainly do. If you are not in control of your powers then you’ll pose just as much of a risk as poor Aiden.”

  “I don’t have any money to pay for training,” I began hesitantly. This drew a laugh from the old woman.

  “We are past the need for such things. We will teach you because you are one of us and it is the right thing to do.”

  “Oh,” I finished softly.

  “Do you have any questions?” Vera asked kindly.

  “Hundreds, I’m sure.” I replied, “But I can’t think of any right now.”

  “Very well, then. Let us begin.” The old woman summoned one of the porters who immediately and deferentially came over and led the old woman away.

  “It has been pleasant meeting with you,” I said as I got to my feet.

  “And you, child,” she called back, “I shall save some of my hope for you too. Be well.”

  It seemed that the interview was over. I wondered how I did. It only took about three minutes before another porter arrived to lead me back to my room. I had no idea what happened next. I suppose I now needed to wait for some kind of teacher to present themselves.

  * * * * * *

  I didn’t have to wait long to find out. An hour later, there was a knock on my door.

  “Come in,” I replied, I hadn’t exactly been doing anything. I just couldn’t get the motivation to go out and be active. I’d already found where the gym was and the cinema room, but these things just seemed too difficult. There had even been a library, which normally would have piqued my interest, but even that seemed too much of a hassle.

  The door was opened by a very attractive young man. He was probably a little bit older than me. He must have been in his late twenties, by my best guess. Although, I’d be the first to admit that I’m not good at guessing peoples’ age. He had mousy blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He was dressed in a tight fitting black top with jeans.

  “Miss Wright?” he inquired with a smile.

  “Yeah,” I replied hopping up from the bed, “You can call me Jess though,”

  “I’m Callum Locke,” he continued, “I’m going to be your teacher.”

  I was glad that he didn’t use the term Master. I’d remembered that the Primea had preferred the term teacher to master too.

  “Oh, that’s good.” I said, more so for something to fill the silence.

  “Are you excited?” he continued with a smile, “It’s a pretty confusing time, although most people normally go through the training much younger. You seemed to be, what? Eighteen?”

  I couldn’t help at giggle at that. “No, I’m nearly twenty four!”

  I could tell by the grin on his face that he knew exactly what he’d said and why he’d said it.

  “Well, let’s begin.”

  “What? Now?” I exclaimed.

  “No time like the present,” Callum, rolled up his sleeves. At first, I thought that this was simply to show that he was ready to get to work, but I was wrong. With a flick of his hand, a light ribbon lanced out from his hand, casually wrapped around a chair, and pulled it over to him. He sat down a metre or so away from the bed.

  “Okay, where to begin.” He sighed, “You know about mana particles, yeah?”

  “The glowy things on my skin. Yep,” I nodded.

  His eyes boggled a little bit at my description, but nodded with a smile. I d
oubt many of our kind referred to mana as the ‘glowy things’.

  “Okay,” he continued, “Watch the mana on my arm.” He leaned forward and placed his arm wrist up so that I could see. I watched a mana particle slowly rotate around his forearm as it headed towards his palm. He made it look so easy.

  “Okay, your turn.”

  I opened my palms and placed my hands in front of me and squinted my eyes to concentrate. Immediately, I could see Callum’s face twitch as if he was about to correct something, but he managed to reign himself in. I’d expected to have to fight with the mana to get control, like the last time that Aiden had tried to teach me, but to my everlasting surprise the mana seemed to co-operate and I saw with glee that the mana particle flowed slowly down my arms to my palm with ease.

  I almost jumped with delight. It certainly hadn’t been this easy last time. I looked up at Callum for confirmation and he nodded slightly with a smile.

  “Okay, that’s good,” he continued, “You’ve actually got good control for someone as inexperienced as yourself.” He meant it as a compliment, but the inexperienced part smarted a little. Even if it was true.

  “Okay, this next part will be difficult.” Callum instructed, “Hold your hand out, as far as you can reach.”

  “No, no, palm up.” I dutifully did so and he placed his arm out in the opposite position facing me.

  “Okay, now watch closely.”

  I leaned forward and stared at his palm. As I had expected, the mana flowed up from his arm into his palm and then pooled as more and more of the particles met. They made a slight circular motion as if forming a vortex and then seemed to rise from his hand, creating a swirling pattern of mana. It looked almost as if it were forming into something solid.

  “This is called a mana thread.” Callum explained, “It’s the most fundamental structure of our art.”

  “It’s beautiful,” I whispered.

  That drew a smile from Callum, “Yes, I suppose it is. I haven’t seen it like that in a long time though.”

  “How do I do that?” I said eagerly, already attempting to pull the mana into my palm like he had.

  “Practice mostly.” Callum smiled, “It will take some time and some learning.”

  “Learning?”

  “Yes,” he continued, “There is a lot of theory to our art, and the more you know the theory, the better your casting will be. It’s not all just about raw power.”

  I nodded enthusiastically. This sounded more like my thing. I had excelled at university at the theory based subjects. I squinted again as I tried to order the mana to leap off my palm like Callum had just done, but they just remained on my hand swirling around the centre and across my fingers.

  “Don’t worry,” Callum assured me. “I would have been very surprised had you been able to do it first time. It takes hours of practice and learning.”

  I wrinkled up my face in disappointment.

  “You’ll get there in time.” He smiled, “Keep practicing, I’ll drop over some books for you later today.”

  “Okay,” I murmured, barely hearing what he had said as I focused on the mana on my palms.

  Callum didn’t interrupt me. He slowly slid his chair back and moved over to the door. I didn’t hear him leave. I only remember glancing up to find that he’d gone. It didn’t matter much as I quickly refocused my attention on the mana.

  It was strange. When I first saw mana, I thought that it was something to be scared of, something that would hurt me or a reaction to an ailment or sickness. I no longer felt that way now. It felt as if the mana was a part of me. It was almost comforting in a way. I had no control over where my life was going, but I had control over this. With the merest thought, I could send the mana careening across one arm to the other or to gather on my chest.

  They weren’t moving as fast as they had on Callum’s arm, but that was okay. He’d told me I’d get better and I believed him. There was something very down to earth about him and I trusted him. If he said I could do this, then I damned well knew that I could.

  I tried getting the mana to run up and down my arm as if the momentum of their movement would cause them to leap from my palm. That didn’t work. They simply reached their destination and then milled around almost as if they didn’t know what to do next. I tried giving them mental instructions or visualizing what I’d seen Callum make them do, but that seemed to be a dead end as well.

  “How are you going?” A voice cut in. Shit, I hadn’t even heard the door open. I looked up to see Callum, smiling down at me from the doorway.

  “Okay, I can’t form the thread though,” I sighed with frustration.

  “No,” he smiled, “You’ll get there. In the meantime, I’ve brought you those books I promised.”

  He placed the books on the bedside table and I eagerly reached over to hold it. It was about the size of a schoolbook and the weight in my hands felt very reassuring.

  “This will tell me what I need?” I murmured.

  “Oh yes,” Callum smiled.

  I opened the book eagerly; again, I didn’t hear him leave. I was too engrossed in my new book.

  * * * * * *

  I sighed as I flipped over another page. This thing read like a physics book. I loved science when I was in high school. I never took it much further than high school though, but then they’d never taught me things like this.

  The section of the book I was on was explaining the hormonal reaction caused by mana summoning and the reaction that the body goes through when it learns to process mana for the first time. It explained in great detail just what had been happening to me when I had been so sick. It was reassuring to see that it was all quite normal.

  I’d made my way through about a third of the book in one sitting, but then again I’d always been able to do that. I’m not sure how long I spent with my nose in the book sitting face down on my bed, but it must have been for most of the day, as at one point I had to flick the light on. I didn’t give it much thought. It wasn’t until there was another knock on the door that I realized just how long I’d been sitting here. I got up and stretched, feeling my muscles complain at the lack of use over the past few hours. I answered the door to find a porter standing there.

  “Master Locke has sent me to see if you would like some food.”

  “No,” I replied irritably. I just wanted to get back to the book.

  “With due respect, Mistress,” the porter continued with a wary look on his face, “You haven’t eaten since breakfast. Master Locke insisted that you eat something. He felt that you mind need reminding.”

  “Can you bring something here?” I grunted in frustration. He was probably right, but I really didn’t want to lose the time it would take go to the dining room.

  “Of course, ma’am,” the porter looked relieved, “What would you like?”

  “I don’t know,” I shrugged, “Something easy, a sandwich maybe?”

  “Of course,” The porter bowed and left. He hadn’t asked me what I’d like in my sandwich and to be honest I didn’t much care. I threw myself back onto the bed and picked up the book again. The same porter returned about fifteen minutes later and placed a small plate on table by the bed. I didn’t even pause from my reading. I simply reached out and grabbed one of the sandwiches from the plate. They’d conveniently cut them into tiny triangles. This was helpful.

  I bit into the sandwich and tasted chicken and mayo. Excellent, this will do nicely. I polished off the sandwiches in record time without missing a beat from my reading. I must have now spent about eight hours reading, but I’d only managed to get through half of the first book. This was mostly due to the subject matter. It wasn’t something that you could just skim through. I must have easily had to go back and recheck something mentioned earlier about a dozen times to confirm what I was reading.

  I probably would have continued long into the night if Callum hadn’t come to check in on me. He told me that we would be leaving Paris in the morning and that I should get some res
t. From the look on his face, I could see that he knew that, had he not told me, I would have been up all night reading. As it was, I grudgingly conceded that I would need sleep.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Callum didn’t tell me where we were going, but I suspect that he would have, had I chosen to ask. Truth be told, I didn’t give a damn where I was going. I was so engrossed in my reading that I would have forgotten to eat again had not the porters brought me something for breakfast. Although I’d been cautioned against it, I had stayed up much later than I should have and I was less than awake for the car ride.

  As I had expected, we were travelling in one of those black luxury cars. Does everyone who lives here own one? Or was it some kind of car service? It didn’t much matter, it was comfortable and I could read in the back.

  Callum smiled at me as I set myself up on the seat with my knees tucked in beside me so I could lean the book against it.

  “Enjoying it, huh?” He smiled as he sat down on the seat across from me.

  “Yep,” I nodded as I turned back to reading. I wasn’t meaning to be rude, but I’d just gotten to the part that I thought was going to let me know how to summon the mana thread like Callum had shown me. I was right on the edge of a revelation and I wasn’t going to be put off.

  “The book will still be there when we arrive,” Callum suggested.

  “Yeah, I know,” I waved him off. I wasn’t really listening to anything he said.

  “I just thought we should talk,” Callum continued, “I’ve never trained anyone before and I’d like to get to know you.”

  That caused me to look up from my book, “You’ve never trained anyone before?”

  “Nope,” he replied casually, “You’re my first.”

  “I thought I was going to be a difficult case?” I had gotten that impression from the Primea.

  “No,” Callum replied easily, “You’re an unusual case, given your age. The more traditional teachers might have trouble with you as they’re used to someone younger. The Primea felt that I was a good choice because of my inexperience.”