Mana Dissociation

by Christopher George

I must have scoured every reference about creating mana fields that was in the books that I had access and they all claimed the same thing. Form the mana into slivers and use them to make the field. It sounded impossible. How could anyone keep track of that many mana slivers? It couldn’t be done. I had spent hours practicing and I could loop about five or six before the first sliver lost cohesion and began to unravel. It was maddening. I like to think that, over all, I’m a pretty smart person, but I really felt that I was missing something. It just simply couldn’t be this hard.

  In the end I determined that there was only really one thing I could do. I’d have to ask Callum. I had always put off doing this. I knew that he was there to teach me, but I felt that it was admitting defeat on my part if I couldn’t work something out on my own. I usually had everything that I needed. Besides, I had no intention of interrupting him in his own studies. I knew from experience just how frustrating that was. To be fair though, Callum rarely interrupted me without good cause.

  I took a deep breath to ready myself and knocked on his door. I didn’t really know what to expect inside as I’d never been in there before. It was only a few seconds before I heard Callum’s voice casually call out for me to enter.

  I opened the door and took a quick glance around. It was actually kind of a plain room, not what I would have expected from a master Mage. In fact, it kind of looked like a high school boys room, complete with the dirty clothes on the floor and posters on the wall. Callum was lying on an unmade bed casually watching a TV show on a small television in the corner. Callum muted the show and pulled his legs across the bed so that he was now sitting on the edge.

  I didn’t notice that he was waiting on me immediately as I was still lost, looking around his room. Details kept jumping out at me which gave me insight into Callum’s character.

  “Was there something you wanted?” Callum smiled with genuine mirth at my obvious inspection of his room.

  “Uh yeah.” I said, bringing myself back to the topic at hand, “I need help with Mana fields.”

  Callum nodded agreeably, “Yeah, I’m guessing you found the Enthalpy spell.”

  “Yep,” Wrinkling my nose in frustration, “I understand the spell well enough, but the fact that it requires fields just makes it impossible!”

  “Yeah, I had trouble with fields, at first too.” He continued in his usual irritating manner. I knew, when he took that tone, that he wasn’t going to help me. It frustrated the hell out of me. I knew it wasn’t like he was trying to be difficult. He just didn’t seem to see the issue that I was having. I just couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t work and he just smiled at me as if he was sure that I would eventually figure it out. That was the most annoying thing about it – he was often right.

  * * * * * *

  The spell fizzled for the fourth time and I gritted my fists in anger and tried to settle my frustration. It wasn’t helping very much. I could see what I needed to do. It was so obvious. The patterns were simple. I should be able to do this. Hell, I should have been able to do this two weeks ago! Why was I having so much trouble with this?

  I could individually form the threads with ease. The issue was that there were simply so many of them and by the time I’d created a dozen or so, the original threads would begin to unravel. I could see it happening every time, but no matter how I concentrated there was nothing I could do about it.

  I sat down in defeat as I glanced once again at the open spell book resting on my desk. The temptation to through myself back into study almost overtook me, but I knew what direction that way lead. The spell book couldn’t help me and I knew it. I knew the threads backwards, I could probably have performed the technique in my sleep. No, my understanding wasn’t the problem. Spending more hours of study nose deep in the spell book isn’t going to help.

  I needed something to take my mind off the issue. I sighed deeply and sagged my shoulders in defeat. Maybe I just wasn’t attuned for this type of mana use. I hadn’t read anything about different types of mana users over my lengthy studies, but I suppose anything was possible.

  I shook my head as the realization came over me, that this was classic me. I’d had the same problem during my studies. I’d taken a beginners programming course during my last year and instantly regretted it.

  I just didn’t have the right headspace for programming. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand the concepts. I just didn’t have the right temperament. I’d almost failed the course. That one class had been more stressful than the rest of my classes combined. In the end, I’d passed, but only barely. No. It was clear that I wasn’t set out to be a programmer. Maybe I wasn’t going to be a Mage either.

  Tears began to well around the corner of my eyes and I blinked twice as I angrily attempted to bring myself back under control. Crying about it wasn’t going to help me. I needed to get out. I needed to get some perspective. I needed to go for a walk. Some fresh air would help. I took a deep breath and immediately felt better as I regained control over my emotions.

  I shook my head with wry resignation. That was just an indication of how frustrated I was. I wasn’t some wilting damsel waiting for some stupid prince to take me to my happily ever after.

  Unfortunately, in my eagerness to get out of the house, my coat caught on the edge of my chair and I heard a horrid ripping noise. I’m sure it wasn’t as loud as it actually sounded my head. I turned back in horror to see a large rip on the lining on the inside of the jacket.

  I gritted my teeth as the anger rose from somewhere deep inside me. I hadn’t even known that I was capable of such anger. It just burst from me suddenly and I found myself caught up in its current. For a second, had I have been able to, I would have burnt the jacket to cinders and probably most of the room around me.

  The mana rose like a whirlwind within me and I found my hands rife with mana ready to do my destructive bidding.

  Fortunately for my room, the only thing I let loose with was an explosive string of expletives that would have made my father blush and probably send me to my room without dinner.

  This was my favorite jacket. It was the one thing I’d selected when I’d gone clothes shopping simply because I liked it, not because I needed it.

  I stared in horror at the tear in the lining as my world slowly devolved from the red mist that was threatening violence to everything around me.

  I took a deep breath. Okay, it was ripped. Nothing I could do about that now. It was just bad luck. It happens. What was I going to do about it?

  I inspected the tear. Fortunately, it was along a seam. Maybe it had already been coming loose. That was possible. Okay, so it wasn’t bad luck, it had been badly stitched. Okay – well that was bad too, but that wasn’t my fault. My line of logic didn’t help much, other than making me feel a little calmer.

  Maybe I could stitch it back together? Maybe. I used to do needlework with my grandmother when I was a child. That was a long time ago, but maybe it was like riding a bike. I’d need to locate a needle and thread, but that couldn’t be too hard.

  I placed the jacket on my bed and went on my search. I was pretty sure I knew where to look and as I had suspected, I quickly found a sewing kit in the lower kitchen drawer.

  I hurriedly brought the kit back to my room and spent the next five minutes attempting to thread the needle. This wasn’t doing much for my anger, which I could still feel bubbling just below the surface.

  After what seemed like half an hour, I managed to slide the damned thread through the eye of the needle.

  The satisfaction gained from this simple feat wasn’t overly rewarding. With less than a certain degree of grace, I pulled the jacket over my lap and began to work.

  Small, neat stitches. In. Around, out. In. Around. Out. Repeat. Focus on the work. Keep it tidy, keep it uniform. Can’t let it get out of pattern. It will fail if I miss a stitch.

  I grumbled with frustration as my mind drew the obvious connection between what I was doing now and my previous trouble with fields. It was
n’t exactly same, of course, but there were similarities. Why did my mind have to do this to me? What was it about me that caused me want to torture myself with every possible opportunity?

  I was in the middle of wallowing in self-pity when I realized something. I was almost half done with the jacket. I’d been so obsessed on my failures that I hadn’t been concentrating on what I was doing. I glanced back down the line of threads, expecting to have to pull them all out and have to start again. To my amazement, they were perfect. Each one was small, measured and neat. I couldn’t have done better if I’d actually been paying attention to each stitch. That was lucky. I was so caught up in the flow that I’d let myself fall into a pattern.

  …. into a pattern.

  … a pattern.

  I threw the unfinished jacket away with glee and raised my hands in front of me. I let the power flow down my arms and let the threads form around me. I watched with glee this time, rather than in concentration, as the tiny threads interlocked with each other. I didn’t attempt to control them or weave them myself. That wasn’t the point. It was the pattern. I almost howled with success as the threads interlocked each other to form the field. I swear I almost felt a click as the threads locked and the field fell into being.

  I quickly extended the field around me in a tight shell and changed the frequency of the mana to make the enthalpy spell. The grin on my face must have been a mile wide as I walked down the path from the house. I’d left the jacket unfinished on the bed. I didn’t need it.

  I was warm.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Life fell into a regular routine of study, sleep and then more study and the next few weeks seemed to fly by without too much comment. It wasn’t that I had forgotten my previous life, as I’d come to think of it. It was just that there was so much more to learn and with everything that I was learning, I just didn’t have time to think about home.

  Things stayed like that for the next few weeks until Callum surprised me at my door one evening. This was out of routine. He should be nose deep in his studies at this time. He looked a little worried.

  “An Occursus has been called. We have to go to Singapore.” He murmured. I don’t know if he expected me to understand any of that, but he was waiting for my response.

  “I have to go to what? Where? Why?” I exclaimed as Callum’s expression turned from worried to bemused.

  “An Occursus.” Callum smiled, “It’s a meeting of our kind and it’s in Singapore.”

  I had no intention of going to Singapore. I was happy here. I’d managed to find my rut and I was going to stay in it, “Why do I need to go to this meeting?”

  “Because it’s traditional,” Callum explained, “It only happens every five years.”

  “Right,” I nodded, “I get that. I don’t understand why I’m required to go.”

  “Because you need to be sworn in in front of the Primea.”

  “What?”

  “It’s tradition.” Callum repeated, as if this answered the question.

  This was sounded more and more like some kind of secret society or illuminati type thing. Which I guess it kind of was. I didn’t like the sound of this one bit. At no point before had anyone mentioned some kind of ritual or ceremony.

  “What do I have to swear to at this meeting?” My lip curled with distaste.

  “That you’ll obey our laws.” Callum’s voice was firm.

  “What will happen if I don’t swear?”

  “Well, for a start, I’ll have to stop teaching you.”Callum said matter-of-factly.

  I was about to say something when Callum cut me off, “…and you’ll be declared rogue.”

  “So what happens then?”

  “I don’t know.” Callum sighed, “But it’s a matter of public safety. We can’t have rogue Mages running around. We’re dangerous, Jess. Surely you can see that.”

  He was right, of course. I knew it, but I just didn’t want to admit it. I was being asked to swear to something I didn’t believe in. I hadn’t been asked. I hadn’t even been told about it. I was right to be angry, wasn’t I? The whole time I was making my argument I kept thinking about Aiden. He had so casually killed people when he had kidnapped me. It had meant nothing to him. Maybe that’s what this whole thing was about. To stop more people like Aiden from existing.

  If so, they’d been doing a shitty job of it. From what Aiden had said, their society had basically created him.

  “Look,” Callum sighed, “This is something that needs to happen. If not now, then in five years time at the next Occursus.”

  “I can wait?”

  “You’d have to make an argument,” Callum explained, “It happens sometimes but you must understand, it’s usually a case made by children and it doesn’t matter if they wait another five years. With you, it’s different. You’re an adult. It’s rare that you’ve manifested so late and because of that they’ll be more strict with you. But yes. Go to the Occursus. See what happens and if you don’t like what you see, I’ll support you.”

  I had to give it to Callum. He was really trying to understand my position. However, this only made it all the more clear that he didn’t understand my reservations about this. Was I making too much of this? What was I actually scared of? The truth was, I didn’t know. I had a gut feeling that something horrible was about to happen to me and, for the life of me, I didn’t want to leave the safety of this house.

  “Okay,” I whispered, almost silently.

  Callum smiled and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, “It will be okay.”

  I wasn’t so sure that he was right.

  “We leave in three weeks. You’ll need to pack for about a week.”

  * * * * * *

  Tensions seem to escalate the closer we got to the departure date. It wasn’t anything that we did specifically. It was just that we both knew that the trip was going to be a trying time and that neither of us were looking forward to it. This was unfortunate as I’d never visited Singapore and it was one of the places that I always thought that I’d like to visit. Under different circumstances, this would have been a cause for celebration.

  “I’ve arranged for a car to pick you up and take you to Barcelona where you will catch your flight.” Callum explained.

  “Just me?”

  Callum nodded, “Unfortunately, I’ve been summoned back to Paris early and will be travelling via teleport.”

  “Take me with you.” I breathed excitedly. I’d read so much about teleportation, but it was way beyond my skills at the moment. I’d read several paragraphs that referred to the necessary theories to draw a teleportation field, but it was assumed that I’d already mastered theories that were still above my understanding. There was no way I was going to be able to teach myself to teleport within the three week time frame.

  Callum considered for a few seconds before shaking his head, “I’m not powerful enough to travel the two of us that far. And besides, if you haven’t teleported before you won’t find it pleasant. No, it’s better to travel separately. I’ll meet you in Singapore. I’ve made all the arrangements. Everything will be fine.”

  I shook my head in disappointment, but didn’t argue. There wasn’t much point. He’d made up his mind and he wasn’t going to change it. I’d just have to live with it. Perhaps in due time I’d learn enough to be able to teleport myself. Given my current level of skills, that seemed like a long time away though.

  Callum left a few days before the car was due to pick me up and the whole vibe of the house changed when he left it. It suddenly felt very open and indefensible.

  All of a sudden, my fears about being attacked by Aiden returned. I hadn’t realised just how much I had relied on the fact that Callum was only two doors away. I didn’t like the feeling. I didn’t like it one bit.

  I spent pretty much the entire time in my room, even though I had the full run of the house. Looking out into the darkness, through the windows at night, terrified me. Now that Callum had left, the truth of the situati
on sunk in. I really had no idea where I was. I had no way of contacting my friends or family. I was alone and, against all logic, I somehow felt trapped.

  Had I been a victim of some kind of Stockholm syndrome? Where I had been able to rationalize my surroundings and accept it? I didn’t know. The only thing that brought me comfort was my studies. I consoled myself that I was probably the most powerful thing in the darkness and, though my powers were weak compared to Callum’s, if a burglar tried to break in they wouldn’t find me defenseless. Sometimes I had to remind myself of this fact two or three times a night.

  It was different during the day of course. The serenity of the valley was soothing. It was only at night, when I couldn’t see the threat, that the terror took me. It was crazy. There was nothing to fear and yet it still overcame me insidiously at the night. It wasn’t that I’d never lived alone. I’d done that all the time. Even after my roommate had moved in, I still spent much of my time alone. Maybe it was just that I missed my cat. That thought sent waves of guilt flooding through me. I’d completely forgotten about Mochi. How could that have happened? I hoped he and Angie were getting along okay. I wondered if Callum would let me send for him once this Occursus business was done with. Hopefully he wasn’t allergic to cats.

  * * * * * *

  I wasn’t surprised that Callum had arranged for the same black Mercedes car to pick me up for my journey to Barcelona. I had been summoned to the front door to see Wesley’s smiling face waiting for me by the car.

  “Miss Wright,” he nodded with a slight bow as he opened the rear door, “It’s a pleasure to see you once more. Please take a seat. I’ll fetch your luggage.”

  True to my nature, I had been packed for some time now and had been waiting on the car to arrive. My bags were already stacked by the door waiting for Wesley to load them into the back.

  It was fortunate that I’d remembered to bring a book with me as the drive was about as stimulating as I remembered. It would be winding bendy roads for the first couple of hours as we made our way down from the mountains.